The Absolutely Most Useless Baby Products Ever
I remember the first time I walked into one of those ginormous baby stores. I looked around at all the furniture, toys and baby contraptions, felt a cold sweat come over me and left in a deep panic. I immediately went home and emailed the only friend I knew who had a baby and asked her to send me a list of everything I needed for an infant. I followed that list as if it was the baby bible, never daring to deviate.
It can be terrifying to try to prepare for your first baby. And anyone who has had a kid can still laugh at some of the ridiculous things they registered for or bought for someone else.
In the hopes of saving you some cash, here’s my list of the absolutely most useless baby items ever. (If you love any of these items, please speak up because these are only the opinions of me and my friends.)
The Wipe Warmer (and it’s cousin The Travel Wipe Warmer): Babies don’t need warm wipes. I swear. They don’t. And someday when you are on the floor of some grungy bathroom that doesn’t have a changing table and you are using your standard room temperature wipes, this will all become clear.
The Peepee Teepee: I am pretty sure I gave this as a gift to someone who had a baby boy. Because I thought it was so cute! (I mean, the name alone is irresistible.) It is supposed to prevent a baby boy from peeing on you but in reality, it looks ridiculous, you can just use any cloth to try to prevent this kind of thing and if you have a baby boy, you will be peed on anyway.
Pacifier wipes: You baby will drop his or her pacifier and I promise you do not need a special pacifier wipe to clean it off. Run the pacifier under water, use a regular wipe or if you already have a few kids, you’ll wipe it off on your jeans. You also do not need a special case to hold your pacifier. (You can shove pacifiers in a diaper bag pocket or your own pants pocket).
Slip Proof Baby Knee Pads: I actually bought these when my first baby started to crawl. That’s tough to admit. But I didn’t want her knees to get hurt. Babies are a whole lot tougher than we think. They don’t need knee pads unless they roller blade and I’ve never met a roller blading baby.
Plastic Disposable Placemats: These are for a more hygienic restaurant experience for your baby or toddler. Except you will never have these placemats with you when you need them. And they tend to not adhere properly to the table which causes them to wad up. Just clean off the table with a wipe. No one will judge you.
Laundry Soaps Especially for Babies: It’s just marketing folks. You see the pink box with the happy newborn and you think, “Man, that baby must love his or her laundry detergent.” Instead, pick up a bottle of your favorite natural laundry soap and you are set.
Stuffed animals: Oh my gosh, these will multiply! Everyone loves to buy stuffed animals and you know what, they don’t do all that much except clutter up your home. So for the love of babies, don’t register for any. Ditto for blankets. You will end up with a million of them.
Baby Food Maker: Guess what? You can just use a food processor which you probably already own. Or just mash up the food. Or if you are super lazy like me, buy it in jars. You don’t need a special baby food maker unless you like things to collect dust in your cabinets.
Shopping Cart Cover: Don’t buy one of these unless you want to take a photo of your baby in it so you can laugh at yourself years later. There are germs everywhere. It’s actually good to expose your kid to germs so they can build up their immune system! This cover is not going to protect your child from the universe.
Bumper Pads for the Crib: They are often expensive, can be a breathing hazard for your infant and are completely unnecessary.
Bumbo: This is a seat for babies who can’t sit up on their own yet. You will use it for 3 minutes. A lot of kids don’t like it. If you really want to try it out, I promise one of your friends has one down in her basement. Borrow it.
Diaper Pails: I can’t end this list without mentioning those trash cans (like the Diaper Dekor or Diaper Genie) especially made for diapers. I happen to love my Diaper Dekor and have been pretty much using it for 8 years straight. But lots of moms think they are a waste of money and don’t control odors better than a typical garbage can. Plus, you have to keep buying expensive refill bags. Hmm… they might have a point.
So what did I forget? Please tell me if there is a really useless baby item I missed. And take our poll! What’s your top pick for the most pointless infant product?