Published 06.17.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (6)
By Cecily Kellog of Uppercase Woman
1. Make your partner do it.
If your schedule allows, alternate with your partner who gets up with the kid. That way at least half of the week you will have an opportunity to stretch, brush your teeth, and maybe sneak in a cup of coffee before you have to engage with your super chatty kid. Or if you’re like me, you stay in bed just a bit longer so by the time you face your child, said child has wound down a bit.
2. Stay in bed.
If your child is either in a crib or safe in his or her room, stay in bed until that first burst of chipper, happy observation of everything has passed. That way, the stuffed animals nearby will get the bulk of the morning monologue, and you can slowly wake up in the other room while listening to the happy murmur. Once the talking begins to slow down a bit, only then head on in to the kid’s room and get the day started.
3. Use Ear Plugs.
If you are like me and have a husband that snores loudly enough to wake the dead, you might also wear earplugs. When it’s my turn to get up with the kiddo, I often leave the earplugs in and just nod my head and smile while she lights into her litany of what animal slept with her and what color the walls are and why, yes, that IS Hello Kitty on her pajamas. Once we get downstairs, I take them out, and start in on the caffeine.
4. Quit caffeine.
If you aren’t addicted to caffeine, you wake up more alert and with your tush firmly attached to your body, not dragging behind you in your wake. Ha! Who am I kidding? What a silly idea.
5. Grin and bear it.
I wish I had better advice, but some days, you just have to tolerate it. Little kids brains grow at the astonishing rate of 250,000 cells a minute and part of that growth involves their language centers. When they wake up in the morning, they’ve usually had a lovely ten to twelve hours of sleep, and so naturally they feel quite well rested and happy and eager to share their joy with the world. Sadly, we adults count ourselves lucky to get six hours of sleep a night and, you know, we’re OLD, so our brains don’t have that same lovely flare of happy energy first thing in the morning. So, the only way to deal with it is just enjoy it while the coffee brews.
Published 06.10.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (6)
By Cecily Kellog of Uppercase Woman
Once you’re in a solid long-term marriage or relationship, there are going to be people who ask, “When are you going to start a family?” It’s unavoidable. If you publicly admit to trying to start your family, and then have trouble conceiving, it’s good to have a plan to cope with the questions you’ll get afterwards.
1. Just tell the truth.
It might seem easier to keep your struggle to start a family to yourself, but it can be an exhausting, emotionally draining time in your life and it’s really best to have the love and support of your friends and family while you go through it. You can limit those to whom you tell the truth, but it is absolutely critical that you have someone out there to whom you can turn on those dark days when the pregnancy test is negative yet again. Choose wisely, but be prepared: there is a lot of misinformation out there, and some questions you get might seem hostile.
2. Simplify the facts.
If people ask WHY you are having trouble (and you want to tell them), create a short, yet sweet answer that explains it quickly and doesn’t leave a lot of room for questions you don’t want to answer. If you want to make people stop asking about details, a great way to do that is to mention body parts that people don’t want to hear about, such as, “Well, my uterus is malformed” or “My semen contains a sperm-killing antibody” or “My cervical mucous is hostile.” See? They’re walking away now, aren’t they? Nothing kills off nosy people like talk of cervical mucous.
3. Be prepared for The Stupid, because The Stupid is coming.
You’re going to get a TON of stupid advice, ranging from “Just relax!” (which totally works when you have a diminished egg reserve or it turns out your husband has a zero sperm count) to “Quit trying so hard, it will happen in God’s time!” Have a plan for how to cope with this stupidity, other than smashing the question-asker in the head with a nearby object. You can either carry charts and graphs and overwhelm that person into silence with scientific information, or just practice smiling and saying, “What a great idea!” over and over to your mirror at home.
4. Prepare Your Adoption Argument.
People are going to ask, “Why don’t you just adopt?” This question is loaded: it intimates that you are being selfish to want your own biological progeny. Sometimes you can use financial arguments; it is, in fact, far less expensive to pursue infertility treatments than adoption, particularly domestic adoption. But, the best way to respond to this question is to avoid it with some vague response like, “That’s always an option.” Then there are also the folks that say, “My co-worker’s cousin adopted and got pregnant right away!” as if adopted children are the ultimate fertility drug. Just ignore these people. There’s no reasoning with them.
