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No-Show Baby Shower Blues

No-Show Baby Shower Blues

By Amalah

Dear Amy:

I spent 4 years trying to get pregnant. Finally we got good news and my best friend couldn’t wait to throw me a shower. After week 14, I let her and another long-time friend begin the discussions of a shower. I gave them a list of about 15 family, friends and co-workers whom I wanted to invite. Invitations were sent out about 6 weeks before the shower and all but 2 people RSVP’d yes to the event. Finally about 3 weeks ago I let myself become excited about this event. Unfortunately last week with only 4 days before the shower, everyone began to cancel. It wasn’t even that they cancelled, but that I had to contact them to find out whether or not they were still coming and then they gave a lame excuse for why they could no longer attend. They never contacted the hostesses to apologize for the last minute no show. I ended up having 3 great friends still come and it was a nice day. My problem is that some of these women that last minute cancelled are relatives, friends, or co-workers that I now have to see on a regular basis. I am extremely angry and hurt by what happened and am having a difficult time getting over it. I need some advice on how do I handle my emotions when I see them.

Disappointed

Ugh. I’m sorry. I really am. I feel you.

Something really similar happened at my baby shower.  I wanted something small and intimate, but…uh, it ended up being REALLY small. Embarrassingly small. Four friends (two of which were the hostesses) and my mom and MIL. Everybody else sent their regrets, or RSVP’d yes only to later send their regrets, or made me and the hostesses chase them down to get their regrets. We ended up having a perfectly nice afternoon and all, but it wasn’t at all what I’d pictured.

My friends splurged on a gorgeous cake to feed a crowd, and I ended up going home with enough leftovers to feed at least a dozen no-shows. Have you ever had your ego mocked by slices of cake in your fridge? It’s…weird. SCREW YOU, CAKE.

Obviously, in the grand scheme of life, this doesn’t really matter. I’m sure there are people reading who are like, uh, get the hell over it, it’s a tacky gift-grabby party anyway and who are you to judge people who were legitimately busy and blah blah blah. But at the same time, the fear of throwing a party — be it a shower, birthday, housewarming, or regular ol’ dinner — and having no one show up is pretty much a universal fear of universal mortification. It’s something I still think about when sending out invites to my children’s birthdays: Oh God, what if no one can come? What if only two people can come? What if only two people say they can come and then they don’t come and gaaaaaahhhhh.

Add onto this your potential guests’ completely rude behavior of RSVP FAIL and making you, the guest of honor, track them down later when a simple “I’m sorry, I cannot attend” email would have spared you having to listen to lame excuses. Yuck, man. People who RSVP yes or maybe and then cancel get a pass — I’ve had to that, for sure. But I understand the frustration of having to see and interact with people after the fact who let you down. Who probably don’t even realize they let you down or that there was a mass group-wide letting down that turned a special event into kind of a bummer.

But yeah, in the end, that’s all this was: A bummer. An overly emotional bummer because you’re pregnant and this was an event wrought with meaning for you. And a bunch of thoughtless clods hurt your feelings. You’re perfectly entitled to your hurt feelings. You’re perfectly entitled to not invite those people to anything ever again and maybe secretly pass on contributing to the next office birthday gift for them or something. Remember that relatives let each other down too, sometimes even more so than friends and acquaintances because family is easier to take for granted.

But then around them you keep your chin up and your head high and focus on the wonderful three friends you do have (because seriously: as life goes on and gets more crazy, having three whole wonderful best-type friends is REALLY EXCELLENT). If you feel emotional (HELLO HORMONES) and need to have a mini-pity party in the bathroom you go right ahead. It doesn’t mean you’re going to feel this way around them forever, but I’ve learned from experience that it’s really better to just go ahead and FEEL and OWN your pregnancy emotions rather than fight tooth-and-nail to bottle them up.

These emotions do have an expiration date, or at least a set point (BIRTH) when they won’t feel so acute and consuming. I promise. You’ll look back on this and say, “Well, that was kind of a bummer.” The specifics of the original guest list will fade and your memories of who gave what excuse will grow fuzzy. Think back to your wedding or graduation party or some other big event and try to remember the guest list/wedding party drama and who didn’t RSVP and who didn’t show up and…huh. I definitely remember that feeling like a really big deal at the time. But I guess it wasn’t.

