This month we have three completely different books up for vote. And I know I seem to say this every month, but I am excited by all three books. They all seem like books that you will think about long after you are done reading.

1) Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown

I think most are familiar with Brene Brown and the TED talk that she gave in 2010 about The Power of Vulnerability. When I just looked it up to link to it over 9 million people had watched the talk! That is incredible and truly a testament to the power of her speech.

In this book, Brene Brown forces us to look at what it means to be vulnerable and to change what we think about vulnerability. Most of us have grown up associating vulnerability with weakness, but Brown argues that it is only by being our most vulnerable that we achieve the deepest human connections. I have been wanting to read Daring Greatly since last year when it was first published. I love reading books that push me to think outside of my comfort zone, perhaps a zone I didn’t even realize I was hiding in. I don’t know about everyone else, but I feel like I could use some deep thinking and soul searching before the kids get out of school next month.

2) The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

I love books that give me concrete steps to take to reach an end result. This book is supposed to help parents nurture their children’s emotional intelligence. The Whole-Brain Child has received overwhelmingly good reviews from parents who say that it has helped them think about their child’s misbehavior in a new way, helped them teach their children to move past difficult situations and not get “stuck” in negative thought patterns. (Wish someone had taught me this as a child!)

3) Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy by Emily Bazelon

We offered this book up as a choice in one of our earlier books clubs and we thought we would put it out here again. Bullying is in the news all the time. It seems so pervasive and social media has only escalated the bullying. As a mother of a child who spent one school year being bullied while the school did little to nothing, I am interested in reading this book. The author, Emily Bazelon, had a series of articles published in Slate that were the genesis of this book. The articles were both compelling and controversial and she weaves the story of Phoebe Prince, a girl who was bullied and later committed suicide, into Sticks and Stones.

Vote on which book you would like to read along with us.

Voting will be open until Friday, May 24th at 11:59pm EST. We’ll come back to discuss the winner on Weds, June 12th.

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Here are the discussions for our previous parenting book club picks: Minimalist Parenting (April), Kids Are Worth It! (Mar), Far From The Tree (Feb), NurtureShock (Jan), How To Talk So Kids Will Listen (Dec), Five Love Languages of Children (Nov).

Our parenting book choice this month is “Minimalist Parenting: Enjoy Modern Family Life More by Doing Less.”

I was intrigued by the title. This was a book that I would have gravitated toward in the bookstore even if I did not know the authors, Christine Koh and Asha Dornfest. Because, hey, I like to do less and wouldn’t we all like to enjoy our lives more? But what exactly do the authors mean by minimalist parenting, was a question that I wondered. Do they advocate living like Tibetan monks? Eschewing possessions and leaving our children to play with sticks? Does it mean letting your kids run wild with minimal parental interference? Is it hands-off parenting?

Turns out it was none of those things.  I read the book and discovered that I am a minimalist parent and I didn’t even know it.

What is Minimalist Parenting?

Many years ago I had been telling my mother-in-law about some angst-filled parenting decision that was on my mind. I can’t even remember now what it was that was causing me that much stress. But I do remember what my mother-in-law said to me. She said she thought it was easier to be a parent back when she was raising her children. That there weren’t so many choices or ways to question your own instincts. I think there is a lot of truth to that. When you have so many different choices, so many different voices telling you the right way to do something, it is easy to become overwhelmed and paralyzed by the feeling that you will never be able to make the right choice. I think minimalist parenting is about looking at all your various parenting choices and realizing that at the end of the day most of them are not as life-altering as you believe in the moment.

Asha and Christine write, “The obstacle standing between you and a happier, less overwhelming version of your family life isn’t something you’re doing wrong. It’s that you’re wrestling with abundance–too many choices, too many obligations, too much stuff, and too much guilt about trying to do it all.”

Minimalist Parenting promises to “show you how to minimalize your family life–how to edit your schedule, possessions, and expectations so there’s more of what you love and care about and less of what you don’t.” Through the many examples and strategies I was able to fully understand what they meant by minimalist parenting. I loved the personal anecdotes sprinkled throughout the book. It made what they are writing feel real and personal and gave you the ability to connect to real-life examples.

I have loved both of Asha’s and Christine’s websites for years, but even so this book gave me the words to explain why what I was already doing felt right for our family and helped me let go of some of the guilt. I think most of us parents have areas where we feel guilty, and they are always the ones where we are the most unsure of ourselves as parents.

