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The Second Baby War

The Second Baby War

By Amalah

Dear Amy,

My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years and have no intentions to actually tie the knot because things work for us like it is. We’ve talked about kids too. I would like to raise a basketball team and he was ambivalent. He wasn’t outright against having kids but wasn’t sure how many he wanted. RED FLAG? Our relationship was otherwise great.

Enter our 8 month old beautiful baby boy. He’s awesome. He was a surprise but aren’t they all surprises one way or the other? I went a month without the pill while I switched brands and used no secondary method. I wasn’t actively trying to get pregnant but I wasn’t preventing it either. He says I was trying to get pregnant and I outright deny it. It’s not like I was being irresponsible; we are twenty-something year old college graduates who work decent jobs for the economy sucking so badly and our life was great.

Pregnancy was a breeze. And my labor and delivery was AMAZING ( a hospital doula is worth her weight in gold and highly recommended especially when your partner needs room to breathe). Needless to say I came home from the hospital on a baby adrenaline high. I couldn’t wait to do it again. And the postpartum period went swimmingly for me. My partner on the other hand had some degree of PPD. He had a really difficult time bonding with the newborn and I allowed him to take a step back a lot of the time even though that meant more stress on me. RED FLAG? As the baby has gotten older he has come out of it and loves being a father and is all about our son. Our relationship is what it is. It did take a big hit after the baby in a good way and in the “I could ring your neck right now but I’m too tired so what do you want for dinner instead?” kind of way.

So after Christmas I introduced the idea of another baby. By introduced the idea I mean sort of demanded that we start trying for another. Immediately. That would put 18 months between the kids. PERFECT. Not so perfect. He declared he didn’t want to have any more children. Not as in right now, “any more” as in ever. Ok I should have not sprung it on him like that. It should have been a question more than command. It’s not like my plan is to be the next Michelle Duggar, I just want to raise a family. I don’t think it’s a no-go purely based on the financial aspect of it all, although I reduced my hours to 20 hours nights at the hospital so I could be home and not do the daycare thing which he didn’t dispute but feels the burden of being the breadwinner at times. You do what you have to do. And it’s not like he doesn’t want any more kids because he selfish and its all about him he said he just doesn’t want to and doesn’t want to have a conversation about it. Is this the demise of what seemed like a normal healthy relationship?

I feel as though I’m the one clearly in the wrong here. And stupid for wanting the fairytale ending and not the realistic one given the (possible) red flags. So how do I not dwell on my own selfish plans while respecting his decision? I don’t know if I’ll ever let go of wanting more children or if I wait and HOPE he changes his mind in a few months? Years? Decades?

Bring on the smackdown. I clearly need it.

Sincerely,

All for more babies

Aaaand behold! Another frequently-asked Smackdown topic that I NEVER address because it completely stumps the stuffing out of me.

Jason and I were not on the same page about children exactly once, and that was before we had any. He kind of wanted a baby, but not yet, not right then, while I was already in the throes of the NOW NOW NOW phase of baby fever. It was not a fun or easy time for our marriage, and in retrospect we probably should have gotten our disagreeing butts into couples’ therapy  — if only to have the (heated, emotional) conversations in front of a neutral third party.

Eventually, we muddled through it. I realized I needed to chill the hell out and stop pressuring him with thinly-veiled, bratty ultimatums. Jason realized he really DID want a baby, but was terrified of making the conscious choice to go ahead and have a baby (which is what we really had to do, given that I was almost completely annovulatory at the time and needed fertility assistance). We had Noah and the baby-number-two talk started barely six weeks later, and I’ve already shared that baby number three was also a joint decision.

So I can’t really speak to your specific situation, the “we have one child and I want more and he doesn’t” dilemma.

I CAN say that, as someone with a heapload of small children, even I’D be a little wigged out by an 18-month-on-purpose age difference. That’s two very young, demanding little babies, especially for someone who maybe discovered they aren’t actually a “baby person” and found the whole newborn phase to be upsetting and unpleasant. (And there’s nothing wrong or unusual with a parent NOT being a “baby person” and preferring the older ages. It happens to mothers, too!) It’s possible that as your son grows and reaches an age that your fiancé feels more naturally comfortable with and more confident in his parenting abilities, that he MIGHT decide that the newborn stage, while not his favorite, is worth dealing with in the short term because of the long-term payoff of a great, awesome child. Right now, babyhood is all he knows. Once he gets to really know his son as a person, he might change his mind.

