Published 07.02.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (1)
Photo by PrincessAshley
Hi Amy,
I'm in a friend's wedding this summer, and will be wearing a bright, canary yellow dress. I don't own a stitch of yellow clothing, because it's pretty unflattering to my pale, pinkish Irish complexion and dark blond hair. Any tips on makeup that can help me pull this off? I've tried on the dress and the color really does nothing for me -- I'm at a total loss. My regular makeup routine is pretty minimal but I am willing to try anything for the wedding!
Many thanks!
-K
First, I totally feel your pain. Yellow is not my color either. Depending on the shade, I look either cold cadaver white or downright seasickly green.
Second, though, it doesn't matter whether you're wearing a flattering dress color or not: Match your makeup to your skintone, NOT your outfit. You can't change your complexion, and if you try too hard to camouflage the clashing, you're just going to make things worse. So much worse. Junior High Girl At Her First Dance Who Thinks Blue Dress = Blue Eyeshadow Worse.
With your lovely complexion (thanks for the picture, by the way, that is always SUCH A HELP, cough cough other question-askers cough), I'd continue to keep things minimal. Add a few extra touches to keep your face from fading into nothingness above that bright-bright dress, but not so much slop on your face that it looks like you're trying to compete with it. (You will lose, for sure.)
Go with a tinted moisturizer mixed with a luminizer to create a very subtle, all-over glow. That should help your complexion fight the overpowering dress without your makeup overpowering your complexion. If you don't own a luminizer, head to Sephora and sample the offerings by Benefit (High Beam, Moon Beam, Dandelion) and Stila (All Over Shimmer Liquid Luminizer, Illuminating Tinted Moisturizer SPF).
After that, play up your cheeks for sure, with something that really works with your skin. I'm guessing bronzers in general are too much for you, so try to find a really nice (pink? peachy-pink?) blush with some golden undertones. NARS Blush in Orgasm is always a good first shade to try if you aren't sure what works for you.
Eyes? Totally neutral, I'd say. Not *naked*, but I'm trying to picture you with greens or purples or even grays and think it would just look heavy and overpower the delicate color of your eyes. If we were doing your makeup in MY bathroom using my hodgepodge of everything, I'd totally go with Hourglass Shade in Petal -- it's a pinkish shimmery color, but on very pale skin it's a FANTASTIC neutral and great alternative to browns or ivories. I would bet good money, though, that you could find something similar at Ulta, in their own store brand line of shadows.
This sounds like a lot of pink, but these are all shades of pink meant to enhance, not slap on a ton of fake pigment. Wear a good dark mascara but skip the liner -- if you really want your eyes to pop and feel like being a little extra girly for the wedding, glue on a couple fake eyelashes. Go with your favorite lipstick or tinted gloss -- maybe something more on the peach/coral end of things, rather than more pink -- and you're done. (Sorry I don't have a recommendation offhand for that -- there are simply TOO MANY COLORS out there that even I can't buy a new lipgloss for myself without trying on at least two dozen and completely losing my grip on what looks good and what looks horrible and in the end I give up and buy another tub of Rosebud balm or NARS Eros gloss in a panic and then get home and complain about how I STILL don't have any decent actual lipsticks.)
The good news is that bridesmaids always get a pass -- even if your makeup looks absolutely killer but you still *feel* washed out and clashy, everybody's going to know that you had nothing to do with your dress. Wear something really flattering to the rehearsal dinner, and (if the bride is okay with it) bring a wrap or shawl to the reception, either in good old black -- or a color that compliments both the dress AND you (royal blue, deep purple, etc.).
Published 06.29.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (12)
Amy!
I have read your blogs for months, and I find them to be spectacularly hilarious and full of good advice. I wuv yoo! Anywhoodles, here's my question...I have a daughter who is 13 months old. While other babies can at least say Mama and Dada, she can't. She babbles away constantly, and has seemed to master the word "YAH!". (Which, I'll admit comes in handy if I want my SO to agree with me. I just ask if she thinks it's a good idea, and she says "Yah." From the mouths of babes....) Problem is...That's the only word she knows, (except for mimicking Mommy's use of the "F" word...) and she can't associate words with people or actions. I've tried asking, "Up? You want up? UP?!" when she's holding her arms out, but she doesn't seem to get it. She can't associate the two. While most toddlers can at least say Mama & Dada and associate their parents with the words, she can't. My SO and I talk to her constantly, even if it's explaining that I'm chopping vegetables for dinner. Point it, we talk to her all the time. I read somewhere to say the words she says back to her, and say things like, "Oh really? That's so interesting, what else?" And we do that, but she's just not getting it.
