Money & Work

To Be Or Not To Be

Hi Amy,
I could really use your sage advice. I’m trying to decide whether to honor this commitment I made or back out quick, like a bunny. I’m an actor/singer/creative type living in a major metropolitan city. I’ve been cast in a great play, a professional (but unpaid) production. I am also working an office job about 30 hours a week and in college part-time. The show’s rehearsals begin in about 6 weeks, and once they begin I will be saying goodbye to my life (also my boyfriend) (also my sanity). I will be rehearsing 5 days a week to start, and 7 days a week near the opening of the show. I will be at rehearsal until 11:00pm most nights, and reporting for work the next morning at 7:00 am, going straight from work to school and straight from school back to rehearsal.
The part itself is killer. My character has basically had her life destroyed. She has huge emotional breakdowns twice in the script, which I will be responsible for reinacting every night.
Also, my birthday falls a week before the show opens, when we’re rehearsing 7 days a week. There will be no time off for birthday celebrations, I already asked. Instead, there will be a very long rehearsal on my birthday.
All of those things – the crazy hours, missing my birthday, the emotional exhaustion- would be okay if it weren’t for the fact that my heart just isn’t in theatre anymore. I feel like I’m finally ready to admit that I’m not going to be a professional actor, and I just want to finish school as fast as possible and get on with my life. The play cuts into my work schedule (and therefore my money) and also my school time (I’m taking far fewer classes than I’d like to this semester, and I have no concept of how I’m going to fit in study time.)
Part of me really, really wants out of this. I know I’m going to be a wreck. I’d like to see my boyfriend sometime between now and Christmas. And yet, I made this commitment a long time ago, and if I back out of this show now it will leave the director (who is a friend of mine) scrambling to recast. It will cause a LOT of bad blood and it will burn most of my theatrical bridges.
This is the best role I’ve been given since I moved to this city. I hate to miss the opportunity, and I hate the idea of seeing another actress in the role. I am so torn! Please help!
~Rosemund
P.S. Sorry to be so long winded.
Well! This is a new one.
I think you should do the play. And it took me a long time to settle on that answer, because I keep re-reading all your reasons for NOT doing the play and they are good ones. You will be stressed and tired and overextended, there is no doubt about that. But my gut reaction is that you should do the play, and I’m sticking with my gut on this one.
Because here’s the worst-case scenario for doing the play: You figure out once and for all that the theater is not for you.
That’s really it. You spend a few months in scheduling hell. You miss your birthday.You set your education and finances back a little bit and you spend a lot of time on the phone with your boyfriend. Yes, all of these things will suck, especially if you eventually decide that in the end, you made all these sacrifices for something that ultimately doesn’t end up being your life’s calling.
But personally, I’d rather go with THAT worst-case scenario than the other one, which is NEVER EVER KNOWING. What if you love doing the play? What if the sacrifices melt away into an inevitable and ultimately worthwhile time of paying your dues? There’s only one way to find out, and that’s to honor your commitment, take the part and kick ass every night on stage.
There will be other birthdays and other semesters. There will definitely be other office jobs.There might not be other parts like this and other chances to see if acting is really what you want to do. Look at this play as your last chance, your last hurrah, your last time to indulge in the acting bug before life gets all serious and long-term.
If I may borrow a quote from Arthur Miller (and Mir’s banner image)…”Maybe all we can hope to do is end up with the right regrets.”
That sounds about right.

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Lori12309

16 years ago

Very sage advice indeed, Amy..
At my age, I have found that I regret much more the things I haven’t done than the things I have.
“To be or not to be,” go find a copy of Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken” and take it to heart, honey.
And then go break a damn leg!

Dear AL

Amy, you blow Dear Abby away! Wonder if I should add you to my arch nemesis list.
Rosemund, break a leg! If you boyfriend truly loves you, he’ll give you space.

Léonie

Just wanted to say that, as a fellow “creative type” (except in London) I know how appealing a normal life can be. It must be a really hard decision.
I agree with Amy, though. I say do the play for the sake of the part of you that would always have leapt at the chance, disruption or no, and then at least you’ll know one way or the other.
Good luck!

I didn’t mean I’m creative except when I’m in London. That would be rubbish, seeing as I live there.

nancy

I disagree. I think Rosamunde needs to start with a pro/con list that includes basics like a schedule for sleeping, eating, exercising and possibly even studying. Coming from a sad, sad place full over over committed creative types, I think that sometimes you can work through this type of thing and it will be great, and sometimes you start to sacrifice your own physical and mental health when trying to be everything for everyone. Doing a show because you are afraid of burning bridges in a career you have decided is not for you? Maybe not the best choice. Are… Read more »

SarahJ

I’m going to have to disagree on this one. First, if it’s a professional show, you’re going to be paid for it. End of story. Professional=Money Amature=”good experience”. This is why there is Actors Equity. So that people can’t be screwed around like this. Arg. From the post, she sounded like she was listing all the reasons why someone should tell her why it’s a better idea, this time around, to just skip it. Being in the same profession, I have to say that doing a show like under all the other “real life” pressures involved is possibly the WORST… Read more »

SarahJ, did you ment to write that you agree with Amy, or do you disagree with Nancy?
Nancy has a point about the stress, but maybe that’s why Rosemund’s friend decided to cast her in that role, because she’ll know how that character feels.
Rosemund, do the show, or this will bother you later on in life not knowing how this would have turned out if you performed.

AL-with Amy. Sorry. Totally wasn’t clear. 🙂
You need to be able to seperate work from home. An actors JOB is to be able to play a character and leave it at the door. Sure, being stressed in real life will help her pull some life experience into it, but everyone already knows what it’s like to be stressed out. You shouldn’t be living your part at home. *staying* stressed out is a sure fire way to get completely burnt out and bitter.

wow. still wasn’t clear. I disagree with Amy saying “go for it”. I say, it really sounds like you shouldn’t. For all the reasons above. 🙂

Gullebarn

Do the play. Take time off from school if you need to. School will always be there. If the boyfriend truly cares about you he will adapt to your schedule. If he doesn’t, well then you can do better. Forget about the birthday stress. Bring cupcakes to the rehearsal that day and offer them to your castmates in celebration of your birthday. Do these things while you are young and don’t have a family whose needs come first. Once you have kids, it is all about them and you will never have a chance to do these kind of things… Read more »

To Be Or Not To Be

Amy Corbett Storch

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