Family Scheduling

I have one friend who schedules her children’s every waking moment, her children really do not have any downtime. And that is fine for their family. But often times I talk to her and feel that pang of guilt that my children aren’t going to spend a week at ceramics camp or cake decorating camp. I have learned that I need to not take my friends parenting their children differently as a personal attack on the way I parent my kids.  Let’s agree to take the word should out of our vocabulary when talking to anyone about their parenting.

I loved how both authors put in personal stories about how they arrived at the parenting path they are on. I enjoyed reading about the “mistakes” they made along the way. Christine writes in one chapter about over-scheduling her daughter’s summer vacation with camps that should have been fun, but turned out not to be a good fit. We have had the same thing happen, when I listened to the shoulds of other parents and didn’t remember what works for our family.

Education

I think whenever you read parenting books, the chapters that apply to what is going on in your life are the ones that resonate with you the most. While reading the chapter on Education there were several times that I put the book down in my lap and thought for awhile. My family has gone from homeschool to public school to private school. Transitioning from one of these to the next was never an easy decision. Reading this chapter enabled me to truly assess my educational priorities so that I could articulate why moving away from public school was the right decision for my kids. And I think that the authors are right that there are good points and bad points about every school, the key to being happy is a school where the scale tips to good points. But these things are often very different for each family, and each child within a family.

Vacations

Again, this struck a cord with me. Maybe because I envision long, leisurely vacations with my family, but the reality is that these don’t happen. I remember when I was in the fifth grade, my mother took me on a week long trip to the Bahamas. My favorite part of the experience? Room service! I have discovered that the same holds true for my kids. They don’t need elaborate vacations to have fond memories. They love the “free” continental breakfast that many hotels offer, you’d think it was a five-star restaurant they way they go on and on about the waffle maker that you flip over to cook your own waffles. When I returned with my daughter from an two day trip out of town, she couldn’t wait to tell her brothers the highlight of her trip…how we watched TV in bed!

Guilt

This book lays out a framework for you to make decisions about your parenting that feel right for your family. It gives you permission to let go of the guilt. And it shows you how having less, is actually having more of what matters for your family.

Discussion Questions

* How did you feel about the guidelines laid out in
Minimalist Parenting?
* Did it open your eyes up to ways that you can “have less” in your life?  Were you already following the principles, but didn’t have a clear picture of your parenting style?
* Do you think that this minimalist style of parenting is a throw back to the way people used to parent their children before we were “wrestling with abundance”?
* Have you resolved to make some changes in your family life?

Our book club book for this month is Minimalist Parenting: Enjoy Modern Family Life More by Doing Less by Christine Koh and Asha Dornfest.

No, you didn’t miss the book poll!

I have been looking forward to this book being published for some time now. Having known Asha and Christine for years, we really wanted this book to be a part of our parenting book club. In the interest of complete disclosure, Isabel has a blurb of advance praise at the beginning of the book.

I felt that putting it up for a vote while hoping that this particular book won wasn’t really fair. Combined with being especially delayed with our book club schedule, we’re making a special exception this month. Do not worry, next month we will be back to our regularly scheduled polls. That is one of my favorite things about this book club, that we all get to have a voice.

Christine runs Boston Mamas and Asha runs Parent Hacks, a very popular blog for parents with “smart tips that help simplify family life, save money, and have fun.” Love their blogs, and if you haven’t visited them you are missing out.

The book promises to be more of the same–helping all of us simplify our lives so that we can enjoy our lives more. I think that I have a fairly simple family life, as much as a family with seven kids can be simple. But I will admit that I sometimes can get caught up in mistaking being busy for being productive.

So go grab this book and we will meet back here to discuss it beginning April 23!

In the meantime, we’re having a conversation about Kids Are Worth It!, a book that really resonated with me. And, I have read a lot of parenting books!

The way to get your kids to behave is to give them the gift of self-discipline. But exactly how do you do that? That is what author Barbara Coloroso outlines in her book, Kids Are Worth It!: Giving Your Child The Gift Of Inner Discipline

Kids Are Worth It! Overview

This is a really great book. I have read quite a lot of parenting books and I am not sure that any have resonated with me as much as this book did and in the way that it did. This book held a mirror to the way that I was parenting, the consequences of how I was parenting, and I did not like what I saw. Kids Are Worth It! author, Barbara Coloroso, asks the question, “Is my goal in parenting to influence and empower my children or to control them and make them mind?”

