What do you think will happen on Election Day?
November 4, 2008
9 a.m. Henry reminds me at breakfast of our deal: if Obama wins, we celebrate with ice-cream sundaes on Wednesday night; if McCain wins, we stuff our faces with ice-cream sundaes so that we can’t feel the pain inside.
10 a.m. Scott calls to tell me that I shouldn’t vote anytime soon because everyone and their mother is out voting right now. I act as if I were on my way out the door, when in fact I am still in my pajamas.
11 a.m.: Henry, who has the day off for Election Day, asks me when we’re going to go vote for Obama. I consider getting dressed.
Noon: Finally dressed, we start to make our way to the polling place, which happens to be Henry’s school. On the way there, Henry can’t help but notice that his friends are all in the playground. Can he go over there for just a minute?
1 p.m.: I manage to drag Henry away from his friends and toward the polling place, when I see the Election Day bake sale still going on and remember that I said I was going to bring something. Crappity.
1:01 p.m. I have to buy two chocolate cupcakes to make up for my failure as a bake-sale contributor. It is my civic duty. I have approximately five minutes before Henry goes batty from all the sugar coursing through his system.
1:05 p.m.: The polling place is still surprisingly busy—although everyone here is over seventy. The poll workers are even older. Do I know CPR? Henry is eyeing my cupcake, and I cram it into my maw before he can even suggest that he deserves seconds.
1:10 p.m. Somehow I manage to vote as Henry leaps up and down beside me and my eyeballs vibrate inside their sockets.
1:30 p.m. Now that I’m home, I’m certainly not going to look at news sites and obsess.
1:35 p.m. I begin obsessing.
3 p.m. Still obsessing.
4 p.m. Did you know that the Internet is large? And there are many web sites with election information?
5 p.m. Henry has had it with my obsessing and demands that I read to him. Quality time with my child? Torture.
6 p.m. How can I cook dinner when I’m so busy obsessing?
7 p.m. Having somehow managed to feed my family, I am now watching television. Also, I am freaking out. The exit polls seem to indicate that this is going to be a closer race than I had told myself it was going to be. There are more votes for McCain than, say, 0.
8 p.m. Ohio looks like it’s going to McCain. It’s over. It’s all over. We might as well move to Canada now.
8:05 p.m. The drinking begins.
8:30 p.m. Ohio is now too close to call. I continue to drink.
9 p.m. Florida loves Obama! This calls for a drink!
9:15 p.m. Henry insists that he can’t sleep because of all the history being made. We almost fall for it.
10 p.m. The pundits are being all pundity as the numbers roll across the bottom of the screen, and I require way more alcohol to keep myself from bouncing off the walls.
11 p.m. The swing states are mostly going in Obama’s favor, and it really looks like he might win. I am now gnawing on my knuckles. Then I gnaw on Scott’s knuckles. I don’t want to get my hopes up. But maybe? Maybe he might win? Unless McCain does. GAH.
12 a.m. It’s all over. McCain concedes at the stroke of midnight. Obama declares victory, I don’t throw up from all the alcohol consumption, and everyone gets free puppies. Also, there’s sex.
Okay, so maybe an Obama victory by midnight is a tiny bit optimistic, but a girl can dream.
And you? What do you think will happen on Election Day?
Published October 31, 2008.
Last updated August 21, 2013.