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When You Hate Your Pregnant Body

By Amalah

Dearest Amy/Amalah/Best Advice Giver Ever,


I am 25 weeks pregnant and beyond excited for this little baby girl to grace me with her presence. I wanted this pregnancy more than anything and on our one year wedding anniversary, I got to tell my hubby that we were expecting. We were off to a perfect start and my husband and I were thrilled….until the weight gain came.

I started my pregnancy at what would be considered a very healthy weight. I was 133 pounds at 5’6″. I was thin! But it didn’t matter. I have always struggled with my body image and accepting all of these extra pounds has been quite a problem, to say the least. I end up in tears every morning when I try to get dressed. I look down and get excited to see my belly, and then I see myself in that stupid mirror and OMG – my butt, my thighs, my arms. I can’t handle it and I break down.

I have gained 20 pounds so far. Although my doctor hasn’t mentioned any concern about my weight gain, it seems excessive to me. I dwell on that number daily. TWENTY POUNDS. It is consuming my life.

I want to enjoy this pregnancy more than anything. I want to accept my changing body. I want to believe all the wonderful things that people say about me. So my question to you is – What do you do when you don’t love your pregnant body? Am I doomed to be miserable in my body for the next 15 weeks? What if the baby gets here and I can’t enjoy her because I am so focused on how disgusting I am?


I would be forever appreciative of any advice you could give me.

Thanks in advance!

K

Oh, sweetie. You feel how you feel. It’s okay. It’s not any indication of the kind of mother you’ll be. It doesn’t mean that you’re ungrateful or shallow or Failing At Pregnancy.

For the record: 20 pounds at 25 weeks is not excessive. Not even close. Here’s a breakdown of the wheres and hows and whats of full-term pregnancy weight gain:

12 pounds: Maternal stores (fat, protein, Cheezits, etc.)
4 pounds: Increased fluid volume, aka water weight, aka blooooaaaat
2 pounds: IN YOUR BRA
2 pounds: Uterus
2 pounds: Amniotic fluid
1.5 pounds: Mmmmmplacenta
7.5 pounds: Baby! (“HA!” says the woman who birthed a 10-pounder.)

Seriously, start at the top of that list and you’ll rack up 20 pounds before you even include the fluid, placenta OR ANY BABY AT ALL. At 25 weeks, your baby is about a pound and a half. So that’s 13 pounds of baby and baby-related accessories, which puts your “maternal stores,” the only thing that MIGHT be what we traditionally consider “actual weight gain” (even though it is 100% more than necessary), at a mere 7 pounds. Seven! That’s not a pregnancy, that’s a potato-chip binge while PMSing.

But while you say that it’s the weight gain number that’s consuming your life, but I’m gonna make a guess and say that it’s your FEELINGS about that weight gain number that are actually wigging you out. The “I’m a bad person for feeling this way” implication is just DRIPPING through your email, because you are aware that this is possibly a tad irrational and isn’t how you pictured your pregnancy and what if you hate the baby and what if what if and *breathes into a paper bag omg.*

Pregnant Lady Secret: We all do this. Maybe about the weight gain, maybe about something else. We stress over whether we look “pregnant” or “fat” or whether our boobs are “freakishly big” or not changing enough. We puke and complain about back pain and stare at swollen ankles with frustration and secretly wish we could get this all over with already. And then we take these TOTALLY NORMAL REACTIONS to a COMPLETELY LIFE-CHANGING PROCESS and turn them inward as proof that we are going to be bad mothers or are “missing out” on some amazing universal experience and pregnancy ideal that doesn’t freaking exist.

Personally, my descent into pregnancy-related anxiety began at our 20-week ultrasound, when we found out we were having a boy. I’d been sort-of kind-of hoping for a girl. I felt a pinprick of disappointment and a single involuntary tear when the technician announced Noah’s sex and I proceeded to spend the next 20 weeks completely beating myself up about that reaction. Clearly, I was an ungrateful monster. My son was going to sense that I felt that way. We weren’t going to bond.

Full-on anxiety attacks. For WEEKS. Which I then took to mean that I was still upset about the presence of a penis because why was I anything other than 100% deliriously happy? What was wrong with me? Rinse, repeat, recycle.

And then Noah was born and I literally burst out laughing at myself in the recovery room when I thought of how WORRIED I’D BEEN THAT I WASN’T GOING TO LOVE HIM.