I read in your blog that Noah was/is speech delayed...So, is there something we can do to help her? Is there a way to tell if your child is definitely speech delayed? She's on track with every other area of development, like motor skills...BTW, we're kinda broke right now, so please tell me that's there's something we can do besides some expensive test.
Thank you, O Wise One of the Internets, One that I worship.
Sincerely,
Freaked The F Out
"Is there a way to tell if your child is definitely speech delayed?" At 13 months? No. I do not think so. 13 months is entirely too young, too early. We did not get our first red flag for speech until Noah's 18-month visit, and that's because he just barely failed the five-to-10 word marker. (He said Mama, Dada, aball, anana and that was it. And he was DEFINITELY not saying those by 13 months, either.) And we were still told to give it another three months and come back if we didn't see an improvement. And...okay, we didn't see an improvement, and we went back, and were referred to Early Intervention. Who were extremely impressed, actually, that our pediatrician referred us so early. Most doctors will indeed wait much, much longer to bring up the possibility of a speech delay to parents. Late bloomers, late talkers, etc. This isn't to say that's a GOOD thing, the waiting-until-two-years-old-or-maybe-three, but...13 months? Oh, honey, don't freak out just yet. Really.
The best, best, BEST book I have ever read on early speech development is "It Takes Two To Talk: A Practical Guide For Parents of Children With Language Delays". Not a cheap book, no. $50. Textbook pricing. I borrowed a copy (deposit required!) from our county's Early Intervention program while taking the accompanying Hanen program through them; you may be able to track down a secondhand copy online or through your library or pediatrician. But if you really, really want to understand how language develops and learn exactly how you "should" be talking to your child to help with that development -- in super-breezy, easy-to-read terms -- this book is amazing. (And amazingly simple, to the point of slapping your head after realizing that all you had to do is *tweak* your conversations with your child in the slightest way to maximize their expressive language responses.) You'll also be able to pinpoint exactly where your child is in their language development and figure out whether your expectations are actually reasonable, and how best to help them move into the next stage of language use.
At 13 months, your child really (REALLY) doesn't need to have a ton of vocabulary. Some kids do, and that's fan-freaking-tastic for them. Some kids don't. A lot of 'em, I'd wager. (Like I said, I was all kinds of blissfully ignorant at that age, when we didn't even have YAH.) (Which is ADORABLE!) You mentioned your daughter will hold her arms out when she wants "up." That! Right there! Big! Awesome! Expressive gestures ARE language: pointing, waving, clapping, etc. And here's the thing: some kids don't mimic. They aren't going to parrot back whatever you say. Your daughter puts her arms out, you say UP, she thinks, "Yeah. Up. That's what I want." You've already gone and said the word/concept that she wants, so why in the world would she say it now? UP, WOMAN. WHAT YOU JUST SAID. GOD.
The Hanen book uses this dumb little acronym. O.W.L. Observe. Wait. Listen. You see your daughter with her arms out, or contemplating a ball, or pointing at the milk carton on the counter. You DON'T supply the word. You DON'T say "UP" or "BALL" or "Milk? You want milk? Milk? MILK MILK SAY MILK MMMMMMILK." Instead, you say nothing. You wait. Waaaait. Maybe you gesture back. Point back. Let her (yeah, I know) get a little upset. Let her really understand why expressive language is important.
And then you listen. Maybe she'll say, "Uh! Uh!" instead of "Up! Up!" Or some long mmmm sound instead of milk or SOME kind of verbal cue to express what she wants. After she makes an attempt at a sound, you can THEN supply the word and a heapload of praise and an immediate granting of her desire. Up. Milk. Juice. Whatever.
And oh, simplify. I was super guilty of this. She's not ready for sentences yet -- and she's not going to get much from "Oh really? That's so interesting, what else?" Hell, my almost-four-year-old still doesn't know what to do with vague, open-ended questions like that. Strip your language down to simple, single words and ESPECIALLY sound effects. I'll never forget after our first speech therapy session, the therapist told me to take Noah outside and blow bubbles some time that week, and spend the entire time focused on three words/sounds. 1) An exaggerated blowing sound, in hopes that Noah would mimic the puckering/blowing and work his mouth muscles, 2) The word "POP," whenever the bubbles...you know, POPPED, and 3) the sign and word "MORE." I felt like an IDIOT. I mean, Noah and I blew bubbles all the time! Are you telling me I was doing it WRONG, or something?
