How To Remove Self-Tanner Stains & Streaks

Photo by Photo Mojo

Oh Amy–of infinite wisdom and knower-of-all-things-of-importance, I’m in need of desperate help.

Right now I look like an oompa loompa. That’s right, I’m orange. Usually I’m  WHITE (in all caps), I don’t tan and not strictly because of the whole cancer thingy. I have the fabulous ability to burn, but walking around bright pink isn’t that much better than walking around orange. So I thought, self, you have a bajillion weddings to go to this summer and being the whitest person there is a drag. So I took myself down to Darque Tan where they showed me how to lotion up my hands and feet, stick my arms out in a dorky fashion and let the magical wonder of chemicals stain my white skin. My arms and legs look fine and natural. My feet are a tad darker than I like but not that bad, my hands though! Oh my hands, despite slathering on the non-sticking lotion my hands are orange. Like any girl would do I took a loofa and then a pumice stone to them, now I’m two toned and have no skin on one wrist. Tomorrow I’m going to a wedding; I know it wasn’t the wisest decision to do this so close to the day. I’ve come to grips with hiding my hands and wearing a sweater over my gorgeous black sleeveless dress because my pits are super white (why is that? It’s not like I use industrial strength deodorant, why isn’t there color there?), but I have more weddings to go to.

I don’t want to hear about how I should just embrace my pastiness. I don’t have the pretty pastiness. I just look like I live under a rock. So is there one chain that’s better than another? Is there a way I can keep my hands from looking like I was getting close with a pumpkin? And lastly, how do I get the orange off my hands???

The Walking Traffic Cone

Aaaand THIS is why I self-tan at home, and only at home. Those spray-tan things, man. They’re just too fast, too much, too hard to frantically rub and lotion and mop up all the post-application streaks while you’re standing there naked and can’t even see the backs of your thighs and oh look! The webs in-between my fingers somehow got all orange. That looks…natural. Gah.

For best tanning results, do this:

1. Splurge on spray
If you really want a foolproof professional spray-tan, you’ve got to splurge for the airbrushing kind, where a PERSON actually sprays and shades you instead of a showerhead. Being too much of a cheap bastard to ever try that, though, I’ve done the automatic kind a few times at a few different places and have never been 100% satisfied with the results. I’ve always gotten at least a couple annoying streaks or uneven color or just…not a GOOD shade of color. Sometimes I was happy with it after a few days (and after I’ve removed all the mistakes), but right afterward I would look in the mirror objectively and realize that I was not fooling ANYONE, my skin tone was the equivalent of a peroxide blond.

2. Moisturize
Hands and feet and elbows and knees are usually the big problem areas with the spray tans, no matter where you go. Going in super-extra moisturized helps. Some places use special lotions, others suggest you wear plastic gloves and booties and yank them off at some point during the application or immediately after for a quick rub-down. The first minutes post-spray are the most critical in avoiding streaks and build-up on your hands and feet, and maybe with a lot of practice you can get better at it. I just found it stressful.

3. Gradual self-tanning lotions
Yes, they require more time to build up a nice deep glow and maintenance is CRUCIAL, but they are pretty much idiot-proof. Now that you’ve got a base coat from your spray tan, start using a lotion NOW to keep the color. I’ve written about them a couple times before — they’re all pretty similar, so if you have a favorite lotion brand you can probably find a tanning version. (The only one I’ve really disliked was a L’Oreal one, because it seemed to contain glitter as well as self-tanner, and as I am neither 1) 12 years old or 2) Edward Cullen, I’m not into sparkly crap all over my skin.) It takes these lotions about a week to really give you a “tan” — though as you’ve learned, it’s best to avoid the spray tan booth too close to a wedding or beach trip as well.

How to remove self-tanner:

1. Gentle exfoliation
What to do about the orange all over your hands? You had the right idea with exfoliating with the loofah, but a pumice stone is way too harsh for your hands or other non-foot body parts. Gentle exfoliation is best, and some prep work will help out immensely. For large areas of your body (i.e. streaks down your legs or back), rub a thin layer of baby oil and let it sit — the longer the better. A half hour if you can stand the slippery boredom. Then gently wash it off with a scrub, targeting the unwanted color — one of those salt or sugar scrubs are good, but you could use a facial scrub as well. If you don’t have a scrub, use your face wash and a loofah.

2. Baby Oil
For your hands, use the baby oil and then pull on a pair of plastic gloves (like the kind that come with hair dye) before scrubbing it off. For feet, oil and then an old pair of socks. The oil will soften the skin so the exfoliation actually takes off the skin cells you want — the dead dry ones on the surface that suck up the tanner at oompa-like levels — and not the healthy cells underneath.

3. Lemon Juice
For smaller mistakes — places like your palms, knuckles, or the lone errant streak — grab a wedge of lemon and rub. You might have to do this a few times, but lemon juice is pretty darn good at bleaching out the orange.

4. Tanner Removing Products
Are there special products you can buy for just this very purpose? OF COURSE THERE ARE. I’ve never used them — the oil and lemon have always worked well enough for me, and now that I use the lotions instead of full-strength tanners, I haven’t had any problems that took more than 24 hours to fade and self-correct. But for the sake of covering this topic from every angle, there’s St. Tropez Tan Remover Prep . MODEL Co also makes one, though from the description it sounds like a grapefruit scrub. Which…you could also just buy a grapefruit scrub, or make your own sugar scrub with grapefruit or lemon juice.

Final Thoughts on Spray Tanning at home

If you decide to try the spray tan again, definitely make sure you’ve got the supplies for fixing mistakes at home, and try to make your appointments at a minimum of three days BEFORE your event. And don’t wear deodorant AT ALL. Even regular-strength deodorant will repel the dye and you’ll end up with the weirdly-white pits. (And some deodorants will stain your pits GREEN when mixed with self-tanner. So go smelly on spray-tan appointment days.)