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The Numbers Game

Dec14

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Hi Amalah,

I know you’ve recently written about the annoying things bystanders/strangers say about the number of kids you have/should have, etc. so I’m not sure if I’m actually asking a question here or just wanting to vent with someone who can probably understand, but GRRRRRRR!!!!  I have three children who are just about the same age as your boys.  Needless to say (though I’ll say it anyway), I love them to pieces.  Life is hectic with a 5, 3, and 6 month old, but it’s also amazing in more ways than I ever imagined.  I always thought I wanted three children, but surprise!  Turns out the hubby and I would be more than happy to have a fourth in another year or two.  I’m not terribly vocal about this because you can imagine the kinds of comments I get, but if I’m asked, I’m honest about the fact that we’d be happy to have another if we get so lucky.  Here’s where it gets annoying to me — we get questions ranging from the probing ”You’re done, right?!” to “You guys wouldn’t have a fourth, would you?” followed by a crazy kinda look.  I’m also getting friends, sisters-in-laws, etc. telling me that I need to give them all my baby stuff as soon as my 6 month old is done with it — and even when I hint that we’re not quite done, they go right back to asking for it.  I’m not a greedy person and I’ll happily share the baby loot when I’m done with it, but come on!! So, basically, if I have a question, it’s… what gives?  Why are people so presumptuous and intrusive?  And are you dealing with this as a mother of three as well?  

Thanks,
Happy Mom o’ 3

Seriously. What DOES give, indeed?

For the record, I think everyone deals with this, no matter how many babies you have. If you have one, people bug you about giving them a sibling (and then react in horror if you dare say you aren’t having any more children). If you have two, people MAY assume you’re “done”…but only if you have one boy and one girl, because if you have two of the same sex then you OBVIOUSLY are gonna try again for the other, right? And if you have three, well, having four is just EXCESSIVE…unless again, your three are all boys or all girls. Aren’t you going to try one more time?

And so on and so forth. I imagine after four kids you get the “you know what causes that, right? ” jokes and the stinkeye while people try to figure out if you’re gunning for a reality show on TLC.

My OB must have asked me no less than five times, on five separate occasions, whether I wanted to schedule a tubal ligation along with my c-section for Ike. The last of these occasions was — no lie — while I was in the operating room, being prepped for surgery. I mean, are you kidding me? NO. I SAID NO. DO I NEED TO ASK A NURSE TO KEEP AN EYE ON MY FALLOPIAN TUBES WHILE WE DO THIS THING?

(And the thing is, we DON’T actually plan on any more babies, I just didn’t feel like the timing was right, at 33 years old, to opt for something permanent and irreversible. Instead, I’m planning to get the non-hormonal copper IUD. But even if I said no because we definitely DID want another baby…I SAID NO ALREADY.)

So…yeah. People are weird. And awkward. And have unsolicited opinions about your parenting style and family size. Imagine that! I HOPE YOU BREASTFED ALL THOSE KIDS BUT NOT IN PUBLIC ALSO WHERE ARE THEIR MITTENS.

I don’t really have any perfect magic-bullet response — I tend to tell strangers whatever I sense they want to hear and will end the conversation faster and help me avoid inadvertently hearing a sermon from a crazy person about overpopulation or the evils of birth control or welfare mothers or whatever. But I also assume most people really aren’t that interested or invested in my answer or life story — they’re just grasping at easy topics of conversation that will let them quickly turn things back to talking about themselves.

Your friends and family though…yikes.  I don’t have any other siblings currently in the family-building phase, so what I choose to do with my hand-me-downs is my own business. And while I think my third pregnancy may have elicited a raised eyebrow or two, everyone has (to my face, anyway) been lovely and gracious and of the opinion that since Jason and I are good, responsible parents who have done a decent job with the kids we’ve had so far, it’s a good thing for us to have as many babies as we want.

I would probably say, the next time someone hints or directly asks for hand-me-downs (which: ew! that’s kind of rude in the first place — what happened to waiting until you were offered?), something like, “I’ll be happy to pass stuff along when we’re done with it. Are you planning to have a baby really soon? OMG, that’s so exciting! Well, even if the hand-me-down timing doesn’t work out, I’d love to help you shop and register!” Turn it right back around to them instead of you and your future plans.

If they aren’t actually planning to use your hand-me-downs in the immediate future, you can probably just fib a little and stick with, “Sure, I’ll be happy to pass stuff along when we’re done with it.” And then later, when/if you guys decide to actively try for baby #4 or it just “happens,” well, OBVIOUSLY you’re not done with your baby gear yet. Sorry!

