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Want to see Alice’s weekly to-do list? Yes, you do.

Aug17

by

Take up whittling.
Now that millions and millions more toys have been recalled, I think it’s safe to say that all of our toys are made of poison. The only thing left to do is chop the maple out back and get to whittlin’. Henry sure is going to love his new solid-wood Darth Vader!
Consider calming down over lead panic.
In Canada, they don’t want people to panic over the toy recall. An expert in this article states thus:”As far as these toys are concerned, unless a child is holding it in their mouth all the time and sucking on it all the time and some of the lead can leach out or if it’s old flaky paint, it shouldn’t be a problem.” Wait, so why are we panicking?
Wait, now I remember—we southerners LIVE on panic. You can stay calm for all of us, Canada. You just keep smiling and enjoying your poutine–we love you.
Return to panicking.
Okay, how did lead get into baby bibs? Apparently some vinyl baby bibs made in China were found to have lead levels up to three times the amount allowed in paint. Yet the Consumer Product Safety Commission isn’t pushing for a recall. What, are there too many recalls these days? All those recalls getting boring?
Consider living in the forest.
It seems the chemicals that make clothing, upholstery, and rugs flame-retardant can get into the air and get our kitty cats sick. Huh. Well, right now I’m too busy trying to keep my child safe to give a crap about Senor Poopsalot down in the basement. Except, lookie there, it seems that what might kill my cat isn’t good for humans, either. Especially the smallish humans, whose every clothing bit is coated in these chemicals. Favorite quote from article: “You get exposed while you’re in your home…. It’s in the carpet. It’s in the monitor. It’s in your chair.” It’s all around us! Run!
Let child cough. And cough, and cough.
According to recent news, the cold/cough remedies specifically meant for toddlers SHOULD NOT BE USED ON TODDLERS. What were you thinking, giving that to your toddler? There’s a danger of overdose, according to experts, and anyway those remedies have never been shown to actually work.
Do not let child take meth.
While we all know that methamphetamines are exceedingly dangerous, it turns out that even if you recover from your addiction, you might suffer the consequences of meth use well into your old age. A recent study showed that young users of meth face the increased possibility of suffering from Parkinson’s-like symptoms late in life. So if you needed more reasons to keep your kids away from drugs, there you go.
Do not let self take meth, either.
“Because she didn’t sleep much, she had time to bake, cook and decorate her home.”
The energy and weight loss that methamphetamines provide make them an alluring drug choice for a surprising demographic: moms. In Idaho, mothers who’ve become addicted to meth are pouring into the prison population, while their children are overloading the foster care system. This is heartbreaking. Read this article. And don’t take meth, please.
Be glad that I don’t live in Chicago.
Maybe we have furniture that’s trying to kill us with its off-gassing and deadly toys and medicines designed to poison our children, but hey, at least we don’t have mites! Itchy Chicagoans are heading to emergency rooms with quarter-sized welts all over them. Because of mites. Chicago-style mites! Which are not here, at least. I’m sorry, Chicago, but I have to be glad about something this week.

About the author

Alice Bradley

http://www.finslippy.com
Alice Bradley was a regular contributor to Alpha Mom, writing about current events as they related to parenting. You can read about her daily life at her personal blog, Finslippy.


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4 Responses to “Want to see Alice’s weekly to-do list? Yes, you do.”

  1. jenB Aug 21 at 7:44 pm Reply Reply

    Poutine is good for the soul, but a good Coffee Crisp is the answer to all panic. But you are right, I keep seeing the lead toy thing on the American news and thinking “are the kids EATING the toys?”

  2. superblondgirl Aug 22 at 12:35 am Reply Reply

    I keep thinking I should boycott all China-made goods, then realizing that’s impossible since EVERY FREAKING THING EVER is made in China. I read some article about a woman who tried to not buy Chinese goods for a year, and it was depressing. Her life got so hard.

  3. ozma Aug 23 at 5:57 pm Reply Reply

    Oh, dear. That article about the supermoms made me think: ‘WHERE CAN I GET SOME METH?’
    Erasing all emotion? Giving you lots of energy? When are they going to make a safe version of this drug?
    The downside of anti-drug education.

  4. Frankie Aug 23 at 10:50 pm Reply Reply

    Ozma: They have. It’s called Ritalin.
    But seriously Meth is freaking scary and even more freaking available to all kinds of people who are trying to “keep up with the Joneses” and who believe they can control the drug. Absolutley horrifying.
    But Lead? Pshaw! Why worry about a little thing like lead?? Especially in our vunerable childrens toys! And a silly recall will only alarm the masses! Shhhhhh…..

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