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One, Two, Three, More?

Mar02

by

bounceback_dolls.jpg
Photo by dollop

Speaking of second babies…

When Noah was five or six weeks old, my husband opened his mouth and spoke the most insane sentence in the history of the human race: I think we should have another baby.

WHAT. WHAT? Are you kidding me? We just HAD a baby. Do you remember that? Are you so sleep-deprived that you’re having time-traveling hallucinations? You know, AGAIN?

No, I didn’t say any of that. Instead, I said something equally as insane: Yeah, I think so too.

Of course, this didn’t translate into actual trying for another baby right away, but still. I was shocked that we felt so sure, so quickly. We’d always planned on having one baby, singular. I spent the majority of my pregnancy insisting that this was a one-time deal, that I was not going through this again. And then BOOM, he arrived and our world turned inside out and upside down and we were like little kids staggering away from the end of a wild roller coaster, barely waiting for the dizziness to die down before screaming AGAIN! AGAIN! and running back in line.

Since Ezra’s birth, a lot of our one-kid friends have asked us how we decided to have a second baby. The answer is really no different than how we decided to have the first baby: Our family was not complete without him.

(And this has NOTHING to do with any attitude about only children. We planned on an only child. There are many, many good things about being an only child. There are many, many good things about having a sibling. Or having multiple siblings. Or families deciding what’s best for them and their child/ren and everybody else shutting the hell up about it.)

This time, we’re admittedly a bit more conflicted. Three kids? THREE? That sounds exhausting. And expensive. Most days, I think I would be more than fine with keeping our family as-is, and there are many smart, practical reasons that would make that a smart, practical decision.

Some days, though. I’m not sure I’m ready to say never again. The best I can say right is: Not yet.

What about you? Did you have a preordained family size all mapped out? Did you ultimately stick with that family size? Or did you have to adjust your plans (say for, infertility or multiples or something else outside of your control)? Are you done? Not done? Not even ready to start thinking about the question, crazy columnist lady, oh my God?

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About the author

Amalah

http://www.amalah.com
Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to amyadvice@gmail.com.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.


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60 Responses to “One, Two, Three, More?”

  1. Kate Mar 02 at 10:14 am Reply Reply

    We’ve always planned on having three or four kids. My husband is the first of three and after we got married started saying that he might like to go for five. I’m in the middle of 5 and think it is definitely too many. I have three much older half siblings (they were 9, 12, and 15 when I was born) and one sister who is two years younger. In two “batches” 5 was fine but I can’t imagine doing it with kids any closer together.
    My current plan is to stop at three if they are all boys (can you imagine trying to feed four teenage boys? :shudder: ) or if we’re just completely exhausted/overwhelmed. We only have one at the moment though and that could completely change once we actually have two (we’re going to start trying in a year so they’re hopefully 2.5-3 years apart).

  2. jive turkey Mar 02 at 10:20 am Reply Reply

    I never thought I wanted ONE baby, let alone multiple babies, but immediately after the birth of my daughter (I’m talking MERE HOURS after her birth), I was all “OH YES WE ARE DOING THIS AGAIN WOOOOO!”
    I later learned that many women experience this as a result of the adrenalin released into your system during childbirth. Oops.
    Now that the kid is almost one, we’re still really undecided about more. I am perfectly happy with our family the way it is, but then I get all nostalgic about her teeny tiny baby days and find myself feeling slightly jealous of my pregnant girlfriends and…oh, man.
    So what I want to know is this: Do those feelings mean I want another? Or is it just plain old nostalgia for a really special time in my life? HOW WILL I KNOW, Whitney Houston?!

  3. Dorie Mar 02 at 10:21 am Reply Reply

    I’m 17 weeks pregnant with our third child. Whether or not to have a third child was a HUGE decision for us. There were plenty of reasons not to have another (finances, kids are exhausting, etc.) but in the end we decided that none of those reasons mattered. What mattered most to us was that we didn’t feel done and we didn’t feel that our family was complete.

  4. HereWeGoAJen Mar 02 at 10:37 am Reply Reply

    My husband wants two but will settle for three. I want four but will settle for three. So we’ll probably end up with three.
    HOWEVER, we’ve been birth control free since January of 2007 and we’ve only got the one baby. After she was harder than expected to conceive, we decided to not use hormonal birth control again. We aren’t quite ready for another one yet, so we are using a lazy version of the Fertility Awareness Method. (I say lazy because we are being lazy about it, not because it is a lazy method.) We aren’t totally ready for another one yet, but we are also totally willing to accept one that might come along, however unlikely that seems with our track record even when we were trying. Wait, did I make any sense?

  5. Kim Mar 02 at 10:55 am Reply Reply

    I always wanted two kids. Not one, not three, two. I needed help getting my first daughter, and now that my second little miracle is here, I am done. We are complete. Now I just need DH to sign up for the snip to make sure.

  6. Anonymous Mar 02 at 11:07 am Reply Reply

    I recently had my 3rd c section and just…couldn’t….get….my tubes tied. My husband really wanted me to. I don’t know, i keep waiting to feel complete as a family. That being said, 3 is exhausting (boys 4, 2, newborn)and sure to be expensive, but also wonderful. The odd part I don’t know if we want 4 because quite frankly I’m scared I might have a girl.

