Prev Next
Baby Flower Girl

Baby & The Bride

By Amalah

I want my wedding to be kids free. And one of the main reasons is that, selfish as it may be, I want to be the center of attention.  My fiancé’s sister just had a baby and fully expects her to be our flower girl, by then the baby will be a year old.  I am not exaggerating when I say his family is obsessed with her, and I know his mom and sister would try to make the baby the center of everything. It is slightly complicated by his sister being one of my bridesmaids.  I can’t just exclude the baby only, so I need to exclude all kids.  I really don’t want to offend anyone and am wondering how I explain this to them without hurting feelings, especially his mom and sister?

Thanks
L

So. Okay. I think long-time readers know that I am not exactly the most patient person when it comes to weddings! And my day! And meeee!  And how do I defend a totally selfish decision without anyone thinking I’m selfish but don’t I deserve to be selfish because IT’S MY BIG FAT SPECIAL DAY? I just…don’t get it. I was born without the wedding wiring, I guess.

(And in the interest of full disclosure: I had my niece and nephew in my bridal party, but did not include children on the guests’ invitations. Someone brought their five-year-old anyway. It was perfectly delightful having a ring bearer and flower girl; everybody oohhed and ahhhed as they walked down the aisle, then my nephew fell asleep on my mom’s lap 30 seconds into the actual ceremony. During the reception, none of the children [even the technically uninvited one] ever registered on my awareness radar ONCE. Until I saw them in pictures I kinda forgot they were even there, because I had plenty of other, more important things to think about.)

So. Going to work very hard to be patient and as middle-ground-ish as I can with this one.

This may be one of those times you’re just gonna have to own your decision. And any judgment/hurt feelings that come from it. Unless you like, lie about the venue not allowing kids (which would be easily proven incorrect) or make your fiance the bearer-of-bad-news/fall guy (more on that in a bit). If you really, really feel like you aren’t going to be able to get through your wedding day without feeling seethingly jealous over the attention people might lavish on a one-year-old child, then fine. It’s your wedding! You’re the bride. You can absolutely control whether or not kids are allowed at your wedding or if your future niece-in-law serves as a flower girl.

But you can’t control what people think of those decisions, or if they secretly think of you as a bridezilla, or if this starts you off on the wrong foot with his family. Or if, no matter how nicely you inform them that you’re opting to not have a flower girl and would like them to leave her with a sitter all day, you get nothing but appalled faces or arguments or…I don’t know, your sister-in-law bursting into tears and running out of the room. Weddings seem to bring out the craziest behavior from everybody.

Or maybe they’d be totally cool with it and apologetic for being so presumptuous about you being on-board with a one-year-old flower girl. I don’t know.

Look, I’m a parent. I have kids. I do NOT NOT NOT automatically assume that an invitation for me includes them. I do NOT NOT NOT NOT automatically assume that they will be welcomed at every social gathering or situation — especially weddings! You do not have to invite my kids! I understand! Just…please then understand that it’s a big obstacle, then, for me to attend your wedding, particularly if it’s out of town or far away or an all-day thing. Or even if I simply can’t find a sitter for your straightforward, in-town, early-evening wedding. Anyway. That’s my take on kids and weddings, in a nutshell.

Family, though… Well, family be crazy, sometimes. I can picture them insisting that it’s perfectly okay to make an exception to the no-kids rule for a family member who is part of the bridal party (that’s what I did). And then you’ll have to be even more blunt and say that you don’t want her in the bridal party and they’ll say “Why didn’t you say something earlier” and you’ll say “You realize I never asked her to be flower girl, you just assumed” and gaaaahhhhh.

And while I do find it a little strange that your whole “no kids” thing actually seems to stem from wanting just to exclude this particular baby…I also want to read between the lines here and assume that maybe this isn’t the first time they’ve been a bit presumptuous and insert-y about the wedding, making decisions for you without asking. And I’ll take your word for it that their “obsession” with her (though to be fair, she’s a BRAND NEW BABY, people do tend to chill out about them after awhile) would really and truly upend the natural bride-focused balance of your wedding and make it the Niece-In-Law Show. And I’ll take your word for it that the only possible solution is to bar their beloved grandchild and daughter from even being in attendance. (Rather than say, a compromise that she can be dressed up and in some of the pictures, but not at the ceremony when she might cry. Or part of the ceremony but hire a sitter for the reception.)

