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With Childbirth, You Can’t Always Get What You Want

By Amalah

Late in my first pregnancy, my doctor casually mentioned the possibility of a c-section due to the baby’s size and position. He guesstimated a birth weight in the eight-pound range and voiced his concerns about the size and shape of my pelvis. He brought up the topic merely as a cautionary measure — there would be no intervention, no induction or scheduled surgery, I would continue to wait for labor to begin and attempt to deliver vaginally, because of course these size estimates are wildly inaccurate, and a woman’s pelvis can do extraordinary things in labor — but he wanted me to prepare myself for a possible change in plans.

I made the grave error of mentioning this conversation to the Internet. Most women were sympathetic and encouraging — they delivered big babies, they delivered small babies who were supposed to be big, they had the c-section and it wasn’t bad at all, besides, ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS is a healthy mother and baby, right?

Right! But I also heard from the women who were raw with regret over a birth that did not go as planned. Who felt pressured or even bullied into a c-section that they since deemed unnecessary, who were planning for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), who took it upon themselves to spare me from a similar experience, usually with emails full of terrifying statistics about fetal death and future miscarriages and horrible doooooooom. Being a first-time nine-months pregnant woman, these emails did not seem particularly helpful AT ALL.

My No-Regrets C-Section

Noah was indeed, a big baby — nine pounds, 15 ounces big, nearly two pounds OVER my doctor’s concerned guess. He never rolled over and I pushed and pushed and pushed and made no progress and his heart rate plummeted more and more with each contraction. I had that c-section after all, and I have never, EVER had a moment of regret or second-guessed that decision. It was the right thing to do; the only thing to do.

And I was not-so-secretly a little judge-y about those women who felt sad about their c-sections, or had a difficult time letting go of that sadness. What a silly, selfish thing! You’re safe and your baby is healthy! Who cares how he got here! It’s not like you get an extra merit badge for pushing him out your vagina! So what if morons want to think you took “the easy way out” by getting hacked in half on the operating table or spout garbage about not bonding with your baby and quote that one chapter in that one book about how “your body won’t grow a baby too big for you to deliver,” in spite of women dying in childbirth or suffering terrible injuries because of too-big babies! WHATEVER. IT’S ALL DUMB. LET’S ALL GET BACK TO JUDGING EACH OTHER ABOUT BREASTFEEDING AND HOW INFREQUENTLY WE BATHE OUR CHILDREN.*

And then, I got pregnant again.

(You see where I’m going with this, right?)

And the One I Still Regret

Ezra was born via a scheduled c-section, either on his official due date or a few days before, depending on what ultrasound measurement you went with. He was seven pounds, seven ounces. He was positioned perfectly. He was a baby that I most likely could have delivered vaginally.

And I am sad about that.

No, it’s nothing intrusive or depressive or debilitating. I know (I KNOW!) that since I wasn’t in labor the day he was born, I could have very well have gone another two weeks and ended up with another 10-pounder and another emergency c-section. I know that he was perfectly healthy and mature, with high Apgars and zero health concerns. I bonded with him beautifully and intensely, and our breastfeeding relationship could NOT have been better. I know it doesn’t matter, except that…it still kind of does.

I know that after Noah’s birth, I couldn’t have read that last paragraph without scrunching my brow and rolling my eyes and muttering something about “keeping it in perspective.”

Ezra’s birth, I suppose, just didn’t really reflect the type of relationship I have with him. I breastfeed, I baby-wear, I co-slept, I cloth diaper and make his baby food from scratch. Maybe I’m trying to make up for the sterile, detached abruptness of his arrival. His birth should have been the natural, intervention-free birth that I knew I wanted, but was simply too scared to attempt. I did want a different experience this time — Noah’s birth was what Noah needed, and I am nothing but grateful that the intervention was available the second we needed it — but I was convinced that was out of my grasp. I worried that if I tried, I’d risk both of our safety (and would then possibly need to get put under and miss his birth entirely if I ran into trouble) and thus it was better to simply play it safe and keep the unknowns to a minimum. Go in, get him out.