  7. LauraL Mar 02 at 11:17 am Reply Reply

    We initially said two, and two is what we’ve stuck with. Partly because of age, partly because the second pregnancy was ghastly (vomiting for 30 weeks anyone?), and mainly because of finances. Husband is a public-school teacher and I’m in one of the few professions that pays less than teaching. Plus, our second child has Down syndrome and although we’ve been VERY fortunate not to have major health issues thus far (such as open heart surgery), we definitely need to do more financial planning for his future.
    Also, it just feels like we’re done. Complete. A set. … Except for those rare moments of insanity when I get my hands on a little baby and think, “maaaaaybeee…”

  8. Natalie Mar 02 at 11:17 am Reply Reply

    We planned for two. Then we had my daughter and I said “Are you freaking kidding???” because the recovery was… So. Awful. And the breastfeeding was… So. Awful. Now, about 8 months in, I’m ready for two… and three sounds pretty darn awesome.

  9. Isabel Mar 02 at 11:47 am Reply Reply

    My husband always said we’d only have two (MAYBE!) kids, but I’ve wanted three since I was a little girl. I’m pretty sure that we won’t have three kids, but I’m still not going to get my tubes tied, or anything, after the second one is born.
    (I keep hoping my husband doesn’t bring up the whole “you should get your tubes tied after we have the second baby” conversation. I’m not ready for that yet.)

  10. Michelle Mar 02 at 11:55 am Reply Reply

    Yep, this sounds oddly familiar. Well kind of…see I married my husband and he came as a package deal with my then 5yr old stepson (we have primary custody). We knew we wanted to have a baby…A BABY as in just one. I admit that in my mind, I envisioned having a girl so I’d have my little mini-me and we’d have one of each and be done with it. And then…I had my son (who didn’t turn out to be a girl but is mostly definitely my mini-me in a lot of ways. Oy!). And he was such an easy baby that I wanted another one but…..we were both sort of scared. It has been a rough pregnancy at the end; bedrest, failed induction at 36.5 weeks due to overly mature placenta plus borderline preeclampsia and then a not-quite emergency but definitely not planned for c-section. We were done…yeah, it definitely wouldn’t be a good idea to try for another one.
    But my husband seemed especially reluctant to close the door and kept putting off calling about the vasectomy because he didn’t want to make any permanent moves just yet. Ok fine….I really wanted another baby but didn’t know if it was a good idea, practical, etc. And then my stepson got really really sick (he had a liver transplant as a toddler for a rare metabolic condition) and spent 6 weeks in the hospital when our younger son was just a year old. And OMG….it was hard juggling a sick kid and needy toddler and I just thought there is absolutely no way that we can manage another child so I should just get that out of my head. But then my stepson got better and life moved on.
    The lingering thoughts of another one still popped up from time to time. My husband was hesitant and worried about money and being too old (he was 38 at the time). Then one day, we were at the park with the boys and he said, I think we should try to have another one. Now I was 35 at this point and we decided to sort of let fate decide (I’m sorry if this sounds crazy/arrogant to those that struggled) and agreed that we would only try for 4 months. If I got pregnant then it was meant to be and if not, well we had a great little family.
    So you can see where this is going right? I got pregnant about 3 months later. My husband was not so secretly hoping for a girl but I didn’t care one way or the other. We had another boy. A beautiful healthy boy who totally completed our little family. And I knew in my heart that my family was complete so I had absolutely no problems deciding to have my tubes tied when I delivered via c-section. WE.ARE.DONE.
    I turn 37 next week and got everything I ever wanted and didn’t know it. The wonderful husband, the beautiful kids, the dog and the house in the suburbs. :-) I see our 3 boys and how much they all adore one another and I know that while having 3 kids is a challenge some days (logistical, financial and emotional) this was absolutely the right decision for our family. And we are now complete.

  11. Jessica V Mar 02 at 12:21 pm Reply Reply

    My husband and I knew we wanted at least 2, maybe 3 (ok, heavily leaning toward 3), but after a year of multiple miscarriages before getting pregnant with my second, plus a pregnancy that was really tough on me physically, I was done at 2. We made the decision together. It had taken a lot longer than we expected to get to #2, we were in our late 30s at that point, financially 2 (boys!) was plenty, so I had my tubes tied during my c-section. Sometimes I have regrets – knowing that we are really and truly done, although we are fine! just fine, really! There are times when I get sad as my youngest becomes less and less of a baby, but I know in my heart that we are a complete family and it helps me stop and cherish each stage with my little guys.

  12. Cheryl Mar 02 at 12:45 pm Reply Reply

    Yeah…I’m preggo with my second, and my son is 13 months old. Obviously, we decided we wanted more. My husband brought his then 8 year old daughter into our marriage (we, too, have primary custody), but he always wanted more kids. As in, undefined, no real set #, just MORE. His ex was absolutely done with the one. (She’d had two in a previous marriage.) I was 34 when I delivered our son. We decided to wait about a year to a year and a half to try again. Then, when my son was about 8 or 9 months old, we decided that neither of us were getting any younger (my husband is now 40), kids were exhausting, and we couldn’t imagine getting this one out of that stage and starting completely over again. So, pop goes the weasel, and we’re due for his 3rd/my 2nd in July. And, we’re having another boy. We wanted a girl. So, yup – depending on how this one goes, we may try again when this one is about a year old. MAY. For a girl. If it’s another boy, I will laugh loudly at our expense, and have ye olde tubes tied forthwith.