BUT HE MIGHT NOT.

And there’s the rub. Is this really a complete dealbreaker for you — to the point where you can’t even fathom waiting him out and risking not ever having more babies and would rather break up the family you have now (and yes, one baby and a fiancé IS a family) in order to possibly maybe hopefully find a new partner more willing to give you the family you think you want? Is this something that will consume you whole and lead to feelings of resentment in the meantime?

If the answer is “yes” or even a strong “maybe,” I would definitely suggest couples’ counseling sooner rather than later. It sounds like he had a really not-great experience this time around and probably doesn’t feel especially good/proud/competent about any of it. I doubt he “stepped back” just because he’s a thoughtless jerk, right, given his current enthusiasm for fatherhood? It was probably just as stressful on him to realize he wasn’t “good” with his son as it was for you to take center stage on the babycare front. Why would either of you want to repeat that scenario, only with a young toddler thrown into the mix? Counseling could help him work through those feelings (and help you understand why he has them), and would be a much better place for the topic of a second baby to be brought up than in a “HEY GUESS WHAT YOU NEED TO GET ME PREGNANT AGAIN RIGHT NOW” and “UM NO I DON’T END OF DISCUSSION” format of futility.

(Not mention you guys PROBABLY need to work out the whole “you were TRYING to get pregnant!” accusation, because yikes. That’s a fundamental trust issue AND soap opera plot right there, and probably the biggest RED FLAG I see in your letter.)

Of course, you cannot go into couples’ counseling with the expectation that it will help you “win” anything. It won’t be your therapist’s job to convince your fiancé that you’re right and to change his mind about more children. Instead, try to go into it with the goal of repairing and strengthening the bonds of the family you have now, and recognizing the value in it, even in it’s small current form.

I don’t want to sound like I’m coming down hard in favor of either side here: I know it’s so difficult to not to dwell on dreams of pregnancy and babies and the crushing disappointment that it might not be in the cards! I do, believe me. And that’s not a path to a happy, healthy relationship, but one where you’re resentful and he’s pulling the silent treatment and refusing to budge and getting angry whenever you try to bring the topic up again. Your son needs happy parents more than he needs siblings, so try to give him that first and foremost. I hope everything works out…for all three of you.

Photo credit: Thinkstock

Amalah
About the Author

Amy Corbett Storch

Amalah

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Ama...

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it’s pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to [email protected].

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.

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Cheryl S.
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Cheryl S.

I’m with Amy. COUNSELING. First order of business. Were you TRYING to get pregnant. I notice you say “I” wasn’t trying to get pregnant, but “I” wasn’t preventing either. DId you TELL him that you would be off BCP for a month? If not, you didn’t give him the chance to choose to use a condom or pull and pray or whatever. So you BOTH need to deal with that one. Second, damanding someone get you pregnant is the surest way to stop that from happening. You both need to get a handle on what’s going on. Get counseling before… Read more »

christina
Guest
christina

Second the counseling. I’m sorry, but I see several red flags here — on BOTH of your behavior. Wow.

Tracy
Guest
Tracy

Agreeing with Christina. SO many red flags on both sides. You were “not trying” even though you were having sex and not using birth control? That’s a good example of “magical thinking” at best, and outright deception at worst. You say you weren’t being irresponsible, but if you’re not trying to have a baby, and you’re having sex without birth control, what else would you call it? So you already started on a bad foot. Nothing to be done, but to admit that he has a DAMN GOOD reason to suspect you were, in fact, trying to conceive. Second, 18… Read more »

Jenn
Guest
Jenn

Yup, I’m with Amy and the other commenters… you need to deal with this (HUGE) trust issue over getting pregnant with your son. It really sounds to me like you knew you were off BC and he didn’t. That’s really shady. Maybe if you work on your relationship more he’ll feel more like he has the secure and loving home he needs to bring another child into the situation. Maybe he just needs more time to recover from that not so fun newborn/very young baby phase. I personally didn’t really connect with my son as a person until around 10… Read more »

AW
Guest
AW

Wow is right, and I compltely agree with both previous commenters. There are so many red flags I don’t know where to start If you aren’t preventing pregnancy, then you are trying…end of story. It sounds like there is a severe lack of communication. I would never fathom entering a relationship with someone that wasn’t 100% on having children if I definitely wanted them. And I certainly wouldn’t try to get pregnant without the support of my husband. To “demand” getting pregnant sounds incredibly selfish to me and I think you need to consider your partner’s feelings here. Counseling is… Read more »

