I, on the Other Hand, Proudly Make the Rockin’ World Go Round

Is there any undergarment that can be worn under swimwear ’cause everytime I lose weight…..there goes the butt!
PLEASE HELP ME,
Butless & Desperate

In case you ever wondered: Why yes, I DO get some rather strange questions sometimes.
This was one of those questions I read and immediately filed in the HELL IF I KNOW pile, because…well. The hell if I know. I do not suffer from this particular affliction.
Then one day I was reading some educational material (okay fine, Us Weekly) and lo and behold, in that advertising spread near the back? The Shop-a-Thon? With all the goofy t-shirts and brand-name knock-offs?
An advertisement for a low-rise padded panty. Ta-da!
In the realm of padded underwear, I believe this is about as small as you’re gonna find. (Translation: there’s nothing that will fit under a teeny string bikini bottom.) That same site has an entire line of hip and butt-enhancing undergarments, but they’re more your typical big-ass girdle styles (if you may pardon my pun). None of them are specifically designed for bathing suits, but since it’s made of spandex I imagine it would do okay in water.
I tried a cursory Google search out of curiousity, but…well…apparently “padded butt” is a popular keyword among adult diapering sites, and I am not talking Depends, and now I need to go take another shower.
So there you go. Never let it be said that I don’t at least try to take every question I receive seriously.
(Although it probably could be said that I save the weirder ones for holiday weekends so I can get away with a really short column. Happy Memorial Day, everybody!)