  13. Cheryl S. Mar 02 at 12:58 pm Reply Reply

    I always wanted 2 kids. Always. So did my husband. BUT, we’ve pretty much decided to stop with one, for lots of reasons. I am nearly 40 and my hubby is nearly 50. When you think about raising a teenager at 70 it gives one some pause. Plus, I have to work. No getting around it. And I honestly feel like I could not be the kind of mom I want to be to more than one.
    That being said, if we won the lotto tomorrow, I’d be pregnant as fast as I could manage! :)

  14. eva Mar 02 at 1:09 pm Reply Reply

    I am pregnant with #2 right now, and because the crazy sleep deprivation and stress of a newborn hasn’t hit yet, I am already trying to convince my husband to agree to a third! I grew up with one sibling, a younger sister, and no extended family anywhere near where we lived, and just always wished for a bigger family. Expenses be damned! I love the thought of three kids tearing around, being a little pack. Maybe I am romanticizing it because that wasn’t how I grew up. My husband is the youngest of five (!) and loved being in a big family.
    That said, when we first got together, Brad was quite certain he didn’t really need to have kids at all, so having two means he has come a long way…

  15. Suzanne Mar 02 at 1:14 pm Reply Reply

    Oh I am so not done. We were really lucky to have no trouble getting pregnant, an easy(ish) pregnancy, and a labor so sinfully easy I said “Oh let’s do this again!” while they were WEIGHING the baby. That had just come out of my vagina. Epidurals are better than crack.
    Now my son is 11 months old and I’m having a fantasy of announcing my pregnancy at his first birthday party. Definitely no later than this summer. My only problem is my body isn’t really on the same page and I haven’t had a real, regular period since June 2008. Hard to get knocked up when you’re not ovulating.
    As far as how many more kids we’ll have, I think it depends on how long it takes to get a girl. Four boys is my limit before I give up, but if the next one’s a girl we might be done. Maybe.

  16. Olivia Mar 02 at 1:26 pm Reply Reply

    I always pictured myself with 2 children. There are two in my family and many of my friends are from 2 children homes. Before we got married my husband asked me how many kids I wanted and when I said 2 he said, “Good, that’s what I want.” He is from a family of 8 children and feels that was too much.
    We have our first and are talking about when to go for the second.

  17. paranoid Mar 02 at 1:26 pm Reply Reply

    DH and I always said we wanted two kids, with an option for a third for gender variety. We have two girls now, and the choice whether to have another has been made for us — I can’t conceive naturally anymore (DD2 was the result of IVF).
    Honestly, I expected it to hurt more that we can’t have a third. But two feels just right. Our family is complete. Which is not to say that I wouldn’t thrilled if by some miracle I managed to get pregnant again. I just don’t feel any sense of loss at the idea of being done.

  18. G Mar 02 at 1:30 pm Reply Reply

    When we got married, husband and I said three- maybe even four- depending the job situation at that point…but then we had our daughter and the first 6 months were really tough on me/us. Pure hell, actually. As much as I loved having her, post-partum depression hit me really hard and we were barely able to manage as a couple, much less able to consider having one more.
    I am happy to say now that I’m getting help and things have evened out quite a bit (she’s 9 months old). In fact, just last week husband and I looked at each other and both said that maybe we could handle one or two more…

  19. Ally Mar 02 at 1:40 pm Reply Reply

    From the beginning we said 4. We have two right now, and that is still the plan. I think I would actually want more than that, but I have to have all c-sections and having more than 4 may not be wise.

  20. Lynnette Mar 02 at 2:07 pm Reply Reply

    I would love to have three. Baby Girl is six months, and honestly is such a dreamboat of a baby that she makes it easy to think that way. That said, my fecundity is not optimal, and it took 14 months and surgery for severe endometriosis to get her. Also, we live in Los Angeles and even with a good career, resources are not limitless in such an expensive city, where we have to live for my husband’s tv/film cameraman career.
    Still. 3 would be great. Honestly, if they were all like her, 10 would be great.

  21. Rambly McRamblyson Mar 02 at 2:15 pm Reply Reply

    This is so interesting as lately I’ve been caught up in a huge internal debate on this exact subject, so have loved reading all the comments too. I always wanted a big family of three or even four kids, but after a traumatic beginning and a colicky baby who never slept, I really wasn’t sure I could do it again. It was just so… hard. So much harder than I expected. And financially we are just sort of making it right now. But now my daughter is 18 months old and she is so incredible and those awful few months in the beginning are an old, hazy memory. Now I want MO SQUISHY YUMMY BAYBEEEZ.
    Ok, so I definitely want another. But when? The debate I’m having is over the *perfect* time to do it. My husband and I are young-ish and part of me thinks maybe a four year gap would be really great since we are fortunate to have the time to wait. Four year olds seem more capable of handling things like newborn siblings than three or two year olds and are also more independent. My friends with siblings four years apart are still really close and my daughter will be in school, etc.
    But then, that feels like a long time to wait. And it is a long time to put off having a career. Did I mention I’m starting to crave babies? Seriously crave. As in stalking my friends’ new baby photos on facebook and letting out squeals of adoration at their adorableness. And even thinking pregnancy looks fun again (I know, I’ve lost it).
    I don’t know. Is there a perfect age gap? I suppose everyone would say something different. It’s so hard to decide. And don’t even get me started on the option of three…

  22. Brooke Mar 02 at 2:15 pm Reply Reply

    2. Always two.
    My husband is an only child and has all of the stereotypes that only children have. I am a middle child and have all of the stereotypes that middle children have.
    Therefore, no only child. No middle children.
    Two.