If someone is pregnant and actively sniffing around for your 0-3 month clothing, you can always say that Baby #3 did a number on everything with the spit-up and poop and it’s all kind of stained and ratty. And you’re still using that sling and your toddler likes playing with the Bumbo and you need to check on a possible bassinet recall and hey, have you seen this NEW thing that’s come on the market? Man, that looks way more awesome than the thing you have.

Or, you can just be honest. “Sorry, we’re probably going to have a fourth baby. I can lend you some stuff but I may need it back before you’d be done with it, and that would make me feel like a jerk. What do you need or want most? Let me buy it for you as a gift!”

Worst case, they think you’re joking and then think you’re crazy when they realize you aren’t. Best case, everybody stops nagging you about being DONE and begging for free stuff…and you get a practice run at ignoring the looks and comments you and your family of six are in for, in a grocery-store checkout line in the not-so-distant future.

Photo credit: Thinkstock

About the author

Amalah

http://www.amalah.com
Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to amyadvice@gmail.com.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.


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36 Responses to “The Numbers Game”

  1. Wiley Dec 14 at 3:01 pm Reply Reply

    It’s interesting that you mention the IUD and a method to not have kids at the moment as I just found out last week that I got pregnant with a Mirena IUD in place! Second ultrasound is tomorrow because there were two sacs last week and really wanting to have a better idea both of number and viability.

    I’ve got an almost-one-year old, so this was a serious surprise. This will have us potentially at four living children and I’m already noticing that it looks like this will equal comments from strangers who really have no reason to be commenting at all.

    I shouldn’t get started on strangers and comments though ;-)

  2. Leslie Dec 14 at 3:10 pm Reply Reply

    This intrusiveness does come in all shapes and sizes. I’m pregnant with our second and my kids will be 16 months apart. I cannot tell you HOW many people asked if this was on purpose (which is was). I generally stick with polite short responses, but if I wanted to be snarky, I’d play dumb and say “What do you mean? You can plan these things?!” sigh. Thanks for the reassurance, as we’re going to need it since three kids is the minimum # we’d like and we’ve already met what most people consider the “finish line” with one boy and one girl. 

  3. Melanie Dec 14 at 3:29 pm Reply Reply

    I am still stuck that people are hinting at wanting hand-me-downs! I have 3 siblings who I’m pretty sure are all done with having kids, and who have been more than generous with hand-me-downs (you want some furniture? how about a swing? seriously get this stuff out of my house for me!). I also have one of those super close, say anything relationships with my sister (she can totally tell me my butt is getting big and not hurt my feelings somehow) and I can’t imagine asking for or even hinting at getting hand-me-downs even from her. Seriously that is rude!

  4. Phyllis Dec 14 at 3:54 pm Reply Reply

    You should move to Pittsburgh! In our community at least (Jewish community), people only comment if you have LESS than 3 or 4. 4 seems to be the magic number, but lots of families are bigger. Low cost of living makes this city very family friendly. I only have one child, who is 4, and I get lectured constantly about needing to have more. How do they know that I am not trying?!

  5. Jeannie Dec 14 at 4:08 pm Reply Reply

    People are definitely crazy on the “how many?” front. I have two, one of each, and I’ve often had the “well, now you’re done since you have one of each!” comment. And yeah, we probably are done (I’m 38 and there ain’t many more baby-making days!) but … for that reason? Really? 

    And don’t even get me started on the number of people who commented on my “perfect family” having had my second, my daughter, with her older brother. It made me cringe. I come from a family of all girls, and I thought it was pretty awesome, please don’t tell me that things are finally “perfect” now that I have testosterone involved. (For the record, my sister has all boys and her family rocks too.)

    But like others, I do try to dismiss these strange comments. More often than not, people are just making idle conversation. For really judgemental people or comments, I reserve my best “ExCUSE me??!” and say nothing else! ;)

  6. Laura Dec 14 at 4:21 pm Reply Reply

    Holy moly, I was just going to say how hard I laughed at the, “I HOPE YOU BREASTFED ALL THOSE KIDS BUT NOT IN PUBLIC ALSO WHERE ARE THEIR MITTENS.” line…but then I saw WIley might be pregnant with twins and she has mirena and OHMYGAWD, I have mirena and a 2yo and a 9.5mo old and I thought I was supes guaranteed a little baby break. I’m going to go hyperventilate into a paper bag real quick.

