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Postpartum Outings

Postpartum Excursions & Outings: How Much Is Too Much?

By Amalah

Dear Amy,

I am a sleep deprived, first time mom of a beautiful three week old baby boy. And my mother in law is in town for a two week visit to see the baby, and as you can guess that is where my problem begins! My mother-in-law is typically a very sweet, kind woman who I get along with really well but this week has me at the end of my drastically shortened rope.

Crazy me thinks that after having an emergency c section three weeks ago, and having a challenging three week old that (big surprise) wakes up every 2-3 hours every night entitles me to some rest? Help? Other nice things? But this trip has turned into me playing the hostess for my mother-in-law, who has endless energy (maybe because she gets to sleep all night long) and hauling my exhausted butt and my poor newborn all over town to take her to do all these things she wants to do. So far she has been no help with the baby, or around the house, acts like I’m selfish and lazy for wanting to maybe take one freaking nap during the day, and acts like I’m weird for not wanting to haul my baby on endless amounts of errands. And I am talking endless. As I type this, it is 4 p.m. and we have been out to breakfast, to the farmer’s market, to two stores, and up to a ski resort for Oktoberfest. I cannot even believe it. And I have told her and my husband countless times that I am a) exhausted and b) don’t want to take my newborn with his brand new immune system to all of these germ-infested places. I can’t even imagine taking care of a sick newborn. And c) whenever we take the baby out, he sleeps all day long in the car and in the stroller and then is awake all night long. To no avail. I was outvoted and away we went. Aside from locking myself and baby in the bathroom, I do not know how to get out of these trips!

Now my mother-in-law leaves in one week and the hellscape she has created will leave with her, so I can (maybe) bite my tongue a while longer- though I did have a breakdown and started sobbing on a bench at Oktoberfest. The real problem is my husband. His mom lives far away so it’s not typically an issue but whenever we get together, I go from being number one to a far distant number two. I have told him time and time again that I am really exhausted and physically can’t run his mom all over town, but he doesn’t seem to understand and seems to think I can suck it up, slam a Red Bull and spend all day with his mom making our own soap. Literally. That is one of the things she wants to do.

Aside from just the need to vent and have my feelings VALIDATED for a change. I would like your advice on 1. Am I taking crazy pills here? Or do I have a legitimate right to be seriously irritated right now? And 2. How do I make my husband get the picture? That as the mother of a newborn, I need rest! And that maybe he can put my mental sanity above giving my mother-in-law her dream vacation.

Sincerely,
Number Two

WHAT IN THE WHAT HELL. What’s your husband’s phone number? I am serious. I will call him personally to yell at him because CAPS LOCK IS NOT NEARLY SHOUTY ENOUGH.

You are absolutely 100% within your rights to feel irritated. Your husband and mother-in-law are behaving ridiculously. Downright atrociously. While I’m all for getting up and out of the house after having a baby and routinely hauled all of my newborns to a variety of germ-infested public places…I did it when I wanted to. When I felt up to it. And we’re talking maybe one outing a day. Followed by a day or two spent solidly at home. And I always reserved the right to change my mind and insist that we turn the car around and go home if, say, my c-section incision was bothering me, the postpartum bleeding felt too heavy, or if our destination was too crowded, etc. etc.

And it never, ever occurred to me that anyone else in my family — at least anyone over the age of six-years old — would OBJECT to that. Or override MY objections. Or, you know, go on enjoying Oktoberfest while I sobbed quietly on a bench somewhere. “What? Her? Oh, she’s just newly postpartum and wildly hormonal and utterly sleep-deprived. But I’m having fun, so whatever. I’ll go buy her a Red Bull and some tissues, ‘cuz I’m an awesome person.”

Seriously. Shame on your husband. He’s being a jerk. Your mother-in-law…well, she’s being ridiculous too by treating YOUR recovery time as HER vacation, but sadly I’ve heard a lot of similar stories over the years about wildly different expectations re: postpartum visits and how much “help” you expect vs. what you actually get. Some family members are wonderful and show up and do laundry and change diapers and make you coffee and eggs in the morning, while others (wrongly, IMO) expect you to basically play hostess the whole time. It’s why a lot of new parents institute a ban on overnight postpartum visits for a set number of weeks, or at least set limits of the duration (i.e. nothing longer than a week, or even just a weekend).