You’re having a baby. Your social landscape is about to change drastically, whether you particularly want it to or not. There will be friends who drift away from you and possibly friends you drift away from, not necessarily on purpose. At least now you have a clear picture of who matters and who…really doesn’t. Don’t let the people who don’t matter occupy your headspace.

Amalah
About the Author

Amy Corbett Storch

Amalah

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Ama...

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it’s pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to [email protected].

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.

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Kacie
Guest

GEEZ why do people have to be so rude about RSVPs? People just have really poor manners and it’s infuriating.

I’m sorry you had that lame experience. If you can, try to focus on the people who *could* make it.

LMo
Guest
LMo

This is one of my great fears and pet peeves also. While my best friend had a huge wedding, she had the same issue with RSVPs–people just don’t understand the etiquette surrounding them anymore! Sorry your feelings were hurt, but Amy is right–the older you get, the more you realize that a handfull of good friends is worth more than a room full of acquantances. What the no-shows did was crappy, but you’ve got a couple of great women who obviously cherish you!

Raquel
Guest
Raquel

I had the same feelings after my wedding. I was most upset at those who responded yes and then….no show. It was about 30 people. Now some of them called to offer congrats and regrets, some sent gifts, but there are some who I have still not heard from 2 years later. It is sad, but I got past it by admitting that those who were meant to be there, were there. And now what I have moved to this new phase in my life, those are the people who are closest to me and most supportive of me.

Jimmy
Guest

That sucks.  Im very sorry to hear that.  Ditto the point made about a small group of friends is better than a lot.  That is the truth.  And I’m finding that with having children it becomes pretty difficult to maintain those secondary relationships (the friends you like, but aren’t exactly the tightest with).  Free time becomes a lot more precious, and frankly, you barely have enough time for the people you really love, let alone that college buddy you used to enjoy on occasion.   To those who haven’t had their baby showers yet, I have two unconventional suggestions to… Read more »

Liz
Guest
Liz

These are brilliant suggestions, thanks for sharing. I always thought the hours-long gift opening portion was so off-putting, even at my own showers. We did a casual brunch with food, libations, and invited men and children. All our male friends came and I believe everyone enjoyed themselves. We also went with a Reduce-Reuse-Recycle theme and requested no wrapping of gifts, but no one over age 50 obliged, and still brought a boatload of cellophane, tinsel, bows, etc. Oh well!

roo
Guest

This no-wrap option– wow. What a fabulous idea.  I don’t think I ever could have had that, because my mom and MIL are very traditional about these things (for instance, my mom put her foot down with a vengeance against having a wedding reception buffet and letting people sit where they wanted– even though it would have been less work and much less expensive. And IMHO, more fun. c’est la guerre.) But if I’m ever hosting an event like this, or in a position to advise someone who is– yeah. That’s a great idea.  I had a lovely baby shower.… Read more »

Nerwal
Guest
Nerwal

LOVE the no wrapping idea – we had a couples/family shower that was great – until the unwrapping, which took FOREVER. And it was uncomfortable for me to have all the attention on me/us for such a long time. And also I knew people were getting bored, because, really after the present you brought is unwrapped, who cares?

OP: So sorry that happened to you. I would concentrate on the friends who could come and short of a super valid reason for not coming, not invest so much into the other people. 

Andrea
Guest
Andrea

I just had my baby shower last weekend, and I WISH I would have heard this suggestion. I always feel so completely awkward opening gifts in front of others, and even asked my lovely host if there was any way we could just “skip that part.” This would have been the perfect solution! 

Jennifer
Guest
Jennifer

Hi Jimmy! These are great ideas. But, my baby shower will be happening in February or March. So, a cookout won’t be possible. Do you have any cold-weather location suggestions?