  7. heidikins Dec 14 at 4:23 pm Reply Reply

    That’s so ridiculous! 4 kids isn’t an outrageous amount! I suppose it depends on where you live, though. I live in the kind of place where eyebrows are not even raised until you’ve had 6, and comments usually start happening on your 9th…so…yeah, 4 kids is small fries to me.

    Go forth and birth ALL the children!

    xox

  8. babs Dec 14 at 5:06 pm Reply Reply

    So, I’m on #5, and yes, people are assholes. Permission granted to laugh and say, “Geez, wait until I offer maybe!” Then they can sit and feel like a jerk for a while until you decide if you want to share or not.

  9. Sheila Dec 14 at 5:25 pm Reply Reply

    I’ve only got two, but I am shocked at the number of people who announce to me that of course we’re done, we’ve got the perfect family since we’ve got one of each.

    Actually, no, we’d be thrilled with more. And we’d have thought things were perfect even if we’d ended up with two of the same.

    And again, please don’t tell me that we’re done. It’s not up to you, and since you’re not raising them or paying for them or anything, you don’t get to decide.

    I haven’t gotten rude with anyone yet, just lots of “we’ll see what happens” when they ask/comment/proclaim. I do like the idea of saying “wait until I offer maybe” for people requesting baby gear you haven’t offered.

  10. Jen Kley Dec 14 at 5:29 pm Reply Reply

    At first glance I thought the name of your blog was “Advice Smackdown” and thought YOWZA! But glad I stopped by; you’re funnneee.

  11. Mom of 3 Dec 14 at 5:43 pm Reply Reply

    Right there with you all! I got the “perfect family” comment and the “good, you’re done” gem a lot when we had a boy and a girl. Then we kept getting told we “tipped the balance” when we had another son. If we have a fourth, I’m fully expecting the rude comments in general and the “better be a girl” comments in particular. People need to remember the old “if you can’t say anything nice…” saying we were supposed to learn in kindergarten.

  12. Michal Dec 14 at 8:17 pm Reply Reply

    I have two girls and the one that always gets me is “I bet your husband would really love to have a son!” NO! He wouldnt. That would be implying that my girls were somehow inferior. They are awesome. ‘Nuff said.

  13. kariweber Dec 14 at 8:51 pm Reply Reply

    I have two boys and constantly get the, “you going to try for a girl?” response… to which I usually respond, “You don’t get to choose!” I have always felt that if I “tried” for a girl and had another boy… would that make him less wanted? I am 34 and feel that I would like to have a 3rd… but I also feel like I don’t HAVE to decide that now… and even if I did, it is none of their business.  

  14. Nerwal Dec 14 at 11:04 pm Reply Reply

    I have boy/girl twins who are my only children…. people make comments to us ALL THE TIME about our family, and how we must be done because it’s “perfect” the way it is and why would we want any more? 

    I usually just go along with it because I’ve learned that people are stupid (they’re twins, one’s a boy and one’s a girl, therefore NO they are not identical, no matter how similar they look) and that their assumptions make them look like a$$holes. 

  15. KelleyD Dec 15 at 7:48 am Reply Reply

    “I HOPE YOU BREASTFED ALL THOSE KIDS BUT NOT IN PUBLIC ALSO WHERE ARE THEIR MITTENS” AND THEIR HATS?? WHERE ARE THEIR HATS?? YOU HEATHENS!!

    My grandmother is convinced all ear infections and colds in babies stem from them not having a hat on whenever they are outside.
    Anyways.
    We have two boys {5 and almost 20months} and are pregnant with #3. We find out {in theory assuming baby is cooperative!} tomorrow whether we are getting a hat-trick with a third boy, or having our first girl. I would prefer a girl be omg two boys are rowdy enough {although I have a feeling with two big brother girl-child would be just as rowdy!} but will be perfectly happy with another boy. Because I know some awesome moms that have three boys *winknudge* If it IS a girl, I am SO not looking forward to the “so, you’re done now right?” commentary. Most of which I see coming from my mother. And on the other side of the coin, if it is a boy, not looking forward to the “so, you’re going to try again for a girl right?” comments. SIGH, you just can’t win can you??
    We have always been planning on having 4. But with the handful that the two boys are, have been saying we’ll re-consider that if #3 is a girl. And if if #3 is a girl, a fourth is still not off the table. So much so, that we are planning on getting a minivan on the possibilty that there will be a 4th {and yes I read that previous smackdown post, think I even commented} And hand-me-downs. We were EXTREMELY blessed that right around the time that we got pregnant with kid #1 my SIL was looking to unload AAAAAALL her baby-boy through pre-school aged boy clothes, toys etc. And if 3 is a girl, I know my mom’s eyes will be glazing over and buying ALL THE ON SALE AND CLEARANCE GIRL THINGS. So, we’ve been lucky on that front. Ahem. Now that I have rambled on, I am going to finish getting my kid ready for school!