And if this was YOUR family and YOUR sister and YOUR niece, I’d probably be much less hesitant to tell you to just go ahead: I apologize for any confusion but we’ve decided our wedding day is strictly for adults only and that extends to the bridal party.

But…uh, it isn’t your family. What does your fiance have to say or think about all of this? He’s…noticeably absent from your question. Is he completely on-board with the kids-free wedding, right down to his baby niece? Does he think it’s crazy that his family is pushing a probably-non-walking infant for flower girl and agrees there’s a high risk they’ll try hijack the day with her? Or does he not really think it’s a big deal if say, his sister walks down the aisle holding her daughter instead of a bouquet? And then the baby will need to go home to be in bed by 8 pm so whatever?

Yes, it’s your wedding and you want to be the center of attention. It’s also his wedding. HE should be YOUR center of attention, rather than whether the guests are all staring at you…or the cute baby over at table 12. And I really am all for the grooms getting to make decisions about their weddings, or at least get ASKED about certain decisions. Particularly decisions that pertain to their side of the family and guest list. And since this is his family, I would have a long talk with him about your honest feelings and maybe — JUST MAYBE — let him make the call about the baby and then handle any resulting discussions or fallout that comes from the decision. But I think it’s important that yes, it also be his decision to exclude her, rather than you unfairly outsourcing any unpleasantness with his family because you’re afraid you’ll end up pouting when a one-year-old steals your mighty bridal thunder. And if he decides that it’s not worth the potential for hurt feelings and would rather acquiesce, then so be that decision too.

Amalah
About the Author

Amy Corbett Storch

Amalah

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Ama...

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy’s daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it’s pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to [email protected].

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.

icon icon
chat bubble icon

Comments

newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Katie
Guest
Katie

In the interest of family harmony, for now and ever after: “niece-in-law” distinction or not, when you say I Do, you’re going to become “Auntie L,” and that baby will be your niece–I think there’s a pretty big argument that that’s what families (and weddings) are all about. If your SIL is coming from out of town (as Amy mentioned) not having a baby at the wedding is going to be a huge hassle. That said, my brother and his wife just had a “no kids” wedding, that we traveled from out of town for, and had to find a… Read more »

Becky
Guest
Becky

My SIL just went though this – she asked that no kids be allowed (which included our 4 month old baby) and while it was a HUGE pain in the butt to travel 6 hours with my baby and NOT bring her to the wedding (my mom came and babysat), I never complained about it once because truly, it was her decision…. But I have to tell you – I was in the minority. She got some MAJOR FALLOUT for her decision to exclude certain people. As in “you’re kicked out of the family” fallout. I would say you have… Read more »

Stefanie
Guest
Stefanie

I wanted a no children wedding, but ended up with two children in attendance–a 1 year old and a 3 month old. I allowed them to come because if I hadn’t, their parents (my brother and a cousin that I’m close with) wouldn’t have been able to come. And it was fine! As much as brides worry about being upstaged by a person wearing the wrong clothes or an adorable child, I don’t think I have ever heard a story about a bride actually BEING upstaged. It’s just…not possible. People are coming to your wedding. It’s YOUR wedding. They are… Read more »

CoCo
Guest
CoCo

I completely understand your desire to have this be your day and not to be upstaged by Babyzilla. I don’t think this makes you selfish or not focused on what is really important. And I know Amalah referred to your fiance’s family as not your family but they are your family starting on that wedding day and they need to respect you and your fiance’s decisions related to your marriage in every aspect. (Hopefully your fiance is on board with this plan and your reasoning). I had somewhat of a similiar issue but in my case it was my future… Read more »

JB
Guest
JB

I dunno, this reminds me of the 30 Rock quote….

Liz Lemon: You get jealous of BABIES for their soft skin…
Jenna: AND because of how much attention they get.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

And this – this right here – is the EXACT reason I eloped. On a beach. Zero drama. It’s one day. One day in the history of an entire lifetime (and to be extra cynical and sarcastic), with a 50% chance it won’t last anyway. For the love of god, just let them carry the baby down the aisle and appease them. It’s better to look amiable to the family that is now welcoming you (and possibly paying for this day?). Will she even be walking at that point? Once Ms. “Look at Me! Look at Me!” walks down the… Read more »

jL
Guest

One Year Old is pretty young to be a flower girl. That would be the excuse I would use. And really, by the time she gets to be one, the sister in law may not want her there. I have one year olds and my brother is getting married next week and there is no way I am bringing them to his wedding. And it is a casual backyard wedding. However, I can pretty much guarantee you that you will not notice that baby one bit on your wedding day and she definitely won’t steal your thunder. I think lots… Read more »