Liz
Guest
Liz

People who don’t RSVP or who cancel on showers and weddings and parties probably think they are the only one doing so, and assume they won’t be noticed or missed. They don’t think that maybe 50% of the other invitees do the same and it can feel disastrous to the party hosts! Surely no one individual intended to hurt you, and the hurt mostly comes from the unfortunate fact that so many of them cancelled at the same time so it feels like a mass rejection. Which it honestly is not. I am sorry it happened to you but I… Read more »

Lori
Guest
Lori

I’m so sorry, Disappointed.  I can feel the sting from here,.  I agree with Amy’s advice as well as the comments of the other posters and I am sending a GINORMOUS hug to Jimmy for his excellent suggestions. When my kids were younger and had birthday parties at home, I had them unwrap each gift from each guest as he/she arrived, and I took photos to include with the thank-you notes.  I HATE those parties where the Guest of Honor (be it a bride-elect, an expectant mom or a Birthday Boy or Girl) devotes a huge chunk of time to… Read more »

Tara
Guest
Tara

Ugh, I totally hear you. My mom and sister threw me a surprise shower for my first and… none of my husband’s relatives showed. Not his mom (who actually had a valid excuse), not his sister or nieces (who didn’t), cousins, etc. He and I were both pretty hurt by it, but like Amy said, it sort of fades into the background and you move on…

But it still amazes me how rude people can be with rsvp’s. Whether you’re coming or not coming, how hard is it to respond by the date on the invite?

C
Guest
C

honestly, i can’t stand wedding and baby showers, for the reasons one of the commenters mentions. i’m going to give up my precious weekend time with my kids to fawn over a bouncy seat? nope.  but i do always send a gift (or bring one when i come see the baby), and i send a nice email when the kid arrives. i care! really. 

but i always RSVP!  

Kat
Guest
Kat

Oh no! Sorry to hear about people not responding/no showing. People completely ignored the RSVP on my shower invitation too, and my friend who hosted didn’t take the time to track people down so we had no idea how many would show. We did invite men and kept it kid friendly, and ended up with a pretty good turn out despite the annoying guessing game with food quantities etc…the funny thing was some of the people who did show have shown ZERO interest since we had our son. Keep your good friends close, they will be the ones who show… Read more »

VG
Guest
VG

This broke my heart. For someone to try for 4 years, finally be pregnant and want to share that celebration with everyone, and then no one RSVPs/no shows/cancels last minute just suck ass! Amy did make valid points, and I’m all for men @ showers, it’s a new age of parenting and men are more involved than they were 50-60 yrs ago. But I would like to throw out the question: Would it be bad for the OP to let those know how she feels? I know this is going against the grain here, but if she’s going to own… Read more »

Heather
Guest
Heather

I know how you feel, OP.  While I was pregnant, I hosted a large baby shower for a friend due 2 months before me (25+ friends and her family) along with a couple of mutual friends.  They all said, “can’t wait for your turn!”. Well, two of them did nothing and the other one made a half hearted effort literally two weeks before I was due to pull something together, but it wasnt enough notice and no one could make it.  That hurt, especially since I had done a lot for these friends in the past.  But while I obviously… Read more »

Annie
Guest
Annie

Ugh. It is an awful feeling. My husband threw me a suprise birthday party. Two friends came. I remember forcing myself repeatedly that night to focus on the friends who were there, and enjoy them. I just had to shake it off that so many people no-showed, and tell myself I was grateful I had never seen the guest list. But it did sting. I think thoughtlessness can be as painful as intentionally hurtful actions. I had similar experiences to previous commenters, that hurt faded away and didn’t matter as time went by. I am sorry you were hurt by… Read more »

Mona
Guest
Mona

Congrats, momma to be, on your baby! I also had a small shower, and frankly I just don’t have a lot of close girlfriends.  My best friends have always been guys, which is wonderful, but secretly I must confess to feeling a little inadequate, missing the “girl’s girl” gene.  So girly events like showers are always potentially awkward and bring up some less than positive feelings about my non existent girl circle.  I like the idea of inviting guys, and just focusing on the positive folks that surround you. Also, we here in Internet land are SO happy for you… Read more »

hrl
Guest

Ouch. That stings. I’m so sorry. I have a lot of friends who don’t have kids yet and they don’t like babies, baby showers, etc. Hang in there. 