MR
Guest
MR

You both have so many communication issues going on here that clearly need to be resolved BEFORE even discussing having another child. Yes, the getting pregnant part sounds like he didn’t know you were off birth control and has trust issues around that. That is definitely something to resolve. But, you also don’t seem to be hearing him at all about how difficult of a time he has had postpartum. By your own admission, he had (has?) ppd, and your baby is only 8 months old but you want to have another. So, if his ppd is in the past,… Read more »

heather
Guest
heather

It sounds like there’s something bigger going on here than just disagreeing on the number of children.  The OP’s boyfriend a) has been with her for 7 years, but does not want to get married, b) did not want to have children, and c) does not like being the breadwinner now that they have a child.  That sounds like a man who is not fully committed to the concept of “raising a family” that the OP wants.  OP got pregnant in what sounds like a somewhat sketchy way (he thinks she did it on purpose without his approval).  The BF… Read more »

Eden
Guest

Ahh, you got the smack down you wanted! I understand what you are going through, as far as baby fever goes. It can consume you, and in your defense I think that hormonally, women get taken OVER by the baby bug and it can become all you think about. BUT, I have to second everyone’s comments. You think your busy now? You mentioned not having the time to talk about your feelings and just going right to “what do you want for dinner?!”. Can you IMAGINE the time crunch when you have an infant AND a toddler? It’s going to be even more condensed… Read more »

Olivia
Guest
Olivia

What everyone else said. I have such a hard time not rolling my eyes whenever the “We/I wasn’t trying, but I also wasn’t preventing it,” pregnancy comes up. If you aren’t using BC, and you don’t have any reason to think you are infertile, I call bullshit. Eighteen months apart is really close to have children, especially when that’s really all the time your boyfriend has had to even get used to the idea of being a father.  I have a friend who went off BC without telling her husband. She was approaching 40, and he was still in the… Read more »

Hannah
Guest
Hannah

Counseling. For both of you. Now. It may not resolve anything, it may not “fix” the relationship, but a good counselor, will, as other commenters noted, force you to LISTEN to each other. And, unfortunately, I think you have a lot more listening to do than he does. He’s mistrustful because you got pregnant to begin with, he’s had a horrible post-partum experience (probably tied to the fact that he didn’t want a baby in the first place) and now you’re pressuring him for a second. If you are truly serious about killing the relationship, by all means, go on… Read more »

Emily
Guest
Emily

As someone who does have children 18 months apart, I want to offer another side of the story. II have two boys–one who’s 25 months, and one who’s six months. I love my children very, very much. But this has been the absolute hardest thing I have ever done, and my husband and I are actually starting to see a marriage counsellor to help us deal. And that’s with BOTH of us being very much on the same page in terms of wanting a second, having been together 12 years, and having what I consider to be a strong, solid… Read more »

Susan
Guest
Susan

I had a similar experience as Emily – my boys are 21 months apart and DH and I went to counseling last summer when they were 2 1/2 yo and 9 months – the stress of two small children is SO intense (we’ve been married 9 years and generally have a solid, stable relationship too). Everybody says it and it’s so true – having 2 is not twice as hard, it’s 10x as hard, particularly when they are so close together. Now that they’re 16 months and 3 years it’s getting easier, but there are still days when I throw… Read more »

rkmama
Guest

Please. Get counseling and work on the trust issues and your husband’s PPD symptoms before making any big family decisions. The first year of parenthood is so INTENSE, whether it’s a dream or really rough- emotions and hormones run so high. Though my pregnancies were awful, my delivery of my daughter and the first year of her life was seriously amazing {don’t worry, I will pay for this later}. So amazing that by the time she reached two months I was ready to have 10 more babies regardless of the fact I was SURE one would be plenty before having… Read more »

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

OK, I have to weigh in here. I have a very similar situation. Our first child was unplanned, a birth control pill accident (although unlike the OP, I was on them, I just was really bad at remembering, and eventually it caught up to me.) My partner was pretty shocked and probably mad, but he did his best to reconcile himself to the fact that it was an accident, and I was really really sorry.  BUT: here’s the thing. It took him YEARS to stop feeling a bit like a sperm donor. I too wanted another child soon after the… Read more »

J
Guest
J

As a tangential question to what this woman is asking, (which…whoa…I do not even know where to start, so keeping my hands off it)  

What IS a reasonable, good distance between two children that will not drive my husband and I to couples’ therapy?  Does anyone know or willing to opine?