So I’m more willing to simply roll my eyes at your pain-in-the-butt MIL and rub your shoulders while reminding you that she’ll be gone soon and you can plan future visits accordingly (short, and with her own rental car or public transportation map and MetroPass, have funzies out there bye!!). I’m feeling much less charitable towards your husband, who is supposed to be on YOUR SIDE and LISTENING TO YOU and HELPING YOU and ALSO NOT BEING A BIG JERK.

Do not go on another single outing with them, if you don’t want to. Tell your husband that enough is enough, he is ignoring your needs and emotions and stress/anxiety levels and that is NOT OKAY. No one is going to pick you up and forcibly shove you in the car, correct? Even when you are “overruled,” it still involves you giving in and putting your shoes on and packing up the diaper bag. Stop doing all of those things. “No, I’m sorry. I’m tired and I’m going to stay home and rest, end of story. This is simply too much activity for me too soon after major abdominal surgery.”

If anyone argues, walk away. You don’t have to listen. You DON’T HAVE TO GO. If they want to take the baby with them, godspeed. Let them figure out how much “fun” these outings are without poor ol’ mom to take care of the baby. Then stay home and take a nap.

Or put your foot down about that too, if you want. Tell them the outings mean your son is getting his days and nights reversed, and since no one else is willing to help out at night when he’s awake and demanding your attention and alertness, you’ve had enough of that, too. They can go sightseeing and restauranting and shopping or whatever they want together. Curl up in bed with your baby and a Real Housewives marathon without a single twinge of guilt or caring about what they “think” about you. Because clearly, THEY ARE NOT REALLY THINKING ABOUT YOU.

Six weeks is the minimum recommended recovery time for a c-section. MINIMUM. And there’s no such minimum recovery time for your hormones and emotional well-being. That can be incredibly up and down for a lot longer. But you’re so definitely right in the thick of that part, too, and deserve — DESERVE!!— to be surrounded by people who 1) understand, and 2) give a crap about you and how you feel and whether or not you SOBBED on a BENCH today.

And I’m serious. If your husband still doesn’t “get it” after you go all zero-tolerance on his ass or DARES to get angry or pushy with you because you aren’t doing enough to make his mommy happy, have him come talk to me. I write an advice column on the INTERNET. I have nothing to LOSE. I will tell him WHAT’S WHAT and THEN SOME.

Photo source: Michael Blann/ Thinkstock

Amazon Mom

Amalah
About the Author

Amy Corbett Storch

Amalah

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Ama...

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it’s pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to [email protected].

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.

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Alissa
Guest
Alissa

Dear Number Two – Could you please give your husband a swift, HARD, kick in the nuts for me?  Because that’s about all he deserves right now.

Take a nap and stop the madness.  And good luck with the next week of MIL!

claire
Guest
claire

Seriously, give Amy his number, a recording device and let us read the transcript. Both of them are unreasonable. Good luck xxx

LMo
Guest
LMo

Wow. You have all my sympathy. We don’t have any children, but I do understand the Number One to Number Two transition. It’s infuriating, and if I had a solution for you I’d share it. Instead, I will share my internet hugs, because it’s the best I can do!

Rachel Anderson
Guest
Rachel Anderson

WTF?! Did your husband not HEAR the doctor when s/he talked about recovery time?!

If you’re too emotional to stand up for yourself (which I totally understand–seriously i was such a wreck those first two weeks I couldn’t have told anyone to do anything) you can always pull the “doctor” card. Have the pediatrician or your OB put the kibosh on this crap.

Rachel
Guest
Rachel

replying to myself–at 3 weeks post c-section are you even supposed to be going up and down stairs yet?!

