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Things I Never Knew I'd Say To My Kids by Mir Kamin for Alphamom.com

Things I Never Knew I’d Say

By Mir Kamin

At some point while wasting time on the Internet instead of being a productive human being, I came across Nathan Ripperger’s hilarious illustrations of things he’s said to his kids. Now, apparently Ripperger is an illustrator, so his skills are evident, and of course small children inspire us to say all sorts of bizarre things because they are bizarre little creatures.

My illustration skills are poor, so perhaps I should reach out to someone with actual chops for collaboration on a teen series. More and more often, though, I’m realizing that the “weird stuff I find myself saying” hasn’t abated as my children have aged. In fact, stuff is just getting weirder. So I thought I’d try my hand at a similar series. (My apologies to Mr. Ripperger in advance. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you know.)

When trying to coax my teen to hang out at home with pals:

directly-speak

When wondering when my car became communal property:

car-whim

When I’ve made a terrible mistake:
room-ebola

When the appreciation for my efforts to nourish my family is just overwhelming:
favorite-dinner

When evenings get a little raucous:
dog-snapchat

I could keep going, I suppose, and maybe I could even convince you that my illustrations are… ummm… stylized. (Yeah, that’s it.) Entertain me, will you? What have you found yourself saying to your teen that seemed perfectly logical as it left your mouth but the fact that it seemed logical made you realize exactly how weird life really is?

Published October 27, 2015. Last updated July 24, 2017.
About the Author

Mir Kamin

Mir Kamin began writing about her life online over a decade ago, back when she was a divorced mom trying to raise two regular little kids and figure out what she wanted to be when she grew up. Now ...

Mir Kamin began writing about her life online over a decade ago, back when she was a divorced mom trying to raise two regular little kids and figure out what she wanted to be when she grew up. Now her life looks very different than it did back then: Those little kids turned into anything-but-regular teenagers, she is remarried, and somehow she’s become one of those people who talks to her dogs in a high-pitched baby voice. Along the way she’s continued chronicling the everyday at Woulda Coulda Shoulda, plus she’s bringing you daily bargain therapy at Want Not. The good news is that Mir grew up and became a writer and she still really likes hanging out with her kids; the bad news is that her hair is a lot grayer than it used to be.

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