Single Mom Dating: Skipping to the Hard Stuff

I used to really love first dates.

There was something so optimistic about that encounter with someone new, the idea of starting fresh with no mistakes in it exciting.

I was good at them too, what I lacked in cleavage I made up for in legs, brain, wit, and charm. It was almost like a game for me. To win them over.

And I did.

But then I didn’t know what to do with the next part, which is why I found myself in a series of pretty crappy relationships that weren’t built on anything but lust and conquest. A couple of those lasted way longer than they should have.

Intimacy and vulnerability are scary things, more so when the only significant relationships you had in your life were lacking them, they’re to be avoided at all costs.

This realization didn’t happen overnight, of course, because if it had, I’m pretty sure it would have saved me a whole lot of heartache. And honestly, a lot of heartache for other people too.

Now that I know what I want, now that I understand what’s involved in making a long term relationship actually work, I’m starting to hate the idea of first dates. When before they were invigorating, now the idea of them sounds dreadful.

On the contrary, I’m looking forward to all the stuff that happens after the connection, the dinners, the coffees. The friendship with someone you love. The love with someone who’s your friend.

The stuff that’s sometimes not so pretty. The stuff I tried so desperately to avoid.

I do realize that in order to get to the next level with someone, I’m probably going to have to go on a first date. Oh the irony. And I know, I know. It can be fun to get snazzed up and go out with people and have dinner and drinks.

But when you know the end result, when you can see it so clearly, it’s just hard to have to do all meeting and flirting and side eye glances. The retelling of my story and how I got to where I am (the marriages, the kids, yes, they’re all mine).

Especially since my time and, let’s be honest here, my energy just isn’t what it used to be.

If anything, knowing now what I want and what I can have has made me pickier.

And hopeful.