And I’d heard from literally HUNDREDS of women who loved the ease, convenience and relaxed vibe of their scheduled c-sections. I fully expected to happily join their ranks.

Making Peace With My Births

Now I have that pesky 20-20 hindsight and know that I possibly COULD have had that natural birth, and that kind of blows, even though — I didn’t KNOW that. I couldn’t have really known that. We make the best decisions we can with the best information we have at the time. I know this too.

I’ve decided, though, that it’s not such a bad thing to admit, to accept, to risk other people thinking that I’m silly and selfish and need perspective. I am over the moon about my baby. He is perfect and amazing and my heart explodes into a million pieces every time I look at his gorgeous little face. Every day, my mind boggles over how I ever got this lucky. His birth sucked.

I can’t change that. But I know it doesn’t change anything that really matters.

*Once a week. Maybe twice. They get all rashy otherwise! Plus sometimes I send ’em through the sprinkler in the backyard and that TOTALLY COUNTS.

If you landed here but are still pregnant, visit Amalah’s Pregnancy Weekly. You won’t regret it.

Amazon Mom

Amalah
About the Author

Amy Corbett Storch

Amalah

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Ama...

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it’s pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to [email protected].

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.

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Karen
Guest

Amy – My son who was estimated at over 10 lbs by my doc. He was pushing me to deliver c-section but I feared I wouldn’t want to reopen the scar to have a second child and I stood my ground. Drew was 9 lbs 2 ounces and tore me to shreds. The doctor knew I didn’t want an episiotomy but it was bad and he asked permission during the labor. I agreed. The stitching required more pain meds (I was a screaming maniac) and so I passed out from the pain and meds and missed nursing my son for… Read more »

anonymous
Guest
anonymous

I’m so glad to read more and more things like this. It’s good to know that it’s ok to be a little disappointed at how things turned out, even if everything turned out all right. I was so upset by how my childbirth experience went that it kind of tainted my first few weeks with my son. Granted, my hormones were raging and I was a total noob but I still felt betrayed by how it all went down: I hated my L&D nurse; I hated that my doctor was off picking her ass and didn’t deliver my kid, despite… Read more »

csc
Guest
csc

Do not DO NOT second-guess your decision to schedule a C for Ezra’s birth. Yes, he was smaller than Noah and in a good position, but you only know this now after the fact. Up until the moment of birth, those facts were part of the Unknown of Childbirth. The What-Ifs may have been too much to handle if you attempted a VBAC. You made the right decision.

mir
Guest
mir

I had to go the scheduled c-section route because I was breech. I’m still a bit bummed out that I didn’t “get” to labor (although every woman I talked to at work kept saying that if they had to do it over again they would have had all their babies via c-section). It’s sort of like labor is a mountain, with the baby on top. You climb the mountain to get the baby, but while you’re preparing to climb the mountain, you hear nothing but all the different ways to get to the top of the mountain, how you can… Read more »

Olivia
Guest
Olivia

I had planned a homebirth. Had dreamed about it for two years, in fact. Then I ended up facing excrutiating back labor and stalled dialation. 24 hours later and no end in sight I quitely asked to go to the hospital, I needed an epidural. I needed to rest. I got that epidural, got to 10 cm and pushed for 3 hrs. 36 hrs after labor began, I was exhausted, starving, and the back labor was coming back. I looked at my husband and said, “I’m through. I want a c-section.” (gah, just thinking about that is bringing tears to… Read more »

eva
Guest

18 months later I am still regretting my c-section. And the epidural, without which I may have had a chance at vaginal birth. Yes I got a nice healthy, breastfed, cloth-diapered, homemade-food-fed daughter, but I still find myself annoyed about the whole experience. I’m glad you wrote this because I am so sick of hearing that all that matters was that I got a healthy baby!