  23. Amy B Mar 02 at 2:22 pm Reply Reply

    I have all kinds of strong opinions (and ambivalences) about this very subject, and to be perfectly honest I have to be careful not to allow those feelings to translate into judging other people.
    I know I want at least two kids because I feel that the experience of having a sibling is important. Maybe not necessary – I know well-adjusted adults who were only children. But most of them say they want their kids to have siblings. So…yeah, at least two.
    My husband and I are both open to the 4-6 range. Which is huge by today’s standards. We get really touchy at people who get judgmental about big families. My husband is the 10th of a family of 11 kids. So saying that no one should have a family that big is basically saying he shouldn’t exist. Not cool. And they are a freaking amazing family that I am lucky to be a part of.
    So yeah, we have a bias towards big families. But we are only just now pregnant with #1, so I keep saying that I want to know what it is like to have one before saying for sure how many I want. There are so many factors, it may not even matter what I want. But hopefully at least two, and then we’ll go from there…

  24. Amber Mar 02 at 2:52 pm Reply Reply

    I always not-so-secretly wanted 2 kids. Seemed like a good number to me! My husband was always sure he only wanted one. Since I wasn’t ready for another baby yet, I saw no point arguing with him about it. Then I very unexpectedly got pregnant with #2. And my sweet husband handled the news MUCH better than I did. I freaked out, felt guilty about depriving our first-born from being the center of our worlds, and just nearly had a nervous breakdown! WTF!? Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones. Once the news sank in, I got really excited about having another baby, but once this baby arrives in August we are D O N E!

  25. Jen P Mar 02 at 3:05 pm Reply Reply

    Hubby only wanted 2 when we first got married, and I wanted 4. We have compromised and I am currently pregnant with #3. I hope I feel “closure” after this one, because I am tired with 2 already! :)

  26. Bekki Mar 02 at 3:09 pm Reply Reply

    We had always said we only wanted two…and then ended up with twins! For the whole pregnancy and the first 8 months of their lives, I was pretty sure I was done. But now? Well, I really want one more, but making that jump from 2 to 3 seems huge. My husband is not totally on board, and I promised to put of discussion about it until the twins were 2.

  27. Marnie Mar 02 at 3:37 pm Reply Reply

    We went into it not sure if we wanted any kids at all, but open to the idea. At some point, I realized that we were working, having fun, doing things, but then I felt like something was just missing. We got pregnant, had a little girl, and . . we decided we were done. Everything felt complete. As my husband said, “NOW we’re a family.” and that was all we needed. In fact, the thought of getting pregnant now sends me screaming to the bathroom to make sure I took my birth control.

  28. dcmama Mar 02 at 3:39 pm Reply Reply

    Oh, this could not have come at a better time! I have a wonderful 13 month old, and always thought I wanted at least 2 kids. I really like the idea of my kid having a sibling, a partner in crime, a support system. (I know it doesn’t always turn out that great between siblings, but there’s a good chance!!) Had a wonderful pregnancy, good birth experience, and really traumatic first month and a half, with the kid in the hospital and nursing just Not Working At All to boot. That hard experience has thrown me into turmoil. Could I handle it if it didn’t work out the way I hoped, again? I love my daughter, but now see other PG ladies and want that, too!
    How do I know that I’m not just missing being pregnant and hoping for a less awful first few months with a baby?
    Also, how the hell does one deal with a newborn who’s screaming at night while trying to keep a toddler from going bananas?

  29. Emily Mar 02 at 3:46 pm Reply Reply

    We waited awhile after we got married (young) to have our son–we were 27 and married 6 years when I was pregnant with him. We had always talked about having two (we’re both oldest of two, we each have a younger sister) but within the first year after our son was born we shifted to thinking about stopping with the one. I don’t know exactly how that happened, just that it kind of evolved from thinking we’d have another one (would probably be trying for #2 now if that was still our hope) to knowing that one is right for us. I would love to have a little girl but I don’t feel compelled to go for it. We just feel complete this way, even though I never imagined us as a trio–I always envisioned us as a family of four, but now that picture has changed in my head and we’re three. I definitely feel a twinge when I see a pregnant mom or hold a teeny baby (nature has made those very hard to resist!) and as I start getting rid of many of our son’s baby things and outgrown clothes, but it still feels right. I had a great pregnancy and delivery, he was an awesome baby and is a great kid who is now three. My husband’s vasectomy is this Friday afternoon. As that gets closer I sometimes have these moments where I think “Ack! We’re closing the door!” but I really don’t feel like we could or should do things any other way. Family size is so personal and our expectations and wishes can definitely change–we feel blessed to have our one healthy guy and totally at peace with him as our only child. He is absolutely enough for us–in a positive, fulfilling way.

  30. Nora Mar 02 at 4:13 pm Reply Reply

    I always thought 2 kids would be perfect. But I am loving my little family of my husband and 5 month old, the idea of another kid seems invasive. I surprised myself thinking that I really did NOT want another. I’ll give it time though.

  31. eM Mar 02 at 5:01 pm Reply Reply

    I was certain I only wanted two children but as soon as our daughter was born I KNEW I wanted three.
    Yes, she’s tough work, we get a whole lot less sleep than we used to and we are so much poorer than we were, but I feel a ginormous need for a bigger family.
    Maybe I’m just baby crazy, maybe our second will be a devil child and put me off a third (something my Mum tells me is bound to happen!!) but I really, really want 3, I’m just glad I’ve managed to convince the hubby!!

