Are Tattoos a Wedding Taboo?
(I feel the need to confess that today’s column is being written in our basement, which is currently the only area of the house that’s NOT undergoing renovations and does not have plastic draped floor to ceiling. This would be okay, except that we never purchased any seating for down here, save for a large inflatable turtle. I am also separated from my coffeemaker and hairbrush. This is…not a very conducive environment for writing, let me tell you.)
Dear Amalah, most tasteful,
I have a question that encompasses fashion, beauty, and etiquette all at one go. My brother is getting married and I (along with my entire family, but that’s another email) am going to be a bridesmaid.
Now, a little background: this a very.fancy.wedding. In mid-October, in DC. The bride is very sweet and not a Bridezilla at all, but her parents are fairly wealthy and the MOTB is making the perfection of this wedding her full time job.
Here’s the dress I’ll be wearing (in the color burgundy). Nice, no? But the dilemma is that I have tattoos on both of my upper arms and on my back. Not dainty, demure tattoos either – big bold black tattoos. The bride has sweetly said that it’s up to me “what to do” about my tattoos, but I want to disguise them because 1) I don’t want to be distracting (among the other more – um – conventional? attendants), and 2) I don’t want her mother to have a heart attack.
So, should I try to cover up the tattoos with make-up? Do you have a specific suggestion for what might work? I have seen Dermablend mentioned on several wedding websites. I am worried about make-up blending in with my normal skin tone, and also will it last from a 3 pm wedding until late at the night without smearing? Am I dooming myself to no dancing?
Or, can I suggest to the bride that I use some sort of a wrap or jackety thing? It seems like it might be weather appropriate and more reliable than make-up, but maybe that’s stepping over the line of my bridesmaid role?
I mostly aspire to be a thoroughly adequate but not very noticeable bridesmaid. I don’t entirely trust myself not to commit any terrible faux pas during this whole wedding weekend, so the least I can do is start out with an inoffensive appearance.
In my limited experience, tattoos cannot be really disguised with makeup, at least not for any length of time. Mine are both fairly hard to spot unless I’m in a bikini, but back in the days before I told my mother about them I did experiment with various foundations and concealers. First, I had to smear a ton of makeup on to adequately cover them that it was blindingly obvious that I was wearing a ton of makeup. And the second I got dressed (or moved, or breathed), the makeup smeared and the ink peeked through.
I’ve never tried Dermablend, but I’m trying to picture you rubbing ANY brand of makeup all over your upper arms and shoulders and…oh, it just sounds like such a bad idea. I don’t think it will look very good and I definitely don’t think it will stand up to hours of photos and dancing. Unless you found some kind of theatrical spray paint or one of the products that come up when you Google “tattoo concealer”…but even then…hmm.
You know what? I think it’s really sweet that you want to do this for the bride (who gets mad points for leaving it up to you — had she been demanding that you find a way to cover up your tattoos my advice would be somewhat different) (my advice would have been some kind of grand I’M TOO PUNK ROCK FOR YOUR WEDDING, SO SUCK IT, BRIDEZILLA exit speech). But she picked you and she picked the dress. She knew your tattoos are not the dainty flower-on-the-ankle kind, or the kind that come in the cereal box. I think you are caring and worrying about this more than she is, so I hereby give you permission to RELAX.
I definitely don’t think it’s bad form to suggest a wrap or jacket, but make sure to frame the discussion in terms of HER comfort and preference. If one of my bridesmaids came to me with a similar suggestion I might worry that she would be uncomfortable without one, so even if I preferred she not wear a wrap, I’d say sure! Wear a wrap! Make sure she knows that you are perfectly okay wearing a wrap, but also fine with not wearing one.
A wrap would be very nice for the ceremony and photos, and also easy to toss at the reception. But again, from what you’ve written, I’m thinking the source of all your tattoo stress and angst is your own damn self. Because you are a nice person! Who wants to make sure your friend’s wedding is nice!
And nice people have tattoos sometimes!
If the mother of the bride wants to go and have a heart attack over her daughter’s choice of bridesmaids, well…she can just go ahead and have one. But in the end, the bride made her choice, and you should just let yourself be okay with her choice too and walk down the aisle with pride. Because you are a nice person and a good friend. Amen.