IrishCream
Guest
IrishCream

YES, the 30 Rock quote! I’m of the opinion that you don’t get credit for being aware that you’re doing something for selfish reasons. Saying you know you’re being selfish doesn’t make your decision magically less selfish. Weddings are about two people coming together and making what will hopefully be a lifelong commitment. That doesn’t mean that you can’t also have a crazy party and dance down the aisle and get your hair done all fancy-like, but that does mean that the day is not all about you, you, you. That’s what birthday parties are for. 🙂 Seriously, I could… Read more »

IrishCream
Guest
IrishCream

Sorry — I meant the reception, not the ceremony.

Alice
Guest
Alice

My argument against having the baby be a part of the wedding party is just as others have said at 1 even if she is walking, it’s doubtful that she’ll walk down the aisle.  My flower girl and ring bearers were almost 3.  The boys made it down the aisle but at least one of them immediately told his mom he didn’t want to sit in church and she had to take him out so he didn’t cause a scene.  The girl refused to walk down the aisle so her dad carried her in.   That said, I would allow your niece… Read more »

GM
Guest

See what Mr Soon-to-be-hubby thinks. If someone close asked me to a wedding where no kids are allowed I’d try to get a sitter. I wouldn’t be offended. I’d be happy for the excuse. If we weren’t close I’d skip it without further thought. My daughter was a flower girl in my best friends wedding while I was the maid of honor and boy, was it a handful- even with help. I fully support child-free weddings. I mean really, what kind of kid wants to sit still in a pew/chair for 30 min-1 hour? I don’t think its fair to… Read more »

Melissa
Guest

I must be one of the only ones who definitely thinks that she/her husband should get to decide that this baby is not her flower girl. That is totally her choice. That being said, asking people to travel, especially people with small children and then asking them NOT to bring them to the wedding – well, that makes it really hard. When it’s close family it’s even worse. My brother is getting married in 3 weeks, 5 hours away. My inlaws can’t help out and there’s nobody to leave my 1 year old son with for 4 days. I am… Read more »

a
Guest
a

Wow… it really would not occur to me that my kid was not included in an invitation to a family wedding. You’d have to tell me specifically that kids weren’t welcome. In that case… well, I would understand, I wouldn’t be insulted, but; I’d be surprised and perplexed.

Brianne
Guest

Ditto to the checking with the fiancé. And you WILL become the Aunt to this baby, so maybe consider jumping on the bandwagon and joining in on the obsession. 

I love my in-law nieces and nephews as much as my actual ones, but I really tried hard to have a relationship with them and love on them whenever I could. Its nice to know that they remember our wedding with fondness. 

k
Guest
k

I’m a wedding photographer, and since I attend over 20 weddings a year (in addition to a full time job) I feel qualified to tell you that it’s this sort of nitpicking over details such as “whether or not everyone will be paying attention to MEEEE” that will get you a big fat stressful unhappy wedding day. It’s not a guarantee….but it’s highly likely. Juuuust sayin.

Tracy
Guest
Tracy

I find it odd that you accuse your fiance’s family of being “obsessed” with the new baby.  I should hope they are!

But seriously, are you sure the family really assumes the baby will be a flower girl?  I have a two-month-old baby, and I would never just assume that someone would want her to be part of their day, unless I was asked.

z
Guest
z

Where did you find such a picture of a scary baby bride?  It’s perfect for the post– I’m in awe.

Katherine
Guest
Katherine

Wow. Congratulations, Amalah. You displayed an amazing amount of restraint. I can’t seem to wrap my head around what this woman is saying. There are plenty of reasons to want a kid-free wedding. Being a parent myself, I considered not having “extra” kids because I wanted the adults to have a good time without having to worry about their munchkins. (Instead, I opted to invite whole families and set up a kid area at the reception with corn hole, K’Nex, Legos, and ladder ball.) But the fact that you want to exclude all children just for the sake of excluding… Read more »