  32. Michal Mar 02 at 5:02 pm Reply Reply

    My husband and I have said 2 kids from the get go. It took 3 years to get pregnant with my first and 4 years with my second. My girls are 7 years apart almost to the day. I am sooo done. Not only for practical reasons, but also because I had 2 miscarriages in between and dont want to go through that again. The emotional roller coaster you go through when trying to conceive isnt any fun either. I still occasionally have the I want another one urges, but I ignore them! :-D

  33. Heather Mar 02 at 5:48 pm Reply Reply

    HOT topic!!!
    I have a 16 month old son and am currently 5 months pg with baby #2. I have always always always wanted a large family (4-5) but my husband came into the relationship not wanting any kids (and is now so so happy with the one son, and even more happy with the baby on the way BUT I think that is it for him). We are older and my clock is winding down…and we really need to start thinking about these babies and their futures, and our future life after they’ve grown up ($$$).
    But I KNOW after having baby #2 (unless she is a little s-h- * – t), I’ll want another immediately. And my girlfriends are younger, some even planning baby #1…so it will be hard for me to be “just” a by-stander in this amazing experience. :)

  34. Cecily T Mar 02 at 5:58 pm Reply Reply

    I’m 22 weeks pregnant with baby #2. Just came back from the ultrasound, doctor thinks it’s a boy, so we’ll have one of each, which precludes any trying for the one we don’t have, which I would have been against anyhow.
    I’m very sure that I’m done after this one. Two is comfortable financially. I really am having this one b/c I want #1 to have a sibling, and 2ndarily b/c hubby and I want another. But I was really unsure for a long time, and I haven’t forgotten how miserable I was for the first year (yes, year) after #1 was born. We had a hard time BF’ing, she didn’t sleep through the night until 20 months old, gave up 1 nap at a year, and all napping at 18 months, wasn’t a good napper when she did nap. Hoping this one is more mellow, but I decided based on how hard she was…I can handle the feeling-crappy-for-280-days while being pregnant, and I can handle the staggeringly exhausting newborn/baby phase once more. But only once more; I don’t have it in me, no way, no how, to do it again.

  35. Kate F. Mar 02 at 6:01 pm Reply Reply

    I’m pregnant with our first now, so of course this could all shift in August, but I have always wanted at least 3, possibly 4. My husband agrees, happily. We each have a younger brother–mine is 4 years younger, his is 8 years younger, and I always, always wanted another sibling so we’d be more of a tribe and less separated by our ages. My brother and I are incredibly close friends now but we ignored each other until he was about 13.
    If I’m perfectly honest with myself, my views on siblings and family size are heavily influenced by The Melendy Family series by Elizabeth Enright, and probably by the Pevensies from the Chronicles of Narnia, too. (In fact, if you look at children’s literature you find a lot of orphans and only children and a lot of groups of four. Hmm.) Anyway, I’m sure it’s idealistic but I dream of having a swarm of kids making trouble and playing and putting on shows and so forth.

  36. cassie Mar 02 at 6:10 pm Reply Reply

    Our plan was always let’s have one and see how it goes. Well, we have the one now (3 mos next week!) and we’re still seeing how it goes.
    After he was born, as we navigated that first and second month, I was *sure* it was going to stay just one. Parenthood is freaking EXHAUSTING and HARD. (I knew this intellectually beforehand, but after having a first baby you know know it. ;) But now that he’s 3 mos and sleeping the night and getting used to a bottle I’m… just not sure anymore about just one. I already miss him being so itty bitty and I look at the stuff he wore as a newborn and think, “Maybe.” And then he has a cranky day and I think, “No, one is perfect.”
    Of course, because of age and infertility issues, who knows how feasible more is anyhow? But lately, well, I just don’t know. *g*

  37. kari Weber Mar 02 at 7:53 pm Reply Reply

    We had Zachary almost 5 years ago, and Jacks was born in April of ’09… Now with an almost-five-year-old and a 10 month old, I know I am not ready for a third RIGHT NOW, but feel at 32 (O.K. almost 33…) I am definitely NOT ready to say I am done forever.
    If we had another it would be a bit of time, and if we don’t… we still have plenty of time to decide.
    Your family is going to rock, and you will be happy no matter how many children that ends up being.
    My niece always says (since I have two boys), “Auntie K, are you going to have another baby, you need a girl.” and to that I always reply, “Well, if you got to put in your order, maybe, but I am pretty sure that going the natural way, you don’t get to choose!”

  38. Liz Mar 02 at 8:14 pm Reply Reply

    I always wanted 2 kids, since I’m the youngest in a 2 kid family, that’s what felt right to me and my husband wanted 3 kids–he’s the youngest of 3 and although he has never really gotten along with his siblings (they always resented him for accidentally coming along and ruining things), 3 kids feels natural for him. We figured we’d just see how things went and make up our minds along the way.
    However…my sister died about 2 1/2 years ago and this has changed EVERYTHING about me, including how many kids I want for my own family. My best friend, my sister is gone, the keeper of all my memories. I have no one to turn to anymore to discuss my parents or family stuff. It’s lonely. I just keep thinking that if something like that were to happen to the family I am creating with my husband, I would never want my children to feel this way.
    So now I want at least 3 kids and maybe more, who knows. My daughter is 21 months now and I’m pregnant with #2 who is due about 2 weeks before my daughter’s 2nd birthday in May. And I’m sure we’ll do it again in another year or so. The spacing seems good (I guess! My sister and I were 7 years apart and although we had an amazing relationship as we grew older, the younger years were not so hot, when I wanted to hang onto her for everything and she couldn’t wait to get rid of me.)

