I’m new to your blog, but could really use your advice on determining when and how to share the news of our pregnancy.
Thanks to my husband’s work as a resident physician, we inherited a social group when we moved across the country three years ago. There have been moments where I’ve felt truly grateful for the friendship of other women whose lives have been similarly turned upside down by their husband’s career. Many times though, I’ve retreated as I’ve dealt with elements of superficiality and a lack of concern for privacy. Case in point, one of the first questions that I am regularly asked in the first or second time interacting with wives and female residents is: When are you starting a family?
At first I thought that their interest must reflect a genuine interest in getting to know me, but after invitations to further the friendship went unanswered, I realized that they just wanted to know… for their own information.
Jump ahead two years and I’m navigating the same choppy relationships, though often from the sideline. In the meantime, I’ve been repetitively ‘checked in with’ and essentially expected to keep them abreast of any updates, to the point that they notice and ask why I’m not accepting a glass of wine. This happens even when I haven’t spoken to them in 4 months.
Simultaneously, about 6 of these women are due in the next 6 months. Every gathering they share who else just announced and give a roll call of due dates.
Amy, I’m 11 weeks pregnant and over the moon. My husband and I are so excited to become parents and meet our little one. This social situation is a wet blanket. How can I own this information that they feel so entitled to? Can you help my think of a classy reaction to the husbands and their snarky ‘something in the water’ comments? Is there any way to avoid alienating the few friends I have while still asserting that my pregnancy has nothing to do with theirs?
I would so appreciate your thoughts on this, Amy. It’s the silliest thing to let this steal my joy and I know that. But until I figure out how to deal with it, I’m keeping myself and my pregnancy ‘in the closet’.