5. Make New Friends Who Understand.
The good news is you are not alone when struggling with infertility. There are thousands of us out here, all struggling along with you. Find them. Find them through your infertility clinic’s support groups, find them on the Internet on message boards and in blogs, but find them. The best person to help you through the darkest times of fertility struggles is another infertile person.
Related Article:_ Playgroups, Pregnancies & the Pain of Secondary Infertility
Published 05.29.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (0)
By Robin Sax
1. Teach young children your cell phone number to the tune of a song.
A 2-year old can sing 26 letters in a row, so she can probably master ten digits.
2. Make sure young children know the real anatomical names of their body parts.
Even if you use a nickname sometimes. The reason for this is that a child babbling in the backseat of a car that her best friend’s 14-year old brother put his cell phone up to her “nu-nu” might not get your attention. I can bet as soon as she says the word “vagina” your ears will prick up.
3. Instill in your child a sense that her body is her own.
They can say, “Don’t touch me there” or “I don’t like that.”
4. Make a plan for getting lost or separated.
Young children should be coached to look for another mommy to ask for help. (A mommy is a woman who has a child with her.) Older children should find a helping person such as a security guard or someone in a uniform, and big kids can navigate to a pre-discussed meeting place.
5. Ask your child to tell you if someone asks them to keep a secret.
Explain to older kids that responsible adults do not ask kids to keep secrets for them. Assure them that they will not get in trouble for telling another adult’s secret to Mom or Dad.
Robin Sax is a District Attorney who specializes in sex crimes against children. Her new book Predators and Child Molesters: What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Kids Safe
Published 05.27.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (6)
By Betsy Cadel of Gray Matter Matters
When parenting, although it may seem like rewards and bribes are identical twins there are ways to tell the difference, and it’s an important distinction.
1. Rewards are earned for good behavior, bribes are offered to avoid or stop bad behavior.
Regardless of the size of the incentive (from an ice cream cone to an iPod) if it’s offered to encourage behavior that you’d like to see as part of your child’s character, like studying hard, or being a good pet owner, those are rewards. If the same offer is made for not doing certain things, like not throwing a tantrum or not being rude to a grandparent then it is a bribe.
2. Rewards can be surprises, bribes are overt.
A surprise trip to the gift shop before you leave a museum for good behavior during a visit is a reward. An unplanned stop at the gift shop to put an end to moping or whining is a bribe.
3. How do you feel when making the offer?
If it’s desperation then it’s a bribe.
4. Rewards make your child proud, bribes make your child powerful.
Rewards are not negotiated. They are your decision. So when you say “If you keep your room clean then…” it’s a reward. If a child says “If I clean my room then I want…” it’s a bribe. What your child is doing is extorting compensation for something they should do in the first place.
5. Rewards are a good parenting tool, bribes are not.
Once you start down the path of bribing then it will be hard to break the cycle. Children very quickly will come to expect a “this for that” arrangement. You will forever be finding yourself at the bargaining table whereas even as adults we are motivated by rewards in the form of promotions, raises and the pride that comes with a job well done.
Published 05.20.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (2)
By Whitney Moss of Rookie Moms
1. Set the date
Invite your most stylish friends and acquaintances for a two-hour swapping party at your place. Let them know what they should bring (good stuff only!) “DO bring that cute dress that you bought for your cousin’s wedding that got cancelled. DO NOT bring your Connecticut College t-shirt collection.” Make sure daddy and any crawling/walking children agree to clear out during your soiree.
2. Pick, clean and fold your garments for the swap.
Set aside a good hour and purge your closet of stuff you don’t wear. Be brutal. If you’re feeling those pesky postpartum body issues, get a good friend to help. (Do your marriage the small favor of not asking your husband if your “butt looks big in this”!)
