Alternative Ideas (Really!) for Your Repurposed Halloween Candy
Wasn’t Halloween fun? The costumes, the decorating, the parties, the cute, little pumpkins just waiting to be carved? But now it’s a few days after the spookiest time of the year, and all we’re left with is ripped Ghostbusters costumes and fifty thousand pieces of candy waiting to be eaten when the kids aren’t looking. But fear not, parents who don’t want their bodies filled with three pounds of sugar and shame, because there are other ways to use all of that tempting candy in your house! (Of course, you could donate it to soldiers or other worthy places, but this is a humor piece, so just play along here.)
Let’s just call this Alternative Ideas for Repurposed Halloween Candy:
1) MILK DUDS as EAR PLUGS
These milk chocolate, chewy caramel candies are the perfect size to pop into your mouth. And the perfect size to pop into your ears when you need a little silence. “What’s that, kids? Mommy can’t hear you right now.” Ahhh. (Note: Do not use Milk Duds as earplugs if temperature is over 80 degrees.)
2) DOTS as FANCY EAR PLUGS
Want peace and quiet, but still need to look fashion forward and professional? Skip the Milk Duds and find the DOTS that best match your outfit! Green, yellow, orange or red, your ears will be on trend and on a sugar high!
3) NERDS as FACIAL EXFOLIATOR
These candy-coated little pebbles are the perfect size and shape for an at-home facial! Simply match the flavor to your skin type–Combination/Strawberry, Oily T-Zone/Road Rash Raspberry, Dry Areas/Double Dipper Lemonade-Wild Cherry–then rub gently onto your face for a refreshing, rejuvenating beauty treatment. Bonus: your skin may turn a brand-new color!
4) TWIZZLERS as DRINK STIRRER/STRAW
To make this fun addition to any cocktail, bite both ends off of a Twizzler, then spit them out because everyone knows Red Vines are the superior licorice. Then simply place the Twizzler in your drink and voila! Classy times ten, baby.
5) FUN DIP as an ANT TRAP
Why pay for expensive, dangerous pesticides when you can let this Willie Wonka product do the extermination for you? Sprinkle the bag full of sugar anywhere ants like to congregate, like pantries and jungle paths, then once the insect crew appears, start madly whacking them with the Fun Dip sugar stick. Easy, sweet, and humane.
6) LAFFY TAFFY as CAULK
Make your DIY home improvement projects a little tastier by using Laffy Taffy as a fun alternative to caulk. Drafty window? Save yourself the trip to the hardware store and just line it with Cherry Laffy Taffy (or Carmel Apple brown, if it’s the formal dining room). And if any colonies of ants happen to show up once they smell the sugar? See above.
7) BABY RUTH as PRANKS GALORE
Ever seen the Caddy Day pool scene in “Caddyshack”? That.
8) M&Ms as SPINACH SALAD INGREDIENT
Jazz up a boring, healthy spinach salad with a few packs of colorful M&Ms! We all know that Craisins are gross, anyway, so why pretend any longer? Get rid of those things and instead, add in some plain or peanut M&Ms. And here’s the best part: if the salad gets on your hands, you know for a fact it’s not going to melt.
9) CANDY NECKLACES as HAIR SCRUNCHIES
Running off to the gym and can’t find a ponytail holder? Just wrap a candy necklace around your hair a few times and you’re all set! Plus if you get tired during your work-out, all you have to do it reach up and pull down a few pieces of energy to keep you going.
10) CHICLETS as SPARE TEETH
Ever had a tooth fall out on the weekend and can’t get into a dentist until Monday? Well, that’s exactly why Chiclets were invented. A dental hygienist told me that once. Choose a white piece that matches the rest of your teeth, or a colorful one for some flair, then stick it in your mouth to fill the hole! And nobody will be the wiser unless you start blowing bubbles.
So there you have it! With all of these great ideas, you now have absolutely no reason at all to eat the Halloween candy in your house. I mean, no reason at all besides the fact that it’s delicious and fun-sized and crunchy and chocolately and oh my goodness my kids just realized that I inhaled their entire Halloween candy stash and now they’re crying super loudly.
Anyone have a spare Milk Dud?