Christy
Guest
Christy

Totally agree, play the doctor’s advice card. Major abdominal surgery! I think my recovery period after a laparoscopic procedure was longer than that!
Tissue takes time to heal and you (they) are not allowing that healing to happen. This is medical fact, I am a veterinary nurse, but I am pretty sure tissue heals the same in a variety of species.

Jesabes
Guest

All those outings are waaaaay too much and, if necessary, I’m sure there is no shortage of women who will call your husband and yell. Me included.

SarahB
Guest
SarahB

Good God. You poor thing.  In the short run, you need to stay home and rest and take care of your baby.  That is it.  There is no “outvoted” when you are the one recovering from major surgery.  Your limits need to be respected, period.  I would be tempted to ask your MIL to leave–or, at minimum, announce to DH that you and the baby will be doing your own thing for the rest of the week and that DH is responsible for feeding and addressing any of your MIL’s wishes.  This goes so far as to potentially set back… Read more »

AmyRenee
Guest
AmyRenee

Here’s a comparison for you – if she had come to visit after you had your appendix out and you were out on disability, would she expect you to be up and about playing hostess to you? NO! But a c-section is just as major a sugery and you need to recover. There is a REASON women as given disability pay for their first 6-8 weeks of maternity leave – because they just went through a major medical procedure and need to recover. I’m all for being straightforward, but if you can’t handle that with your MIL can you put… Read more »

Katherine
Guest
Katherine

I second getting your OB involved. That way it’s not just you being hormonal, or a party-pooper, or whatever their justification for trampling over your recovery is – it’s a serious medical event that needs to be treated with respect to allow you the time to have a complete, unimpeded recovery. You deserve this, and if having your OB have a chat with your husband is what it takes, so be it.

Jen
Guest
Jen

I’m just horrified for you, you poor thing. I’m so sorry! It’s probably a little late for this, but I have found this helpful for newly post partum mamas to give to other to help them understand being a good guest is vital. Maybe you could print a copy for your MIL. 🙂 http://community.babycenter.com/post/a21026385/the_lemon_clot_essay_if_you_have_people_over_after_birth.._you_need_this

Stephanie
Guest
Stephanie

Oh my goodness… NO! This actually made me cry – I feel so badly for you. I had an emergency c-section 6 1/2 months ago, and it took me a good 7 weeks to be completely healed. At 3 weeks? I was still barely getting around. And also exhausted and crying from sleeplessness. I could not imagine being dragged around town with my my newborn in tow AND recovering from a c-section. Your husband needs some major talking to. This is NOT okay.

Autumn
Guest
Autumn

Oh my!  You are not crazy at all!  Your hubby and MIL, definitely, or just clueless. I’m guessing your husband is back to work now, thinking it’s no big deal for you to entertain MIL while on “vacation” aka “maternity leave”  If you are nursing its a bit harder to hand the kid off, but I found another solution.   My  hubby is a very heavy sleeper and a bit clueless and NEVER hears/heard the baby (now 13 months) cry when he was sleeping.  So to help him realize how tired I was (she was about 3 weeks old then),… Read more »

Autumn
Guest
Autumn

The other thing I was going to add:  This is good practice saying no for when your charming newborn becomes a sassy toddler.  

And mean it.  It took my MIL a little while, but now she knows No means No when we say it.  Not maybe, or I guess so (like her other kids) but NO.  

Katherine
Guest
Katherine

I had a very similar situation with my FIL after my daughter was born. My midwife said all the extra moving around pushed back my recovery, and I ended up in therapy because it was the only way to make peace and get past feeling traumatized (those hormones do a number to you).
I don’t have anything productive to tell you, just sympathy to give. Hang in there, she’ll leave soon.

Debra
Guest
Debra

My mouth dropped open reading this. I’m absolutely horrified by how the OP is being treated here! What horribly selfish individuals your husband and MIL are being!
Grrrr. 
I agree; just DO NOT GO. Yes, it may suck as far as emotions and the guilt trip they might try to lay on you. JUST DON’T GO!  You have GOT to take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby. All this running around so soon after a c-section is just careening towards problems.