Camille
Guest
Camille

I think it really depends on the dr. and situation. Our daughter was 8 days overdue when my water broke. There was mueconium (sp? but only a very little bit as they told me later) and when we went to the hospital I had explained to the nurses what we had planned on (limited intervention, seeing how things progressed) which they were all fine with. However, my doctor came in shortly thereafter and despite the conversations we’d had during my pregnancy and prenatal visits about a natural childbirth gave us this talk about obstretrics “being the victim of its own… Read more »

kari weber
Guest
kari weber

My first son was late and 9 pounds. I had horrible back labor, he was turned wrong… and he was born July 2nd, in which the hospital was so busy, I was literally put into the room they typically used for storage. I was almost sent to another hospital. I didn’t get the baby pictures, didn’t even get to sign my son’s birth certificate (no one works on a holiday weekend, ya’ know?)… I tore pretty badly, and it was about 8 weeks before that healed, or I could even THINK about any “time” with my husband not being excruciating.… Read more »

Catherine S
Guest
Catherine S

I find this topic to be highly worth discussing. Amy I remember when you posted about Ezra’s birth and got the idea that there was some sense of regret there over having a repeat CS. My son was born VIA CS as well after a placental abruption during labor. I had planned on going natural, took the classes, etc and when it came down to it, I just couldn’t handle it. Husband SUCKED as a birth partner, wouldn’t even touch or really look at me, sister was there and was a complete moronic bitch the whole time. L&D nurses were… Read more »

bri
Guest

I am TOTALLY that woman rolling her eyes at the regret women. So it’s really helpful to read this from your point of view, as a former eye-roller. It’s another judgey thing I should try to get over. Mine – pre-pre-eclampsia symptoms, no labor, c-section, glorious. Highly recommend my delivery – never have to wonder if I did the right thing with the c-sec, avoid judgey anti-c-sec women, skipped scary and painful labor for my 8lb10oz boy who would never have come out anyway b/c, as the midwife said, once they got in there they saw that his head was… Read more »

samantha jo campen
Guest

I get it. Oh do I get it. Like you, before I was pregnant I was all “It doesn’t MATTER how the kid is born! You just need a healthy mom and baybeeeeee!” Then after a PERFECT pregnancy I went into labor at 30 weeks and was put on bedrest until he was born vaginally at 35 weeks. Rushed off to NICU. Which I was prepared for. But he was fine. Not a single problem with eating, regulating body temperature, breathing. NOTHING. He was just like a full-term baby. But he stayed in NICU for three days for observation. Not… Read more »

bessie.viola
Guest

Thanks for sharing this, Amy. I have been reading you since your pregnancy with Noah, and I now have a 16-month old daughter. Her birth ended up being an unplanned c-section. I thought about what you’d written about yours as they were prepping me, and took a lot of comfort in it. In the same way, this is comforting. I have fears and doubts about my next baby; people assume that the birth will be scheduled and I am firmly on the fence. I’m not sure what’s best, I don’t trust my body after what happened the first time, and… Read more »

Mimi
Guest

All that matters is a healthy baby (and mother). Seriously. Why do we look for things to punish ourselves with?

bessa
Guest
bessa

My first was an “elective” c-section. I felt like I elected it about as much as you elect to get shot. I hated it. I was upset forever. The disappointment hurt so bad, I didn’t even know if I wanted to try for a VBAC because I didn’t want the regret, if it didn’t work out. I tried so hard for a VBAC. Changed doctors, changed doulas, labored at home for 3 days and one in the hospital. I still ended up with another c-section. My super-granola doctor told me I should never labor again. I still secretly harbor dreams… Read more »

Olivia
Guest
Olivia

Mimi, a healthy baby and mom are the MOST important, but not ALL that is important. That’s what this post is about. Being happy and appreciative for having a healthy baby, but wishing for a different birth experience isn’t mutually exlusive.