Basically: It’s okay if you DON’T love your pregnant body. Obviously, I wish you could. I want you to, because I’m betting you’re goddamned adorable (And I’ll present evidence to that end in just a bit). I’d definitely suggest 1) getting rid of your own scale and any full-length mirrors, 2) asking the nurse to weigh you facing away from the office scale and not tell you the number, and 3) maybe, JUST MAYBE, hiring a professional photographer for a maternity portrait session — one that’s designed to focus on the belly and not your butt and thighs; one that’s completely focused on making you look and feel pretty. You don’t even have to look at the photos now. But someday — when you are less hormonal and more objective — you’ll be happy to have something that celebrated how you really looked, even if you can’t quite see it right now.

For now, give yourself a break, both on the weight gain front AND DOUBLY on the fretting-about-your-feelings-about-the-weight-gain front. When you look at yourself in the mirror and don’t like what you see, refuse to feel guilty about that. Make a face at yourself and let the feeling kind of wash over you and through you, just like you might with any type of anxiety. (Generally, the more you “fight off” feelings of anxiety, the more likely they are to escalate to panic or breakdowns.) Acknowledge that hey, you really don’t love this aspect of pregnancy, and you don’t really *have to*. It’s temporary. It’s worth it. You know it’s worth it, even if you don’t like it. Eh.

And now, an email I received a few days after yours:

Dear Amalah,

Well first, a disclaimer: my sister and I are obsessed with you. Like the kind of obsessed that would probably make you nervous if you knew about it. I mean, we don’t want to stalk you and collect your hair for a hair doll or anything, but if we could just go have a drink with you and play with your babies, I think we would die happy. That kind. “Amalah” is probably uttered at least 3 times a day in our conversations (ie. “did you see what Amalah wrote about X?” or when I get a twitter update from you sent to my phone (and I don’t even twitter… I made an account purely to follow your hilarity) and my sister says “who was that?” and I say Amalah, casually, because we’re bffs).

My sister already sent you an email a couple of days ago, the gist of which was something like, “I’m pregnant, I’ve always wanted to be pregnant, I am so excited that I’m pregnant, but I feel SO FAT that it’s taking the fun away and I’m far more miserable about pregnancy than I am ecstatic. What to do, what to do, Amalah?”

And my question is… COULD YOU PLEASE ANSWER HER?

I kind of doubt that she was able to convey how miserable her pregnancy is making her simply because she cannot handle gaining weight. It’s not just that she looks in the mirror and is like UGH gross, and puts on her clothes and moves on. She dwells. She spends insane amounts of time in her closet every morning, in tears and then calls me, in tears. And it’s not like once she is dressed she is okay. She is bothered throughout the day by how big she thinks she is. I can’t tell her enough how adorable and cute I think she is pregnant. But nothing gets through to her.

And by the way, she IS adorable. I don’t just think that because she’s my sister. But she is one of those pregnant people that you see at Target and you nudge your friend to look at her because she’s THAT cute. I know you do that Amalah. I mean, she’s not Heidi Klum tiny or anything, but she’s perfectly normal and cute. You can’t tell she is pregnant from behind, she’s small everywhere else.

This is the longest question ever… in short: my sister’s heart is aching. And it’s making my heart ache. Please, how can she feel more comfortable with pregnancy? And what can I do to help?

Answer me or her and we’ll die happy,

S

I’m standing by my gut feeling here: Stop fighting the feelings. Stop battling how you feel vs. how you think you should feel. You’re not a bad pregnant lady because you feel fat and huge and all sorts of adjectives.

Since neither you nor your sister mentioned any impact your feelings are having on your eating habits, I have to assume that you at least aren’t struggling with disordered eating or attempting to actively restrict your weight gain. Although that’s sadly not that uncommon either. Quick and dirty research into the world of eating disorders during pregnancy gave me some statistics of 15% to 20% of pregnant women engage in some kind of disordered eating (either calorie restriction or binging/purging). If this is you, well…that’s NOT OKAY, and you need to talk to your doctor ASAP before this becomes less about “I feel big and gross” and more about placental abruption or low-birth weight or early-onset osteoporosis.

