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Parent Truisms: End-of-School & Summer Vacation Edition

May29

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1. Don’t bother cleaning out your kid’s backpack at the end of the school year. Just light it on fire.

2. Beginning of the year party: You bring two dozen gourmet cupcakes.
End of the year party: You bring an expired bag of chips.

3. The teacher who’s the most bright-eyed in September will be the one zooming out of the parking lot with a bottle of tequila in June.

Parent Truism End-of-School Edition: "Try to resist the urge to yell, “Suck it, homework!” on the last day of school."
4. Try to resist the urge to yell, “Suck it, homework!” on the last day of school.

5. You think you want to be the house where the neighborhood kids hang out all summer. Until you’re the house the neighborhood kids hang out at all summer.

Parent Truisms Summer Vacation Edition: "There will be one kid who spends so much time at your house this summer, you’ll wonder if you should start a college fund for him."

6. There will be one kid who spends so much time at your house this summer, you’ll wonder if you should start a college fund for him.

7. What a kid packs in their suitcase for vacation: balls, old markers, cookies, cat toys, action figures, Play-Doh.
What a kid doesn’t pack in their suitcase: Underwear.

8. The kid who says, “I’m bored” on the first day of summer is the kid doing yard work on the first day home from school.

9. Popsicles count as a meal during the summer.

Parent Truism End-of-School Edition: "You will roll your eyes at the idea of a preschool graduation until it’s your kid graduating."

10. You will roll your eyes at the idea of a preschool graduation until it’s your kid graduating.

Parent Truisms Summer Vacation Edition: "Limiting your kids to one hour of summer TV is as hard as limiting yourself to one margarita."

11. Limiting your kids to one hour of summer TV is as hard as limiting yourself to one margarita.

12. If you send your kids to sleep away camp, you will cry before they leave, cry while they are away and cry that they are home. Yet be completely happy you sent them.

13. You will at some point beg anyone who comes to your house – whether it’s the pest control guy or the cable guy – to help you take care of the kids.

14. Your quest to be the fun, carefree mom will last exactly 7 hours – at the moment your kids are spitting chocolate covered marshmallows at each other and demanding another marathon dance party with 20 of their friends.

15. You will take too long to sign up your kids for camp and will try to convince them to take the last two spots at Camp Lottsa-Lice.

Parent Truism Summer Vacation Edition: "At some point you will let your kids convince you that sitting outside with an iPad is pretty much the same thing as playing outside."

16. At some point you will let your kids convince you that sitting outside with an iPad is pretty much the same thing as playing outside.

17. In June, happy hour starts at 5. In July, it starts at 4:30. In August, morning mimosas anyone?

18. You will forget to order the required school supplies and will end up wrestling some 12-year-old for the last packet of highlighters at an overcrowded office supply store in late August.

19. The day your kid goes on a camp field trip to the zoo is the same day a rare lizard goes missing. Your child will swear it’s just a coincidence.

Parent Truism Summer Vacation Edition: "You will wonder how on earth you are supposed to apply a 4 oz bottle of sunscreen liberally and frequently on all 3 kids."

20. You will wonder how on earth you are supposed to apply a 4 oz bottle of sunscreen liberally and frequently on all 3 kids.

21.You will consider chucking your child’s giant sculpture out the window on the way home from art camp.

22. You will hide your wallet from your children every time the ice cream truck circles your block.

About the author


This post was jointly written by Kelcey Kintner & Wendi Aarons.

Kelcey Kintner, a Florida-based mother of five, writes the humor blog, The Mama Bird Diaries. Wendi Aarons is an award-winning humor writer and blogger who lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and two sons. You can usually find her at Wendi Aarons. Kelcey & Wendi are also co-founders of the cheeky advice site, The Mouthy Housewives. They are also individual contributors to Alpha Mom.


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5 Responses to “Parent Truisms: End-of-School & Summer Vacation Edition”

  1. suburbancorrespondent May 29 at 7:22 pm Reply Reply

    I just calculated that this is my 23rd summer with kids.  One would think that I would be experienced enough not to be frightened at the prospect of June-July-August looming before me.  One would be wrong.

    Just this: it’s not against the law to lock that screen door behind them.  At least, not if you don’t get caught…

    • Kelcey Kintner
      Kelcey Kintner May 30 at 12:52 am Reply Reply

      Ha! Great tip. 

  2. Autumn May 30 at 12:01 am Reply Reply

    Only after I became a mother myself did I understand why my parents were so enthusiastic about my desire to spend 5 weeks (voluntarily) at summer camp when I was 15.  Get out of teenage jail free card for them!

    And I had a blast as well. . . and married the guy I was soooo worried about missing after all

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