A Guide To Thrifting With Your Teen
I started thrift shopping when I was in college, and it was the only way I could afford clothing (other than going home and batting my eyelashes at my parents). Back then—pre-top-40 song about “poppin’ tags”—this wasn’t a common or cool thing to do, but I did it because it worked for me. Once I finished school and had a job and “real money,” I could go shopping at the mall again, and for years I stopped thrifting. And then I had kids; even with an income that would allow us to buy nothing but brand new items, I just couldn’t see the sense in spending tons of money on items that would be outgrown or ruined in the blink of an eye. I started going back to the thrift stores for baby and kid items, and by the time I got divorced, I was actually able to stay home with the kids a little bit longer by regularly hitting up my local Goodwill for designer labels, then reselling them on eBay after outgrowing the clothes.
Thrift shopping and I have a long and rich history, is my point.
At this stage of my life, I certainly don’t have to thrift for clothing. But I still appreciate a great deal, and if I can save money on something, why not? Now that my kids are teens, I’m trying to teach them the value of money and careful shopping, too, although I’ll confess they fell right into gender stereotypes the moment we walked into our local Goodwill.
My son: Why are we here? I don’t need any clothes! This is boring!
My daughter: Look at all this stuff! And it’s so cheap! I AM NEVER LEAVING!
As a result, I am still simply purchasing clothes for my son and tossing them in his room, periodically. Maybe someday he’ll care about how he dresses, but that day has yet to arrive. In the meantime, I try to make sure he’s wearing socially-acceptable items that fit (aiming high, over here). With my daughter, though, each trip to the thrift store is a learning opportunity. My hope is that once she’s off on her own, some of what she rolls her eyes at, now, will stick with her and help her to make good financial choices. (Fingers crossed.)
So here’s how we roll when we’re out poppin’ tags:
Know the goal of the thrifting trip
The best way to avoid the “but I want this and this and this” demons is to be very clear about what you’re looking for that day. We are not recreational shoppers, and—much to my daughter’s chagrin, I’m sure—I’m never just going to up and take her shopping and buy her everything she wants. I’m just mean that way. When we head out to shop, even if it’s to the thrift store, I reiterate on the way on why we’re there. “Today we’re looking for shorts for you,” or “let’s find a dress for the dance.” This is also handy if you or your teen tend to get overwhelmed in a large store with a lot of choices.
Be critical with your thrifting choices
I think there’s a huge temptation to walk into a thrift store and sort of go, “Oh! Shirts are only a few bucks! I’ll just grab whatever looks good!” and not try things on or look at them too closely. I always encourage my daughter to carefully examine any item she’s interested in, because the drawback of shopping secondhand is that a lot of items are damaged or otherwise in poor shape. I don’t buy items that are stained or ripped, obviously, but I’m also still teaching my kiddo to look for things like pilling or stretching. You never know if something is going to bunch up or otherwise do something weird on your body until you try it on, so I also make sure we try on everything. Furthermore, the dressing room is a great place to both talk about what fits and flatters and to drop some little esteem-boosters. “Oh, that dress was prettier on the hanger, huh? It just doesn’t do you justice, somehow.” She acts like she’s not listening, but I think she is.
Make exceptions to the goal, but be clear about why
Generally speaking, if we head to Goodwill for jeans, we leave with only jeans. But there have been a number of exceptions, and they all fall under three possibilities: The item we didn’t need was 1) on additional markdown, 2) something brand new with the tags on, or 3) a designer label and truly one of those “too good to pass up” sorts of deals. Whenever this happens, I’ll make sure to point out why we’re making an exception (usually while my kid says, “yeah, yeah, I know!”). For example, about a month ago we were looking for a bathing suit cover-up and found a beautiful new-with-tags $150 dress my girl can wear to Homecoming for just $6. Sold!
Clarify the difference between rules and preferences
I don’t have a ton of dressing rules for my daughter, and I’m very lucky in that most of the few rules I do set don’t bother her. “No visible underwear” is a rule in our house, for example, and despite many teen girls’ penchant for spaghetti straps with bra straps hanging out, my daughter knows that’s not okay here. (Hey, girls everywhere! Buy a strapless bra. You’re welcome.) Our school system requires skirts to reach “fingertip length” and I’m happy to use that as a bare minimum. And both my daughter and I agree that shorts that look like panties are a big fashion don’t. So we’re not running into situations where she wants an item which I feel is inappropriate and would potentially forbid her to have, but sometimes she wants something i just don’t like or think she won’t wear. In those cases I either have to bite my tongue and buy it (like if we’re there for shorts and she picks a pair in good shape that fit well but are a color I wouldn’t choose) or suggest that if she really wants it, she can use her own money (like when she fell in love with a campy shawl and was undeterred by my assertion that she’s never going to wear a shawl).
Keep your thrifting manageable
Buying stuff on the cheap doesn’t have to mean “buy more stuff.” We keep our wardrobes fairly modest and I direct my kids to clean out items which no longer fit (or no longer please) and we donate those regularly. It’s the circle of thrift!
And if you’re not already a thrift shopper, it’s never too late to start. Heck, your teenager might even be able to teach you a thing or two about it. Heh.