But I also got a handy secondary statistic: 80% of pregnant women report moderate to severe dissatisfaction with their bodies. This isn’t awesome either, and I’m guessing this number has jumped in recent years thanks to all the tabloid baby-bump coverage and the sense that we’re all supposed to gain weight ONLY in our stomachs and NO WHERE ELSE and then snap back like a rubber band within 24 hours. But if this number brings you a little comfort that you aren’t alone or that unusual or are missing out on enjoying some fictional version of pregnancy that 99% of pregnant women experience, so be it.

Photo by Torsten Mangner

 

Amalah
About the Author

Amy Corbett Storch

Amalah

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Ama...

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it’s pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to [email protected].

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.

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Olivia
Guest
Olivia

Just want to say Amalah’s suggestions are really great. I particularly like being weighed and not being told the number. I saw a midwife and had home visits, so I weighed myself at home. But because I had been weighed in her office on the 1st visit, and scales are always different, I ended up not paying attention to the whole number. Instead, I just kept track of how much was gained between visits. Three pounds one month, two the next, etc. This made it hard for me to know exactly how much I gained because I had to add… Read more »

Steph
Guest
Steph

Kellie, you are gorgeous! but I totally know how you feel so give yourself a break and try and enjoy what you can. loves! steph

Stephanie
Guest

I was thin before I got pregnant – 5’9″ and 139 pounds. I gained 55 pounds. 55 pounds!!! Most of it was it water retention – I had hobbit feet starting at 20 weeks pregnant. And I birthed a gigantic baby – 9.5 lbs. But because I was eating right and exercising when I could (my back hurt horribly during the second and most of the third trimester, so even walking was pretty painful), I wasn’t that concerned. I really didn’t have any control over the weight gain, so what could I do? It was more me worrying about losing… Read more »

albe
Guest
albe

I can understand some of these feelings — I kept imagining being a cute pregnant lady with a nice round bump and skinny arms and legs. I was 110 lbs when I got pregnant (I’m short, 5’3″, so I wasn’t skeletal or anything) and then it turned out to be…TWINS! I gained 40 lbs. So there was no cute bump and skinny arms and legs. Instead it was cankles and fat thighs and an insanely enormous belly that ultimately engulfed me and ate me up. I never felt cute, I felt huge and fat and whale-like and bizarre, and yeah,… Read more »

Beth
Guest
Beth

Elephant knee? HAHA… I know exactly what you mean and I almost peed my pants laughing! Thank you, I needed that! =)

Nora
Guest
Nora

I gained 50 pounds during my pregnancy. 10 was in my bra, 20 baby-related area, 10 in my face and neck (chins!), 5 on each ankle/cankle. Since the biggest difference was in my face there was no way to conceal. My usual long thin face was round as the moon with 3 chins supporting it. It was ALL water weight. I dropped 20 pounds in the 5 days after birth. I fortunately had a husband that told me I was beautiful everyday, some days I could actually believe it. I did not own a scale so I could not dwell… Read more »

amie
Guest
amie

I think it’s completely normal to feel weird about being so big. You have this idea of how much you should weigh. You have clothes that fit. And then all of a sudden, you’re big, and they don’t fit, and it’s supposed to be that way, and you can’t exactly diet! I think that’s part of what’s weird about it – you’re powerless in a way you weren’t before. You used to be able to notice weight gain, cut back, exercise, and be normal again. But now, those things are (somewhat) off the table. Eat healthy, don’t freak out, it’ll… Read more »

Kellie
Guest

Amalah,
I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to answer my desperate call for help. I’m not sure if it the excitement of you actually responding to me, but I feel 1,000 times better right now. I little bit of the guilt has lifted. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Love,
Kellie

lolismum
Guest
lolismum

I think this has little to do with weight gain anxiety. We all had that of course. I also did not want to know the numbers on the scale once I hit 160. Because I knew I was going to worry about it, but I also knew it was temporary, so why learn and fret about it? But spending hours picking out clothes? Crying about it, calling her sister and crying more about it? I think that is beyond the normal realm of ” my goodness I am a walking minibus, oh well, pass the ice cream” reaction most pregnant… Read more »

eva
Guest

I am 13ish weeks pregnant with #2 and already hating my thighs and butt, but having gone through this before, I am fairly confident that the weight will come off quickly. I have to be, right? When I trid to do up the size 4 work pants this morning and couldn’t, I have to say it was depressing. It’s hard not to compare to people who were able to sip up pre-pregnancy jeans under their cute bellies right through the second trimester and beyond. The tough thing about a first pregnancy is that you don’t know how it will turn… Read more »

