Wonder Woman is Slaying at the Box Office And Here’s 30 Reasons Not To See It (But Go Anyway)

Yesterday I went and saw Wonder Woman with my older teens, and I need to preface this with the clarification that I am Team Marvel through and through; I have never liked a DC Comics movie. So, despite the hype, I was ready to be disappointed. Surely it couldn’t be everything people were saying, right? Maybe it was less than entirely terrible, and so people have just been sort of, you know, celebrating that.

Well, We loved it. Loved it. This is truly one of those films that has it all. That said, if you’re hesitating about see Wonder Woman, or wondering if it’s appropriate for your kids, or if boys will actually enjoy it, I compiled this handy list for you, because I’m a giver. You should definitely run right out and see this movie with your kids, unless:

1. You think female superheroes are dumb.
2. You think female superheroes should not only be aware of their drop-dead gorgeousness, they should wield their sexuality like a weapon.
3. You think superheroes should always know that they are superheroes.
4. You only like superhero movies with tidy, happy endings where everything is fine and resolved (or leaves just enough unresolved for a sequel).
5. You hate mythology and any story predicated on “ancient” stories coexisting as truth even in the modern world.
6. You can suspend your disbelief to make room for a female superhero, but really need every man in the film to be endlessly skeptical and spend its entirety trying to protect her and/or talk her out of whatever she’s attempting because, obviously.
7. You can suspend your disbelief to make room for a female superhero, but really need every man in the film to be more interested in trying to get into her pants than helping to save the world because, she’s hot and that’s what men do.
8. You need there to be a clear romantic subplot wherein any tension is the result of the man working to convince the woman she needs him, and then you need said storyline to have a happy ending because girls need to know that having a boyfriend is more important than saving the world (or that it’s okay to save the world as long as you also have a boyfriend).
9. You’re the sort of person who likes to ignore a movie’s rating and then complain about how it was (rated) inappropriate for your small child(ren). [Pro tip: Wonder Woman is rated PG-13. Personally, I’d be okay with viewers 10+ or so, but the rating is there for a reason, so yeah, I’m not going to recommend you take your 5-year-old to see a film with a lot of graphic violence.]
10. You despise movies with extensive fight scenes, even when they are breathtaking in their composition, and more like complex choreography than carnage.
11. You think your male child(ren) will find it confusing or unrealistic or boring or icky or unrelatable for a woman to be the main hero.
12. You think your female child(ren) will find it confusing or unrealistic or boring or icky or unrelatable for a woman to be the main hero.
13. You don’t want your impressionable offspring to see a world where men are unnecessary.
14. You don’t want your impressionable offspring to see a woman raised in a world where men are unnecessary come to appreciate and trust (some) men, anyway.
15. You don’t want your impressionable offspring to see a female super-villain.
16. You don’t want your impressionable offspring to see a female super-villain who is also a genius scientist.
17. You don’t want your impressionable offspring to see a female super-villain who maybe, possibly, has her own tragic backstory.
18. You don’t want your impressionable offspring to see a female super-villain shown even a moment of compassion.
19. You don’t want your impressionable offspring to see that sometimes a “happy” ending is complicated and not altogether joyful, as it turns out.
20. You don’t want your impressionable offspring to see human beings as flawed and messy and possibly undeserving.
21. You don’t want your younger children to see something really different from every other superhero movie they’ve seen so far.
22. You don’t want your older teens to actually want to hang out with you and share the experience of a superhero movie you all love.
23. You don’t want a female superhero who is both powerful beyond measure and bad-ass but who also wields traditional female-leaning attributes (such as compassion) as positives rather than weakness.
24. You don’t want to tear up/cry (multiple times) during a superhero film.
25. You don’t want your kid(s) to see you tear up/cry (multiple times) during a superhero film.
26. You don’t want your kid(s) to tear up/cry (multiple times) during a superhero film.
27. You don’t like a movie to run over 120 minutes, even if you’re transfixed the entire time and the credits leave you blinking and wondering how it’s already been, like, two and a half hours.
28. You don’t want your impressionable offspring confused by a movie called Wonder Woman which features a… wonder of a woman… who never actually says, “Oh hey, call me Wonder Woman.”
29. Your allegiance to Lynda Carter and her invisible jet forbids you to witness and fall in love with a reboot.
30. You’re more of a Captain Underpants kind of person.

I hope this helps you decide whether Wonder Woman is right for you and your children.

You’re welcome!

Photo source: Wonder Woman movie site