SarahB
Guest
SarahB

Going without birth control for a month when you do not want to be pregnant is in fact irresponsible.  If you did not tell your fiance ahead of time, it is doubly so.  He probably feels like you entrapped him, and, if you hadn’t given him a heads up about the gap in birth control, he is basically right.

That alone should send you two to couples counseling, let alone the rest.  

Best of luck.

Babs
Guest
Babs

What is missing is the realization that y’all are on the same team. He is looking at what he wants and you are guilty of the same. Counseling can help with that, but you gotta be willing to “lose” some stupid in order to gain that team ethic. Good luck.

Jimmy
Guest

I have to join the chorus of “Wows” from above, and add my agreement that there is obviously something deeper going on here that clearly stems from trust and communication issues between the OP and her partner.  I would really hope she and her partner address those issues and reach a mutual agreement about whether to have more kids before getting pregnant again.  Doing otherwise seems unfair to both the partner as well as the kids being dragged into this situation.   As a husband and now a father, finally deciding “yes, lets start trying” was a really difficult decision… Read more »

Kim
Guest
Kim

Whoa, OP, control much? Those Red Flags you’re tossing around are really more reflections on you and your determination to arrange things to your liking, BF be damned. The biggest clue of all is that PERFECT, because it clearly isn’t, not for the rest of your family. I suffered PPD with both my children, and basically gritted my teeth and held on for the first six months. I loved them, I was bonded, but I have an extreme reaction to sleep deprivation and I went into survival mode. With both of them, things started getting a little better at 15months,… Read more »

Rkmama
Guest
Rkmama

@J- it really comes down to individual preference (although I’ve yet to meet anyone who thought anything under 20 or so months was a perfect timeframe). The 27 month difference btwn my daughter and son was awful because my son was so difficult and it’s really hard to explain a screaming baby to a young two year old and on top of that, two year olds are fairly demanding of your time as well, making it hard to balance ( or juggle!) between the two. With this as my past experience I am all about a 3.5 to 4.5 year… Read more »

Erin
Guest

I agree with Amy on everything, and also… I say this with love, SLOW DOWN LADY. Your baby  is only 8 months old. In another 8 months you will realize how easy babies are in comparison to toddlers and you are probably still on a postpartum baby high. My kids are going to be 27 months apart and let me tell you, having a toddler and being pregnant is NO PICNIC… and I haven’t even gotten to the baby + toddler part. Yikes. Honestly if I were 20something I would have waited a bit. It sounds like you are having… Read more »

Ash
Guest
Ash

My partner is much happier as a parent now and our son has just hit 2. He can do more, and is a little person now, rather then a dependant newborn. Maybe wait a while and let your partner find his feet as a parent before demanding to get knocked up. It really does need to be a couples decision. You can’t just spring it on him and expect him to be onboard. Give him time to process your request, and maybe get used to the idea of another, but don’t rush him. 18m is a very small age gap… Read more »

Anon
Guest
Anon

So… our first baby was a surprise, getting pregnant after less than a year of dating. I also had a wonderful pregnancy and delivery. BUT, when our first was 8 months old we fell pregnant again. (The mini pill did not jive with me, or the baby’s constant nursing). We aborted. Say what you will, it was the only decision for us at the time. As well as things were going with our new little family, we both realized it was causing enormous strain on us, and a second baby then would have destroyed us. So we spent the next… Read more »

roo
Guest

When I was almost 35, I told my husband that I was going to stop taking birth control. He was still in the “We need to get our lives perfect first” mindset, while I was afraid I was going to run out of eggs before he ever got ready. So I went off birth control. But I told him. I even told him why– that I resented paying for and taking a medication that did things to my body I didn’t want. I told him, “If you want to avoid pregnancy, contraception is your responsibility now.” And we had unprotected… Read more »

EH
Guest
EH

Not to pile on, but this: “I reduced my hours to 20 hours nights at the hospital so I could be home and not do the daycare thing which he didn’t dispute but feels the burden of being the breadwinner at times” makes it sound like the LW just decided to drop hours and he “didn’t dispute” it, not that they decided together what would be a good arrangement for childcare. Just another piece of evidence that communication and joint decision-making are way off the rails in this relationship. You’ve got to start letting him have more a say in… Read more »

Jen
Guest
Jen

So…on a side note…we’re going to have ones 14 months apart. Shall I go ahead and book couples counseling?