3. Prep your party space.
Have a full-length mirror handy. If you have room to “merchandise” your stuff, it is more fun for your guests to “shop”. Label the piles by category of clothing are so that guests can sort their offerings (pants 8 and under; pants 8 and over; sexy tops; work dresses…) Save a few blank labels available for the day of. A portable closet rod is a worthwhile investment for your party. It allows you to hang skirts and dresses so that you can all browse them like it’s your own personal second-hand store.
4. Invigorate your wardrobe on the cheap.
Tidy up your house, wear cute underwear, set out some snacks, and wait for everyone to bring you new clothes! We usually begin by browsing the piles casually and trying on the clear winners. After that, the claws come out: once you try on a cute spangly dress, it is fair game for someone else to have a go at it. Let your friends decide who really looks best in it.
5. Donate the rest.
There will be bags and bags of leftovers that no one wants. Get someone to help you load the car and then take the bags directly to a donation center. This is a good thing. We wouldn’t want to maintain the same collective level of closet clutter. Purge and be happy.
Published 04.22.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (1)
By Amanda of mandajuice and The Naked Ledger.
Does your family have "a plan?" How to make sure you are covered on the five financial family planning essentials.
1. A Budget
Everyone hates budgeting - I know I do - but no good financial plan is complete without a clear spending plan. By sticking to a budget, you make it a lot easier to achieve the rest of your goals.
2. A Retirement Plan
Is that company 401(k) plan enough? (hint: probably not!) Retirement is probably the most important part of any financial plan because if you don’t self-fund it? No one else is going to step in and do it for you. The best gift you can give your children is your own financial independence.
3. A Contingency Plan
Do you have life insurance? Health insurance? Disability? Do you have a will? A trust? Medical directives? Durable powers of attorney? A full-fledged estate plan? You might not need all of it, but it’s all worth thinking about. Consult a financial planner or an estate attorney if necessary.
4. An Education Plan
More important than an actual SAVINGS plan is a plan for exactly how much of your family’s resources you’re willing to put toward education. Don’t rob Peter to pay Paul! If there isn’t a higher-education education plan in place, you risk robbing the other facets of your financial health. Know ahead of time EXACTLY how much you plan to fund and stick to that plan.
5. A Fun Plan
It’s great to save for retirement and college and overall financial health, but it’s never going to be worth it if you don’t also pay yourself back with truly rewarding experiences. Make sure you fund a plan to make memories and fulfill life-long dreams. You want to backpack through China? Buy your grandpa’s old farmhouse? Restore a ’66 Mustang? Live in Argentina for a year? Put it in your plan! It may take you a while to get there, but having a FUN goal makes the rest of the work worthwhile.
Published 04.15.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (5)
By Amanda of mandajuice and The Naked Ledger.
Life insurance is no one’s favorite subject, but no family financial plan is complete without it.
1. Figure out how much you need.
Life insurance serves one single purpose: to replace the income of someone who dies OR to replace the value of the work done by an unemployed spouse (like a stay-at-home parent). There are excellent life insurance needs calculators all at the tip of your google-finger. I like the one here at Lifehappens.org, but definitely try more than one to be sure your results are accurate. As much as I hate having to even think about it or mention it, I never recommend life insurance be purchased on children. Unless your child is the next Tiger Woods, what income would you be replacing?
2. Figure out how much you already have.
Does your employer offer your family life insurance? If they do, most companies will give you either $50,000 or one year’s salary, but double check your employee handbook to be sure. Also remember that most people get sick before they die and if you aren’t an "employee", these policies are moot. Also add up any other policies you’ve purchased. While you’re at it, double-check the beneficiaries on your policies. The last thing you need is a surprise. (Like one client – the one with four kids under five years old – died and left his million dollar life insurance policy to his single, child-free EX-wife).
3. Buy term life insurance.
"Whole life insurance" is basically just a life insurance policy bundled with an investment product. The problem is that the bundling itself is ridiculously expensive and some of the highest, most obscene commissions and fees can be found in Whole Life policies. Not to mention that every policy is different, which makes it almost impossible to compare such products against one another. My advice is to buy your insurance AS INSURANCE (term life) and your investments AS INVESTMENTS (personally I like no-load index-based mutual funds). This means "term life insurance" is the only way to go. It’s cheaper, easier and you can buy it directly without having to pay a middle party.
