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What not to wear this Halloween.

By Melissa Summers

Remember last December when I highlighted the gifts you’d give my kids if you hated me? I thought it would be fun to share the costumes I came across which perplexed my delicate sensibilities or which my kids will wear over my dead body.
Your daughter wants to be a mega star, get her started here with this mid drift baring costume. Keep in mind I remember someone else wearing something quite similar many years ago. That worked out well in the end. I mean I’m sure the outfit didn’t make her spin out of control, but why risk it?
Why would a child wearing a size 4/6 need to wear a Sexy Devil costume? In fact, can you explain to me why the adult Sexy Devil costume has more coverage than the child’s version?
I was at this site browsing costumes and found the placement of this butcher costume kind of amusing. “Child Career Costumes.” From the thumbnail I couldn’t quite make out what it was, I thought, “That’s clever, a Sam The Butcher costume? Or maybe a big Italian meat purveyor?” Not so much.
I know Eeyore is not offensive, I know lots of people like him. However, I don’t think your child should be Eeyore for Halloween because he is a whiny sniveling clod. Just once I’d like to see Pooh throw a big bottle of Prozac at that depressed donkey head. Whoa, even I didn’t realize how much Eeyore annoys me.
This post is making me feel like an incredible prude but really? This is for a teenager? I’m trying to imagine the day I let my daughter out of the house looking like this and I don’t see it being anytime she’s living under my roof. (I think I just grew a gray hair.)
I know kids want to be scary things for Halloween but this [Fill In The Blank] Zombie! Phenomenon is just blowing my mind. Look! It’s Zombie Skate Punk! Because if there’s anything worse than a zombie it’s a punk zombie. And if there’s anything worse than a punk zombie it’s a punk zombie on a skateboard.
I know Ratatouille the movie was supposed to make me look at rats in a kinder, gentler more sanitary way. I think it’s that long tail, or the way they travel in large numbers of undulating fur, or maybe it’s those beady eyes. Bottom line, I don’t want to dress my kids as vermin for Halloween. If you do, have at it.
I know I’ve made it pretty clear I am not a fan of licensed characters on backpacks, bedroom walls or costumes. But this one is really the top of the heap. You can dress your kid up as a licensed character, a supremely annoying one who peddles a disgusting fat laden stick of meat.

May you have a zombie, rat and Slim Jim™ free Halloween.


Find more Halloween costumes, crafts, decorations and treats from our archives here.


Melissa Summers
About the Author

Melissa Summers

Melissa Summers was a regular contributor writing Melissa’s Buzz Off.


Melissa Summers was a regular contributor writing Melissa’s Buzz Off.

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  • There are some people in my life who are mopey. I call them Eeyores. Used in a sentence, “My husband is wonderful, but his mom? A total Eeyore.”
    And I don’t like ANY of the Pooh characters. Piglet is a walking anxiety attack.

  • Maiken

    I very much dislike the people that believe Halloween is an excuse to dress sluty. But then I wish I had the body to consider it. 😉

  • Jen

    I was a chaperone at a Halloween party where a little girl was wearing the “Singing Sensation” costume. She collapsed from heat exhaustion. The entire costume is made of plastic, I think. That might keep you warm up North, but I live on the Gulf Coast.

  • A few years ago, there was a similar rock star costume out which my step-daughters mother purchased for her. She was very excited to wear it but, I was disgusted that a first grader should go to school with her belly button hanging out (I have custody of this kid). She begged me to let her so, I finally did (against my better judgment.) The day of schools Halloween parade came, Samantha went to school wearing her Britney Spears wannabe costume and her teacher called me, outraged. How dear I send her to school half naked. I muttered something, not sure what, was too embarrassed and proceeded to take a t-shirt to school for my half-naked, crying child. So, my advice…don’t do it!!!! If you do, learn from me, put a tank top on and then the costume.

  • When I was 5, I was a little black cat. The only thing showing was my face. Today, that costume would be reduced to revealing tatters and be called a Sex Kitten costume and would come with a stripper pole. It’s quite shocking. I’m no prude either but sexualizing young girls is just wrong.