Susan Y
Guest
Susan Y

Oh yikes. Okay, I thought I had fertility issues but then I got pregnant with my son. It was surprising but we were both happy and excited and prepared for the baby. Then newborn stage came and my husband had a difficult time with it (did I mention he was in grad school while working full time?). It was just so much more exhausting and difficult than he was expecting (me too but it was easier for me to roll with it). It took a while before we could broach the subject of having another one. Now that my son… Read more »

Jess
Guest
Jess

Wow, I really think people are being too harsh and judgmental without knowing all of the facts. At no point did she say that her fiance didn’t know she wasn’t on birth control for a month (maybe he did, maybe he didn’t…). I never went back on birth control after my son (who was a surprise birth control pill baby himself…) was born. My fiance was well aware of this, but we were both still surprised when I got pregnant a month after weaning my son. (Yes, I know, duh. Unprotected sex tends to equal babies.) We’re now thrilled and… Read more »

professormama
Guest
professormama

If he doesn’t want another child, you shouldn’t want another child with him. If he changes his mind, good for you, but he might not and you have to decide if that’s ok. You might change your mind too.  I got pregnant with my first by accident- in grad school, and my boyfriend and I had only been together a few months. We weren’t even living together.   He panicked, we went through the possibilities. I made a decision to have the baby and told him he could stay or not. We moved in together and I did all the… Read more »

Erika
Guest
Erika

My SIL (who is a SAHM) had her 2nd child 2 months after her 1st child turned 2. They didn’t know how long it would take to get pregnant again since round 1 was difficult, but weren’t expecting it so fast. All is well and baby #2 is here. When I ask her husband how it’s going now that he has 2 kids, he responded, “i don’t have 2 kids, i have 3 dependents.” It took my breath away to hear it and really brought home to me the very different approach that men have to children. He loves his… Read more »

Trish
Guest
Trish

@ Erika. As a working mom to a 27 and 3 month old who are cared for during the day by my husband, I’m not sure I get the “I have 3 dependents” thing. Maybe its because my job is secure and my salary is stable (if not likely to increase much anytime soon) and I actually worry more about pumping enough milk on a day to day basis.  But I can see where a guy who isn’t married to his child’s mother might not feel very secure about his role. I am the primary breadwinner and yet I don’t… Read more »

Anonymous this time
Guest
Anonymous this time

So, you have that second kid you want so much. Maybe it’s because there’s another birth control accident. Or maybe he actually agrees to it this time, because it’s easier to think short-term rather than long-term, and reluctant agreement seems like the only way to keep the relationship and family intact.This is what it’s going to feel like. When you get the positive pee stick, you’ll keep it to yourself for awhile. There’s not going to be much shared celebration, so might as well have a few days of private enjoyment. Pregnancy will be a long road of shared anger… Read more »

Greg
Guest
Greg

Dead on. As the husband who DID NOT want a second child, these are exactly my inner thoughts and my wife’s perception. I’ve never said, “I told you so” but she reads it on me regularly. I try to hide my feelings but she sees it clear as day. What do we do about it? She does more work with the kids. I do more work around the house that isn’t kids. My issue is financial and audio primarily. I do not like small kids and the noises that follow but as I told my wife, it will get easier… Read more »

BA
Guest
BA

In the Quebec guide for new families, they say that after a new child comes into a family it takes up to 2 years for a new equilibrium to be reached. I’ve found this to be true: when our child was born, we first went through a high where everything was exciting and peachy and great. We then eventually went through a tougher period where we were both frustrated by the new constraints that this child brought about and where there was much discussion about who was doing and sacrificing what and then eventually, when our son was about 18… Read more »

Jill
Guest
Jill

@Erika- Wow, your SIL’s husband sounds like a real gem (or maybe she is and he’s just being honest?).  I am a SAHM to 2, and I guarantee you if anyone asked my husband what it was like to have 2 kids, he would never in a million years respond that he “has 3 dependents.”  That’s just…wow.  Point being, I don’t think you should use that one take on things give you an idea of what men in general think of having 2 children.  Talk about needing marriage counseling….