anon
Guest
anon

Congratulations on your long-awaited pregnancy! I think people failing to RSVP at all, or RSVP-ing “yes” only to say “no” last minute or worse – just not show up – are beyond rude and thoughtless and they drive me straight up a wall. I would be very furious and hurt if I were in your position, and I am sorry that this happened to you. I wanted to provide a different perspective though, that might account for maybe one or two of your guests’ bad behavior. I recently found out that I cannot have children after many years and medical… Read more »

Niki
Guest
Niki

OP, I am so sorry. Amy is do right that this is a fundamental human fear, and then when you add in the excitement of celebrating something that took so long and which you feared might never come? Oh, honey! Y’know, I am teaching my fist class this quarter, and attendance has been remarkably good. Until. One day a couple of weeks ago, 1/3 of the class didn’t show up. Somebody remarked that each absent student probably thought “oh, nobody’ll notice if I don’t come today.”. And it would have been true any other day of the quarter. Maybe something… Read more »

Math Teacher
Guest
Math Teacher

Niki, unfortunately I have a different, more pessimistic, flip side theory regarding a situation where almost nobody shows up for an event (whether that event be a class OR a baby shower): Perhaps they think that if nobody shows up, then no one individual person can be singled out for consequence without it looking like that one person is being “unfairly picked on” by the teacher, party host, pregnant mom-to-be, etc.  As a teacher, students might think you can’t give detention and/or fail the ENTIRE class.  As a baby shower host and/or mom-to-be, absentee guests might think that because nobody else… Read more »

Danielle
Guest
Danielle

This is one of those things where the sting fades with time. I graduated from a prestigious university the same year my brother graduated from high school. So my parents waited until June (a month after my graduation) so they could combine our celebrations into one massive party. We invited a huge number of people — we’re talking a wedding size guest list — and we stocked the house with food and drinks for a magnificent feast for a small army. And then, only a handful of people actually showed up (quite a few said they’d be there but just… Read more »

tasterspoon
Guest
tasterspoon

It may be petty of me, but I’d probably find some comfort if the flakes found out, indirectly or otherwise, how the party turned out. One of the attendees could let the word “slip out” that only three people showed, and let the grapevine take it from there. Or maybe someone will ask YOU how the shower was and you could say, cheerily, “Oh, I haven’t had such a good time in years! There were only four of us so we [made our own ice cream/ upgraded our manicures/ whatever] … we laughed so hard I thought I was going… Read more »

Math Teacher
Guest
Math Teacher

I can relate to OP because I’ve been there with my last pregnancy…feeling jilted at my own baby shower.  Tasterspoon, I can also relate to what you’re saying about wanting the flakes to find out how awful the party turnout was, no matter how petty it might seem.  I started feeling that way after I read online about other people feeling the same way you feel.  I actually did what you’re suggesting: I emailed each and every coworker who blew off my shower with no RSVP and/or a lame excuse, sending them emails profusely thanking them for attending my shower… Read more »

Andrea
Guest
Andrea

Sorry Amy,  I know didn’t do the best job in helping to organize it. I hadn’t even been to one let alone organized one to know that you really need to invite everyone you know.  Including work colleagues since offices no longer seem to organize baby showers.  I do remember one friend had car trouble and did call a few times apologizing and that was sweet.   I am glad to you did get to have a “do over” baby shower with your second.  I think we should all get at least one “do over” for life’s big events.  “wait..… Read more »

Math Teacher
Guest
Math Teacher

A “do over” shower…OMG that’s exactly what I’ve been calling it for myself!!! 🙂  I’m in the same boat.  I was jilted last pregnancy, as literally nobody showed up except the two people who were helping me with it, and two male friends–but only after I begged and guilt tripped them to come visit me since no one else had RSVP’ed.  I never got over the pain or humiliation.  I’ve been calling this whole pregnancy a “do-over pregnancy” not just because I didn’t get a baby shower last time, but also because of other crappy setbacks: I had severe health… Read more »

Randon Nennie
Guest
Randon Nennie

Oh hun … *hugs* x10. I feel you. Borderline same thing happened to me. I have no advice, but just wanted to let you know you’re not the only one it happens to. Just focus on the awesome people that were there – they matter!!