  39. Caitlyn Mar 02 at 8:55 pm Reply Reply

    I’m the oldest of five, and I think it’s a great size. My parents planned on four, and the youngest was a surprise (as in they weren’t trying).
    When we got married, I said four or five and my husband said three or four so we figured we’d have three and see how we felt from there. Right now, four weeks after the birth of my first daughter, I’m not so sure about all this…….but I have to assume I’ll want another eventually, given that most couples seem to have more than one.

  40. Kat Eden Mar 03 at 1:36 am Reply Reply

    Before I gave went through pregnancy and giving birth and then dealing with the fact that getting back in shape is nothing like as easy as I thought it would be, I always thought I’d like to have 3-5 kids all quite close together. Now? GOD NO! I know I definitely want more kids, but the idea of having to actually HAVE them (as in pregnancy) is horrible right now. My daughter is only 16 weeks old though so I guess it’s early days.
    But I’m a control freak when it comes to my body, so (even though I admit I’ve learned some good lessons about caring less in this area) I really don’t want to lose control of my body again anytime soon! The only thing I can say for sure is that next time around I’ll follow my own advice about correct eating in the first few months, and avoid the excessive weight gain I faced this time.

  41. egplnt21 Mar 03 at 11:53 am Reply Reply

    As they wheeled me out of the delivery room after #2, I said, “That wasn’t so bad, we could do that again.” My husband looked at me like, well, like I was crazy. Only two pushes will do that to a girl.
    We hadn’t said no to more, but had always planned on only two. Then about three years later, we learned that condoms really do expire. I walked into my first appointment with my OB and said, “The only thing I know right now is that this is it, and I want you to put it in my chart to take measures to prevent this from happening again.” While I was in labor with #3, we scheduled my tubal ligation for the next day, and haven’t looked back since. For us, there was a concrete feeling of being done when the pee stick for the third was positive.

  42. Dawn Mar 03 at 12:04 pm Reply Reply

    I am #6 of 7 children, I love having sisters and brothers and even though I always thought I didn’t want any children i knew if I had one I would have to have at least one more. My husband has only 1 sibling a brother 6 yrs older than him, he said it was like growing up an only child so he knew he wanted children and he wanted them close together. When we married I had finally come around to thinking I did indeed want kids after all and together we thought 3 was a good number. Then we had our first. I had a very difficult pregnancy where I was sick all day every day for the first 6 months and then my blood presure went insane and I ended up on bedrest for the last month and a half and still ended up having the baby early. We loved our girl from the start but she was a difficult baby, colic and she was a terrible sleeper (at almost 5 she still isn’t a good sleeper) and she refused to take a bottle ever, even after I went back to work. The first 18 months of her life were the hardest months of my life and how my husband and I managed to stay married through it is still a mystery to us. Add to that PPD and it just made for some awful times. Needless to say by her 6th month we pretty much decided that forget three at this point one was good. Then just before the girls 1st birthday the mini pill (I was still nursing, because the child would not take a bottle and forget formula!) failed us and the Dr. called to inform us that the strange pains I had been having resulted in a positive pregnancy test, I miscarried a few days later but, our sadness over the loss of that pregnancy made us start rethinking our only child. I stoped using hormonal birth controll after that and after a year we stopped preventive measures. After a year of not preventting and no pregnancy we started to panic and had serveral tests to ensure there was nothing medically preventing us from conceiving when all those tests came back normal and the Dr. started talking fertillity drugs we decided we would try for 6 more months and if no baby then we would be done. Fast forward 5 1/2 months we still werent pregnant and the neighborhood was having a garage sale so we got the crib and highchair and everything else was had saved from our daughter together for the sale happpening that Saturday we were sad but we were blessed with our girl and that was more than some people get. That Wednesday i went to the Dr. because I hadn’t been feeling well, no energy and just blah and she took a blood test and the next day she called with the good news, we were pregnant and acording to the math we were about 9 weeks pregnant! Our little gut will be 1 in a couple of weeks and we know we are done. Right after the boy was born husband went and got the big snip. Our family is complete with two and due to the PPD that I have suffered with both children (even with my boy who is the easiest baby ever) I know I could not manage a third time of that.

  43. Crabby Apple Seed Mar 03 at 12:15 pm Reply Reply

    I feel like it’s all already been said, but our current plan is three…hopefully. I had my daughter three days before I turned 33, and with significant anovulatory issues, not sure three is in the cards for us. Our first daughter was also a colicky, no-sleep nightmare baby until she was six months old, which had us drastically rethinking our plans, but then turned into such a dreambaby, we’re back at hoping for three. Three months off birth control/nursing, I’ve ovulated once. So…yeah. I’m not entirely sure this decision is in my/our hands, but three would be really nice. Similar to Liz- my husband lost his brother (his only sibling) in eighth grade. Now he’s effectively an only child and it is so, so hard on him. I worry about stuff like that if we only have two.