Susan:)
Guest
Susan:)

I live with and care for my nieces who are 21 months apart. I felt it was too soon when the younger was born. The second baby was a LOT more difficult in terms of sleeping and had spit up and screaming issues that the older one did not have. Plus, the older one was very needy at 21 mos. The first six months were extremely difficult and then it improved slightly. It improved again when the baby hit one year but it was still way more work and tiredness with two kids than with one. Since the younger one… Read more »

VG
Guest
VG

In response to the whole wasn’t trying to get pregnant, but wasn’t preventing it either situation. There are OTHER things you can do to get your jollies, if you know what I mean… My hubby & I want to have more children (one more or 3 has been thrown around), but we live in a 2 bdrm townhouse with NO MORE ROOM for another living being. Until we find a bigger home. So, I am on BC but we also will do “Other things” for intimacy than straight out intercourse. Sometimes you need to think outside the box.. Sorry if… Read more »

Florrie
Guest
Florrie

Wow, I’m sorry to see all the harsh comments. As someone who has been in a very similar situation, I can totally relate to what you’re feeling and the decisions you’ve made. I too badly wanted a second baby and my husband didn’t. For a long time I thought that I was just going to have to accept that we weren’t having any more kids, but then about a year ago I just started to feel, more strongly than ever, that I wanted another child. And the short of it is: I’m now pregnant with #2. But … my daughter… Read more »

Lisa
Guest
Lisa

@Jen–My older two are 364 days apart and no counseling required! The important thing was that it was what we BOTH wanted and that, for the most part, we are in sync as far as all the child-raising decisions, even the little ones. We even had our third when the second was 19 months. I know that’s INSANE to a lot of people, but we were already in our 30’s and wanted three and we’re very happy with how it all has gone for us! Every family is different!

Stevie
Guest

Ok, so agreed with the aboves about counseling. And just wanted to throw in my 2 cents; my kids are 10 months apart. Yes, 10 months. Don’t freakin’ do it. Even 18 months is not. long. enough.

A
Guest
A

I think the main reason that the commenters are so harsh is because the OP doesn’t see the (very obvious) problems. I read the post to my husband and he was horrified at the OP’s behavior. So since the smackdown portion of the Advice Smackdown is taken care of I’ll skip to the advice: 1. Honey, after 7 years you aren’t getting married. He didn’t want to have the first baby (although I think it’s great that he’s so happy to have him now). He feels tricked into the first baby and DEFINITELY does not want another one. These are… Read more »

Jennifer
Guest
Jennifer

I wanted a second, but my husband did not.  I can 100% guarantee that if I had approached the issue with the ultimatum “All for more babies” used, I would have never had a second child (barring an accident).  Instead of ultimatums and time lines, might I suggest calmly broaching the subject and giving your reasons, and then asking your partner to simply think about it.  Insist that he NOT give an immediate answer, but that he think about it.  Then you must wait.  Patiently.  I cannot guarantee that it will work, but I can say it worked for me.… Read more »

Tracy
Guest
Tracy

“He was a surprise but aren’t they all surprises one way or the other?”
What does this even mean?

Mary
Guest
Mary

So I’m not really going to touch most of the topics here…..I just wanted to say this one thing :

It seems odd to me that anyone would want to have to CONVINCE someone to have a child with them. Whether it’s your first or fifth. My fiance and I BOTH wanted the little girl we are expecting in June. No convincing necessary.

Ashley
Guest
Ashley

Really Mary? No one WANTS to have to convince anyone of anything, they WANT the other person to just agree with them and WANT what they WANT so there are no obstacles to thier wants. I’m in the position of being married to someone who says they never want children and the more awkward position of probably falling for them for that reason. I’m in my late 20’s so I have time but not if he never comes around. I’m planing to drag him to counseling soon, just for the 3rd person perspective. It makes it more complicated when I… Read more »

Michelle
Guest
Michelle

No, she put the birth control responsbility on her husband. What is so hard about him going to the store and buying a box of condoms if its important to him that she not get pregnant? He didn’t do that, so obviously he wasn’t so concerned about if she would get pregnant or not. She didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I just told my husband the same thing last night. I said I’m exercising my choice on the birth control matter (both people in a relationship get a choice) and I’m choosing to no longer take it. I told him… Read more »