Say No To the Stress When Moving Cross-Country
Dear Amalah –
I need your help here. My husband and I are moving cross-country next week for his new job. The whole thing has been a relatively quick deal (think, about 4 weeks total). We also have a 16 month old daughter and a sweet doggy. Due to bad planning (but not really, because we didn’t know the start date of his job!), my best friend from college has her bachelorette party the following weekend, in Austin, and since I am the maid of honor (and only bridesmaid for that fact), I should most definitely be there.
But, I am just so stressed. I have to fly solo with my daughter, since our dog can’t fly to the west coast with us (he’s part pit), so my husband has to drive the 2500 miles with him. On the other side of our move, we are living with in-laws, which while so well-intentioned and loving, my daughter is in full on stranger danger mode and she’s only met her grandparents about 3 times. And then I have to fly out again? I know my husband will be there by that time, but he’s going to be working long hours since he is starting a new job. AND THEN! The week after the party, I have to fly back to the Midwest for my work, and I’ll be gone a whole week.
I am just coming apart. I am stressed about the cross country move, I am stressed about a 4.5 hour plane trip alone with a 16 month old who is cutting molars, I am stressed about leaving the poor girl in a strange house, with (somewhat) strange people, nothing familiar around her at all, twice, TWICE in the weeks following. I am stress, that as a Maid of Honor I have to be at the bachelorette party (and stressed, that because I hadn’t been able to buy tickets yet and I just looked and they are $700!) And I am stressed that on top of all this, I still need to continue working diligently (yet remotely) at my current job, proving to my boss that I can work effectively from a remote location (so – no stress there – my job just depends on it!)
What can I do to make this easier or, you know, just sleep at night? How absolutely terrible of a person am I if I can’t make the bachelorette? Can I just fly out a different weekend to see my friend? Fly out early for the wedding to see how I could help? Just lay my story at her feet and beg forgiveness (she would totally tell me it’s not a big deal. But, it is pretty terrible to cancel last minute on the bride). Can I just go hide in a hole somewhere until this next month is over??
Maid of Stress, not Honor
I repeat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I’m getting a secondhand anxiety attack just reading about your life right now; I cannot even imagine what it’s like to be actually living it.
So, for starters, you are 100% not going to that bachelorette party. I mean. No. You can’t! Girl! That’s crazy! I could see stressing out about canceling if we were talking about the actual wedding but the bachelorette party? For your best friend from college? That you have to fly to? No. No with the force of a million suns!
I admittedly have BEYOND zero tolerance for wedding-related drama or even bridezilla-lite behavior, but you are so not a terrible person for canceling. I mean, the fact that you’re still even considering shelling out $700 in plane tickets in the midst of a cross-country move WITH A BABY tells me that you are not a terrible person. You are a conscientious and very kind person who (JUST GUESSIN’ HERE) routinely puts the needs and desires of other people above your own, even to the point of a damn mental breakdown.
Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to break the news to your friend. You of course will be apologetic but firm in your resolve — a whirlwind, last-minute, cross-country move (that obviously, wasn’t even on your radar when you accepted the role of maid of honor) has thrown a massive, unyielding wrench in the works and you won’t be able to fly out to the bachelorette party. BUT! You will be there for the wedding and you can even arrive early to be of extra help. (Although please only say that if that’s actually true, and not just something that will cause you undue amounts of hardship and stress later down the line!!!) Your friend — as you admit yourself — will say it’s fine. She may be disappointed but she will survive, and she will most likely understand completely, given everything you’ve laid out here.
(If she DOESN’T understand completely or gets upset or guilt-trips you or starts muttering about replacing you as MOH…well, that’s everything you need to know about your “best friend from college” and why she never graduated to “best friend from all of life, period.”)
The weekend of the party, you’re going to call the hotel or hostess or whatever and arrange for a nice bottle of champagne or snacks or flowers to be there when the bride arrives with a nice note from you.
And then you can let this particular stressor go and focus on the 5,294,208 other things you’ve got going on in your life.
Photo source: Unsplash/TimGoedhart
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