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High-Risk Pregnancies & Medical Terminations

Dec29

by

Update on “When the Worst Happens: High-Risk Pregnancies & Medical
Terminations

Dear Amy,
Where do I begin? I wrote back in September about a medical termination my doctors thought I should have. I wrote you at the most painful part of my life, funny the people that will be there for you when you’re down (perfect strangers). I decided to try to keep the baby despite all the medical complications, my body disagreed and I miscarried the first week of November. You’ve written about this before, but it’s such a horrible feeling to think your body isn’t meant to bear children. I know as women we’re more than just baby making machines, but…still…there are times it feels so…utterly unfair.
Mostly Amy, I want to say thank you to you and your readers who commented on that post. I reached out from a very dark scary place and found nothing but comfort and from people I don’t even know. Perhaps my family and friends were just too close to me to help, too many of their own emotions tied up in mine. Regardless, thank you, you all didn’t give me answers that day, but you all gave me empathy, and there are no words I can find to express what that meant and still means to me.
With all my heart,
RB

You’re right. It is so terribly unfair, and I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. I can talk some good talk in defense of choice and our right to it, but there were also many times when I would get good and lathered at the idea of someone cavalierly terminating the very thing I wanted most in the world. I hope your story ultimately has a happy ending for you, in whatever path you end up taking, however you choose to build your family.
I’m proud of you, by the way. You were brave to reach out to strangers, brave to share your story — it’s a story that a lot of people need to hear, people who tend to paint women considering a termination with a broad, heartless brush — and brave to make the decision you made. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing how SORRY everybody is for you, but…damn. I’m sorry it just wasn’t meant to be this time, and that the decision ended up being taken out of your hands anyway. If you want to wallow in the unfairness for a bit, you go ahead. I will bring the ice cream and a really big spoon.

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About the author

Amalah

http://www.amalah.com
Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to amyadvice@gmail.com.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.


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3 Responses to “High-Risk Pregnancies & Medical Terminations”

  1. Jen Dec 29 at 12:54 pm Reply Reply

    RB, I have thought of you often since first reading your story. I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out. I’m sending lots of love your way.

  2. rebecca Dec 29 at 3:22 pm Reply Reply

    when it comes down to it, every pregnancy is heart wrenchingly personal, and i can’t fathom trying to make someone else’s decision for them. And when that choice is taken from you, well, really, there is no way of knowing that feeling without going through it.
    You are in my thoughts, RB, and I wish you so much luck on your family journey.

  3. Qwyneth Jan 01 at 5:49 pm Reply Reply

    RB, thank you for updating–I’ve actually thought about you since and hoped things were going well for you. I’m so, so sorry for your miscarriage. I wish you the best on your continuing family journey.

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