Amalah
Guest

Mimi – See, NOW, I would rephrase that. A healthy baby and mother are the things that matter the MOST. 100%, absolutely. But the ONLY things that matter? I don’t think you can make that call for someone else, particularly someone who may have dealt with trauma, crisis, bullying, sub-par medical care, tough recoveries, PPD, etc. Mama’s mental health matters, and I believe the birth experience can be mighty tied up with this — for some women, and some births. And trust me, I’m the last person who ever expected to feel this way post-section. (My first one was FABULOUS!… Read more »

Karen
Guest
Karen

Mimi, it’s not about punishing ourselves. Seriously. I had an unplanned c-section and although everything turned out FINE, everything, I still wish it had gone differently. I wish I could have held and nursed her right away, I wish I didn’t feel like poop from the epi and the surgery. In fact, I wish I could know how much the poopy feeling was normal, and how much was on account of the surgery. I wish my partner hadn’t been terrified. I wish I didn’t have to worry about rupturing the scar now when I have another baby. This isn’t crazy… Read more »

Tiffany
Guest

Oh, girlfriend. I’ve written about this topic a ton. My first birth I had planned all natural. I was 15, and my mom and Dr over rode my decisions and and bullied me into an epidural. I was able to birth vaginally, but on drugs. Not what I wanted. My second child I tried again for the natural thing. I drove 2+ hours to go to my state’s only birthing center, to MAKE SURE I could have a natural birth. Then my son turned breech. I did home exercises, I did Chiro care 3X a week, I had an ECV.… Read more »

Jesse
Guest

It’s good to read this…I think the most important thing is not to ignore those tiny, nagging emotions/thoughts that creep in, even when you are otherwise deliriously happy and focusing on the healthy outcome. What you feel (and felt) is true and real and valid no matter what, and it’s good to express it. Ignoring it is what leads to greater problems down the line, sometimes. Thank you for discussing it so openly and honestly with us.

AmberMc
Guest

I guess I got ‘lucky’? I developed HELLP syndrome and had an emergency c-section due to my liver failing. I didn’t have a choice. My husband was a 10 pounder and I thought I would have a biggin’… my boy was a little 4 pounder but healthy as could be. I was healing for 5 days before I could have him in the room with me.
I think we always have and always will feel guilty that we have not sacrificed enough for our children. Even if we give them everything.

charlotte
Guest

Another “granola mom” here who ended up having a c-section because of headstuckness and breech–and who’s wondering what’ll happen with #2 (should #2 ever happen). They don’t do VBAC here *at all*, but I’m smart enough not to attempt homebirth given all the health issues I can already anticipate (gestational diabetes, probably pre-eclampsia …). So, I’m on the fence as much as previous commenters, with the added bonus that, with Little Miss Kickboxer, breastfeeding didn’t work out at all and we’re on formula (organic, though, so save your boos).

Wade
Guest
Wade

I understand the whole “not the birth I wanted” thing, and if you are sad about it, that’s how you feel (although if it crosses to PPD that’s different). I do worry, though, about projecting your own experience onto other people, especially first time moms. When my baby was born, I knew I didn’t want an epidural. I’d heard horror stories of epidurals prolonging labor and wasn’t keen on the “needle in the spine” part. Two weeks before my due date, I was dilated 2 cm and my doctor figured any time now. A week before, I was still dilated… Read more »

Kathryn
Guest
Kathryn

Catherine S, I second everything you said. Okay, not quite, since I still haven’t delivered my first baby. I very much want to try for a natural birth. My ideal situation would be some type of natural birthing center adjacent/within an actual hospital. But in the area I live in, no such thing exists. My husband has likened my desire to go natural as “having a cavity filled without novacaine, just for the experience,” and I just heard from a friend how my OB/GYN did a “great job” with the vacuum extraction and episiotomy with her son. And on one… Read more »