  44. Stefanie Mar 03 at 12:32 pm Reply Reply

    We always wanted two or three, then we had our darling daughter. Between the colic, the reflux (think 12 hour scream-fests) and PPD (so I was crying right along with her!), my husband nearly went and got the snip when the baby was 6 weeks old. At 14 weeks she’s still not an easy baby by any means, but is so adorable that we’re open to more, but not for 2 or 3 years, when the hell that was her first two months of life isn’t so fresh in our minds. If the second one is as difficult as our first, we’ll definitely stop there. If not…who knows? If my husband allows me to go through with my plan to sell our two dogs to gypsies, I think I could go for 3. Maybe.

  45. Melissa Mar 03 at 12:32 pm Reply Reply

    We have one and are done. As is, vasectomy done.
    We are both the oldest of 2, with a fair bit of space between us and the next kid. We both have careers that are important to us and travel a bit.
    I was 95% sure about one, given limited time and resources. Then I had a horrific pregnancy with hyperemesis and IV rehydration, rising blood pressure, and eventually a posterior delivery. Then an infant with reflux and colic who screamed for HOURS every day until she was four months old.
    We were exhausted and depressed. It tested our marriage.
    Now she’s two and delightful. Honestly, a wonderful kid that is total joy. And when people see us together now they always want to know when we’re having another. I smile and say “One is enough.” And she is.

  46. Crystal Mar 03 at 12:38 pm Reply Reply

    My husband and I are both only children. We talked a lot about kids and initially said two with an option for 3 (if we had two of the same biological sex).
    We have a 16 month old little girl. My pregnancy SUCKED (well considering that I puked from week 7 right through delivery, I could say that pregnancy sucks and blows for me). She had a very rough start to life and although all is mostly well now is still a very medical kid. She’s also a very strong willed child.
    I’m now getting to the point where I can wrap my head around doing this once more. Initially I said if it’s a boy afterward I’d doing the Essure (less invasive and once the 3 month dye study is confirmed 100% effective–can’t say either about tubal ligation or a vasectomy) but if it’s a girl I’ll get another IUD inserted. But the more I think about it…I’m doing it once more and then I’m closing up shop.
    So yeah, regardless of what sex #2 is…we’re having 2

  47. I was so happy to be on maternity leave and so in love with our new baby that I started talking about having number two the minute after we had our daughter. The further we get away from it, the less excited I am to jump back into the baby phase, but we definitely still want to do it. Maybe it will correspond with your third. :)

  48. Joy Real Mar 04 at 2:15 am Reply Reply

    I’m 1 of 2, my husband is 1 of 2. We always said 2 kids max, but we would see how one went first to be sure. I just had my first, a daughter 2 months ago today and within a week of her being born, I surprised myself by saying out loud that I FOR SURE wanted another. Could have been the Tylenol with Codeine talking but I can’t imagine leaving my baby girl alone when her Dad and I leave this world.

  49. Sara Mar 04 at 1:29 pm Reply Reply

    We thought we’d have one, for financial reasons mostly. (I’m an only child and I think I turned out ok). But like above, within hours of having our son I told my husband I thought we should have another. He agreed and 3 months later we still want to try for one more, although not any time soon!

  50. Ashley Mar 04 at 4:16 pm Reply Reply

    Before we had kids my husband and I would talk about having 4 or 5. I taught early childhood education and love kids. Who wouldn’t want a bunch?
    Well, pregnancy and the first year has kicked my ass. Babysitting a baby and parenting one 24/7 are completely different! I adore my beautiful daughter and she is wonderful but I am also struggling big time with PPD and anxiety. I honestly don’t know if I can risk going through this again.
    My husband is in school full-time and hasn’t had a day off in a while. Once he graduates he will most likely be practicing 12 hours a day. So I would once again be going through the newborn stage basically alone. In addition to parenting a toddler/preschooler this time.
    So we are waiting for now. To see what life will really be like once he starts practicing. And to see how I deal with the depression and anxiety. I want to be fully there for my daughter and if it means she’s an only then that’s what we will do.

  51. Kim C Mar 04 at 5:14 pm Reply Reply

    My husband and I said two, the end. From the first discussion, it just seemed right. Even their age difference was discussed, because we are talkers, lol. Basically, they need to be between three and 5 years apart- I am three years younger than my brother, he is five years older than his sister. Our daughter is three, and I am due in May with number two. It worked out as “perfectly” as a plan could, I guess, at this point anyway.
    Part of me hates that we are closing the door on children after this one, and that with the first kid everything I did was tinged with anxiety (OMG am I doing it right?) and this one sadness(last time, last time ever) but seriously, finances are what they are and this one needs to be it- plus I hate hate hate pregnancy. I love my children, but heartburn sucks, puking sucks, I only ever really crave alcohol when I really can’t have it, I am awkward and feel like an alien in my own skin. It isn’t good for my health or the health of my relationship with my husband. I think we had better stop with two.

  52. Melissa Mar 05 at 4:59 pm Reply Reply

    I never imagined having more than one, as awesome as our boy is. My husband has always wanted three or four. Then TC was about to turn two and for some reason I thought, “yeah, let’s do this again,” and I’m pregnant with our second child. This pregnancy is has been much tougher and I constantly go back and forth between elation and “what the heck was I thinking…we had such a good thing going!” So I think that I’m definitely done having kids after two. That being said, we might not be done adding to our family. Hubby was adopted and my mom is adopted, so it fits our family that we might adopt if we decide to have more children.

