Updates & Follow-Ups: Helping an Abused Friend
Thank you so much for your help and advice a couple weeks ago. I am happy to report that my friend moved in with me for a couple of weeks before signing a lease with her sister, and moving in with her yesterday (her sister and I both agreed that having her sign a new lease would be best – as it would make her less likely to go back to him).
As of today, it has been 3 weeks since she last saw him, and has only communicated via email – to let him know she was moving out, details of the utilities and asking him to not be home when she came to pack (which I stayed with her during, and he never showed up).
I let her talk to me about everything, all her feelings, and like you said, reassured her that it was okay to be upset that her relationship was over, and admit that she still loved him, which I think allowed her to start the healing process.
Thanks again to your wonderful advice and support, and that of all the readers – I am so relieved that she was strong enough to leave right away, rather than this being a long, drawn out situation.
No longer as Concerned
Oh, sweet lands, I am SO glad to hear this. I usually wait until I have a small handful of updates before posting them, but I couldn’t wait to publish this very, very good news.
And can I add that I am like, uber-over-the-moon impressed with you and everything you did to help your friend — providing a safe place, going WITH her, back to the scene of an actual literal crime? Man, clearly you are one tough lady who shall not be messed with. And also the listening and validating romantic feelings that on the surface might not make a lot of sense to people who have never been in an abusive relationship. Just perfect, all around.
I do hope, in addition to the new apartment lease and relationship status, that your friend will consider seeing a therapist and/or joining a support group to continue the healing process. It’s wonderful that she has people like you and her sister, but at some point she should maybe start digging into how this all happened in the first place, why she allowed it to go on as long as it did, and how to recognize early warning signs in potential future boyfriends.
But. I am proud of her. I am proud of YOU.
Photo by naydeeyah
Published January 8, 2010. Last updated April 18, 2018.