Becky
Guest
Becky

My pregnancy and baby Robert’s birth were both the opposite of what I thought I wanted. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Here’s just a few for you: -Didn’t find out I was pregnant till I was three months along. -Water broke three months early. -I was on strict hospital bed rest for a month. -Due to my spina bifida I was given two epidurals but neither of them worked. -Robert was born 9 weeks early and weighed only 3 lbs. -Robert had to stay in the NICU for a month. Honestly though, every single crazy thing that… Read more »

Marnie
Guest
Marnie

I will admit to getting a little judge-y, too, when I hear others lamenting how the birth didn’t go the way they wanted, and I really do try to catch myself and listen to the reasons why. But, the thing that gets me the most, are the women who, when I say I had a c-section for my first (and only), make assumptions about my feelings and say “Oh, wow, I’m so sorry for you, you must have been so disappointed.” OMG No, not in the least, never, heavens no. She was a week overdue, breech, I had low amniotic… Read more »

Erin
Guest
Erin

This is such an interesting topic. I too had the c-section with the first baby after 20 hours of labour and not enough progress for the doctors to feel comfortable. I never saw the birth experience as anything other than a means to an end and didn’t have any regrets. With the second, I went to midwives for the quality of care they would offer pre and post baby but didn’t have any plans about the birth since I assumed we would do a c-section again. The midwives were good about not pressuring me to have any other plans and… Read more »

LauraP
Guest
LauraP

I think the one thing that made my labor one that I was happy with was my doula. It is her job to mother the mother. I was lucky enough that she was an old friend of my husbands and volunteered her services. If she had not offered, I don’t think I could have gone through my natural labor the way I did if it were not for her. Anyone that is concerned about having a natural birth in a hospital, please look into getting a doula. They will be your advocate and communicate to the doctors and nurses when… Read more »

Olivia
Guest
Olivia

Kathryn, as you can see, you aren’t alone in wanting a natural birth. And, I think most mothers will tell you that giving birth is nothing like having a cavity filled. A cavity is something that is wrong and needs to be fixed. Birth is something right, a natural thing that is life changing. Wanting to do that in a way that is as close to nature as you can (as long as it’s safe) is not silly.
I hope your birth is complication free and happy.

Catherine S
Guest
Catherine S

Kathryn, you are really not alone in that worry! I think everyone contemplates what is going to happen when it is “their time.” I suggest educating yourself as much as possible about routine procedures, your OBs CS rate, natural birthing techniques, etc as well as those for your hospital as the hospital policies will have a lot to do with your labor as well. I wish I had prepared myself better with my first. I am not pregnant again yet, but I am reading Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci… Read more »

Maureen
Guest
Maureen

I find this topic so interesting. I never even dreamed that I would need a c-section until I found out my son was breech and no chiropractic work, moxibustion, or external version could change that. He ended up being 10.6 pounds and healthy, so I guess you could say it all worked for the best. But, it was still devastating to have the c-section. Maybe it was the hormones, but I felt like a failure for not having a “real” birth, and I was depressed. I was slammmed with judgment whenever I told anyone my feelings about the c-section, and… Read more »

GM
Guest
GM

Thanks for posting on this topic, which has been much on my mind (baby born to via “emergent” CS in April). I had prepared very hard for a natural delivery, even changing hospitals and moving to a midwife from an OB. My pregnancy went downhill in the last weeks, when my baby was diagnosed with IUGR. I went into labor on my own the day before my 38 week induction date. I labored unmedicated for 42 hours, with my hypnosis for childbirth working wonderfully (NO labor pain!), but the baby couldn’t descend and lots of heartrate dips. Tried an epidural… Read more »

Brenda
Guest

Regarding the important topic: seriously, who has TIME to bathe their children EVERY NIGHT. That has to raise the risk of their getting injured in some freak rubber-duck-related accident. Twice a week is more than enough.
Sprinklers TOTALLY count.

