Prev Next

How To Deal With A Talkative Child Before You’ve Had Caffeine

By Guest Contributor

By Cecily Kellogg

1. Make your partner do it.
If your schedule allows, alternate with your partner who gets up with the kid. That way at least half of the week you will have an opportunity to stretch, brush your teeth, and maybe sneak in a cup of coffee before you have to engage with your super chatty kid. Or if you’re like me, you stay in bed just a bit longer so by the time you face your child, said child has wound down a bit.

2. Stay in bed.
If your child is either in a crib or safe in his or her room, stay in bed until that first burst of chipper, happy observation of everything has passed. That way, the stuffed animals nearby will get the bulk of the morning monologue, and you can slowly wake up in the other room while listening to the happy murmur. Once the talking begins to slow down a bit, only then head on in to the kid’s room and get the day started.

3. Use Ear Plugs.
If you are like me and have a husband that snores loudly enough to wake the dead, you might also wear earplugs. When it’s my turn to get up with the kiddo, I often leave the earplugs in and just nod my head and smile while she lights into her litany of what animal slept with her and what color the walls are and why, yes, that IS Hello Kitty on her pajamas. Once we get downstairs, I take them out, and start in on the caffeine.

4. Quit caffeine.
If you aren’t addicted to caffeine, you wake up more alert and with your tush firmly attached to your body, not dragging behind you in your wake. Ha! Who am I kidding? What a silly idea.

5. Grin and bear it.
I wish I had better advice, but some days, you just have to tolerate it. Little kids brains grow at the astonishing rate of 250,000 cells a minute and part of that growth involves their language centers. When they wake up in the morning, they’ve usually had a lovely ten to twelve hours of sleep, and so naturally they feel quite well rested and happy and eager to share their joy with the world. Sadly, we adults count ourselves lucky to get six hours of sleep a night and, you know, we’re OLD, so our brains don’t have that same lovely flare of happy energy first thing in the morning. So, the only way to deal with it is just enjoy it while the coffee brews.


Guest Contributor
About the Author

Guest Contributor

We often publish pieces by guest contributors. If you’re interested in being one, please drop us a line at contact[at]alphamom[dot]com.


We often publish pieces by guest contributors. If you’re interested in being one, please drop us a line at contact[at]alphamom[dot]com.

icon icon
chat bubble icon


  • Becca

    June 18, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    I love this and am glad to hear I am not the only one that has a super chatty wee one that starts the day running (or chatting). My 3 year old starts talking around 5am….crawls in bed with us and chats herself back to sleep…wakes back up around 8am, talking….and then monologues her way through most of the day.
    We know when she has finally exhausted herself because, alas, it is QUIET. As I write this she is standing beside me gifting me with a silver serving spoon and a fabulous explanation of why she wants to give them to me and what they are for. I love her….but this girl could talk the paint off the wall! (Big Hugs to you, Roo….I wrote this with love and humor!)
    And….quitting caffeine?? I think I would slip into a coma and that would do no one any good!!

  • Alpha Mom

    June 19, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    Comments from Our Facebook Fans
    Paula Bruno
    Both of my girls talk ALL DAY not just in morning!!
    Jen Mooney Dimler
    LOL!! My son wakes up talking and doesn’t stop 😉
    Michelle Ray
    I have 3 chatterboxes (ages 6, 4. and 2)… and they even talk in their sleep!
    Gigi Gervits Schwartz
    Add #6. Turn on the TV. Works for me.
    I love my daughter, but she doesn’t stop and 15 minutes of quiet time can save my sanity.
    Andrea Curnow Johns
    I find food works for as long as it is in front of them anyhow

  • allison

    June 22, 2009 at 1:40 am

    No, never ever quit caffeine. that’s like quitting life. Definitely t.v. and making your husband deal with it.

  • Di

    June 22, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    Well, at least we’re not alone!

  • Becsmom

    June 23, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    My kids talk so much I joke they even talk in their sleep. Although truthfully I have actually caught 2 of the 3 doing just that. The middle one has “volume control issues” so not only is it constant it’s often loud.
    It is not the loud rock music of my youth that will eventually dull my hearing….

  • Maya

    June 24, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    The Baby Center fun facts have worked out great for my 7 year old. I think he contemplates the facts for a while and then tells me what he thinks. The “while” is long enough for me to relax and think. NEVER…give up the caffeine!

  • Amy

    July 2, 2009 at 11:36 pm

    My kids are older and I still like this list of suggestions!

  • Coral

    July 6, 2009 at 2:40 am

    I have found the best way to shut kids up is to put food in their mouths!

  • KimB

    July 24, 2009 at 11:21 am

    I guess I don’t have the same level of chatter as others do. I love it when my boys (4 yrs & 15 mos) talk – it’s how I know what’s going on in their little heads. My 15 month old will wake up around 5 a.m. and I can hear him talking on the monitor. It’s the sweetest sound. My 4 yr old will chatter about last nights dreams, his plans for the day, whatever. I love to listen. Sometimes if I’m tired I try to get them to be quiet, but then I think in just a few short years they won’t want to talk to me at all.

  • leslie

    February 15, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Hilarious comments! I just got a great laugh for sure. Glad to know I am not alone. I hear “chattiness” means intillectual so at least that is something positive to think of when your ears are ringing like mine are at night. 6 and 3 year old girls, non stop talkers, singers, hummers, sleep talkers and walkers and loud. My 3 year old “came out screaming” and hasn’t stopped yet. But, yes, food and tv do work wonders so does sending them outside to play and taking them to the park. And you definitely know when it’s quiet they are tired, but forget naps! I envy anyone who has daily nappers. Only my first born was a good napper. My 9 month old son is a quiet one though (unlike his sisters) he just takes it all in but makes up for it in strength! Kids are hilarious! And yes, never give up on caffeine either, tu chez! Oh yeah, I like the ear plug thing for the snoring daddy, must do that!