  16. Laura B. Dec 15 at 9:33 am Reply Reply

    Had to drop in and say I LOVE MY NON-HORMONAL COPPER IUD! I tell everyone. It is the best thing ever. Also, a fraction of the price of the Mirena.

    But wise to remember (as first commenter proves) nothing but a tubal or abstinence is truly 100 per cent effective!

    Oh, and yeah, nosey people are nosey. My boss (who you would normally expect to be all “DON’T HAVE ANY MORE BABIES!”) tells me regularly, “Don’t wait too long, and don’t let her grow up alone!” She has 3 grown kids. I don’t mind her well wishes, but the strangers REALLY get to me.

  17. jL Dec 15 at 10:38 am Reply Reply

    I have boy/girl twins and I also get the comments that we must be done b/c it is perfect. I usually say, “no” I am actually praying for two more sets. Wouldn’t THAT be perfect and very efficient??? People don’t really know what to say…

  18. Valerie Dec 15 at 11:33 am Reply Reply

    “I HOPE YOU BREASTFED ALL THOSE KIDS BUT NOT IN PUBLIC ALSO WHERE ARE THEIR MITTENS.”

    Hilarious.

    Anyway, I have one kid — a three-year-old little boy — and people always make comments to me about when we’re having another one. My doctor even called me “chicken” when I said I wasn’t sure we were going to have another one. And then a woman I worked with told me I was selfish for possibly stopping at one.

    Just once I would love for SOMEONE to say, “Having an only child is wonderful!”

  19. Cheryl S. Dec 15 at 12:05 pm Reply Reply

    One and done here too, and I assure you, the comments are just as bad with one. I actually got told that I was selfish and doing my daughter a terrible disservice by not giving her a sibling. No one whether you have just one or a whole houseful of children owes anyone an explanation as to our childbearing choices. I have reasons that I only have one. They are none of anyone’s damn business.

  20. Shan Dec 15 at 12:14 pm Reply Reply

    I have no kids, and I plan to continue having no kids. But based on the comments and questions *I* get, you would think that I was put strictly on this earth to breed because I’m a GIRL and it’s my DUTY to procreate. Umm, no. Also: non-hormonal IUD FTW!!!!

    The thing is, when you tell people you don’t plan on having kids (after they point-blank ask you), they don’t question WHY. They never suspect that it could be because you CAN’T or there is a medical reason for it, they just jump to “oh well, you’ll change your mind! you still have time!”. They can’t seem to fathom that some people, for a myriad of reasons (including enough self-awareness to know that kids would not be a good fit for them AND medical reasons in my case), would actively CHOOSE to not have kids. The intrusiveness, the assumptions, the judgement…it exists across the full spectrum. People are a$$holes, regardless.

  21. A Dec 15 at 1:15 pm Reply Reply

    I think most people are well meaning busybodies. I just smile and nod, most of the comments don’t bother me because the people have good intentions, even the strangers. What gets to me is before I started having kids people used to ask me about world events, politics, even movies. Now, especially since I started staying home, all I get are questions about “breeding.” Are you pregnant? What is the sex? Are you having another one? Are you done yet? What contraception are you using? You finally got a boy, your husband must be so happy!” And on and on. Apparently this is all others think I can handle for conversation. Hence all the well meaning comments.

  22. mom to 4! Dec 15 at 1:37 pm Reply Reply

    I have 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. After we had our first boy and then a girl the family was like,”you’re done right?” We’ll not long after that comment we found out that we were pregnant with #3.. When we tell my husband’s family we are pregnant with #3 they are rude to us. “what happened, did you plan this?” Why would you do this?” They even came to my husband and I with the advice that ONE of us just needs to be FIXED, mostly me!!! To make matters worse 10 months later we are pregnant with #4 and we were so insulted by their nasty remarks that we decided to wait until I was well into my 6th month of pregnancy to tell them. My MIL then shows up at my front door the next day with,”how could you keep this from us for so long?!” She was very angry at me, I was very hurt with her as well! These relatives are always making nasty jokes at our expense like, ” we’ll are you FINALLY DONE?!” Or, “When are you 2 going to stop?” Or can we finally give you’re baby stuff away now that you MUST be done now!” I’m so sick of the rude comments! I planned the first 2, and we were surprised when the other 2 came. I love all of my kids, no matter what!

