Week 3



pregnancy calendar

Your baby is:

  • A rogue band of cells, a’huntin’ and a’feudin’ and rapidly dividin’ while traveling the wilds of your fallopian tube, headed towards the uterine promised land.
  • About the size of the head of a pin.
  • Possibly already the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

You are:

  • Still pretty clueless.

Welcome to the two-week wait! This is the mind-numbingly annoying stretch of days between ovulation and peestick time.

Let’s just get the nonsense out of the way: Exercising won’t knock the baby loose. Drinking a margarita (or hell, plural margaritas) before you know you’re pregnant won’t make your baby’s brain grow inside out. Sleeping on your side/back/stomach won’t cause/prevent a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy/a baby with flippers.

The human race? We are actually a fairly hardy bunch. We existed for many many years without early result pregnancy tests and six-week ultrasounds and Folic Acid supplements. Obviously, stuff happens — and many times that stuff gets dealt with very early on in life in the form of a spontaneous miscarriage, but there’s very little YOU can do at this point to sway the outcome. So pop a prenatal vitamin, take a swig of whatever beverage you damn well feel like swigging, cross your fingers and hope for the best.

And this goes for anyone who already knows they’re pregnant and is now scouring through the earlier weeks in a panic because of "something" they did wrong before they knew. That hour in the hot tub…that fall on the icy sidewalk… the vodka shooters at your friend’s bachelorette party. Did I hurt my baby?

I was right up there with the Best of the Neurotics during my first pregnancy. Every twinge and cramp meant hours of worry and fretting. I checked the toilet paper for blood every time I went to the bathroom. A fall down some stairs at a restaurant brought me to hysterical tears and sent me to bed for the rest of the day. And you know what? It didn’t change anything, except that all my memories of early pregnancy are colored with a lot of stress and fear. I went on to give birth to an honest-to-God tank of a baby, and to wish that someone had just slapped me early on and told me to CHILL OUT.

So my goal for this pregnancy is to do just that: CHILL OUT. And to remember that not everything is within my control, that Every Bad Thing cannot be avoided by obsessing over fruits and vegetables and low-mercury fish alone, and that expecting the worst does not make The Worst hurt any less if it happens. So…deep breath…enjoy it, Self. (As much as you can enjoy something that makes you so gassy and tired and bloated.)

And for any pregnant woman joining me along the way over the next 30-odd weeks or so, hopefully I will be the written-word equivalent of that slap in the face. You chill out too! That’s an order! Look at how chilled out I am! Eeeeeeeee!

Amazon Baby Registry 2

About the author

Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.

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14 Responses to “Week 3”

  1. Anonymous Jan 18 at 10:43 am Reply Reply

    Thanks for the blog. This is really the first website that descibes how I feel. :) – Rachel

  2. susie May 03 at 1:50 pm Reply Reply

    Regarding the folks who just figured out they’re pregnant at 5, 6, 7 or more weeks (i.e. me), think about it this way: If you just found out you’re pregnant, then obviously all those bad things you did before you found out didn’t cause a miscarriage or your pregnancy test wouldn’t have been positive! Now I can’t say that will prevent worry over fetal alcohol syndrome (although I’m not sure if it’s called that if it’s not a fetus yet) or flipper babies, but there’s no use beating yourself up over something you did before you knew. All that will do is put you and your baby under unnecessary stress.

  3. Melissa Sep 01 at 10:47 am Reply Reply

    Love this. I am trying now, had a glass and a half of wine last night and felt like a bad mother. Thank you, Amy!

  4. Andrea Aug 13 at 11:01 pm Reply Reply

    Just what I needed to read. Thank you!

  5. jingelbells Jan 07 at 6:03 am Reply Reply

    Haha i laugh about all of these because i have read and researched all of these and dread about falling down the stairs etc. I’m still tcc but this blog is a lot of fun to read.

  6. Jaye Mar 16 at 2:14 pm Reply Reply

    Thank you for this. I just had most of the above freakout on my husband last night and have been trying to ignore the other anxieties. Thank you for being honest and out there!

  7. SnowMonroe Apr 19 at 6:53 pm Reply Reply

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I just cancelled a movie date with my husband because he upset me and I feared for the baby. I do need to chill out. I think I’ll head out and then return to your blog tonight (He does’t know yet, I’m telling him tomorrow on Easter)

  8. Chic Shic Jul 22 at 1:19 pm Reply Reply

    I ADORE this blog already! Just found out we’re pregnant with #3, and this is gonna help me to relax and enjoy (as much as you can enjoy this sorta thing) this time around 

  9. Stephanie Jan 28 at 1:49 am Reply Reply

    After 10 years of trying to conceive with my amazing husband and having completely failed and given up until now, I am in the trecherous two week wait. Every word of this blog so far has rung true, made me LOL, and reminded me to chill! Out! I love this! You are hilarious and have put my mind at ease. Thanks you! đŸ˜€

  10. apme May 06 at 12:03 am Reply Reply

    So in march, I’m pretty sure it was the middle of march I decided to go on the birth control patch I waited for my period and put the patch on a week or 2 later not quiet sure wasn’t really paying attention. Anyways, in April I started my period on the 1st of April but it was really light and I’ve only got it for 4 days which is unlikely for me so I talked to my family doctor and peed on a pregnany test came out negative so she told me come back in a couple weeks it may have been to early but I didn’t because I figured I have none of the sympoths so why bother until not to much longer I started getting really bad mirgaines and back aches sore stomach. And now its may I should’ve got my period on the 1st same as last month right Or do you think the b/c affected my cycle? Well I’m usually on a regular same time every month kinda thing its may 6th so I’m like 6 days late should I be concerned ?

  11. apme May 06 at 12:05 am Reply Reply

    I forgot to mention the birth control patch fell off when I only had it on for a week or two didn’t bother putting it back on

  12. Pri Nov 28 at 11:16 pm Reply Reply

    Hey.. love reading this.. im ttc and this is one of the best blogs I have come across .. something I can relate to…

  13. Jenessa Jan 28 at 12:38 pm Reply Reply

    This blog has relaxed me completely!! I am 5 weeks 6 days and I just giggle reading it and noticing so many similarities. I am technically high risk and, I feel like the chill out slap has finally worked! Thanks for writing this!

  14. Jenessa Jan 28 at 12:39 pm Reply Reply

    5 weeks 4 days *** opps

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