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Life Lessons From A Four Year Old

Life Lessons from a Four Year Old

By Chris Jordan

Sometimes I look at my younger children and think that I can learn from them. Sometimes they do things which make me look at them and wonder what exactly is going on in their little heads.  If my son was able to write, I think that these would be the rules by which he lives his life.

1: Peeling a banana is an accomplishment worthy of cheering for yourself and jumping up and down. Only don’t jump that vigorously or the banana will break in half and fall on the ground rendering it inedible. Also leading to…

2: Crying when you are sad about anything at all is perfectly acceptable. And the level of your sadness and wailing does not have to be at all in synch with the event itself. Crying for the sake of crying often makes things seem better.

3: Don’t commit to any answer. “I don’t know” is a perfectly acceptable answer for any question that you might be asked.

Examples include:
“Who dropped an entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet?”
“Why are there snack wrappers in your bed?”
“Did you even stand close to the water when you bathed today?”
“What did you think was going to happen when you threw that rock at the window?”

If you keep answering “I don’t know,” eventually your parents will give up questioning you or die of old age.

4: A cape makes any outfit better. So do swim goggles, tutus, or crowns.  There is no such thing as costumes or dress-up clothes.  They are all simply clothes.

5: There are only two options when it comes to toilet paper usage. Ignore the toilet paper completely, just pull up your pants and go on with your day. Or use the entire roll. There are no options in between.

6: It is always an appropriate time to sing as loudly as possible. Better yet to sing only one or two lines of a song over and over again. Dance moves are optional, but highly recommended.

7: If you feel tired, just lie down. Where ever you are. The sidewalk, the grocery store, the middle of the street are all examples of acceptable places. Should your parents try to get you up and insist that you walk, make your body go completely limp. They will be forced to carry you. Oh sure, they may threaten to leave you behind, but they won’t. You have a little thing called Child Protective Services on your side.

8: Related to the above, any room which contains a bed is completely out of the question for any sort of laying down and in fact you should avoid rooms like this at all cost, any time of the day or night.

9: Under no circumstance should your ride in the seat in the front of the grocery cart. You are far too old for that. In fact, you should be the one pushing the cart even though you can’t see where you are going. Insist on this. Should you crash into the back of people’s legs and be forced to relinquish your control of the cart remember number 7 above.

10: Utensils are optional. All food is really just finger food.

11: Life is fun. Life is an adventure. Jump out of bed every morning excited to see what the day will bring.

If your child had a book of their personal life lessons, what do you think would be in it?

Chris Jordan
About the Author

Chris Jordan

Chris Jordan began blogging at Notes From the Trenches in 2004 where she writes about her life raising her children in Austin, Texas.

Oh, she has seven of them. Yes, children. Yes, the...

Chris Jordan began blogging at Notes From the Trenches in 2004 where she writes about her life raising her children in Austin, Texas.

Oh, she has seven of them. Yes, children.
Yes, they are all hers.
No she’s not Catholic or Mormon. Though she wouldn’t mind having a sister-wife because holy hell the laundry never stops.
Yes, she finally figured out what causes it. That’s why her youngest is almost 6.
Yes, she has a television.

She enjoys referring to herself in the third person.

If you would like to submit a question for Chris to answer publicly, please do so to adviceforparentsoftweens[at]gmail[dot]com.

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  • Heather

    May 9, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    I love those, I could swear you were talking about my 3 year old. Wanting Mom while she is on the phone should be one, especially after igorning her all day. Also having a favorite toy/animal that you bring with you everywhere is mandatory. Thank you for the laugh, I really needed it.

  • sue

    May 11, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    Here’s my favorite: Stand in front of the mirror naked and smile! And then march around the house. Or maybe even the neighborhood.

  • Shannon

    May 11, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Love, love, love, love, love. Hilarious. Also very accurate.

  • Arlee

    May 11, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    You can add these to the list:

    1. Furniture is meant to be broken.

    2. I only fight with my brother because I love him.

  • Deb

    May 11, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    My kids are 6 and almost 8 and we still live with #s3,6 and 10. This whole post had me cackling out loud (thankfully i am at home alone!)

  • Lucinda

    May 11, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    Clothing is optional.  Always.

  • meredith

    May 12, 2011 at 3:51 am

    Always wear lots of perfume.

    (I’m a mom to 2 pre-teen girls)

  • maria

    May 12, 2011 at 8:32 am

    My 9 year old still lives by most of these;)

  • Mel

    May 12, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Meredith: That goes for 13 year old boys as well……There is always more “Axe” at the store !!!

  • AngstyJen

    May 12, 2011 at 10:12 am

    I have a 4-year-old daughter and can attest to the truth of these life lessons! I also agree with Lucinda – clothing is, indeed, optional. As is hair brushing.

  • Kim

    May 12, 2011 at 11:56 am

    My 4 year old grandson lives with me, and boy is this an accurate and funny post to read. However when these things happen, the humor is somehow lost. Thanks for making me smile today ~

  • The Karate Mom

    May 12, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Ooo! Ooo! I’ve got one to add! 
    “Why walk normally anywhere when it’s much more fun to add a hop or a few skips or even a spin or two?”
    (My son is EIGHT and can’t just walk anywhere!)

  • Lylah @WriteEditRepeat

    May 12, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    My 4-year-old son would add:

    1. Superheroes are real. And you are one. Even if you don’t know exactly what your power is.

    2. You are “too big” to do “baby things” but not at all too big to curl up in your mom’s lap or sneak into her bed in the middle of the night.

    3. It is not necessary to touch the floor while navigating the living room. That’s what furniture is there for–walking on.

  • JA

    May 13, 2011 at 12:50 am

    If you are unable to move your body enough to expend your nearly two and a half year old energy, making noises to rid the excess is a great way to compensate. screeching, singing or any other noises will do.

  • […] “There is no such thing as costumes or dress-up clothes.  They are all simply clothes.” Life lessons from a five-year-old. […]

  • Karzel

    May 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Whine your way through whatever crazy request you need. Asking questions about absolutly everything isn’t annoying at all

  • Paige

    May 16, 2011 at 12:49 am

    What a great post, you are hilarious.