Well. I guess I was. I said nothing else besides POP and MORE, and it took exactly 15 minutes before my child popped a bubble, looked at me expectantly, and then when I failed to say what he was waiting for, said, "POP!" all by himself. Within 20 minutes he was signing for "MORE" after I put the wand back in the bottle and stared at him, pretending to have no idea what in the world he wanted. Give everything a sound: pop, woof, choo choo, vroom, etc. These seem to be more attractive to little ears and mouths than the proper nouns, which: WHO CARES.
And speaking of sign language...yeah, I was one of those people who thought baby sign language was just for the neurotic child-prodigy set, for the parents who needed an activity in between Chinese Mandarin and Baby Mensa Playgroup. And then my kid didn't ever talk, and my pediatrician recommended teaching him some signs to ease both of our frustrations with the situation. We used the Signing Time DVDs and within two or three viewings, the light bulb went off over Noah's head. He signed "milk" one morning and my lands, I have NEVER gotten milk into anyone's hands so quickly. He stared at the cup for a minute and I swear you could see the wheels turning and the pieces coming together and the huh. If you notice that your daughter really doesn't make any close approximations of sounds no matter how long you wait for them, sign language might be a more natural transition from gestures to language, at least for her. And, you know, hundreds and thousands of kids who develop at their own pace, march to their own drum.
Look, I'm the LAST person on earth who wants to pull the "whatever, don't overreact, don't compare her to other kids" crap. I knew -- KNEW-- something was going on with Noah just...what? five or six months past your daughter's age. I didn't know exactly what was going on -- I once heard someone describe speech therapy as the "gateway drug" to all the other many wonders of Early Intervention and SID and ASD, and damn, if that ain't the truth -- but my gut knew, and thankfully our doctor didn't sweep my concerns away with a dismissive wave. So...this is NOT a dismissive wave.
Get your hands on the Hanen book (I had to return mine to the county or I'd mail it to you in a second), or something that someone in the comments recommends (I read a few speech delay books, I admit, but just flat-out got the most from Hanen). If you really don't believe that she connects "Mama" with you, I'm not going to tell you that oh, PISH, everything's fine. (Though I admit that's a hard one to test out, especially when Mama is right there -- the little ones LOVE to take our existence and presence for granted. Maybe get some picture cards or toys and test out other words? Like dog or car or ball? She may not point, but she might give you some indication that she does indeed connect words with objects.) Try out some sign language. Tell your pediatrician that you're concerned at her next visit. Don't panic, don't freak out. Listen to your gut...but also make sure your gut isn't engaged in a game of oneupmanship with the mommy next door with the potty-trained one-year-old who speaks in complete sentences on-demand like a performing-monkey child.
Related Articles:
- Confronting Speech Delays Without Family Support
- Food & the Sensory-Sensitive Child
Published 06.26.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (21)
Hi Amy,
So after your little how to on making baby food, and my new son's immediate interest in eating me out of house and home and funding Gerber's next major jet purchase, I decided to take the plunge. Yay! Babyfood is easy and cheap and he likes it! Yay! Now here's my problem. This August, I am going to go to the beach with my parents for 10 days. I am really looking forward to this considering the eldest boy has not seen the ocean yet and it will be 10 days of grandparents galore.
However, I am wondering what to do about the whole baby food issue. The baby will be about 8 months then, so I am hoping he will have some Cheerios and things like that in his diet but if not I am stuck with two choices: Either buy food (which I don't think he'll eat now to be honest), or spend time making food when I could be visiting and having fun. Also am not precisely sure of what I will have available to cook with in terms of pots and pans and the like. I know I will be bringing my own blender but the glass bakeware and steamer etc. seem like a lot to pack.
What do you think would be the best solution to this issue? I am writing you extra early in hopes that you get to this before I go!
Thank you!
Jess
Last week we went to the beach -- not for quite as long as your trip, but it was my own personal test run of trying to pack enough food for an eight-month-old Godzilla baby, in a place with VERY limited freezer/refrigerator place and a kitchen that I REALLY didn't want to be dirtying up with sweet potato skins and barley-caked pots. (Jason's aunt and uncle are retired and live at the beach year-round, and have spent a good decade getting everything down to a perfect, organized system in a small condo -- houseguests descending with bags of groceries mess up the system. As the niece-in-law, I DO NOT MESS WITH THE SYSTEM.)
You didn't specify whether you'll be driving or flying -- if you're driving, you're golden. (More on flying in a bit.)