  23. Karen Dec 15 at 1:46 pm Reply Reply

    I have four boys, and the rudeness of other women when I was expecting my fourth was…well, startling. I got everything from, “You’re hoping for a girl, right?” to “Oh, another boy? Darn.” (SAID RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY ALREADY-BORN SONS MIND YOU.)

    And one rude Best Buy employee said loudly, as we walked by, “I SURE HOPE IT’S A GIRL IN THERE!” I turned to her and said, “Actually, it’s a boy, and we’re DELIGHTED.” It was fun to watch her stammer.

  24. Tracy Dec 15 at 2:31 pm Reply Reply

    Amy, I was asked after my c-section if we were going to “do a tubal while we’re in here.” While still on the table, after delivering my first child. Who had been conceived through IVF. I said “that would be a big waste of time and money, wouldn’t it?” It was the nurse, not my doctor, but still? Dammit lady, my chart is right there.

    Anyway, Valerie, even though I didn’t plan it this way, having one is awesome. :-) Even though two children is *obviously* the perfect family size (though, as Amy pointed out, you’re allowed to have one more, maybe two, but only if all of your kids are the same gender).

  25. Karen Dec 15 at 3:20 pm Reply Reply

    So once, at a school reunion BBQ, I was introduced to the wife of a classmate. The family was all there together – they had 3 or 4 boys and mom was preg. Before I knew what had happened, I blurt out, “oh congratulations, maybe a girl this time?…” and felt AWFUL. I immediately apologized and still feel bad about it. So not all strangers are boors, some just get nervous or awkward and forget their filter. My payback is that now I’m preg with a boy and have a daughter and everyone tells me how nice that I can be done since I have a perfect family. Gah.

  26. Tracey Dec 15 at 4:03 pm Reply Reply

    Some people say dumb things because that’s just their way of making conversation. I’m pregnant with our third, our two daughters are 7 and nearly 5, so I’m sure lots of people thought this was an “opps” baby, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. My close friends knew we were trying, it just isn’t the sort of thing I’d put on Facebook for everyone else to know…my MIL took the cake though. This baby will be our last, I’m 36, hubby is 44, and my pregnancy is high risk, and we just plan to stop at 3… so when we found out we were having a boy, I did a swap of all the girl clothes we’d accumulated with a friend for all her boy clothes. When I mentioned this to my MIL, she goes “oh, what if you have another, and it’s a girl…”

  27. Elizabeth Dec 15 at 4:15 pm Reply Reply

    Oh my, fully sympathize here. I just had my third boy three weeks ago and the questions and comments drove me nuts. I have to say that the worst came from a random clerk in Target who asked me if I was “getting fixed after this one”. No, I am not kidding…fixed…like I’m a dog or a cat or something. The doctor asking me if he was going to do a tubal during the third c-section was tame after that one. I found that with having a third boy, people often acted like they felt sorry for me and assumed that I feel deprived as a woman for not having a daughter. Sorry, but I actually didn’t want a girl (gasp!)…I wanted another boy. And if you have all girls, people feel sorry for the father, like he’s somehow less of a man if he doesn’t have a son. And please, please stop asking me if I am going to have a fourth child because I haven’t had a girl yet. I also don’t really understand the comments that come once you move past having two children as though I’m attempting to model my life after Michelle Duggar. Three kids is not a large family. And why do people care so much anyway? The comment that annoys me the most is when people act amazed that you could love and give attention to more than the “perfect” two kids. I guess with that one, people just don’t understand an experience other than their own, and if they stopped at two, they can’t picture it. Not that I could either, but it just sort of happens and it’s wonderful.

