20 Parenting Truths: Holiday Edition

It’s once again that magical time of year when you take beautiful photos of your kid screaming her lungs out on Santa’s lap and your children are playing soccer in the house with your favorite tree ornament. There are some universal truths about parenthood – especially during the holidays. Wendi Aarons and Kelcey Kintner share some of their favorites. 

1.  At some point, you will find your dog or your toddler drinking water from the base of the tree.

2. When you’re buying your tree, it’s the perfect size! Once you get home, it’s only the perfect size if you have 30 foot ceilings.

3. It takes multiple adults to put up a tree and only one kid to pull it down.

4. When your children say they want to make a gingerbread house, they mean they want to eat a gingerbread house.

5. You will get one holiday card from someone you swear you don’t know.

6. You will take 400 holiday photos, find the perfect one, send it out and then realize one of your kids is giving the middle finger.

7. The only thing more painful than stepping on a Lego is stepping on your kid’s homemade pine cone ornament.

8. You will find tinsel and pine needles in your home until May.

9. At some point, you will cave to your children’s demand for a 10 foot inflatable Santa in your yard. But not this year.

10. You will wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because you forgot to move The Elf.

11. All the presents will be open by 7:43 AM. The first toy will be broken by 8:07 AM.

12. Your child will tell you at 9 PM they need 6 rolls of toilet paper for a holiday school project. Tomorrow.

13. You will spend hours choosing the perfect Secret Santa gift, only to receive a tub of drugstore popcorn as yours.

14. You will write so many “To-Froms” that your hand will cramp into a claw by 12/25.

15. There will be one kid in your neighborhood known as the “Santa Truth Teller.” Avoid him at all costs.

16. You will let your kids to decorate the tree, then rearrange it after they go to sleep.

17. If you take your kids to the mall, they are bound to see Santa outside on his 15 minute smoke break.

18. At least three ornaments on your tree will be made with macaroni.

19. The kids who won’t wake up on a school day will be up at 4 AM on Christmas morning.

20. Sugar cookie calories don’t count if you’re wearing a festive sweater. Neither does egg nog.