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Because I Am Not Completely Irrelevant! Yet!

By Amalah

Dear Amalah,
My question relates to the skinny jeans I bought and then regretted because they make my bum look rather… well, enormous.
I’m a UK size 10 so I’m not supermodel-skinny, but I’m not huge. I’m also quite short (5 foot 3 inches in my stocking soles). The jeans are just about wear-out-in-public-able, but I cannot seem to get the right shoes to go with them. Most people seem to wear them with either flat ballet pump type shoes, or tucked into knee high boots. I’ve tried both and neither seem to look right so I haven’t worn my lovely new jeans yet! The flatties seem to make my arse look bigger, and the boots make my legs look chunky.
Please help me! What do you wear with your skinnies?
Yours in anticipation,

I cannot lie: I’m in the same spot with the skinny jeans. I bought a pair a couple weeks ago, and while they’ve gotten plenty of weartime around my house as I parade endlessly in front of various mirrors trying to convince myself that I like them, I have not worn them out in public.
Jason maintains that they are, in fact, supercute and do not embiggen my ass at all. But still, after a decade in flares or bootcuts, that tapered-leg silhouette is really hard to get used to.
Yet I remain determined! Mostly because I think they’re here to stay, judging from the number of young curvy whippersnappers parading around in them. And I remember when I brought home my first pair of bell bottoms in the 1990s, my mother took one look at them, had a flashback to her youth in the 1970s and decided to stick with her high-waist, pleat-front, tapered-leg jeans. And thus? The Mom Jean was born.
I’m certainly not some kind of future-telling fashion guru, but y’all! If everybody our age boycotts the skinny jeans and cigarette pants, we simply cannot be surprised to wake up one morning to a world where relaxed-fit bootcuts are the new Mom Jeans.
Nooooo! I’m still too young! And way too shallow!
ANYWAY. The one time I came really, really close to leaving the house in my new jeans, I wore a pair of black, flat, loafer-like shoes. They aren’t as delicate and twee as ballet flats, and in my mind, seem to balance out the ass-to-ankle equation a little better. I’ve also tried them tucked into a pair of slender, not-quite-knee-length boots.
I can see how this might not work for the shorter gals (although I’m only about 5 foot 5 inches myself), but you may want to experiement a little more with boot styles — stay away from the heeled, soft-leather versions from a couple years ago that tended to slouch up around the ankles — and maybe try a stiffer leather or perhaps…omg…even some kind of ankle boot? I don’t know how I feel about ankle boots on the outside of jeans yet. But hell, I own a pair of SKINNY. JEANS. and can quite possibly be talked into just about anything. Even leggings! Oh. Wait. Too late.
(Still in the package, unworn, by the way. Possibly because I am still shopping for the right cute little dress.)
For those of you who are still too terrified of the entire concept of skinny jeans, let me suggest something more along the line of the cigarette style by Joe’s Jeans, which are slightly different than the full-on skinny jean. They aren’t super tight ANYWHERE, and the waist and butt area really just resemble your average low-rise jean. (They also run big, so you can probably order a size below your normal size and thus feel like the wee-est little fairy princess.)
Like I mentioned earlier, I believe the Thing With The Skinny Jean is mostly in our heads. It’s a very different silhouette than we’re used to. But seriously: a UK size 10? Your ass is not enormous, like AT ALL, and I have seen some REALLY curvy girls rocking the skinnies with confidence. So can you. So can I! I just…need to maybe have another glass of wine first.

About the Author

Amy Corbett Storch


Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Ama...

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it’s pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to [email protected].

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.

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