4. Start shopping
Again, start googling and comparing prices at places like www.wholesaleinsurance.net and www.intelliquote.com . Request an application from the top-ranked company with the lowest price. (These sites will rank the companies for you.)
5. Be honest
Never lie on an insurance application, not even about your weight. First of all, they’re going to send a representative out to your house to take some blood, check your vitals and WEIGH you (they actually bring their own scale!), so almost any lie is going to be revealed in those tests and would be a waste of your time. And lying on an application can often nullify your policy and may even get you stuck in litigation, so beware.
Published 04.08.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (1)
By Amanda of mandajuice and The Naked Ledger.
Life with kids has never been cheap, but with health care costs on the rise, it's more expensive than ever. Until the system gets a much needed re-boot, here are five ways to save money and still keep your family healthy.
1. Study your plan
Remember that half-inch thick booklet that came with your insurance cards? Well it's time to get better acquainted with it. Pull out a highlighter pen and sit down with your plan benefit explanation and read it carefully until you understand it well. If you have questions (and you will), call the toll-free number on your insurance cards or make an appointment with the your employee-benefits office. Understanding your plan is the only way you can make informed decisions about your health care.
2. Pick your providers carefully
If you have a choice in providers (e.g., doctor), choose wisely. Sure, recommendations from friends are the best place to start, but you'll want to call the doctors' offices directly and specifically check that your preferred provider is also a preferred by your insurance. Sometimes there are different levels of coverage too, so just because someone "takes" your insurance doesn't always mean that you'll be fully covered. After you've checked with the provider, double-check again with your insurance company by calling to verify your coverage. Do this before you ever step foot in a medical office and you can save yourself hundreds.
Particularly with children, make sure your children's vaccinations and "well-visits" are covered by your insurance. If you're seeing a doctor "Out-Of-Network" double-check, as there are many of those visits and such scheduled the first few years.
3. Ask for an estimate
This might be TMI, but I was recently billed over $200 for a wart removal procedure I had assumed would be covered by my insurance. It wasn't and I've spent months fighting my insurance company about the bill. If I'd been smart enough to simply ask my doctor what the charge would be for the procedure before he did it, I would have saved his time, my money and several months of paperwork hell and bought myself a bottle of wart-be-gone for less than the price of a co-pay. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, but feel free to learn from my mistake and ask for an estimate for every procedure your doctor recommends.
4. Don't be afraid to choose an HMO
If you're offered a choice and you aren't too attached to being allowed to pick specific doctors, then you'd be wise to consider choosing an HMO. Not only are HMO's far easier to navigate, they're almost always cheaper, especially for things like surgery and childbirth. Even with excellent PPO (preferred provider option) coverage, each of my births ended up costing my family over $2,000 out-of-pocket. If we'd had HMO coverage instead, it would've been closer to $200. Some of the best doctors I've ever had were randomly assigned to me by an HMO, so don't let that part scare you off.
5. Question authority!
Never be afraid to ask questions - about your plan, your coverage, your doctor, your co-pay, your bill - but most importantly, don't be afraid to ask "Do I really need this?" Avoiding unnecessary appointments and procedures is your wallet's first line of defense. Before taking your sick child to the doctor, call the advice nurse and ask if it's necessary. Ask what the doctor would likely do or prescribe given your child's symptoms. I can't count how many times I've wasted a co-pay to take my mostly-healthy child to the doctor only to have him pick up a virus while we were there. Trust your instincts, but remember that calling the advice nurse is almost always free.
If you would like to see a specific topic covered or have a specific question for Amanda, please email her at amanda@mandajuice.com.
Published 04.05.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (2)
By Today's Moms contributor Eve Pearl (Today Show Make-up Artist)
I've talked to so many new moms who feel guilty that they're taking even five minutes to spend on themselves and not their babies. But to feel your best, it's important to give yourself at least five minutes to treat your body and your skin properly, whether you're raising one child or an army.