J
Guest
J

Holy AWESOME response, Amalah! Rrrrrrrrarrrr! YES! Yes. When reason ends ass-kicking needs to begin. OP — seriously, no more miss nice wifey/daughter-in-law. I’m not one for throwing a fit, but it is time to firmly say NO. And mean it. Your husband should be the one telling your MIL no, but since he won’t you have to tell both of them NO. And really — you might as well start now getting good at saying NO — they both sound really selfish and inconsiderate. You will probably need to say NO a lot. And seriously — your MIL needs a… Read more »

Karen
Guest
Karen

I am so sorry but congratulations on the new baby! Definitely just the circle the wagons around yourself and stay home. If it were me though, I would probably hold off on mentioning exactly why you are pissed to your husband until after his mom leaves. It’s unlikely that he will just have a “Eureka!” moment and tell his mom to shove it and make her own soap. Let her go home, and in the meantime spend a few days putting together how his lack of support has affected you. get some rest and get a grip on your emotions.… Read more »

Jess
Guest
Jess

I too am ready to kick some MIL and husband butt. Not in that order. It took me MONTHS and MONTHS to get feeling somewhat normal after my csection. Not to mention the hormones and sleep dep. Oh the sleep dep. I’m with Amy. Plant your new mom toosh on the couch and order some chinese. And maybe a maid, because my hell… Hugs girlfriend. You are not alone and you are not unreasonable. Call the chinese food people now. Just go.

ListenMaudy
Guest
ListenMaudy

I don’t have kids, but I am furious at your husband! I agree with Amy that people are clueless, so the best you can probably do with your MIL is ignore her. Your husband though… omg, I am so mad! You had major surgery and need to recover. If his mom wants to make soap all day, she can do it with him on one of his days off. I agree with everyone else that you need to say “No, I’m not going” and then really not go. Please take care of yourself! Don’t let them guilt you into compromising… Read more »

Chelsea
Guest
Chelsea

Are you having to drive you MIL around? Because my OB told me I was NOT ALLOWED to drive a vehicle for at least 6 weeks after my c-section and that if you are in an accident during that time you may not be covered by your auto insurance. Not to mention at 3 weeks out I was still in so much pain.  I’m sorry you are being terribly mistreated, I wish I could do something for you. I understand how hard it is to stand up for yourself in these situations because my MIL put me in a slightly… Read more »

Carolyn
Guest

Oh my gosh, I can’t even IMAGINE! (That day you described sounded unbelievably overwhelming and exhausting, even if you WEREN’T recovering from MAJOR surgery!) I think people tend to think c-sections these days are no big deal, but you know what? They took your INTERNAL organs OUT of your body! If you feel like traipsing around town after that procedure, more power to you! But I don’t think I even LEFT the house on my own after my c-section until my 6 week follow-up (well, I wasn’t allowed to drive until then, so that was the first time I was… Read more »

Carolyn
Guest

(Oh, and I do hope you’ll write in with a follow up! I’d LOVE to hear what your husband had to say after this epic smackdown!) 🙂

Amy
Guest

First, congratulations!  But OH, honey, I am SO SORRY they are treating you this way.  I agree – this time period is for mama and baby to be cocooning, cuddling, bonding, resting, and recovering – and that’s it!  Whatever outings seem like a good time to you, go right ahead and go, but personally I had a helluva time getting out of the house during my maternity leave.  Like Amy said, one outing one day, and then it’d be a couple days at home before I was up for doing it again.  And I was lucky to have a totally uncomplicated delivery… Read more »

Diana
Guest
Diana

The previous commenters already made the point, but I’ll repeat it.  Point out to your husband and his mother that you just had abdominal surgery and this level of exertion is dangerous for you.  Give them the car keys, go to  bed, and tell him to bring take out for dinner.

Diana
Guest
Diana

Also, in defense of husbands, even after three babies my husband has never really understood how ridiculously tired I am for the first few months after the baby is born.  he always seems to think that as soon as I’m not pregnant I’ll be back at 100% the next day, and it’s just not true.  They are used to you being just as energetic as they are and sometimes you just have to spell out for him how much energy you do or don’t have.  