Lauren @ T&G
Guest

Awww there is nothing to say other than this just sucks :(. I am sure once the baby comes the anger/frustration will dissipate, and a lot of the people who disappointed you may end up surprising you!

Chantell Terry
Guest
Chantell Terry

I definately know the feeling. Yesterday I had my baby shower. I really wanted my friend of 4 years to be the mistress of ceremony. Once my friends that I knew longer found out, they through a fit and I ended up putting them down to help with facilitating the shower. Once the shower happened, the friends who gave me the most grief were the ones who showed up late and did not offer to help with Setting up before or during the day of the shower. What I learned from this experience was that the people who you think… Read more »

LB
Guest
LB

I just had a baby two weeks ago, and we didn’t have any baby showers at all. My husband and I live almost 3 hours from our nearest relatives and across the country from many of our dear friends and close family. It didn’t surprise me that no one planned a shower… but I have thought about it (especially since the baby book I bought for our daughter has a page about “Parties held in my honor before I was born”). We’re financially stable and in our 30’s, and we were easily able to afford all of the baby essentials.… Read more »

Math Teacher
Guest
Math Teacher

Ugh ugh ugh I can relate to your experience so much, particularly the baby book part!!!  I had the same problem when I went shopping for a baby book.  I found a really cute, decently priced baby book at Target, but I felt the need to pass on it because it had a page devoted to baby shower memories, and no way to discreetly remove the page.  Instead, I had to shop around and plunk out the extra money (extra money I didn’t have, since I was stuck buying everything myself after nobody showed up to my shower) for a… Read more »

Danie
Guest
Danie

LB, we are doing the same thing.  We’re both active duty military stationed overseas and I haven’t made a ton of female friends that I feel close enough with to accept gifts from…we’re stable enough to have purchased everything we need 🙂  We will be having a BBQ after the little one comes, no gifts required.   Jimmy, your ideas were fantastic…I definitely agree if you invite the men you’ll get a better turn out.  Beer and BBQ (maybe cigars from daddy) will always get a good response, while the ladies oogle cute clothes and tell stories amongst themselves.  And… Read more »

Madison
Guest
Madison

I understand completely how you feel and since this JUST happened to me yesterday and I came to the internet to seek some type of comfort or relief from those who have gone through it, i’m happy that I’m not the only one this has happened to. I sent out personal invites to 50 plus people, family and friends of my husband and I, invited husbands and kids, and reiterated on each invitation how excited I was to see everyone and hoped they could make it. I genuinely was excited to see those haven’t seen for along time. I spent… Read more »

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

This same thing happened to me with my bridal shower. I invited lots of family and friends, no one but the three people hosting it, my MIL, and my 12 year old SIL showed up. I was fine with no one coming, but now I am terrified that the same thing will happen with my baby shower coming up soon. I almost feel like canceling it at this point to avoid the same thing happening again.

Terrified
Guest
Terrified

My bridal shower was similar. It was the host and 4 other guests (one of which we had to call and say, “Um, where are you, you live right down the street?”). I cried for days that nobody showed, especially considering the number of those events that I have attended. Now my sister is planning a baby shower for me and I am terrified that nobody will show up. To make things worse, my husband informed me yesterday that she hasn’t yet sent out any invitations for the shower and it’s in 2 weeks. I feel like this is a… Read more »

Math Teacher
Guest
Math Teacher

Yeah I can relate to all this.  I never had a bridal shower for either of my marriages, but I did have a jilted baby shower last pregnancy.  Now that I’m pregnant again, I’m fearful of having the same thing happening.  I’m doing things differently this time in hopes that I’ll have a better outcome.  For one thing, I’m doing all the planning myself and far ahead of time, instead of waiting around yet again for someone to surprise me with a shower (as my pearl-clutching grandmother told me I must do), just to find out that the “surprise” is… Read more »