Cobblestone
Guest
Cobblestone

I’m out of my depth here, but it is possible that there is something serious going on with her brain chemistry that merits a supported conversation with her doctor where she uses the words to describe herself in her mind? My guess is that her mental vocabulary is much more harsh than what she is willing to admit out loud.
I have an 19 month old son and I spent every.single.minute of my pregnancy is a black rage about it. Still, we like each other a lot and it works out ok.

andrea
Guest
andrea

awww.. sweetie.. Please don’t focus on the weight. Eat healthy (but the occasional chocolate cake with extra icing craving is perfectly okay too!) It’s all normal to want and need to eat more. After the baby is born you can work off the weight… no not in a month or two..but in time. But for now do rest.. do eat.. and do sleep! and let others help you. That’s so awesome that your sister cares so much about you. and if I recall that 25 week time is a tough period too.. in about a month or so you’ll really… Read more »

HereWeGoAJen
Guest

I think I gained 45 pounds during pregnancy. (The baby weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces.) I am naturally thin and all (I think 5’7″ and like 130?) and my body just needed that much weight to support a healthy pregnancy. I lost it all afterward without even trying. It sounds to me that you have a similar body type and likely the same thing will happen to you. People who start out thinner need to gain more weight.
Also, I got all my stretch marks in my butt.

Angela
Guest

This is my second pg, and this time it’s twins. I’m already at 27 weeks much bigger than I was at the end of my first pg. For me I’ve always been heavy. Not happily either. I’d finally found out a program that worked for me to lose weight (weightwatchers) and actually LOST 40lbs last summer. Seriously, I weighed in at 40 lost exactly on the day I found out I was pg and had to quit. Well now I’ve gained 52 pounds with these twins. For a while, especially before the belly really popped out, I was pretty stressed… Read more »

Jamie
Guest

I completely understand. I am pregnant with my second and I lost 15 pounds on top of the weight from the last pregnancy which was a 40 pound gain. I almost cracked 200 pounds at the end there. My ankles were the size of my thighs with water retainage. I was not a happy camper. I had worked my ass off with a personal trainer, done food diaries, etc. to get to where I was and then I got pregnant and…BAM 10 pound gain at 16 weeks so far. Sigh. The best attitude is one that incorporates the need and… Read more »

Mia
Guest
Mia

I think it gets better as you go. I know that sounds crazy, but I’m 36 weeks right now and earlier on I just felt I just looked fat not really even pregnant. Now in relation to my ginormous pregnant belly everything looks cute and small. Even my thunderous thighs and chubby upper arms which I have always hated look so much thinner. Seriously a couple of my friends have asked if my boobs have gotten smaller. LOL, that would be a no, up two sizes already!

Beth
Guest
Beth

I have to say, I think perhaps this dear woman should seek an outside ear. This kind of weight obsession could spiral into an eating disorder. You don’t have to ADORE your pregnancy body, but dwelling day in and day out is not a healthy outlook and it concerns me.

pseudostoops
Guest

I just want to second what Cobblestone said. Kellie sounds like such a lovely person and this sounds so painful- talking to a doctor about how low this is making her feel seems like it falls into the “can’t hurt, might help” category.

Della
Guest
Della

Oh. My. Goodness. The face water retention, for serious, even my NOSE was bigger. I could not stand to see pictures of myself because seriously? MY FREAKING SWEET CUTE BABY BUTTON NOSE was a HUGE MONSTROSITY that just matched my cankles. I have sweet, delicate ankles, shapely legs – one of my best features. But pregnant (and I did it twice) – the ankles stuck out wider than my feet. Plus it HURT. I’m 5’1″ and I made it up to 185 in both pregnancies. I look at pictures of myself pregnant and even post-partum a few weeks, and frankly,… Read more »

Themoira
Guest
Themoira

I was pregnant this time last year and I definitely had some body image issues as well. I had set a strict budget for maternity clothes (must save money for cute baby clothes), but in the end I splurged on some super cute spring dresses and adorable sweaters. This made all the difference for me. I felt a more polished, pulled together, and I loved all the compliments I received.
It’s one of those little things that can go a long way. (Also, sunless tanner and pedicures, those help too).