  53. Rachel Mar 05 at 8:54 pm Reply Reply

    Childless and have nothing to contribute except that my husband & I are in the 2-3 children camp. We’re 23 and 22 though so right now we are FIRMLY in the no-children for a couple of years camp. I like sleeping.
    Over 40 comments and nobody has noticed the creepy doll things in the picture? Are they cute and I just don’t get it?

  54. Julia Mar 06 at 8:28 am Reply Reply

    First we didn’t want kids at all. Then he said he’d like ONE and I said they’re kind of like kittens – if you’re getting one you might as well have two. Then we had ONE and my pregnancy and labour and delivery were all AWFUL and I swore I got a do-over. She’s 10 months old now.
    He swore up and down that he was done, this ONE was it. And I kept saying nope, two. And then one day he had been on his own with her for a few hours and when he came to bed that night he said “OK, we can have another one.” I’m going back to work in a few weeks so I’ll get that hurdle over with and then we’re going to start working on a sibling for this lovely little girl of ours.
    But if I end up with another c-section, I’m going to find out if they can do a tubal while they’re up there because I am completely, 100% certain that I don’t want more than two. I’m too old for this shit!

  55. Kelly Mar 06 at 9:45 pm Reply Reply

    I always said I wanted 2 or 3 kids. My first is almost one – I had a fairly easy pregnancy and she’s been a dream baby so far. I could easily have another 2 or 3 of her…but.. it took 3 years, over $30,000, and finally we got lucky with our last embryo. If we had any in the freezer, I might try for a sibling. Since we don’t, we’re done. I’d love for her to have a brother or sister but I also like being able to pay our mortgage and put food on the table.

  56. Joanne Mar 07 at 5:09 pm Reply Reply

    I never planned on getting married or having kids at all! I was going to get educated, join the military and travel the world. Got all that and got a husband to boot though. And after six years and two deployments we decided we were ready to have one to see how it would go. Unfortunately had a horrible pregnancy (hyperemesis, emergency room visits, IVs, terrible weight loss) but got a healthy little girl out of it.
    We both come from big families so of course everyone immediately started pestering us about ‘the next one’. And for the first 4 months or so my answer was “HELL NO” and “GET OUT OF MY FACE”. After a few months I calmed down enough to simply point out that when they fussed about how “you can’t just stop at one” and “you have to give her a sibling” they were implying our girl wasn’t enough. Which she totally was. It only took a year or so of chewing folks out to make them back off (at least to our faces, I know what the gossip chain is up to though).
    Fast forward a year or so and another deployment. We decided we were willing to give it another shot and quit taking any precautions after our latest move. It’s been almost a year now and I think I had a very, very early miscarriage (six weeks) but never confirmed the pregnancy so can’t be sure. We’re probably going to officially start trying this month since we’ve got to take this window of opportunity, with the military involved you’ve got to do what you can when you can.
    Long story short, our little girl is enough. More than enough. She has changed our lives and filled our family to “full”. Could we imagine doubling the fun and the trials and trouble and love? Heck yes. I hope we can. I’m hoping for an easier pregnancy, if it’s not we’ll deal with it. And yeah, I do want another child. We’ll see how it goes after that.

  57. kerrie Mar 09 at 11:12 am Reply Reply

    I always wanted 3 children, well as soon as I’d had my first that is. Until that point I was convinced I couldn’t have children due to a teen cancer. So, once I knew I COULD, I wanted 3. Number 3 was hard, a huge shift in our parenting and it took a while to get used to but I was happy. I was done. Then I got pregnant again and now we have 4. The transition from 3 to 4 was seamless and easy and far far less traumatic than I had expected. Now I wouldn’t swap 4 children for 3 children but even up until the new babyw as born I was muttering the number 3 under my breath. Now we are done for good.

  58. Kirsten Mar 09 at 10:02 pm Reply Reply

    I had three children from a previous marriage and got my tubes tied after #3. (three babies in four years with limited help from their father was MORE than enough for me!) 5 years ago I got divorced, and nearly immediately he and his new gf got pregnant. I thought for sure this was a worldly injustice that I couldn’t have any more children but yet he could populate our entire city if he saw fit. Well injustice aside, at that time I didn’t have a special someone in my life anyhow, so I let it go. Fast forward 2 years. I meet the PERFECT man for me, and I do mean PERFECT. Problem? Well he has no children and has always LONGED for them. I have three and have been “fixed”. Internet research begins!! Yes, they can be untied ladies! so after much planning and saving, we traveled to N. Carolina and got a tubal reversal. Only 3 months later we were pregnant! Now at 36 weeks pregnant with my #4, I’m thinking that maybe one more would be ok. Maybe another girl? (I have 2 boys and a girl from first marriage and this baby is a boy) I’ve always wanted a big family, so yeah… we’ll see. :)

  59. amy-may Mar 09 at 11:19 pm Reply Reply

    We wanted 4 – 2 boys, 2 girls.
    We ended up with 6! B-B-G-B-B-G we just didn’t feel “done” until we had the second girl. Do I really recommend having 6 kids in 8 1/2 years? No! And yet… it’s absolutely right for us.
    For me, the second pregnancy did the most damage to my figure and after having 2, having more really doesn’t make that much difference.

  60. Sherri Mar 10 at 1:53 pm Reply Reply

    In our family’s life, we learned VERY early on that when we plan, God laughs!
    So we just decided that it would be best if He were in charge…
    We have three beautiful little ones… a girl, 7… a boy, 4… a girl, 7 mos… and I’m pregnant with #4 now. :-)

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