Math Teacher
Guest
Math Teacher

“Terrified,” if I can offer you any advice, it is this: if nobody RSVPs to the shower, then I think maybe you SHOULD pull a no-show.  The day before, ask your sister if anyone has responded that they’ll be coming.  Confide in her your concerns about having another no-show shower, so that she knows why you are so concerned.  If she admits that nobody has responded and/or answered “yes,” then you probably have your answer as to what’s going to happen next.  I’d recommend not showing up (e.g., if it’s held at your house, perhaps you and your sister go… Read more »

Kelly
Guest
Kelly

All of these stories are so sad. I think there is nothing wrong at all with letting some of the no-show jerks KNOW that you’re upset at what happened. I think sometimes people really need to be told off and put in their place.

Daniela
Guest
Daniela

Wow that is awesome, what the person said above my comment. I am feeling the same way to, I am glad I stumbled upon this, it makes me feel way better.

Steff
Guest
Steff

I had my baby shower yesterday, my two hostesses had 20 people RSVP and only 7, showed up and one person who didn’t RSVP but then showed up! ONLY ONE person called to cancel at the last minute. Of the other 12 three responded when I sent a text of hey missed you at the shower. All of the three knew ahead of time they couldn’t make it but STILL didn’t call with a I can’t make it. It is NOT about the gifts but the fact my hostesses spent money and favors for 20 people and then I had… Read more »

Rose
Guest
Rose

Just came back from a baby shower where my friend only had 3 guest, her mom, the one that hosted the party, and me. Sad that it seems like there is no real friends

Jennifer
Guest
Jennifer

I too had the same experience with my 1st child’s baby shower. I sent out over 80 invitations, invitations to some people who INVITED THEMSELVES and then only had about 15 people show up. Which was humiliating since I planned the baby shower myself and spend over $500 on the event and had my mom slave over TONS of food to accomodate all these ppl that were supposedly going to come. I even had all my games planned around having a lot of guests, AND procrastinated on playing them to wait for late arrivals… who never arrived at all. No… Read more »

Beth
Guest
Beth

I am so sorry you had a disappointing baby shower experience. I know the pains of fertility issues first hand, and I could NOT ever imagine not flying across the country to a friend’s baby shower after fertility issues if the situation presented itself. I hurt for you that your friends could not recognize the significance of the shower for you. Having said that, I am a mom who was never able to carry a baby to term (from my first marriage), but I have twins via stepparent adoption (from my second and final marriage–rare but true.) They have been… Read more »

Talitha
Guest
Talitha

I think this clearly happens to more people than you think! The worst part is you invited the people you trust and want to be a part of babies life and they’re saying they’re not bothered. Which is better now than when the baby is here I suppose. One of my friends forgot after I had to reach out to her said she might turn up? another was too hungover and text me 5 the morning before asking if we could meet later instead, and another had a sudden christening. All the night before… It sounds so petty but you’ll… Read more »

Julie
Guest
Julie

I once had a bride invite herself to be a co-guest of honor at a baby shower, because we hadn’t coordinated her bridal shower yet. I told her absolutely not and we would throw a bridal shower just for her. We were just going to keep it small to our group of friends, but she insisted on inviting her family (aunts, cousins, etc) which tripled the guest list. We agreed because we wanted her to be happy, but NONE of them showed. We ended up investing in a bunch of extra food, drinks, cups, etc for people that didn’t even… Read more »

Krystal
Guest
Krystal

I have the same fear. I feel as if no one will be at my baby shower coming up May 9th! I feel as if everyone will make a very lame excuse. Some won’t and some will. But out of 70 invites I should expect at least ten! Right? Am I wrong for saying that? I just have a major fear that this will eventually happen to me! Thismis my first baby and Im nervous, anxious, and I can’t wait to have my Summer Raelynn! She will be here in June!

olivia
Guest
olivia

I have no friends here where I live, my mom and family are always too busy, I’m having my third baby I’m 26 and never had a baby shower or had anyone even offer, with my first I registered but NO ONE got anything not even my family. Every time my heart breaks and I feel angry why am I always the there for people but no one can return the favor especially family, and none are poor if you know what I mean if they were I’d understand. Here I am with my third and it will be like… Read more »

Isabel Kallman
Admin

I’m so sorry, Olivia.