Parenting Styles

Coloroso divides parenting styles into three main types. 1) Brick-Wall: “Do it my way, or else!” 2) Jellyfish: those parents who are inconsistent and rarely enforce house rules, and 3) Backbone: firm, flexible and respectful parenting.

At first I read this and thought, ‘Of course I am a Backbone Parent! I’m not overly strict and I’m not a pushover!’ I gave myself a pat on the back for being so awesome! Sadly, the more I read through the book and read her examples of situations with children and how each type of parent would react, I saw myself for what I really am. It was such a shocking realization that I had to put the down for a few days and come back to it. During those days I really heard the words coming out of my mouth for the first time and thought about my parenting style and what I wanted for my relationship with my children.

Brick-Wall versus Jellyfish Parent

I have often said that I am slow to anger, however, once I get there watch out! In dealing with the outside world this is a pretty good trait, but at home it isn’t. I realized that it isn’t so much that I am easy-going, as I had led myself to believe, as I do not like conflict. So I will ignore, pacify, ignore some more until I explode over something that all by itself is very minor. So a typical Jellyfish A Parent, which the author says is often a result of being raised in a Brick-Wall Family. Though I don’t identify with all (most?) of the descriptions of the Jellyfish Parent, I think it probably sums up my overall attitude. And whoa boy, that is hard to admit that you think you are doing one thing, but then realize you are parenting in a completely opposite way. Also hard to admit, I identified with a lot of the Brick-Wall Parenting when it came to my teenagers, probably because I was being a Jellyfish until I became the Brick-Wall. I do think, however, that most of us probably fall across the categories depending on what the situation is.

What I loved the most about this book was that Coloroso would give a parenting scenario or challenge. And invite you to consider how you would react. Then she would write what each of the type of parents would do. This style of writing means that you already considered what your reaction would be before you read how wrong you were.

On Bribes, Threats, Rewards & Punishments

In Chapter 4, “Children can not thrive on bribes, threats, rewards, and punishments. If you need to get rid of these tools in your parenting toolbox, you will need something to take their place.” This spoke to me. I don’t use bribes, threats, or rewards (or at least I didn’t think I did. Turns out they are a lot more nuanced than I believed) but I have nothing that takes their place.

“Some parents nag with finesse every morning, (‘Hurry up you are going to be late, don’t forget your gym sneakers. Do you have your library books? Where’s your coat? Can’t you remember anything?’). Kid goes off to school in great shape and parent is bordering on a coronary. Was Coloroso looking in my window when she wrote this? Because this sounds an awful lot like me. She offers really good suggestions on how to turn the conversation around and stop being the nag that you don’t want to be by offering instead a comment that provides basic instruction. In the previous case something along the lines of, “Check your list so you are sure you have everything before you leave the house.”

Punishment is an external force holding children accountable for their actions. Discipline “is a process that gives life to learning; it is restorative; it invites reconciliation.” Discipline involves real world consequences. These consequences are learned without nagging, reminding, or warning from the parent. Coloroso says, “If the natural consequences are not life-threatening, morally threatening, or unhealthy, it is good to let the child experience them, without warnings or reminders.” This is the one area that I am okay in. I have never even used the word punish with my children. My daughter loves to wear shorts, year round. Granted we live in Texas and it is fairly warm all year, but definitely not shorts weather when it is 40 degrees. I refuse to argue about things like this though. Usually I will say that she should check the weather before she gets dressed, but she will usually still chose shorts. She says she isn’t cold, so why does it matter? A mother of one of my daughter’s friends asked me why she was wearing shorts all the time. When I explained that it was my daughter’s choice what to wear and that she was happy wearing shorts, the woman said she would never allow her daughter to do that, because what would everyone else think? That was a pretty telling statement about how this family believes children should be treated. It also caused me to reflect on some of my own parenting choices and whether they were motivated by other people and not what was in my heart.