KB
Guest
KB

Having a no kids wedding is not a huge deal — but if your only reason is that you want to be the center of attention (and not cost, venue inappropriateness or something like that) I hope you’ll rethink it. You WILL be the center of attention no matter what, guaranteed. Right now some of the family is obsessed with the new baby — understandable. It may be much different in a year. As Amy says, make your decision and own it. But — and just going from the info you’ve given — the fallout from not having kids could… Read more »

Tai
Guest
Tai

I can kind of understand what the OP is feeling.  Sometimes people plan events in their lives that don’t involve children. And that is okay.  When I was growing up, I wasn’t upset when I wasn’t invited to every freaking thing because it was probably boring anyway. Also, even if she’s excluding this *one* kid, it bears considering that people go nuts if their preshus snowflake isn’t invited but some OTHER kid was.  Also, it is HER wedding, and her FIANCE’S. This is a decision that should be left to them (as in they agree, not she says no so… Read more »

Liz
Guest

We had kids at our wedding and I barely noticed them. I was too busy talking with every single person who wanted to congratulate us as newlyweds and taking pictures and having a shot at the bar. My 2 year old niece was the flower girl–she stood frozen at the start of the aisle, her dad motioned to her to come on down, she dumped the entire basket of petals in that one spot and ran down the aisle to him and it was hysterical! Everyone laughed and I’m so happy that I have that memory. A few years ago… Read more »

good2Bqueen
Guest
good2Bqueen

@ a – If your child’s name is on the invitation, the child is welcome.  If your child is not listed, they should not attend.  This is just basic etiquette.  Please don’t assume your child is invited to every event you are. I understand the no children thing and here’s why:  my 2 year old son would get absolutely no enjoyment from attending a wedding.  Why would I even want to subject him to that?  Unless, of course, I just want to dress him up (torture), make him sit still for an undetermined length of time (torture), and show off my little… Read more »

Felicity
Guest
Felicity

I don’t get why everyone is jumping on the letter writer. I intend to have a child-free wedding (that is, anyone under the age of 12, which means yes, my cousin in law will have to leave her children at home/with a sitter). The reason? I have spent my entire life blending into the background at every social occasion, and never had a birthday party, therefore I would like at least one day to be about me and my other half. Selfish? Maybe. But it is the only day that I will be. I don’t care if that upsets people.… Read more »

Amanda
Guest

Sorry but I have to be an asshole here. A wedding is a merging of families. If you want to exclude some part of that family on your wedding day, that doesn’t exactly lend itself to familial felicity. What about down the road? You gonna exclude the kid from Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever dinner just because it might be the center of attention? I’ve been invited to several weddings since the birth of my daughter and here’s where I stand: if it’s a friend, especially someone that I know doesn’t have any kids or family with kids, then fine, I’ll get a babysitter.… Read more »

natalie
Guest
natalie

I second Katherine…I am fine with deciding to have a no kid wedding, I have left my child at home for multiple weddings and never had a problem with it…but doing it simply so you can exclude one child because they are getting, in your opinion, too much attention from your in-laws right now, and apparently this is a BRAND NEW baby AND it sounds like the first baby? Have you talked to your fiance about this? Does he agree? If you think his family would be fine with what you are putting out there, and it doesn’t sound like… Read more »

cagey (Kelli Oliver George)
Guest

I love Amy’s response to this – perfect.  Do what you want – it’s your day and your wedding.  Just realize you may not get the response/reaction you want. Much of this conversation I can’t relate to.   My family uses weddings as a celebration of two families coming together  – fancy party or not.  Boy, am I grateful for that. My youngest sister got married this past Labor day in a super fancy, pretty expensive wedding and kids were invited. My kids 4yo and 5.5yo were in the wedding and did just fine.  The groom’s 3yo niece did NOT… Read more »

Kimm
Guest
Kimm

I understand not wanting the 1 year old in the wedding party- it would look weird for someone to carry them down the aisle- most 1 year olds can’t walk well yet. I think if you explain that to your sister in law she would be ok with it-because 1 yr olds ARE still babies, I don’t know anyone who has had a BABY in their wedding party. I really wanted my niece to be flower girl, she was 3, but if I had her I would have had to have the other 2 of my husbands nieces in the… Read more »

Lydia
Guest
Lydia

So my brother and his wife had their 10 month old twins at my wedding.  They were the first grandkids and the first babies for anyone in a LONG time (like 12 years to the next cousin).  Our family was obsessed with these babies.  Head over heels in love with them.  They came to the wedding and it was TOTALLY FINE.  You are the bride, you will get LOADS of attention every single second of the day.  If some people go over to oooh and aaahh over the one year old it will not steal your spotlight.  I promise.  It… Read more »