Sara
Guest
Sara

I know women who regret their C-sections and women who wish all their children had been delivered that way. I have to wonder if the secret is to stay light on your feet (ha ha), keep expectations low, and remember what matters. You get married to BE married, hopefully, and not to have a wedding. You labor and deliver (or don’t) in order to have a baby, not for the beautiful experience.

Cheri
Guest
Cheri

My Perfect sister in law did the bath every night thing- I do every other day or so- or my daughter’s skin is too dry. I rebel against that “perfect”life stuff! But seriously, you can’t PLAN a birth- I think the childbirth class paints a generic or rosy picture, and then everyone is disappointed they didn’t get the experience they wanted. I wish I had known my son , 11 lbs, 22 in long, was going to be so huge, I would have opted for the C section, to be honest. The epidural only worked for me for about 1… Read more »

bessa
Guest
bessa

(to Sara) But everyone still plans a beautiful wedding. And people understand when you’re upset if it rains on your wedding day.

Meredith
Guest
Meredith

I can’t regret a procedure that saved my and my daughter’s life. Without the emergency c-section, we wouldn’t be here now, so I have no doubts and never felt badly about it. I am grateful for it! Now, some of this might have been influenced by the fact that a friend of mine had recently passed away while birthing her third child, so I was very much aware that labor/delivery can still be risky. Having that in mind, I was prepared for any type of labor/delivery I might have and was just so happy to finally have my little girl… Read more »

Joyce
Guest
Joyce

I finally realized how important it is to be honest with my feelings on my daughter’s birth instead of glossing over it with a cheery smile. I don’t really care if people judge me for that. It actually was kind of horrible, I thought I was going to literally die and it wasn’t at all what I planned. But then I remember how she just wouldn’t settle in that plastic crib thingy by my bed and only would sleep snuggled up close to me. I remember discovering the new smell of her newborn head and the shock of this new… Read more »

Mimi
Guest

Amy, I’m not saying we shouldn’t experience feelings of regret over how our children were born. Quite on the contrary, we should put a voice to them and let it all out (as you have done). However, at some point we have to let it go. We shouldn’t make it yet another “mommy guilt” issue. I’m saying, “Hey ladies, let’s not beat ourselves up over yet ANOTHER issue that, quite honestly, doesn’t matter in the end.” Think of the women whose children were born with severe disabilities, or those who lost their pregnancies and never got to experience ANY sort… Read more »

Aunt Becky
Guest

My daughter was born with part of her brain outside of her skull. I’ll always be sorry that my last experience giving birth ended in a complete clusterf*ck chaos. (no one knew she had an encephalocele)
So yeah, I get what you mean now in a way I couldn’t have before this happened. I get it now.

LBP
Guest
LBP

I understand too. I have regrets about the recent birth of my daughter that some might not understand. I am lucky, and labour has not been difficult for me (painful, awful, yes, all those things, but complication free). So far I make small-ish babies (7-2 and 6-13). I had my son naturally and it was a wonderful experience for me. I was almost looking forward to labour again with my second baby – the part where the baby is finally out and they pop it up on your chest and everyone’s crying – the part I imagine some people with… Read more »

Jenny
Guest
Jenny

I haven’t had kids and I tend to be on the whatever works side of the argument. Just based on my personality, I can’t imagine caring if I have a vaginal birth or a c-section, but maybe in the heat of the moment I will. But I will say that sometimes doctors don’t have the best ways of doing things. My twin sisters were born in 1991. My mom had had 3 kids prior and two of them were 9 lbs 15 oz and 10 lbs 8 oz. Big babies! The twins weighed 5 lbs 11 oz and 6 lbs… Read more »

Frema
Guest

I feel lucky that I don’t regret either of my two c-sections. I went a week overdue with Kara in order to let her come out at her own time, only to be induced. I started labor without drugs because I wanted to see if I could do it naturally. At eight centimeters, it hurt too much and I asked for an epidural. And even after all that, Kara never dropped and I never fully dilated and before the end of the night, I was in surgery. It helped that I gave it my best shot and that my hospital… Read more »