Just the Right Words

Throughout the book, Coloroso has quotes from other authors, philosophers, parenting experts, and religious leaders. In the beginning I found them a distraction, but as the book went on many of them summed up perfectly the message she was trying to convey:

Building a conscience is what discipline is all about. The goal is for a youngster to end up believing in decency, and acting-whether anyone is watching or not-in helpful and kind and generous and thoughtful ways. -James L. Hymes, Jr.

Discipline takes time. It isn’t easy. It isn’t a quick fix.

Alternatives To No

The chapter on the Alternatives to No was one of my favorites out of the entire book. Instead of saying No, Coloroso suggests three things:

1) Yes, later.
2) Give me a minute
3) Convince me

She says the No should be saved for the really big and important things. I use number two frequently, but number one had never occurred to me. That simply changing the way that you say something has an impact.

More Common Parenting Mistakes

She then outlines other areas that trip us up as parents, where we think we are being supportive or helpful, but are not:

- The mini-lecture! (Hi, I do this!)
- Asking questions that get us nowhere fast. (Hello, I do this, too!)
- Empty threats (I am queen of this with my younger children and they all know it.)
- Ultimatums (sometimes, yes, I do this, though I did not recognize it as such until I read the book.)
- Put-downs (Phew, thankfully something I don’t do!)
- Be Careful! (I do this all the time. I thought I was being loving and caring. Whoops!)

In the introduction of Kids Are Worth It!, Barbara Coloroso admits that she is not a perfect parent with perfect children. Something I found refreshing. She says her own children would ask her why she didn’t handle certain situations the way she was instructing other people to do. She writes, “The following pages are things I do, have done, would have done, wished I had done, and plan to do the next time.” And it was in that spirit that I read this book. What can I, as a parent, strive to do the next time? The past is the past. I can, however, move on and use the new tools in my toolbox instead of reaching for the old trusty ones that didn’t work so well.

You did what you did then, now you know better, you do better. -Maya Angelou

Final Thoughts on Kids Are Worth It!

There is just so much in this book that I could go on and on. Mine is filled with sticky tabs highlighting things that caused me to pause and consider my parenting. It will be one of the books that I refer to over and over again when I am facing an issue with my children.

Discussion Time

1. What did you think of this book?
2. Did you find it as enlightening as I did?
3. Did you feel overwhelmed by all the things you thought you were doing right, but really are not?

It is time to choose our next book for our book club (we’re running a little behind this month).  I am so excited.  Every single one of these books touches on a parenting issue near and dear to my heart.

1) Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy

Bullying is in the news all the time.  It seems so pervasive and social media has only escalated the bullying it seems.  As a mother of a child who spent one school year being bullied while the school did little to nothing, I am interested in reading this book.  The author, Emily Bazelon, had a series of articles published in Slate that were the genesis of this book. The articles were both compelling and controversial.

2) Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

Raise your hand if you’re a Yeller.  Keep your hand up if you wish you could stop.  This book says that if you follow the author’s simple approach you will no longer have to ”threaten, nag, plead, bribe—or even punish.”  Sign me up!

3) Kids Are Worth It! : Giving Your Child The Gift Of Inner Discipline

This book is considered a classic, having stood the test of time for almost twenty years.  The book is about teaching kids self-discipline and personal responsibility, something I think we can all agree are important.  The author, Barbara Coloroso, identifies three types of parents: the jellyfish, the brickwall, and the backbone and explains why the first two are ineffective.

So now we vote!  This month I can honestly say that I want to read all three of these books.  Usually I lean toward one, but I would be happy to have any of these on bookshelf.

Voting will be open until Friday, March 1st at 11:59pm EST. The winner is Kids Are Worth It! : Giving Your Child The Gift Of Inner Discipline. We’ll come back to discuss it on Tuesday, March 19th.

Here are the discussions for our previous picks: Far From The Tree (Feb), NurtureShock (Jan), How To Talk So Kids Will Listen (Dec), Five Love Languages of Children (Nov).

You know the old adage, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?  Well, sometimes it does.  Andrew Solomon explores in his new book what happens in families when the apple doesn’t just fall from the tree, it rolls far, far away.

I don’t even know where to begin discussing this book, Far From the Tree. I could talk about it for hours, and in fact I have, mostly to people who haven’t read it, but are definitely going to read the book now just so I will shut-up about it. I really enjoyed this book. When it arrived in the mail I will admit that I was slightly intimidated by the sheer size–so many words to read! I felt a little like my fourth grader who judges all books by the number of pages and size of the font. This book= lots of pages, small font.

