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Toddler Sleep Problems

Playing the Bedtime Stalling-Tactic Game

By Amalah

I have a 3 and a half year old son that does great during the day, but when it is bedtime we spend about 3 hours every single night in and out of his room to go potty. He wears diapers to bed and for naps. I know that partially he is using having to go potty as an excuse to stay up later and I am not sure what to do. Do I continue to take him to the potty every 5 minutes until he finally tires and gives up? Or do I ignore him and then change his diaper in the morning???

Using the toilet as a bedtime stalling tactic is probably one of the oldest toddler tricks in the book. (And beyond. My kindergartner still does it on occasion.) It’s also an attention-getting tactic. The most surefire way to get them to tire of it, in my experience anyway, is to remove yourself from the game.

Switch him to Pull-Ups or training pants for naps and nighttime. Make sure the bathroom he uses is thoroughly child-proofed (no accessible medicines, cleaning products, etc.). If he wants to get up and use the potty, he can. You do not need to accompany him each and every time. You are not playing this little call-and-response game anymore.

And luckily, once you stop playing, the game will rapidly cease to be as fun. I mean, he’ll probably still pop out of him room a couple times to “go” but without you coming to his aid and giving him extra rounds of attention over and over, this particular stalling tactic just won’t pack the same one-two punch it did before. (If he swaps it out with the other toddler classic of “I need a drink of water,” send him to bed with a spill-proof sippy cup or get him a stool and a cup in the bathroom and let him get water by himself. Independence!)

Even if you’re still actively potty training and feel compelled to accompany him on these post-bedtime trips in order to praise/reinforce things, I’d still stop it and push for more independent potty usage. ESPECIALLY when it’s such an obvious game he’s playing. He might not be ready to stay dry overnight while he’s sleeping, but he’s absolutely ready to handle a quick pee break on his own. This is why God invented overnight training pants. Make him use the potty right before you say goodnight, give him a clear and safe path out of his room and to the bathroom. (Obviously I’m assuming he’s out of a crib at this age/stage, but if not it’s DEFINITELY big-kid bed time once you’re at this point in potty training.) Put a nightlight in the bathroom too so he doesn’t need to turn on a light. If he continues to stall outside of his room after going to the bathroom, you may need to escort him back to bed, but do it without saying A WORD. Just a gentle guide back to bed. No extra goodnight kisses or potty praise or extra attention.

Usually, toddlers lose interest in these games pretty quickly once the bonus Mommy/Daddy attention piece gets taken away. Teach him to pee more or less independently whenever he says he has to go during the day (“Thanks for telling me you have to go! Great job. You know where the potty is, better get there quick!”)  and then make it clear you’re expecting the same at night. If you have to go, you go. Mommy/Daddy will be over here on the couch, because that’s just not my business anymore.

Amalah
About the Author

Amy Corbett Storch

Amalah

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Ama...

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it’s pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to amyadvice@gmail.com.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.

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Comments

  • Myriam

    My daughter was really small, and had trouble getting on the toilet by herself (we used a seat adaptor).If that’s the case with your son, you can actually put a potty chair in the bathroom, or even in his room. At 3 1/2, he might be old enough for a “coupon system”. Give him 3 coupons. He can exchange them for trips to the bathroom, water, extra cuddle, etc. But any unclaimed coupons can be exchanged in the morning toward stickers to put on a reward chart.

  • Myriam

    She sleeps through the night and stays dry? She calls for you to come to bring her to the potty if she needs to go and you’re ok with that? So, either way, don’t fix something that ain’t broken! 😉

    • Veronica

      So far, she’s slept through the night and stayed dry. I guess I’ll just keep this arrangement until there’s an issue. Thanks for the quick response!

  • IrishCream

    I think this is great advice. In case it helps: YMMV, but I found that my kids really couldn’t get Pull-Ups off and on by themselves, but Pampers Easy-Ups seemed fine.