  28. hp Dec 15 at 4:53 pm Reply Reply

    So…I don’t have any children currently (but really want them and had a miscarriage a few weeks back) and my small group from church decided to ask me when we were going to have kids because kids are awesome and I should totally get me one. No joke, the day after I was told I was going to miscarry–my prayer request that week was going to be regarding the whole situation but I was hesitant to say anything because it was THANKSGIVING and that was such a bummer for everyone so I was hoping to hide it for one more week. When I confessed that it wasn’t that easy and that we wouuld tell them when we were certain in a pregnancy, the response was “I think it is wonderful you are going to have children.” Yep–there I was trying not to throttle someone because my 10 week fetus was dying and they are glad that I am going to have kids. People are idiots who don’t know what to say. My uterus is my (and my husband’s) business. So…I guess what I am saying is just ignore people who want to go beyond boundaries and play ignorant if you have to.

  29. Melissa Dec 15 at 5:40 pm Reply Reply

    Laura B – I just had to comment about the tubal – believe it or not, it is not 100% effective! When I signed the consent, ON MY WAY INTO MY C-SECTION FOR MY THIRD AND GOD WILLING LAST CHILD, the doctor indicated that there’s a 1 in 300 chance of failure with the tubal. I believe I stabbed the paper with the pen going “THE HELL?” and the doctor shrugged and said, “Sometimes things can grow back…” This caused my husband to ask me later if he needed to get a vasectomy too. We are REALLY done.

  30. Kimm Dec 15 at 7:17 pm Reply Reply

    My boy is 8 months, when I started taking him out at around 5 weeks, every single woman I saw asked me when I was going to have another one. We live near Mexico, and most people have a lot of kids here. I was thinking- hello! I can’t even sit down or even dream about sex without pain yet. But we have decided to try to have one more, soon since I am almost 40. We love our baby so much, he is the best thing that ever happened to us- we do want to try for 1 more :) But still could have done without the questions.

  31. Ag Dec 16 at 9:09 am Reply Reply

    Got to love it… :o/

    Hubby and I waited until mid-twenties to have a baby (we had fun repeating over and over “we want to enjoy a couple of years of marriage and be more settled” and STILL couldn’t win bc you know that theres “never going to be the ‘ right’ time!”). We have our sweet baby boy and look forward to trying again in the future for at least one more, if we are so blessed. But fielding questions about having another baby, when our son was barely FOUR months old! Seriously? Let us enjoy our baby that’s here! I even got told that I should go ahead and try for our next child bc my body was in a”maternal state”, so its perfect timing. Um. Yeah. Maternal for my son!

  32. andrea Dec 16 at 10:38 am Reply Reply

    Well said as always.  I’ve only had one (trying for another) but after we had number one people “asked” us when we were handing off our baby stuff.  Most likely because I’m mid-30′s so there’s that assumption.  People are way too judgmental. 

  33. blfa Dec 16 at 10:39 am Reply Reply

    People just don’t realize how rude they are sometimes. I took my 3 week old for walk around the block for the first time ever. I had a c-section and was walking s-l-o-w-l-y and all hunched over. My neighbor picked that moment to congratulate me and then ask when I was going to have another. When I looked at her in shock and told her I was still trying to recover from this one, she told me that I should do it soon because they grow up so fast… and you have to have them close together. HUH? LADY I CAN BARELY WALK?

  34. CHARLOTTE Dec 16 at 5:34 pm Reply Reply

    WHAT ARE YOU HAVING KELLEYD?

  35. VG Dec 19 at 9:41 am Reply Reply

    I too get the same questions about the number of children my hubby & I will have. But I also like to point out the other thing that annoys me is the space between the children. My daughter is almost 21 months. So I get the ever popular, Are you going to have another one? and we say of course because it’s easy to answer since we know it’s true. Then they ask how old my daughter is, I tell them, and then I get, Well WHEN are you going to have another one? That to me is pretty intrusive.
    People are just nosey, especially in today’s world when people post about every little peice of their lives for every one to read. Nothing is private anymore. What I tell people is, When I get pregnant, YOU’LL be the first to know, not my HUSBAND, you :) They shut up real quick. :)

  36. Kati Dec 20 at 5:05 pm Reply Reply

    We have one daughter.  We are only having one child because I developed congestive heart failure during pregnancy (yay chemo!).  A stranger on the subway told me it wasn’t fair for me not to give my baby a brother or sister to play with.  I looked at her and said, “Well, I’ll die if I have another one, so no thanks!” People have no boundaries.  Just tell them you’ll take their advice into consideration and then do whatever YOU think is best and what is right for YOUR family.  I get asked all the time by strangers when I’ll have another baby.  Since when is my reproductive ideas their business?  Oh and thanks for rubbing salt into a bleeding, gaping wound.

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