NGS
Guest

This was my life 3 1/2 years ago. We didn’t invite children – they weren’t on the invitations, the wedding was an evening affair, and they weren’t welcome. Sorry. My husband and I talked it through and had very frank discussions about how annoying we find children at events like weddings and graduations and agreed to stand strong, present a united front, and NOT have children attend. Yes, it upset my MIL and SIL that my precious niece was not invited, but honestly, it was best for everyone. My niece would have been loud and rambunctious and my SIL would… Read more »

Diana
Guest
Diana

At one year old, the child won’t even be walking reliably, so I don’t quite see how she could even be a flower girl.    If you want to look super to the family, and keep the kid out of the way, hire a sitter to watch her during the wedding.

Monica
Guest
Monica

I agree with Amy…think long and hard and make sure your husband-to-be is 100% okay with the decision. You can’t upstage a bride on her wedding day, and it has nothing to do with how beautiful your hair and dress will be, it has to do with how much in love you are and something like that is just so palpable, that nothing else will matter. As long as it doesn’t matter TO YOU. I don’t know a bride, that a year down the road, wishes she didn’t stress about a good 80% of that stuff. Really, do some meditation,… Read more »

Lala
Guest
Lala

There’s not really enough info here to figure out what’s going on. My take is, if your future in-laws are really so unreasonable they won’t accept that you don’t want a barely-mobile baby to be your flower girl, go ahead with the no-kids plan and don’t worry… they would have found something else to hate you for soon enough. I’m guessing it’s not so much about being worried about being upstaged by a BABY, but more about being upstaged by SIL who already forced her own self into the bridal party and likes to use her baby to stay the… Read more »

Haley
Guest
Haley

Our wedding had lots of kids in attendance, and I wanted it this way. The timing was perfect, and I’ve always loved the idea of kids at weddings. HOWEVER, a one year old as a flower girl is far too young. Most churches have age limits, but you want your day to be stress-free, not wondering if little Susie will walk down the aisle or throw a fit or whatever. And, at the end of the day, the decision is yours. We had friends’ kids as our ring bearer and flower girl, not cousins, even though there were plenty to… Read more »

Hannah
Guest

There are two different questions here. 1) do you have to go along with your in-laws’ plans and have a 1 year old flower girl; and 2) will the presence of this child upstage you on the day. To the first question – no, of course you don’t, and there are very diplomatic and gentle ways to express that. A simple “one year old is pretty young, and we don’t want to put too much pressure on niece or SIL on the day”. And say it gently, and soon. The end. To the second question – clearly, it is up… Read more »

C
Guest
C

We had a “no kids” rule at our wedding and it was because it was a destination, black-tie, evening wedding. We told everyone this for a year ahead of time. We hired nannies for anyone who had/brought children. We set up an email list with EVERYONE attending the wedding and made sure that anyone who had a kid that was planning on bringing them along knew that they were expected to use the nanny and they all seemed to understand. Yet, halfway through our reception, my MIL & SIL snuck out to bring some of the kids down to the… Read more »

Ally
Guest
Ally

My kids were in 2 weddings this summer (ages 4,2 and 6 months). It was awful. The kids were normal, but it was a huge distraction to have them running around and I wish that we would have said no. I think certain weddings are fine with kids (if it is more casual) but not for more elegant affairs. You totally have the right to make this call and people should be gracious about your decision. My baby definitely stole a lot of attention, especially from the relatives who hadn’t met him yet. Hopefully they will understand.

Leslie
Guest

Just wanted to offer an alternative if you end up going for the kid-free option.  We recently attended my cousin’s wedding in Maine.  Due to the distance from our state (Tennessee) and the fact that my 16 month old had not met anyone on that side of the family, we made it a family vacation.  The wedding was kid-free, but my cousin kindly invited those of us with children to bring them to the rehearsal dinner, which was a casual lobster bake.  That gave us a chance to introduce our little guy to all of our family members in a… Read more »

Olivia
Guest
Olivia

I can understand not wanting a 1 yr old as the flower girl, she might not even be walking by then. But excluding her and other children from the wedding makes no sense. Weddings are about combing families and families come with children. I’ve been to a couple of wedding in the last year where children were welcome. Both were very large (both families, plus pretty much all church members invited) and seeing all the children there was fabulous. Plus, knowing that so many people there were parents, made it really relaxing. All the children had fun dancing and running… Read more »

Rebecca
Guest
Rebecca

Wow. Have been reading your blogs for years and years, and this is the first time that I have not only disagreed with you, but think your delivery was kind of snotty.