SarahB
Guest
SarahB

With this many responses this fast, I hope the OP simply prints this all out, hands it to them, and says, “DH, you’re in charge of hosting MIL from this point forward.  I am hunkering down in the bedroom. I expect there to be food in the kitchen for me to eat whenever I come out.  Otherwise, have fun.”

MR
Guest
MR

OMG! Definitely count me in the absolutely HORRIFIED at your dh and MIL category!!!
Make your dh read this: http://babygooroo.com/2012/08/how-other-cultures-prevent-postpartum-depression/

I am so sorry! You are NOT crazy, nor selfish. They are being completely awful to you. Tell them no, and that they have to help you. ((Hugs))

Random Nennie
Guest
Random Nennie

I am 15 months post c-section and wouldn’t even want to do all of that!!! (Really, I’ve been obviously healed for months. Just trying to be funny)

Really, mama. You are more than within your rights to think this is ridiculous. I feel bad for you and wish you had a supportive, understanding partner to back your up.

I saw a comment about getting your OB GYN involved. I think that is a great idea.

You deserve your rest and do things on your own terms. I really wish you the best

Jeannie
Guest
Jeannie

… I was going to say that your MIL and husband are crazy, and you are not overreacting AT ALL, but I think that’s been covered. FWIW, as a comparison, I had the easiest possible birth with my second, no c-section, and there is NO WAY IN HELL I would have put up with that three weeks later. I did things on MY schedule, thankyouverymuch, or not at all. Recovering from carrying and delivering a baby is HARD. And you, with all that AND a c-section, AND being a new parents of a newborn who has his nights and days… Read more »

heidi
Guest

Count me in as one of the horrified. As a woman who has had 4 c-sections, I will tell you. No. No, no, no. You shouldn’t even be driving! Also, feel free to drop me a line and I will speak to that husband of yours. This is unacceptable. How is he going to feel when your recovery takes longer or something happens to do damage? Is he going to tell  you that you should have said no? My guess is yes. So do the right thing (although I know how impossible that seems when you are so damn tired and… Read more »

Robin | Farewell, Stranger
Guest

Oh my god. Unbelievable! 

Honey, say no. Just say no. Damn the consequences and JUSY SAY NO.

Katie
Guest

Holy hell. I think we might share a MIL. At 4 days postpartum they were visiting and she whined that they were bored could we please go for a walk? I didn’t have a c-section but my baby wrecked my insides and I couldn’t walk more than 10 feet without leaking pee. Seriously, why so glamorous, motherhood? And yet, i was told to suck it up and walk. And so I know how hard it is to put your foot down and not go. I know how you worry that your husband and MIL will think you’re weak or how… Read more »

Angela
Guest
Angela

OH MY GOD. As a person without any kids, without having given birth three weeks ago, without having my MIL here… I would not be able to go out to breakfast, to the farmer’s market, to two stores, and Oktoberfest in ONE DAY! Seriously! Your MIL must be the energizer bunny with some extra energy. I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I hope you can figure out a way to stay home and hang with your baby and husband rather than traipse all over creation.

Suzy Q
Guest
Suzy Q

Did your MIL find her son in a cabbage patch? If not, then barring adoption, she gave birth to him, either vaginally or via c-section. In that event, she should KNOW how hard it is to care for a newborn even without major surgery involved.  Major surgery WHICH YOU HAD JUST THREE WEEKS AGO, OMG.  A pox on her and her stupid soap-making!

Lovely lady, please take care of yourself. You are worth it, and so is your baby.  Sending Internetty hugs and healing thoughts your way.

kimm
Guest
kimm

Make a dr apt asap like today, and tell your husband he has to go with you. explain all you have been doing is making you so tired,and ask the dr’s advice,in front of your husband. that all sounds just impossible to do!