Karen
Guest
Karen

Second, and third the suggestions to get a few new items of clothing that flatter whatever new shape you have. I have always been athletic and trim, gained 35 lbs during preg and have had a very difficult time losing the last 10 pounds. I struggle much more with body image now, several months post-partum, than I ever did while I was pregnant.
Mixing in some new posh items plus some cute shoes and earrings really goes a long way in preventing me from clobbering the super skinny moms who wore their wedding rings 2 days after giving birth.

Nicole R.
Guest

I am skinny. I weighed 115 pounds at 5’7″ when I got pregnant with my first kid. When my thighs started to get big, I freaked out. I had never felt fat before. My OB smiled tolerantly and said, “You’re building a house for your baby.” I’ve had two kids now, and I gained over 50 pounds with each one. I am a healthy eater, so clearly my body just needed to do it that way. Like you, I had gained over 20 pounds of it by week 25. And you know what? I lost it all. I weigh less… Read more »

professormama
Guest
professormama

YOU DON”T HAVE TO LIKE BEING PREGNANT. Seriously, it has no bearing on you as a person, or the goodness of you’re mothering, at all. I have done it twice, both times pretty much sucked from my point of view- no complications, no real hassles, but I hated it. It was inconvenient and uncomfortable, and I gained weight, and I did not enjoy it. It’s normal to not enjoy feeling like you’re in someone else’s body. The best way to look at it is, you kind of are in someone else’s body, because now you are sharing your body with… Read more »

wallydraigle
Guest

It’s funny. My first pregnancy, I gained 40 pounds. I got up to 185, and I’m 5’5″ (I’ve always looked thinner than I really am, so 145 looked more like 135). And I looked FABULOUS. If I do say so myself. All boobs and belly, great skin, and I felt great. I don’t remember ever feeling that good in my life, not even when I was swimming or playing soccer year-round. Second pregnancy, I gained 6 pounds total. I was still working on the baby weight from my first (they were only 17 months apart). I was still breastfeeding at… Read more »

bo-peep
Guest
bo-peep

look, i hate it when people pathologise feeling crappy about crappy things (and for some people pregnancy totally falls into this category)…but…hmmm….something here really bothers me. Just feels wrong.
SO i thought i should mention that ante-natal depression is MORE common than post-natal depression but ridiculously under-diagnosed and a chat with your midwife/obstetrician about current mood could be helpful. Because a blah pregnancy is ok… a traumatic, teary, depressed pregnancy on the other hand is a high risk factor for PND and no-one wants to go there.

evaling
Guest
evaling

I completely agree with Themoira above: go out and find something cute to wear! I had a hard time when I first fell pregnant and seemed to gain 8-10 lbs instantly! I was always thin, 5.9 about 137 lbs, so nothing to complain about, but it’s true that this time when you gain weight there’s really not much you should do about it! So yes I felt out of control (though I was one of the lucky ones before that basically stayed the same weight always unless I really overate or had to take antidepressants and gained 20 pounds –… Read more »

Alison C
Guest
Alison C

BEST SISTER EVER!!!!
That’s all I can add to this subject.

Liz
Guest
Liz

The rate of weight gain also really slows in the second half of your pregnancy, so having gained 20 pounds now does not necessarily mean you’ll gain another 20 (if that’s what’s freaking you out in part). And like another poster said, very soon you’ll change from awkward-looking to the cute baby bump you were expecting.

sarah
Guest
sarah

Oh I needed to read this. I’m 27 weeks, and fixated on a number as my max for wt gain, but working on letting it go (long standing issues with weight & body image). I’ve never been so thankful that I was a healthy eater & exerciser before I got pregnant, otherwise I would be a severe TCBY & french fry overeater, and couch potato. But because I know how much better I feel after good meals and workouts, I’m strongly encouraging myself in that direction as often as possible, with lots of resting when I feel like it. After… Read more »

Gaby
Guest
Gaby

I might go so far as to suggest that it’s not only the media’s incomplete portrayal of post-pregnancy weight loss that influences us pregnant ladies on what is “typical;” I’d say that the medical profession has also contributed to this by saying that a woman should gain ONLY 30 pounds total (and that’s only if she was a “normal” weight prior to becoming pregnant). I, too, have gained 20 pounds by 25 weeks, and although I’ve been feeling comfortable with the extra weight and how I look, I found myself suddenly a bit concerned at the idea of only adding… Read more »

cindy
Guest
cindy

This is more for the sister – make sure they don’t do the belly-measuring game at the baby shower. Some people think it’s fun, but from my perspective (pregnant with twins and ENORMOUS), it was just humiliating.