The main theme of Far From the Tree is parenting children who are different from you. How do parents love their children who are so profoundly different from the children they thought they could love? However, I think what the author has to say about parenting holds true across the board for all parent/child relationships. As he so eloquently points out, there is no such thing as reproduction, when you have children you are creating something entirely new.

Very early on I was struck by this passage from the book, “Though many of us take pride in how different we are from our parents, we are endlessly sad at how different our children are from us.” (pg 2)

I grew up as an only child. I hated it for many reasons and probably gave it more weight than it should have had for the sadness I experienced as a child. I knew beyond a doubt that I would have many children when I was an adult (um, I have seven now). I said many times to my parents that I would never have just one child. It probably was hurtful, but I never even considered that. It was just one of those things. Recently, one of my children offhandedly said that when he grows up he is only going to have one child so that his one child will know he is the most special person of all and he can give his child every thing he wants. I hate to admit that it hurt when he said that. I felt that I was being judged and not measuring up to his ideals of what a parent should be. I had given him what I longed for most in life, siblings, and it wasn’t enough. It was in that moment, as I turned my emotions over in my head, that I realized what I want from life is not necessarily what he wants from life and that those differences don’t have to be an indication that either one is inferior.  His not wanting (maybe) to have many children does not reflect negatively on the choices I have made.  And while typing this out it seems so obvious, I think we get caught up in emotions that mask that.  His choices are for him, my choices are for me.

In his exhaustive book, Andrew Solomon discusses in different chapters what it is like to raise children who are deaf, dwarfs, prodigies, criminals, transgendered, or are born of rape, have disabilities such as down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, or multiple disabilities. He weaves his own story as a homosexual male growing up during a time period when it was believed that one could be “cured” of it, ultimately realizing that his parents loved him the best way that they could, with the knowledge and skills that they had at the time.

Each chapter of Far From the Tree seemed enough for a stand alone book. There were times when I thought he dragged on a little, but more often I wanted even more information, which says a lot about the book when it is already closing in on 1000 pages.

I read the first two chapters in order and after that I skipped around. The last chapter I read was the one about transgender children and so it is still rattling around in my head. Parents second guessing what they are doing with their children, wondering if they are causing more harm than good for their children, the judgement of other people– all of these things are magnified in the situations that Solomon describes, but they are all feelings that most of us as parents have felt. There couldn’t be a way for a child to fall farther from the tree, to use Solomon’s anaolgy, than to feel like they are in the body of the wrong sex.

Because Far From the Tree was so immense I don’t even know where to start discussing it. So I thought I would throw out some quotes that I highlighted and we can start discussing there. I’d love to know what parts of the book resonated with you the most. I know I can’t be the only one who reads books with a pencil and sticky notes in hand.

1: This quote struck me, in the chapter on prodigies. One of the mothers is talking about the criticism she has received about her son having no other extra curricular activities. “In America, every kid has to be well rounded. They have ten different activities, and they never excel at any of them. Americans want everyone to have the same life; it’s the cult of average.” (pg 453) I see this in my own life, friends who have their children in every activity imaginable, with no down time to discover what they are truly passionate about. And on the other hand I hear criticism about parents who allow their child to focus on one activity they really like.

2: “To look deep into your child’s eyes and see in him both yourself and something utterly strange, and then to develop a zealous attachment to every aspect of him, is to achieve parenthood’s self-regarding, yet unselfish, abandon. It is astonishing how often such mutuality had been realized – how frequently parents who had supposed that they couldn’t care for an exceptional child discover that they can. The parental predisposition to love prevails in the most harrowing of circumstances. There is more imagination in the world than one might think.” I’m not sure I have ever heard parenting described more eloquently.

3: “The philosopher Sophia Isako Wong, whose brother has Down’s Syndrome, asked, “What makes life as a parent worth living-or, in other words, what rewards do parents expect in return for the sacrifices they make in raising children?” (page 365) I have heard people say many times they have “sacrificed” their lives for their children. I have never framed my parenting in those terms, but I have also not really given up anything solely for my children either. But I think it is an interesting question to ponder, what do we get out of being parents?

