advert

Because I Am Not Completely Irrelevant! Yet!

Nov29

by

Dear Amalah,
My question relates to the skinny jeans I bought and then regretted because they make my bum look rather… well, enormous.
I’m a UK size 10 so I’m not supermodel-skinny, but I’m not huge. I’m also quite short (5 foot 3 inches in my stocking soles). The jeans are just about wear-out-in-public-able, but I cannot seem to get the right shoes to go with them. Most people seem to wear them with either flat ballet pump type shoes, or tucked into knee high boots. I’ve tried both and neither seem to look right so I haven’t worn my lovely new jeans yet! The flatties seem to make my arse look bigger, and the boots make my legs look chunky.
Please help me! What do you wear with your skinnies?
Yours in anticipation,
Katrina

I cannot lie: I’m in the same spot with the skinny jeans. I bought a pair a couple weeks ago, and while they’ve gotten plenty of weartime around my house as I parade endlessly in front of various mirrors trying to convince myself that I like them, I have not worn them out in public.
Jason maintains that they are, in fact, supercute and do not embiggen my ass at all. But still, after a decade in flares or bootcuts, that tapered-leg silhouette is really hard to get used to.
Yet I remain determined! Mostly because I think they’re here to stay, judging from the number of young curvy whippersnappers parading around in them. And I remember when I brought home my first pair of bell bottoms in the 1990s, my mother took one look at them, had a flashback to her youth in the 1970s and decided to stick with her high-waist, pleat-front, tapered-leg jeans. And thus? The Mom Jean was born.
I’m certainly not some kind of future-telling fashion guru, but y’all! If everybody our age boycotts the skinny jeans and cigarette pants, we simply cannot be surprised to wake up one morning to a world where relaxed-fit bootcuts are the new Mom Jeans.
momjeans.jpg
Nooooo! I’m still too young! And way too shallow!
ANYWAY. The one time I came really, really close to leaving the house in my new jeans, I wore a pair of black, flat, loafer-like shoes. They aren’t as delicate and twee as ballet flats, and in my mind, seem to balance out the ass-to-ankle equation a little better. I’ve also tried them tucked into a pair of slender, not-quite-knee-length boots.
I can see how this might not work for the shorter gals (although I’m only about 5 foot 5 inches myself), but you may want to experiement a little more with boot styles — stay away from the heeled, soft-leather versions from a couple years ago that tended to slouch up around the ankles — and maybe try a stiffer leather or perhaps…omg…even some kind of ankle boot? I don’t know how I feel about ankle boots on the outside of jeans yet. But hell, I own a pair of SKINNY. JEANS. and can quite possibly be talked into just about anything. Even leggings! Oh. Wait. Too late.
(Still in the package, unworn, by the way. Possibly because I am still shopping for the right cute little dress.)
For those of you who are still too terrified of the entire concept of skinny jeans, let me suggest something more along the line of the cigarette style by Joe’s Jeans, which are slightly different than the full-on skinny jean. They aren’t super tight ANYWHERE, and the waist and butt area really just resemble your average low-rise jean. (They also run big, so you can probably order a size below your normal size and thus feel like the wee-est little fairy princess.)
Like I mentioned earlier, I believe the Thing With The Skinny Jean is mostly in our heads. It’s a very different silhouette than we’re used to. But seriously: a UK size 10? Your ass is not enormous, like AT ALL, and I have seen some REALLY curvy girls rocking the skinnies with confidence. So can you. So can I! I just…need to maybe have another glass of wine first.

About the author

Amalah

http://www.amalah.com
Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to amyadvice@gmail.com.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.


Subscribe to posts by Amalah

7 Responses to “Because I Am Not Completely Irrelevant! Yet!”

  1. heels Nov 29 at 4:24 pm Reply Reply

    Would it be a terrible fashion faux-pas to say that, though I haven’t gone the way of the skinny jean (all about the long straight-leg), I can imagine them looking cute with a pair of adorable little kitten heels?

  2. Chataine Nov 29 at 4:41 pm Reply Reply

    I’m also very hesitant about the skinny-jeans phenomenon, but those Joe’s Jeans ones are CUTE. You may have convinced me. (Maybe. It’s still a hard thing to get used to, you’re right.)

  3. Isabel Kallman
    Isabel Kallman Nov 29 at 5:38 pm Reply Reply

    Amy: okay, I think you owe us a picture.
    Heels: I was thinking the same thing!

  4. annemie Nov 29 at 9:20 pm Reply Reply

    I might’ve just vomited a little from laughing so hard at your mom-jean picture… Lee’s, anyone? I, too, am trying to convince myself that by donning a pair of skinny jeans, I will not somehow get magically transported back to my 10-year old self, complete with greasy hair, pimples, and an obsession with NKOTB. Then again, I do have an old vow to uphold regarding never turning into THAT mom. But where does it all end? What’s next? Tight rolling? Sebagos with curly laces? YIKES!

  5. No, no, no, no, no. I won’t be wearing the skinny jeans*. If flares/bootcut become the new “Mom” jean then you’ll know my family status by looking at all the extra denim fabric around my ankles. Besides, us more robust women CANNOT do a skinny jean…Oprah said!
    (*unless I get to wear them with a pair of rainbow leg-warmers, peter pan boots, an off the shoulder cut up sweatshirt and suspenders. Circa 1984. But only then!)

  6. Nonny Nov 30 at 1:56 pm Reply Reply

    Ok, do not, I repeat, DO NOT wear flat shoes with skinny jeans if you have even the teensiest wee-est issue with your ass. Unless of course you want to spend the whole day yanking your top down and checking out your butt in every shop window you pass.
    Wear wedges, they look freakin good with everything or boots with the jeans tucked in are good also but make sure they have a heel.
    If you are wearing boots the jeans need to be really tight roubd the bottom of your leg otherwise they bunch up and stuff and it’s really annoying.
    I just bought the most gorgeous pair of leopard print platform courts with a chunky stilleto type heel and they were just made for skinny jeans.
    Seriously…..STEP AWAY FROM THE FLAT SHOES!

  7. loriborealis Dec 05 at 9:15 am Reply Reply

    Skinny jeans make me want to cry. It’s like a further push to be unfathomably skinny, and for the love, not all of us are! The Age of Bootleg was the most cherished age for They Who Have Shape (maybe The Age of Bell-Bottoms was too) and like Vicky said above, if bootleg become the new Mom Jean, then so be it. (I can always wear tailored dress trousers if necessary.)

Follow us on Pinterest

Close