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Parenting Truisms #3 | Alpha Mom

Parent Truisms

By Kelcey & Wendi

Just like no two snowflakes are the same, no two parenting experiences are the same. However, there are certain things about the highs and lows of raising kids that seem to ring true for almost every mom and dad. We’re sure you’ll relate to at least a few of these.

1. The more time you spend preparing your children’s dinner, the less time it’ll take them to declare, “dis is ucky I want toast!”

2. If you find a forgotten sippy cup under a car seat, for the love of God, do not open it.

3. Don’t bother vacuuming your car after a road trip. It’s easier to just buy a new one.

Parenting Truisms #3 | Alpha Mom

4. Every kid owns at least 100 unmated socks. These socks are found everywhere in your house. Except inside the sock drawer.

Parenting Truisms socks #4 | Alpha Mom

5. You can fight all day to get your baby to nap, then as soon as he does, you want to wake him up because he’s so cute.

6. The day your lactating boobs are leaking and there’s baby spit up all over your shirt is the day you will run into every ex-boyfriend you’ve ever had.

7. If you don’t know who the weirdo in your cul-de-sac is, you’re the weirdo in your cul-de-sac.

Parenting Truisms #7 | Alpha Mom

8. Sunday night at 8 p.m. is the exact moment your child remembers they have a science fair project due the next morning.

9. If you go to the grocery store with young kids, you will spend hundreds of dollars and forget the one thing you absolutely, positively needed to buy. This can also happen when you are shopping alone due to years of sleep deprivation.

10. You will cringe at some of the things people say to you when you’re pregnant, “You look like you are ready to burst!” or “Catch up on your sleep now!” And then you will inexplicably say these same things to other pregnant women.

11. If you leave your kids at home for a romantic night out with your spouse, there will be a table with loud children right next to you.

12. At the exact time your kids finally become rational and enjoyable to be around is the time they’d rather hang out with their friends.

13. If you leave the room during PTO elections, you will be elected President.

Parenting Truism No. 13 | Alpha Mom

14. A white Little League uniform is only white for one day.

15. You will cringe at the schmaltzy phrase that parenthood is “… to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” You cringe even more when you realize it’s actually true.

16. Same goes for the saying, “The days are long but the years are short.”

17. The theory that you’re too old to get pregnant doesn’t always hold true. You have a baby to prove it.

Parenting Truisms #17 | Alpha Mom

18. You will one day find yourself alone watching the Disney Channel after your kids have gone to bed.

19. Your children will be ready to give up their naps long before you are.

Parenting Truisms #19 | Alpha Mom

20. You will adhere to lots of schedules, sleep training and healthy meals with your first child. Your last child will eat peanut butter crackers for breakfast and wear a bathrobe to school and you won’t even begin to care.

21. Once you have kids, you will wonder what you ever did to keep yourself busy before you had a family.

22. Your life changes dramatically the day your kid is old enough to sit in the front seat of the car and he suddenly has opinions about the radio.

23. It takes 20 minutes getting your kids into the bathtub and twice that long to get them out.

24. You can go years without seeing a movie in a theater.

25. You will hide in the bathroom. When the kids come and find you, you will mutter something about stomach problems so you can have two minutes of peace on your iPhone.

About the Author

Kelcey & Wendi

This post was jointly written by Kelcey Kintner & Wendi Aarons.

Kelcey Kintner, a Florida-based mother of five, writes the humor blog,

This post was jointly written by Kelcey Kintner & Wendi Aarons.

Kelcey Kintner, a Florida-based mother of five, writes the humor blog, The Mama Bird Diaries. Wendi Aarons is an award-winning humor writer and blogger who lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and two sons. You can usually find her at Wendi Aarons. Kelcey & Wendi are also co-founders of the cheeky advice site, The Mouthy Housewives. They are also individual contributors to Alpha Mom.

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