Ditching the Pump

Dear Amy,

I have a seven month old daughter, and she is a healthy, happy little chunk. She’s always been exclusively breastfed (nursed at home, bottles of EBM at daycare while I’m at work.) But I’d really love your take on two aspects of infant feeding that seem on a collision course for us: bottle striking and weaning.

My daughter has developed the delightful habit of REFUSING a bottle from me, or near me, or from my husband who I guess reminds her of me. Doesn’t matter when or where. (At daycare, or with my mother-in-law, she’s totally fine. No issue with bottles as long as I’m not around.)

But at seven months, I just feel done with breastfeeding. Actually that’s not fair – I’m done with PUMPING. I LOVE to breastfeed my babe. But my job is just so stressful already, and pumping has made the days combative and exhausting and difficult to navigate. I’m at a point where the unhappiness with pumping is interfering with my ability to relax and enjoy time with the baby it’s all for.

I’ve built up a significant stock of frozen milk (about a month’s worth), which makes me feel better about extending my daughter’s intake of breastmilk before switching to formula. Slowly I’ve dropped extra pumping sessions that were more for building a frozen stash than baby’s daily intake. So a couple of questions:

Am I a terrible mother for wanting to wean my baby before she’s ready? It seems clear she’s NOT ready, since she’s refusing bottles when there’s boob nearby. I feel selfish, and guilty, and like I’m just choosing my own convenience over her comfort.

But even if I get over that, how to handle a baby who won’t accept the bottle from me OR my husband? I’m afraid I’ll emotionally scar her, or (a lesser worry but still significant) throw our entire bedtime / nighttime sleep routine off because she’ll be unhappy and hungry at night.

Please help! And thank you!

Just so I’m clear:
– you’re done with pumping (totally understandable) but not breastfeeding;
– you’re fine switching your seven-month old to formula when the frozen stash runs out (totally practical);
– and, she’s fine taking a bottle at daycare or from a caretaker who is not you.
This is all fine!

It’d be one thing if you were talking about weaning her from breastmilk altogether, as…yeah, she needs to accept a bottle from SOMEONE in your household before you do that. But since you still love breastfeeding (and will probably love it MORE once you free yourself of the pumping obligation), I don’t see her selective bottle striking as being that big of a concern here. You nurse her when you’re home and available to nurse. She gets bottles of expressed breast milk (EBM) at daycare until that runs out, then switch to formula.

I did not pump the entire time I breastfed my babies either! I hated it!!! It was super necessary at first because I was prone to supply issues, but once our routine settled in I only pumped occasionally, like when I missed actual feedings (travel, nights out, etc.) and didn’t want to risk a supply drop. I didn’t pump to build a freezer stash and always supplemented with formula when I needed to. But I never considered “not pumping” as anything close to “weaning.” I breastfed when we were together. When we weren’t they got bottles of whatever was available, be it EBM or formula.

(Random: I had one baby who LOVED nursing, but was never all that jazzed about breastmilk in bottle form and clearly preferred formula over EBM. So fine! We did actual boobs or formula for him for well over a year. He’s also fine.)

I think that setup will work well for you, and I wouldn’t stress over the fact that she doesn’t want to take a bottle when you’re not around too much just yet. When the boobs are available make the boobs available. When they are 100% not available, you know she’ll take a bottle and not starve.

I understand that getting the occasional break at nighttime probably sounds really nice as well, and so I’d say you could mayyyyyyybe have you husband get up and try to get her to take a bottle every now and then? Just to see if she’ll bite? But I wouldn’t push it, since yes, you might risk disrupting her sleep more than necessary if she fights it and refuses. And then you end up getting up to just nurse her anyway. Might not be worth the hassle just yet. (Maybe ask your mother-in-law to take her for an overnight so you can get a luxurious night of uninterrupted sleep?)

If you’re concerned about actual weaning from the boob…well, that’s a whole other advice column topic. But for now, I bet you’ll find that ditching the pump will have a pretty great effect on your relationship with breastfeeding in general. It won’t be such a chore and a slog, and you’ll be able to go back to relaxing and enjoying your baby. And breastfeeding your baby! For a least a few more months, until you’re both ready.