AJ
Guest
AJ

I will pass on my most used piece of advice from planning my wedding: “Relax, it’s a party!”

M.
Guest
M.

Well, I can kind of understand where the OP is/might be coming from. I can well imagine there might be more to this story.

ali
Guest
ali

Honestly, I’m not very sympathetic here. These people will be your family and is it really worth angering your family and getting that relationship off to a rocky start? Why not have new sis-in-law/bridesmaid walk down the aisle with the baby? Also, if you are that worried about the focus not being on you, i can pretty much guarantee you that something else will happen that day that removes the focus from you for at least a moment, so you’re setting yourself up for disappointment on that count…

Jo
Guest
Jo

We made our ceremony adults only to exclude 2 children – a family member of my husband’s is not great with the parenting, her 2 children are not very ummm behaved, and we were afraid they would literally follow me down the aisle and their mother would allow it. That meant that all children were excluded, including our 1 year old nephew even though both his parents were in the wedding party! We decided to specify in the announcements that children under 5 were welcome at the reception, but that we had a babysitter for the ceremony; and people RSVP’d… Read more »

andrea
Guest
andrea

I love the sitter idea.  I would totally take advantage of that if such a thing were available.  And I think your guests would really appreciate that you thought enough of them to provide this.

VG
Guest
VG

No offense to some of the responders, but this is the writer & her fiance’s day – not SIL’s, not MIL’s, not baby neice’s day. They make the decision about how things should go. And yes, there is ALOT of info missing – one peice that mostly everyone forgot is: M O N E Y. I think if the writer & fiance are footing the bill, then they call the shots. If parents are helping out, then there’s going to be a tug of war, b/c “money gets funny” when others are offering to pay for things of this nature.… Read more »

Karen
Guest

My inlaws are very interesting people who like to get their way and are not welcoming on new family. Our wedding would have been a disaster if I had tried to control anything in any way. I just let it flow and it was a wonderful day. We did have a 2 year old at our wedding and we danced with him and took photos. He is my husband’s cousin. He called me “Star lady” from the tiarra and gazed at me with awe. 10 years later, I smile when I think of his addition to our day. I think… Read more »

roo
Guest

When my sister was getting married, she’d hired a trumpeter to play Purcell while she walked down the aisle. He… well, he sounded like a dying goose. There’s little that’s louder or worse than a poorly-played trumpet (except maybe bagpipes.) And as MofH, I was heartbroken for my sister. Her ceremony was ruined! I said something sympathetic to her about it later. Her response? “Oh, yeah… I guess he was bad.” Even later, she explained that pretty much everything that day that didn’t go right was lost in the haze of, “I’m getting married!” You’d be surprised what ends up… Read more »

-k-
Guest
-k-

How can a one-year-old even *be* a flower girl? That suggests to me that the LW isn’t exaggerating about the family being overly gung-ho with this kid. I feel like the kid is gonna wind up at the wedding either way, but I think she could reasonably make the decision that there will be no babies in the wedding party. Then, though yeah, there’s merging of families etc. etc., I also tend not to be in the “the wedding is the moment at which your in-laws being to run your life” camp, but rather on the side of “the wedding… Read more »

Katie
Guest
Katie

My sister got married over the summer and my daughter (age 1.5) was the flower girl and I was a bridesmaid. The bride (my sis) was the one who initiated the invitation… as it should be! There was definitely an understanding that a 1.5 yo is pretty unreliable and we really had no idea what she would or wouldn’t do on the big day! In the end, my daughter refused to hold her basket, but she came running down the isle from my husband’s arms to my arms at the front of the church. This got a lot of smiles… Read more »

MR
Guest
MR

I look at it this way. The OP is calling the family “obsessed” about this baby. OP, when you have a baby, do you want them to ignore it? Would you want your SIL to tell you that YOUR baby wasn’t welcome? If you would want your in laws to shower your baby with love and attention, then you let the baby come to the wedding and even maybe be carried down the aisle. You can’t have it both ways. Your in laws seem like they are trying to welcome you with open arms. The love and attention they shower… Read more »