AlexMMR
Guest
AlexMMR

What the actual fuck!? At 3 weeks, my feet were still so swollen I could hardly walk to the bathroom! This is so wrong on so many levels! My girls were hardly allowed to leave the house the first 2 months due to germs, doctors orders. And your kid is being hauled to every germ party in town? No! Just no. Ok, since you haven’t been able to take a stand on your behalf, here’s some ammo to help you strengthen your just say no resolve. There’s a whooping cough epidemic out there and your baby can’t get the first… Read more »

Delora
Guest
Delora

Oh. My. God. I couldn’t even WALK properly 3 weeks after my c-section, I can’t imagine having to do a full day of errands in that condition! I love the suggestions about involving your OB in this as a professional who will be fully in your camp. Short of getting an appointment, do you have a close friend who could come over and help you for a day while you explain to your husband that since he clearly isn’t helping you at all, you needed to reach out to someone else? Because you just can’t PLAY HOSTESS right now while… Read more »

Alexia
Guest
Alexia

So I think the fact that this is NOT OKAY has been covered. I would, also, like to add myself to the list of people willing to give your husband a piece of my mind You can attempt to explain to your husband how you’re feeling but, come now ladies, let’s all be honest, they’re never going to truly understand. My husband has a hissu when he cuts his finger. Can you imagine your husband going through what you experienced in the last 10 months or so? I don’t think so either. You, my dear, just produced a human. A… Read more »

Liz
Guest
Liz

UNBELIEVABLE. I couldn’t even urinate on my own 3 weeks post-C-section! Your situation would be inexcusable even if you had a vaginal birth that was a breeze….but absolutely NO after a C-section! Sadly, I am reading a deeper issue here, of your husband putting you second after his mother. That is NOT ok, and will ripple into every aspect of your life and parenting, well, forever. Please, after you have bounced back a bit more, encourage him to attend couple’s counseling with you, to gain some perspective on your role as wife and mother, and how you and baby need… Read more »

Beth
Guest
Beth

Just. Say. No. And if they still won’t listen, you go right ahead and lock yourself in the bedroom… there’s no where to lie down and watch tv in the bathroom. Seriously. I am 4 months out from an uncomplicated, good drugs laced, vaginal delivery and going to the grocery store is a major accomplishment in my opinion.
Better yet, just don’t get dressed and hand her a shopping list and say “while YOU’RE out… Thaaaaanks!”

Becky
Guest
Becky

What she said! This is such a crazy time when life is flip flopped and sleep is screwy…figure out the fallout later, but for now I agree with Beth!

Danielle
Guest
Danielle

I imagine that saying “no” feels like it will be hard. I imagine you worry about how they’ll react, and that you’ll be made into the bad guy. Do NOT let them turn their abusive, selfish, damaging behavior around on you. We’re not talking about something you just don’t “feel” like doing. You just had MAJOR abdominal surgery, and can VERY SERIOUSLY hurt yourself by doing so much. You have to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your baby. You need to find that inner mama bear to protect you and your little one before you… Read more »

Ash
Guest
Ash

Wait… If your up all day with your MIL, and up all night with your newborn.. When do YOU get some rest?! That is the only thing that is important right now, and your hubby and MIL need a stern telling off! That’s just not fair.

Christen
Guest

What the hell is WRONG with people? I am so sorry that you’re being guilted into playing hostess and that your husband isn’t on your team right now. Say no with zero guilt and think of this as training for all the times you are going to have to stand your ground when it comes to you and your child in the future. Get your doc involved if necessary and definitely show your husband this letter, Amalah’s advice, and the dozens of strangers who are supporting you. Good luck and hopefully you can start to enjoy your time with your… Read more »

Susie
Guest
Susie

Additional HELL NO with an added slice of KickAss. You just give Amalah his number. She’ll do the rest. 

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

WTH?! I could barely make it up the stairs on my own 3 weeks after my own csection. I was in a similar situation, although my MIL lived in town in her own place thank god. But too many visitors, and too many outings caused my incision to come open and become horribly painfully infected. Two weeks of antibiotics and 5 weeks of packing gauze into the wound later, I realized I should have said no. Seriously, go lay down!

