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Worst Store-Bought Halloween Costume Ideas

By Melissa Summers

I’m a sucker for a cute homemade Halloween costume, but my kids are all about the ones from the Halloween super store. I’ve (mostly) made my peace with this — in fact, there are some really creative pre-made kids Halloween costumes out there. But while I was looking for store-bought costumes I wouldn’t mind paying for, I thought it would be fun to share the costumes I came across which perplexed my delicate sensibilities.

In other words, the costumes my kids will wear over my dead body.

Halloween Costumes to Skip This Year

sexydevil.jpgSexy devil: Why would a child wearing a size 4/6 need to show this much skin? And how would she know what “sexy” means? Can’t she just be a regular old adorable preschooler devil? The kind that is mischievous but not sexy? There should be no sexy anything costumes for the elementary school set. I would honestly choose a Licensed Character costume over this thing. Point me to the Elsa outfits. Seriously. (But not Sexy Elsa. Come on.)

 

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Sexy Strawberry Shortcake: This post is making me feel like an incredible prude but really? This is for a teenager? How about we just agree to take a hard pass on “sexy” costumes for anyone under age 21. Period. I’m trying to imagine the day I let my daughter out of the house looking like this and I don’t see it being anytime she’s living under my roof. (I think I just grew a gray hair.)

 

skaterzombie.jpgZombie Punk Skater Boy: I know kids want to be scary things for Halloween but this [Fill In The Blank] Zombie! phenomenon is just blowing my mind. Look! It’s Zombie Skate Punk! Because if there’s anything worse than a zombie it’s a punk zombie. And if there’s anything worse than a punk zombie it’s a punk zombie on a skateboard. (And now I’m imagining Punk Skater Zombie showing up at my front door with Sexy Strawberry Shortcake and I think I just grew five more grey hairs.)

 

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Giant rat: I know Ratatouille the movie was supposed to make me look at rats in a kinder, gentle,r more sanitary way, but this is a big NO for me. I think it’s that long tail, or the way they travel in large numbers of undulating fur, or maybe it’s those beady eyes. Bottom line, I don’t want to dress my kids as vermin for Halloween. If you do, have at it.

 

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Life-sized beef stick: I am not a fan of licensed characters on backpacks, bedroom walls or costumes. But this one is really the absolute worst: Your kid is simultaneously an annoying Licensed Character and a fat-laden beef stick. Maybe he can hang out with the giant rat — sort of a walking vermin snack.

Ok that’s actually terrifying.

Find more Halloween costumes, crafts, decorations and treats from our archives here.


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Melissa Summers
About the Author

Melissa Summers

Melissa Summers was a regular contributor writing Melissa’s Buzz Off.

...

Melissa Summers was a regular contributor writing Melissa’s Buzz Off.

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Comments

  • There are some people in my life who are mopey. I call them Eeyores. Used in a sentence, “My husband is wonderful, but his mom? A total Eeyore.”
    And I don’t like ANY of the Pooh characters. Piglet is a walking anxiety attack.

  • Maiken

    I very much dislike the people that believe Halloween is an excuse to dress sluty. But then I wish I had the body to consider it. 😉

  • Jen

    I was a chaperone at a Halloween party where a little girl was wearing the “Singing Sensation” costume. She collapsed from heat exhaustion. The entire costume is made of plastic, I think. That might keep you warm up North, but I live on the Gulf Coast.

  • A few years ago, there was a similar rock star costume out which my step-daughters mother purchased for her. She was very excited to wear it but, I was disgusted that a first grader should go to school with her belly button hanging out (I have custody of this kid). She begged me to let her so, I finally did (against my better judgment.) The day of schools Halloween parade came, Samantha went to school wearing her Britney Spears wannabe costume and her teacher called me, outraged. How dear I send her to school half naked. I muttered something, not sure what, was too embarrassed and proceeded to take a t-shirt to school for my half-naked, crying child. So, my advice…don’t do it!!!! If you do, learn from me, put a tank top on and then the costume.

  • When I was 5, I was a little black cat. The only thing showing was my face. Today, that costume would be reduced to revealing tatters and be called a Sex Kitten costume and would come with a stripper pole. It’s quite shocking. I’m no prude either but sexualizing young girls is just wrong.