Best Jeans for Moms: Jeans have whiskers? Who knew?
Last week I mentioned my bitter disgust with all things Skinny Jean related and also my undying adulation for Gap Curvy Bootcut jeans. Little did I know this week was Women In Jeans week. I also didn’t know Women In Blue Jeans is also an organization dedicated to women in rural america. I have a sneaking suspicion the women of ‘Women In Blue Jeans’ don’t spend even $60 on a pair of jeans…much less hundreds of dollars.
But guess what? I am not an official Women In Blue Jeans member so I can spend whatever I want on jeans. I can also write an entire post about jeans.
In the sixth grade I saved my babysitting money for 4 months to buy my first pair of Guess jeans, with the zippers at the ankles. I saved for 4 months because back then people paid their babysitters normal sums of money, not salaries with 401Ks and medical benefits. My love affair with jeans was realized at that point, though it had started years earlier with Brooke Shields and this catchy tune. Of course it was good I didn’t save my money to buy Jordache jeans because by 7th grade it was decided by the powers that be, Jordache was for girls who lived in the next town over and teased their bangs into something resembling a buff puff. We were more sophisticated than that and had jeans with zippers and a triangle on the butt. You can clearly see the difference.
The problem with buying jeans is that every pair is different and every body is different. My girlfriend, for example, needs to accentuate her less than ample butt. This makes me want to pinch her tiny little cheeks. I need to make my ample butt make more sense on my body and the right shape pants helps that along. I read somewhere most women have to try on 9 pairs of jeans before finding something which works and if my supermarket express line is any indication a lot of women are trying on 9 pairs and finding something which doesn’t work all that well. I don’t know about you, but after trying on 3 pairs of jeans I am hating my body for being so…..difficult. Let’s get some help on the internet so we can at least narrow down our choices once we make it to the dressing room.
Let’s start at Oprah.com. All good things flow from Oprah I think. Oprah and Martha Stewart, but I’m not sure I trust Martha to pick out my jeans. For inspiration read through the Genius Jean Makeover pages and for some brands to try look at the buying guide. After reading this, I’m wondering if my favorite jeans are even as good as I can do. Maybe I need to find a trouser fit?
When I feel like giving myself a body image reality check I type in my stats to Virtual Model and take an honest look. It’s sort of rewarding when I have to add 40 pounds to the model to get it to look the way I think I do. If you’re not psychotic like me, you could use Virtual Model to preliminarily try on jeans before buying. This will give you a way to narrow down your choices and also drive home the fact, in living color, that skinny jeans are not meant for women with hips.
Zafu is a site someone sent to me (thanks Laura!) and it has potential to narrow your choices before you head to the store. You answer some simple questions about the way jeans typically fit and Zafu comes up with some choices which will likely work for you. The first time through I was a little hard on myself I guess and I ended up with just one choice and it was a pair of acid washed, undeniably Mom jeans. I guess I angered Zafu. The second time through I was less harsh and I got four choices, including my favorite jeans and none which wrapped my arse up like a martronly muffin.
If you like buying jeans more than you like, say, feeding your family 3 meals a day, you could take a look around Kultic.com. Every pair of designer jeans you’ve ever heard of and if you’re me and not cool about 800 you haven’t heard of. With 35 brands one is bound to fit you. If the one pair you fall in love is $300, don’t blame me. Also, if your dream pair of jeans are these, then I’m pretty sure you we can’t be friends because my hips will crush you accidentally.
Lucky offers a helpful tool for navigating their denim choices. You tell them if you want slim fit or relaxed, low or mid rise, bootleg or straight and you end up with your two to four choices. If you have a Lucky store nearby this will make you feel less sweaty when you walk into the store and are faced with a wall of denim you can’t make sense of. God forbid you accidentally take a pair of skinny jeans into the dressing room.
I am so uncool I even get confused by the Levi’s store. All those numbers and stacks of blue overwhelm me. Why can’t they just name their jeans things like, “Not for Melissa” or “Perfect For Melissa”. Their online tool will help me know my 525’s from my 505’s (skinny! hiss! hiss!).
I was surprised to learn both Target and JCPenney offer custom jeans for under $50. Enter your measurements and honestly answer the questions about your body’s shape. I have a ‘Prominent’ butt according to JCPenny. This makes my butt sound like it’s talking to stockholders and having long lunches with investors. My butt is currently forming a Presidential Exploratory Committee, it’s that prominent a public figure. If you’ve got a little money to burn, why don’t you try to have Target or JCPenny make you a pair of jeans and report back to me.
Ultimately, I think we can all agree we need to avoid Mom Jeans at all costs. (The link works now, but NBC appears to be pulling all Mom Jeans videos from You Tube). Promise me you’ll do your best.
Tell us about your best jeans, where you bought them and why you love them. Also, if you have a pair of jeans you can’t stand, jeans which offend your core values, why don’t you tell us about those too.
I already told you about my favorite. My least favorite were a pair of Joe’s Jeans I tried on in a moment of incredibly poor judgement. What my butt put those jeans through was bordering on criminal and I’m surprised no formal charges have been filed following the incident in a very brightly lit dressing room. …..shudder…..
[Edit: If you have a pair of jeans you love, can you also tell us what you're trying to play up or down....your height, your hips, your thighs, playing up your butt? For me I like jeans which hide the muffin top (so not too low rise) and ones which balance out my Prominent Butt.]