Kate
Guest
Kate

Well, it just goes to show that you never can tell. After three weeks of being 2 cm dilated by not progressing, we opted to get induced because my son was so low in my pelvis that it made everything uncomfortable. I always thought I wanted a natural delivery, but then when the contractions started coming every 90 seconds and lasting for 45 seconds, I went for the epidural. It was greeeeeeat. But then the kid’s pulse kept dropping after every contraction and they ending up having to suction him out, which gave him hematomas on his head, which gave… Read more »

Mouse
Guest

I was the only pregnant woman in our birth class who indicated a desire for natural childbirth after watching “that” video. My doctor was supportive, but said something for which I am grateful: “We will do everything possible to make this happen, but do not completely rule out an epidural in your mind. Sometimes things happen that we can’t predict.” My water broke, but my contractions never fell into a pattern and I wasn’t progressing. At 17 hours, I got an epidural since I knew I was looking at an emergency c-section at the 24-hour mark (and I preferred an… Read more »

ksmaybe
Guest
ksmaybe

I agree with so much of what others have said. I had a CS after 23 hours of labor…3 hours of that pushing. Baby was 8 lbs 10 oz. I had questioned my doctor on size along the way, she was convinced he would be ‘normal’, according to her 7 someething. Yeah. Now, 8-10 isn’t huge (only a few babies in my family were smalller 🙂 ) but it was enough. One of my pelvic bones is flat where it should arch and she thinks he was stuck against that. I’m 17 weeks along now with #2 and waffling. I’m… Read more »

Maria Paterson
Guest
Maria Paterson

I just got home yesterday afternoon with my new little son. I am so glad to be reading this now as it really eases the bittersweet pain I feel over my delivery on Sunday. Sadly, I was one of those women who wanted, INSISTED on no intervention, natural childbirth. I actually had the NERVE to be silently judgemental towards anyone who wanted the epidural or a c-section! Well… my ass got kicked BIG TIME. Everything was great, I went into full labour on my due date (Saturday) after 10 days of pre-labour contractions (yuk)and I thought the process would be… Read more »

Emily
Guest
Emily

I used to be the eye-roller type, but I understand now that it can matter how they get here. I was certain I would need a c-section to deliver my twin girls. It just seemed statistically certain to me. I was horribly afraid of having one vaginally and the other via c-section. Then my water broke and I ended up trying for a vaginal birth. One of my closest friends delivered the girls. This was also not in my plan since my husband and I eat dinner with him weekly. How does that work for my husband knowing that this… Read more »

Liz
Guest

There’s nothing wrong with feeling regretful about a birth experience, even if you have a healthy, beautiful baby at the end. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, or crazy, or that you’re trying to compete in the “mommy olympics.” It simply means that you have some conflicting feelings about a major, life-changing experience. How very human.

Julie
Guest
Julie

I’m expecting my first and am currently in that ‘know it all phase’ before i actually experience anything real so take my opinion for what its worth.  My problem with c-sections is that they are waaayyyyy over done and unnecessarily so.  The last 4 generations of women who preceeded may gave birth to a total of 12 babies between age 20 and 44 all healthy.  Today 4 of those pregnancies would have been done with a c-section.  What for?   Its not just about “the magic of the birth experience”.  Its about having the healthiest and easiest recovery for the… Read more »

Sarah
Guest
Sarah

All that matters is that mum and baby are healthy and happy following delivery. You should in no way let having a c-section for your second birth bother you. It is never possible to predict what would have happened if you had delivered naturally. Recovery from a natural birth is not always quick and easy. Whilst pregnant I was adamant that I wanted to avoid a c-section due to fear of the recovery period. I did deliver naturally, however baby was big and rotated to OP position whilst decending. The result was a serious tear which had to be repaired… Read more »