MommiePie
Guest

I was just going to suggest trying to shift your focus toward growing a baby. You have to gain weight to nourish a healthy baby. All of that weight is for a very important reason. And, after you have the baby, focus on the baby. Don’t focus on your belly or your thighs or whatever because yes, they will be all jacked up for awhile. But, if you just focus your energy on what is most important – your health and the baby’s health, and trying to learn how to feed the baby and not forgetting to feed yourself and… Read more »

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

Oh girl. First pg- little exercise 52 lbs on my 5/10 frame. 2nd pg-crazy exercise, really watched the food, um 49 lbs, 3rd pg too busy to notice what I was doing eh 56 lbs. Beeboo now 3 months old, about 10 lbs to go, buuuut, man my midsection looks a wreck- now I kind of miss the bump.

Marnie
Guest
Marnie

I completely agree with bo-peep. This doesn’t come off to me as just a normal “I’m not a happy pregnant woman” – the fact that being upset over the weight gain is overshadowing the good parts indicates that this is a bigger issue, and she should really talk to a doctor about it.

HomeValley
Guest

Oh, Kellie, I just want to hug you! I am almost 32 weeks with my first, and I started this pregnancy at about 137, 5’7″… I gained 6 pounds the first 4 months, got cocky, and then gained 10 pounds in 4 weeks. And then… Another 10 pounds in 4 weeks. And then… another 7 in 6 weeks… That’s a grand total of 33 so far, and I tell you, sister: I exercise. I feel like I actually eat less now than before I was pregnant. I also eat organically and try to avoid sweets (though I am not perfect).… Read more »

JCF
Guest
JCF

If it helps, my midwife told me that women who are on the thinner side before pregnancy tend to gain more during pregnancy. Those maternal stores Amy mentioned? You didn’t have a whole lot to begin with stored up, so your body needs them now. If you hear someone who started out heavier than you tell you they only gained 20 pounds total, or something like that, remember that they started with those maternal stores already in place!

Cory
Guest
Cory

Before becoming pregnant again, baby number four, I worked hard to eat right and exercise and lose over 80 pounds.  I kept it off for over a year and then I found out I was pregnant.  I was so hoping to be cute and pregnant this time, but I have gained so much weight that I look nearly as bad as I did before all the work, I feel.  I hate the way I look and am becoming so very depressed.  It feels like a huge weight around my neck that is so heavy that all I really do is… Read more »

Alexandra
Guest
Alexandra

Hey I was just stopping by to ask how to deal with people who annoy you during your pregnancy and not be rude?

Its happened a couple of times where I want to keep on having a conversation with a group of friends but there is that one friend that is so annoying. And its funny because my baby starts to move as if she doesn’t like the person herself. So what can I do to handle that specific person? Please help

Lots of love
Alexandra

Nelle
Guest
Nelle

I’m so glad I’ve found this. I’m not alone! I’m 23 weeks and I’ve gained about 9.5kgs. I’ve always had issues but now I feel absolutely disgusting – stretch marks coming in, no clothes fit, I look like a bus… Ugh. I’m 155cm tall and weighed 48kgs before I got pregnant- a number I controlled possibly obsessively. I thought I’d be fine since I’m having a baby and I know it’s all good, but I feel awful about myself! I don’t want people to see me, especially my partner. He works in the beauty industry and all I can think… Read more »

Isabel Kallman
Admin

Nelle,

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. Remember what miraculous things your body is doing right now. I would also recommend seeing someone if your feelings are interfering with spending time with your partner or coping in general.

Isabel

Nelle
Guest
Nelle

Thanks, Isabel. It is hard and I have thought about getting some counselling or something, but admitting I’m not coping so publicly is something I wanted to avoid. I’ve tried talking to my partner but he doesn’t seem to get how hard I find it and just says don’t worry about it. I’ve basically avoided letting him see my body – especially undressed. I don’t avoid him, I just try and hide my stomach, either with clothes, my handbag or a cushion or something. I just feel so ugly. I don’t know how to ask for help in this because… Read more »

Rachel
Guest
Rachel

I have already had to re-read this article several times. I’ve been brought to tears most mornings when getting dressed because of how terrible I feel about myself. I’m only 12 weeks and have gained 10 pounds. When I got pregnant I was 126lbs at 5’5” (I was in GREAT shape, not skinny). I was FIT. I had six pack abs. I was the one other ladies wanted to look like. And I worked my butt off to get there and stay there. My diet was 1500-1800 cals a day and I trained hard. Now I’m struggling and trying so… Read more »

Jenn
Guest
Jenn

I cried. Not like a “I’m so depressed” cry. But everything you said.. I felt. I’ve been so scared but feeling so guilty. Will be reading your arrivals again, I can’t thank you enough.