The goal is to maximize what products you use and how to apply them. Think multifunctional-- cosmetics that hydrate while protecting your skin from the sun; nutrient-packed lip products; colors that can be used on skin or eyes.
1. You must moisturize.
For daytime, use a moisturizer with an SPF of at least 25. This is by far your most important step of the day!
2. Since very few new moms get enough sleep, concealer is a must.
A concealing eye treatment allows you to hide under-eye circles while treating the area to a mini-makeover with vitamins, minerals, proteins, and antioxidants.
3. Brighten your eyes.
Do it instantly with a couple of swipes of mascara. Use a non-waterproof formula for easier removal.
4. Get the sun-kissed look with bronzers.
A little goes a long way. Apply to areas where the sun would naturally hit your skin-- the apples of your cheeks, around the edges of your forehead, a touch on the nose, and a touch on the chin.
5. Your lips also need hydration and attention.
Try glosses with nutrients inside to moisturize while adding shine, and maybe some delicious flavor, too.
Today's Moms: Essentials for Surviving Baby's First Year is authored by two Today Show producers, Mary Ann Zoellner & Alicia Ybarbo.
Published 04.01.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (0)
By Amanda of mandajuice and The Naked Ledger.
Photo by kozumel
It’s tax season yet again and if you’re anything like me, you’re still sitting on a big pile of paperwork that needs to be sorted through before you can get ‘er done. Here’s how to make the entire process less stressful.
1. Become friends with a Big Red File
Every January I stick a brand-new bright red file folder in the front of my file cabinet where it’s easy to see and quick to be found. Throughout the year, as I make tax-related purchases, contributions or donations, I stick the receipts in that folder. I do this all year long. (This is a perfect routine to start right now). When the following January arrives and I begin receiving our official tax documents, they go in there too. The key to your tax filing success is keeping everything together in ONE PLACE, so if necessary, get yourself a big red BOX. If you can see and find your box, you are half way there.
2. Deal with the logistics
I tend to think that preparing your taxes, whether you do it yourself or hire a professional, is something best done ALONE. It requires space to spread out, relative peace and quiet. Have your spouse get the kids out of the house or at least run interference, so you can concentrate. Pour yourself a glass of wine to chill your nerves if necessary.
3. Start adding it up
Sit down with your Big Red File, a calculator, a pad of paper and a pencil and simply start adding it up. I generally try to get at least a little organized first and separate out business receipts from personal ones. Then I make a stack for income, one for deductions and one for everything else and start listing the items on separate sheets of paper (one for income, one for deductions, etc). When I get to the bottom of the stack, I total my columns and try not to freak out.
4. Prepare the return yourself or better yet, outsource it to the pros
I always do my taxes myself, usually even by hand, but that’s because I LOVE filling out forms and have read enough tax returns to make the average person go blind. But unless your return is ridiculously simple (an EZ form, for example) (and lucky you!), I highly recommend using tax preparation software like TurboTax or TaxCut. However, even better than doing it yourself is hiring a tax return professional like a CPA or a registered agent to prepare it for you. The hundred bucks you spend having someone else do the dirty work is well worth it for the peace of mind it provides, not to mention the additional benefit of having a professional to hold your hand if the IRS takes any issue with your return.
5. Most importantly: adjust your withholdings
This may sound crazy, but come April 15th, nothing makes me angrier than a tax refund. NOTHING. A tax refund is really nothing more than an interest-free loan you’ve given to the government for a year, which is not much better than saving money under your mattress.
A much better strategy is to adjust your withholdings so that ONLY the money you actually OWE is removed from your paycheck. Talk to your employer and have them adjust your exemptions so that less tax comes out every month. (More exemptions = less tax removed from your income.) Then automatically divert the difference into a savings account and employ your best self-discipline to let that money grow until next April. The end result will be more cash in your pocket!
If you would like to see a specific topic covered or have a specific question for Amanda, please email her at amanda@mandajuice.com.
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