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The Trouble With Harry

By Alice Bradley

Hello devoted Wonderland readers. It is I, Liz in Wonderland, a poor man’s Alice, back again while your beloved host takes another family vacation.
That’s two vacations in one month, for those of you keeping track. Send hatemail to [email protected]
(Not about me, about the vacationing.)
Since I didn’t burn the place down last time or play my klezmer music loud enough to annoy the neighbors–not that Dooce would complain, even if she was annoyed; Melissa maybe, but not Dooce–I’ve been invited back. And so I’m neglecting my own blog, Mom-101, for the day to discuss the only real news item there is right now.
At this very moment, the nation’s denizens lie agitated and sweating in their beds, surrounded by balled-up tissues and splatters of chicken soup as they mutter about muggles in half-conscious delirium. The diagnosis: Harry Potter fever, a affliction that’s spread from young children, to their parents, to those with immune systems previous weakened by Star Wars Fever.
To write about anything else today…well, is there anything else?
Not if you’re Courtney Lanahan.
The sweet if somewhat misguided Oregon woman is such a Potter fan that she panicked upon discovering her July 20 wedding to Shawn Gordon was scheduled for the very same night of the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Now I liked The Davinci Code. Yeah, I know it’s cool to hate it now, but I wasn’t in on that at the time and unfortunately was stuck enjoying it right along with all the other “not cool enough to hate fun books” folks. I liked it so much that when I reached the gripping climax only moments before I had to head downstairs from my hotel room to my friends’ wedding, I briefly considered blowing off the ceremony. But blowing off my own ceremony?
Breathe easy friends, Courtney did not postpone the wedding. Just the honeymoon.
Indeed she put it off an entire week to give herself plenty of time to discover the fates of Harry & Co.
If you want to be among the first to congratulate the newlyweds, you can catch them tonight at midnight at the Clackamas Town Center Barnes & Noble, where the limo will drop them off directly from their reception. Sounds like a fun wedding night is in store for Shawn!
“Um, sweetie…” [tap tap tap]
“Just 757 more pages, honey. Love you.”
I can only hope that seeing the book before the wedding isn’t akin to seeing the bride before the wedding, or the couple’s in for a rocky future. The thing has leaked all over the internet this week like a pair of postpartum triple-Ds.
(Not that I’d know about such things.)
The scandal started when some Voldomortesque meanie with a lot of free time and a passionate desire to squash the excitement of millions of children photographed each and every one of the nearly 800 pages of the tome and posted them online. Personally, I suspect Dick Cheney.
Next broke their agreement with publisher Scholastic by sending out copies of the book early. Because pissing off the publisher of the single biggest cash cow book this year? Smart business decision.
But then even so-called respectable media sources got in on the action as the New York Times pulled an Enquirer and leaked spoilers in premature reviews of Deathly Hallows.
(Harry Potter: Really a chick!)
This is the best publicity for the series since it hit the American Library Association’s most banned books list, along with such evil, mind-tainting trash as I Know Why the Caged Bird Signs and To Kill a Mockingbird.
But despite all the press, Scholastic is not happy. So they’re going to take the proper American course of action and sue all kinds of people. Because leaks are bad. Leaks are illegal! Just so long as that leak isn’t about a top secret CIA agent involved in matters of grave national security during wartime, you’ve tooootally got a case.
And now I’ll let you go rest up. I imagine a few of you have somewhere to be at midnight tonight. That is, if you’re good parents. Isn’t that how it works?

Alice Bradley
About the Author

Alice Bradley

Alice Bradley was a regular contributor to Alpha Mom, writing about current events as they related to parenting. You can read about her daily life at her personal blog, Finslippy.


Alice Bradley was a regular contributor to Alpha Mom, writing about current events as they related to parenting. You can read about her daily life at her personal blog, Finslippy.

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Lisa Marie
Lisa Marie

Voldemort…but who’s checking?
I thoroughly enjoyed this post, by the way — so much so that I’m forwarding it to my Harry-beloving boyfriend. I don’t think he’ll understand this line: “The thing has leaked all over the internet this week like a pair of postpartum triple-Ds.”; however, I do believe he will appreciate your writing.
Welcome back!


I loved this post! AND I don’t mind at all that you linked to it on your other website. But then, I am guilty of doing that myself. Not sure what all the hate is about – if you don’t want to click on the link, just don’t. In this case, I’m really glad I did.

Motherhood Uncensored

Dick Cheney indeed. I knew I didn’t like him. And now I know why.
Are you sure there isn’t some crazy woman out there postponing the birth of her child?
And I realllllllllly hope Harry Potter turns out to be a woman.
Or maybe that’s Hairy Potter: Tranny Sex Diaries


I sorta relate to this woman….. The Order of the Phoenix was released on my wedding day. Except, that I was getting married in New Hampshire, not in Kansas City where I live. I frantically called around to see if I could order a book somewhere there, but realized that perhaps, my new husband would not want to schlep down from the mountains back to Manchester and wait in line for a BOOK. And I was too nervous to ORDER it. What if it got misdelivered to the resort where I was staying?? Egads! So, I settled for re-reading the… Read more »


I confess – I read a book on my honeymoon. But, in my defense, it was too COLD in the pool, and if my husband wanted to go swimming in the COLD, that didn’t mean I had to. Also, at that point we had a one year old and had lived together for who knows how long, so really the romance is wearing off at that point. Actually, pretty much all worn off. Either way, I am waiting in line behind my family members who bothered to buy HP. I’m not shelling out $30 or whatever it costs for a… Read more »