4: When Solomon is interviewing the father of one profoundly disabled child, the father says, “By the dependency that one child has, I’ve learned a lot about the independence of the other kids. The girls can do whatever the hell they want and I’ll be proud of them. It’s very freeing.” (page 370) I have said similar things about the benefit of being a latter born child in a large family, I have jokingly said that no one really cares what the youngest child does, as long as he stays out of jail and is a decent human being. That is freeing, for the child and parent.

I wish that we could all sit around in person with our giant books on our laps and snacks at hand and just talk about the book. Every story fascinated me–from the pillow angels, the parents who filed the wrongful-life suit after their very premature baby was kept alive by heroic measures against their expressed wishes, the dwarfs who had limb lengthening surgery, the Deaf culture, the adults with schizophrenia and the parents who mourn for the lives they could have had.

And maybe that is what stuck with me, the thread throughout the book. As parents we have ideas of where children should go, the path they could take, and in some instances that path is changed by circumstances beyond anyone’s control and in others our children simply decide to go in a different direction. “Most of us believe that our children are the children we had to have; we could have had no others. They will never seem to us happenstance; we love them because they are our destiny. Even when they are flawed, do wrong, hurt us, die–even then, they are a part of the rightness by which we measure our own lives. Indeed they are the rightness by which we measure life itself, and they bring us to life as profoundly as we do them.” (page 698)

So tell me what impressed you in Far From the Tree? Were there any parts that you felt resonated with you and your own situation, even if you don’t have children that fit into the categories described in the chapters?

It is time to vote for our February parenting book club selection.  I hope a lot of you made it your New Year resolution to read more and will be joining us. We’re currently having a great discussion about January’s selection, the parenting book NurtureShock.

Here’s a little about February’s parenting book selections and the poll is down below (it will be open for a week, until day’s end on Weds, January 16):

1) Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity by Andrew Solomon

This book is relatively new (released in Nov 2012) and has really been talked about a lot the past few months, making it on to several best seller and best books of 2012 lists.  From the Amazon review of the book, “Andrew Solomon’s tome about the ways in which children are different from their parents–and what such differences do to our conventional ideas about family.” I find this book fascinating, what it feels like to parent a child who is so very different from yourself.  How much does nurture play a role in the people our children become? Why do good parents have “bad” kids?  The author weaves his own personal narrative of being raised in family where he was much different from his parents.

2) Fed Up with Frenzy: Slow Parenting in a Fast-Moving World by Susan Sachs Lipman

Do you feel like your family is on the fast track to nowhere? This books offers not just information about why it is important to slow down and reconnect as a family, but ideas to help you make the most of your slowed down time. You know how you will have days with nothing going on and you look at each other and think, “Now what?” Well, this book has ideas.  Even 18 years in to this parenting thing I can use new ideas and a fresh perspective. This seems like it would be a fun easy read about something so many of us complain about. From personal experience, this past winter break we were all down with a mild flu and we did nothing over the break.  No trips, no fun day excursions, nothing.  We stayed home and watched movies together, baked, did crafts, lounged in pajamas, etc.  When my kids went back to school yesterday they all said that it was the best school break ever.

3) Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen

This book is exactly what the title suggests, how to incorporate play into your parenting.  Incorporating play and humor as a way to connect with your children.  I’ll admit, I am not a big “player” and this books intrigues me because I wonder what I am missing.  I know my kids like it when I do things with them, so I am interested in reading about why I should do this more often. It’s never too late to incorporate new things into your parenting.

These are the three books that we will be voting on to read this month.  I am not-so-secretly hoping that the first book, “Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity“, wins.  I already know that I will read it regardless of the outcome, but it seems like a book that would be great to discuss with other people.  Don’t you hate it when you read an interesting book and you then have to try to convince your friends to read it so you can have someone with whom to talk about it?

Vote below (be careful, the randomize voting changes the placement so that it doesn’t always line up exactly with the list above). The poll will be open until Weds, January 16 at day’s end. (editor: I decided to close the poll early today because i learned of some lobbying going on by one of the authors. The point of this poll is so that it reflects the opinions and wishes of this community, you know the ones who will be reading the book pick (not those who already read the book or are voting as a favor to the author).) Then check back on the February book choice, which we will discuss on Tuesday, February 5th.

The winner is Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity by Andrew Solomon. Come back on February 5th when we’ll discuss it.