Merf
Guest
Merf

I am so sorry Olivia! Weddings and babies are so stressful and it is so mic when people around you can come together to share in that time…. I hope you will be able to move on and not give these people the power to hurt you forever. Some day you will meet a friend or two who will be there for you. Don’t give up. Good luck with your wonderful new child. Hugs!

Merf
Guest
Merf

I am in tears reading and now typing. My daughter has a lot of friends. Or at  least I thought she did until today. She is finally the last of her friends to get married in both her social group and her fiancé’s. And we invited 45 people to her bridal shower held and planned by her two oldest friends and a same age cousin at my house. . About 12 are coming and that includes her  three attendants in town , me – her mom and her future mil, granny and a few others. Everyone else other simply have… Read more »

Ben
Guest
Ben

My wife had her shower this past Saturday and it actually went fine. She wasn’t bothered by things that are killing me. My best friends wife is pregnant and due a few days after our baby! So fun. My wife attended this woman’s shower a couple of weeks ago. She drove about an hour to get there, gave nice gifts off of the registry and pampered the soon to be mom. When it was time for our shower this woman didn’t RSVP yes or no. I asked her in person while helping them work on a home project, she said… Read more »

Expecting
Guest
Expecting

Yeah, been there. Attended a wedding a while back that required days off of work, hours of driving, a several day hotel stay, and we still managed to give a lovely gift. That same person RSVP’d “no” to our wedding because he had already schedule to go golfing that day. Golfing. As annoying as it was, I just have had to try to let it go. He’s family and I don’t want to have a rift over something like that. I’m sorry that you are dealing with the same thing. It’s no fun!

Expecting Soon!
Guest
Expecting Soon!

I totally feel your pain! My bridal shower was embarrassing! Even my grandmother forgot and we had to call her to come (she lives right down the street). I went home and cried for days. Now it’s time for my baby shower and I have the same fear. To make things worse, my shower is scheduled for about 2 weeks from now and the invitations still haven’t been sent out. We can live without the gifts, but the embarrassment of having 60 people not show and 3 people show is so hurtful. At this point I’m so terrified of even… Read more »

kylee
Guest
kylee

My friend “planned” my baby shower and never even sent out invites. I had to send them out 2 weeks before the event and she just showed up at my moms house sat down and acted like a guest. She did not bring any decorations or anything. I had to buy my own decorations. After confronting her, she said she did not have the time nor the money I told her she volunteered and she had 71/2 months. She finally tells me that I was ungrateful.

Patty
Guest
Patty

I stumbled on this site wanting to let everyone who plans a baby or bridal shower to please understand that these parties are dreaded.  If someone comes to your party you should feel honored.  The best advice i can give you is to not have these parties. If someone not showing up is going to bother you that much that you will question the friendship if they don’t come to you party than maybe YOU are not the true friend. No offense.  Don’t have a party save the money for your childs needs or educaion.  Every body i know dreads… Read more »

Corkie
Guest
Corkie

This same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. About 45 people RSVP’d and 12 showed….5 of which carpooled between my mom and myself. I still am really hurt by this….we wasted almost $1500 (it was supposed to be a coshower with all his guy friends–open bar etc) which could have been spent on baby. I feel terribly upset because we specifically picked the location so that everyone would feel comfortable. The gifts were not what I was after, it was more so the celebration. I probably will be on baby duty hardcore for the next year or so… Read more »

Rebecca
Guest
Rebecca

My husband’s family said they’d throw me a shower. They made it a huge deal because I didn’t want to know the gender that it was inconveniencing them. They didn’t want to buy yellow/grey/green/white… even though I had no problem with it. I got told the guests needed a lot of notice, like a month in advance. No one planned it so I suggested to my husband how about a shower when the baby is 6 weeks old. That also solved the gender “problem”. Well, my baby is 6 months old now. I never got the shower. My sister in… Read more »