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Pedophiles and salmonella! Whee!

By Alice Bradley

Breaking news this week: adorable chipmunks adopt an orphaned puppy, then build their new family a house out of taffy and peppermint sticks. The public is invited to stop by, gnaw on some candy windowsill, and get their faces licked clean by the puppy, who has giant, watery eyes and craps silver dollars. Silver dollars and sweet candy for everyone!
Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be truthful around here, right? Right. I knew that. I just. it’s the world, people. The world is a bad place. I wouldn’t have to make up stories about money-pooping animals if people didn’t keep acting like schmucks. Case in point: UK judge Julian Hall, who handed down a horrifyingly lenient sentence to a rapist. A rapist whose victim was ten years old.
She was asking for it, friends.
No, seriously. He all but said it. Actually, he said it, period. He stated that because the ten-year-old “dressed provocatively”-and here, my God, he’s talking about her underwear, which apparently someone had to undress her to get at-that because she looked 16,”he faced a “moral dilemma” when it came to issuing the
sentence. (I’m using “quotes” to keep from “crying.”) “It is quite clear she is a very disturbed child and a very needy child and she is a sexually precocious child,” said the judge. Right, that makes it all better.
The ten-year-old girl was actually raped by two men–one has already been released after serving nine months in jail; the other was given two years, but with his time served he’ll be out in a matter of weeks.
Fortunately (and not surprisingly) there’s been an uproar over the decision, and Britain’s attorney general is reviewing the case for possible appeal. Given that this same judge, earlier this year, told a pedophile who shoved his hands down a six-year-old’s pants that his offense was “quite mild” and suggested that he buy his victim a bike to “cheer her up,” it’s staggering that he’s still walking around in society, much less working. Hopefully he won’t be for long. (Working, that is.)
My outrage is now mingled with queasiness, thanks to this news (and Liz; Hi, Liz!): there’s a nationwide recall in effect for Robert’s American Gourmet Veggie Booty. Veggie Booty, dubbed “Crack for Babies” by Salon, has been linked to 52 cases of salmonella poisoning. The victims were mostly children under the age of 3, whose parents were understandably enthusiastic about the healthy-seeming snack. I myself spent many years trying to cram the greenish puffs down Henry’s gullet, to no avail. Here I thought he was just plain willful, but maybe he knew something we didn’t.
The Robert’s company has dealt with controversy before; in 2002 it faced a $50 million class-action lawsuit when it was discovered that the fat content of Pirate Booty was grossly mislabeled (it had three times as much fat as
indicated). and in 2000, the FDA issued a warning to Robert’s for claiming that its “Fruity Booty” was mostly fruit. (It wasn’t, and isn’t.)
All Veggie Booty is being recalled, so dump your Veggie Booty today, no matter when you bought it. More detailed information, including salmonella symptoms, can be found on the official FDA recall page. You can call the Robert’s company for reimbursement or with questions at 1-800-626-7557.

Alice Bradley
About the Author

Alice Bradley

Alice Bradley was a regular contributor to Alpha Mom, writing about current events as they related to parenting. You can read about her daily life at her personal blog, Finslippy.


Alice Bradley was a regular contributor to Alpha Mom, writing about current events as they related to parenting. You can read about her daily life at her personal blog, Finslippy.

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Hi Alice!
That first story kills me. If she “looked 16” um…isn’t that still underage? Good thing no injustices like that ever happens in our country.


I’m so angry I’m having trouble breathing. Next week, can we get some more puppydogs and unicorns? Perhaps some rainbows, if it’s not too much to ask? *sigh*


Veggie Booty? Is nothing sacred?
[Mentally trying to erase everything in that post that proceeded the veggie booty. Wow, parenthood is such a weird thing in that I never thought I would want to actually see people burned at the stake. I didn’t think I had a medieval streak but I’m trying to remember why we don’t still burn people at the stake.]


Why why why why why do I ever read news stuff? Why do I not live in a happy lollipop puppy candyland? Where it is safe? Except I am concentrating really, really hard on jellybeans and kittens and rainbows. Lots of rainbows. Alice, please, bring on more rainbows, we need them.


I feel like I must do 3 things right now:
1. Throw up
2. Grab that judge by his gown and shake him until he understands what he did
3. Hold my baby girl in my arms until she is 30


Wow, what’s up with the sentencing on the pedos? It kinda makes me think that it’s something so common that judges are becoming numb to it.
Man, after writing this comment, I’m kinda hungry. What to eat? What to eat? Some Booty. Oh, wait, no. I always knew that a green (it’s fungus right?) puff was no good.


Vomit, with a capitol V!!!! That judge is mentally ill or has in in for children, which means he is mentally off, so he needs to be removed. Yes, bring on the stake.


I think what’s really disturbing is that these two men should be in jail for YEARS regardless of how old the girl was, but that she’s only ten years old makes the ruling a complete abomination.


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