Amanda
Guest
Amanda

Thank you everyone for this, except for the few people who made it sound  like this girl has issues. She may, but they are no different than your issue that you are obsessing around.  I am 23 weeks and off on a trip this week and find myself stressing daily about my weight. I have professional help, i meditate and exercise daily but it is hard gaining so much weight and hearing about how happy I should be.   We are all different. I agree with the fact that we just have feelings about it. It doesnt mean anything about… Read more »

Rachel
Guest

Like most other commenters, I am so glad I found this list of women who feel like I do. Before getting pregnant, I was in the best shape of my life at 5’7″ and 140 pounds. I’ve struggled with eating disorders for years and was finally in a good place. Now, I am 20 weeks pregnant and have gained 23 pounds already. It’s so hard to reconcile that number when the baby isn’t even a pound yet… and it’s my maternal stores that are splurging. I see it in my arms and my face every day and I am obsessed… Read more »

Nelle
Guest
Nelle

My baby is nearly 5 months old now, and I am still struggling, but perhaps weirdly it makes me feel a bit better to know that there are other people who have felt and do feel the same as I did/do. It’s a massive change in your life and of course your body changes too. Learning to cope with this, however, isn’t easy. Seeing millions of magazines screaming ‘HOW FEMALE CELEBRITY BLAH GOT HER BODY BACK!!’ does not help at all. In fact, I’ve come to realise I still have a body that functions – it’s just a different shape.… Read more »

veronica
Guest
veronica

i feel like same you, but i suspecting my husband dont like my body cos am fat cos pregnancy :(((

Mymlan
Guest
Mymlan

I’m SO GLAD I read this. I am in the first trimester, and already having a really hard time with my body image. Part of it is that I don’t look pregnant in the least (of course not, duh, first trimester…) but I DO look straight up fat. I gained weight in my arms and legs and face, and I gained more than the very restricted “only five pounds” that you’re supposed to gain during the first trimester. (I’m 5’10 and weighed about 155 before pregnancy, and I have not really been eating that much more…well, okay, snacks…) I haven’t… Read more »

tori
Guest
tori

I’m now 33 weeks and weigh 145 lbs I’m 5’6″ and before getting pregnant I was 103 lbs so trust me I understand I cried for so long about the weight I cried about the pain I cried about the guilt of wanting to cry. As much as everyone says “oh your so cute, its all baby, your not fat” I literally feel like a whale and I just want it to be over so I can try to get back to being me. I just can’t take getting bigger and bigger and not being able to do anything about… Read more »

Ashley
Guest
Ashley

I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with my second child. I don’t know my exact weight but it was over 160lbs over two weeks ago. I started at 133 lbs (I’m 5’7″). I gained a little over 50lbs with my first child who ended up weighing 9lbs 6oz! 🙂 he was so sweet and cute. They say every pregnancy is different, which I’m learning is very true! It hurts my feelings more this time because I’m pregnant during the summer. Everyone has cute, skimpy clothes. There’s cute clothes at the store that I can barely look at without feeling bad. My… Read more »

Ashley Le Grange
Guest
Ashley Le Grange

I just found this post because I was searching “hate being in my skin pregnant”. For me, this is a great read- but I am only 10 1/2 weeks and I feel like I look like 5 or 6 months. I also weighed in at about 140 before pregnancy and am 5’5 / 5’6 and I am guessing I’ve already put on a lot of weight- prob about 15 pounds. I’ve tried to be cognizant of the sweets- but with the sickness it’s been hard because all I want are French fries and carbs to soak it up. My arms… Read more »

Isabel Kallman
Admin

I would suggest asking your medical practitioner (the one overseeing you during this pregnancy) for a referral to a dietician or nutritionist who specializes in pregnancy and can help you. You are also very early in your pregnancy and I would also look into a referral to a therapist you can talk to throughout your pregnancy for the feelings you are having.