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

This makes me want to throw a hissy fit for you. I really really want to take all of my 8 months pregnant stress, anxiety and general level of uncomfortableness and channel it all into one screaming torrent of rage on your behalf. I promise to cover the fetus’ ears as I do so. WTF???? Soap???? Octoberfest? That’s absurd. Crying at Octoberfest should only be tears of joy at the vast array of beer and sausages. How about some starter sentences: “My incision is really hurting today, can you please go and get the baby from the crib? I can’t… Read more »

AmyRenee
Guest
AmyRenee

Yup, thats very likely going to happen for real. Here’s what I learned after I was too spineless with my first son and the instructions I gave my husband for my second: 1) I want to be able to nurse my baby in my own living room. When I say “I need to feed the baby now” you have 15 minutes to get any and all people out of my sight. I wll not allow you to banish me to the bedroom bored out of my mind for hours at a time while you entertain our families in the living… Read more »

Jamie
Guest
Jamie

These are great!  

I hope that by now things are going better for you, I think my MIL is much more sensitive than yours, but still dread visits.

Alisa
Guest

Wow. Your husband and mother in law are being really insensitive to your needs as a new mom. I don’t see why your forced to go places. You can’t respectfully decline saying you’d rather stay home with the baby??? Or even better let them take the baby out with them while you stay home and get some rest. Do whatever you gotta do. Quote the pediatrician or even your OB who should have given you specific instruction to stay off of your feet so your incision can heal. Practice getting your fiercely protective mama grizzly on!!! If they still don’t… Read more »

Lisa
Guest
Lisa

Please know that every sane person would fully support your feelings…. Your husband is not thinking clearly and completely does not understand. I can’t even talk about your MIL.
YOU ARE THE MOM and YOUR INSTINCTS on what is right for you and the baby ARE CORRECT! There is a reason you have those instincts and those instincts are what helped humanity survive for 200,000 years. TRUST what you know to be right. 😉 Best wishes! p.s. Jessica’s comments above are great–USE THEM!

Becky
Guest
Becky

Stop. Starting now, your priorities are you and your baby: Eat, Sleep, (bathe if you can), and rest. Draw a little circle with those basic things you NEED right now and that is what you are in charge of. EVERYTHING else is on someone else, and you don’t have to explain this to them. Just don’t do them. When they say, “hi we are going to the farmer’s market”, you say, “Have a great time! I’ll be staying here catching up on sleep.” Dishes? Left in sink. Let them pile up. Thank whomever does them. Dinner? Husband can cook, grocery… Read more »

Katherine
Guest
Katherine
Corinne
Guest

This makes me so angry. I cannot even express how angry this makes me (other than I am willing to drive to wherever you are, kick your husband’s ass out of the house with his mommy, then lock the door, make you freezer meals for several weeks and do your laundry. BECAUSE THAT IS HOW YOU TREAT NEW MOMS, ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAD MAJOR SURGERY!) You need to tell your husband that if does not start putting his family (you and your child together) first, that he’s not going to have a family anymore. That is just absolutely unacceptable. And… Read more »

Sharon
Guest
Sharon

I second (or third, I forget) the advice to call your OB! She (or he) will be horrified at the level of exertion you are being forced to make. My OB would have hauled my husband’s ass to her office for a serious talking-to about rest and recovery and respect and etc. Your heath, both present and future, both physical and mental, is on the line here. No one – particularly not those who purport to care for you – should be playing around with that. So (1) congrats on that adorable sweet baby, (2) you are not at all… Read more »

bethany actually
Guest

I rarely comment here, but I had to chime in on this one to say I agree with Amy 100%. Your MIL and husband are recklessly disregarding your health in pressuring you to go on all these outings when you’re only a few weeks post-C-section, and especially when you’re PROTESTING that you don’t want to go.

Be polite, but firm. Just say no! They are welcome to go have fun without you. It will probably be more restful for you and your baby boy to have the house to yourself for a few hours, anyway!