Everything I packed for Ezra fit into a single six-pack cooler (with room for ice packs and some water bottles for us). I brought two 8-ounce jelly jars filled with fresh fruit purees -- apples and pears, made the day we left in a frantic oh-God-everything-is-gonna-go-bad-quick-USE-IT flurry of peeling and pureeing. Then another jar with leftover homemade Shepherd's Pie that Jason and I had made for our own dinner but ended up being a HUGE hit with Ezra (hint: use a cauliflower puree instead of mashed potatoes on top.) These jars, plus one small carton of plain whole-milk yogurt and a small container of some ripe peach slices were the only non-frozen things I brought because of 1) limited fridge space, and 2) you really do need to use up fresh stuff within three or four days before freezing it anyway.
Everything else I brought was frozen in convenient ice-cube-sized portions and placed in plastic freezer bags. I placed as many cubes in each bag as I could -- mixed veggies, blueberries, corn, sweet potatoes, lamb & lentil stew, barley & mushrooms, cauliflower, oh my! -- and laid them flat in the cooler, layered between the ice packs. For five days, I brought two quart-sized bags and probably only used about half of the cubes I brought.
For dry ingredients, I brought a box of baby oatmeal cereal (for thickening his morning fruit-and-yogurt or any frozen purees that defrosted a bit on the watery side) and some baby finger snacks -- Cheerios, Mum-Mums, fruit puffs. And that was it, plus a couple bottles, formula and mah boobs.
The good news is that by eight months old you have a LOT of table food options. Ezra gets something from our plates pretty much every meal these days in addition to his own purees and stews and baby snacks. Most of our meals contain SOMETHING that can be modified for him, either with a little extra cooking or chopping/blending or leaving certain ingredients out. If not, there are plenty of easy baby finger foods that don't require a lot of extra special packing (provided you have at least a decent-ish stock of grown-up-human basics). Ezra's already used to his food not being THAT different from what we eat, and (THANK GOD) will gamely try pretty much anything we put in front of him.
(Green bean salad was a big hit on the trip, as were Belgian waffles.)
(Though by this age Noah was already staunchly rejecting more foods than he was accepting -- he'd touch foods to determine if they were a texture he preferred or if it "squished," and would only try stuff that was bread or cracker-like. Sigh. Ezra is totally my do-over baby.)
Some stuff I did to stretch our food supply and minimize my time in the kitchen: Spread fruit puree on a piece of bread and cut into small squares rather than spoon-feeding an entire serving. Microwave one small portion of squash/broccoli/frozen peas in a small bowl with a teaspoon of water instead of trying to steam a whole fresh batch. Hell, Ezra ate torn-up bits of American cheese while I grilled a sandwich for his brother, and they shared bowls of Annie's Mac & Cheese. As much as I enjoy creating and cooking special, custom dishes for Ezra, it's REALLY REALLY NICE sometimes to not treat his mealtimes quite so preciously and hand over "real" food to try.
Now. This July I'll be flying to BlogHer with Ezra in tow (that is, if he doesn't wean between now and then, which sadly seems kind of likely, THANKS KID) (SOB), and that will be a whole other mess. A cooler is just NOT something I'll feel like dragging along, and neither are bags of groceries or shoving mason jars of applesauce into our hotel's minibar. Once again, I'll be REALLY relying on the kindness of table food -- scoping out the side dishes like mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables, plucking out pasta noodles and small bits of chicken, hoarding the fruit salad and mini-boxes of cereal -- and likely just buying some additional supplies. (If you have access to a kitchen on a vacation AND time to scope out a decent grocery store, check out the places where you can buy Happy Baby's line of frozen baby food, which I have not tried, but seems like it would be a bit more similar to homemade? Ehhh?)
No, since I'll be traveling on my own and packing as lightly as possible, I'll be trying out JetSetBabies.com (via a recommendation by CoolMomPicks). Place your order a couple weeks before your trip and your food and diapers and formula and anything else you need will be at your hotel at check-in time. Their food offerings are limited to Earth's Best and Gerber (but also include Gerber's Organics), which...yeah. Ezra's gotten a tad snooty about the jarred food as well. He will, however, eat anything vaguely sweet, like fruits and sweet potatoes -- provided I thicken up the watery texture with some dry cereal. He (surprise!) refuses most of the jarred green vegetables and makes terrible faces whenever I try the "fancy" stage three soups and stews, so I'm not even going to bother with those. We're on vacation! If I get to live on room service desserts and swag-bag-junk-food and CHEESEBURGERS, I figure a couple days of nothing but applesauce and pears for him are FAR from the end of the world.
Anyone else have any travel-with-baby feeding advice? Pleeeease?
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Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. A Washington D.C.-based freelance writer. The Smackdown is published on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at www.amalah.com. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.
Amy also documented her second pregnancy in a Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.
Amy is mother to delicious preschooler Noah and baby Ezra. NomNomNom.
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