Because…Leggings? Seriously?

Dearest Amalah, Oh True Knower of Fashion Trends,
This morning on The Today Show they had an awful segment on the return of LEGGINGS as a fashion hit. (Look, I’ll even provide a link with pictures!) I was especially horrified at the thought of leggings in the summer. Behold the pictures though! Leggings with mini-skirts! Leggings with summer dresses! They truly looked like “fashion not” get-ups to me.
Now I personally live in Houston, and our summers are somewhat hot, as I understand DC’s can be as well, and the thought of wearing even hose, much less LEGGINGS, under my summer dresses pretty much horrifies me.
So, this isn’t really a need for advice I suppose, but could you please share with us your take on leggings, and perhaps admonish any readers from picking up this trend? With your readership, I’m hoping we can make this trend die faster than the capelet.
Much appreciation,
Concerned

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to officially go on the record as Against the Leggings. I am Anti-Leggings. I am VEHEMENTALLY OPPOSED TO THE LEGGINGS.
The last time I went on the record against something, it was the gaucho pants. And people got very, very mad at me. People loved the gaucho pants! How dare I speak ill of the gaucho pants! But at least the gauchos turned out to mostly be a precursor to this summer’s awesomely forgiving knee-length shorts, and after several alarming summers of increasingly pelvic-bone-baring low-rise daisy dukes, I welcome our new Bermuda Short Overlords with open and loving postpartum arms.
The only things these leggings could possibly be a precursor to are legwarmers. Or wearing long underwear on the outside, ON PURPOSE. Consider yourselves warned. So this winter, when you see people running around with mini-skirts and ratty thermal long-johns, remember that I DONE TOLD you nothing good would come of this legging trend.
And then weep for humanity, because we are stupid sheep.
(ALSO ON MY SIGNS-OF-THE-END-TIMES LIST: formal hot pants. And pleather spats.)
Dear Amalah,
Let’s continue the ongoing dialogue about foundation, shall we? I recently discovered Stila’s tinted moisturizer, and I think it’s wonderful. I’ve never really used a moisturizer before, and this one doubles as a light foundation.
My question, though, is how this would work in the process you outlined in your column. More specifically, when should I put the tinted moisturizer on? Before the foundation primer? After? Should I be using a moisturizer that isn’t tinted in addition to this product? What about a foundation that’s not as sheer?
You’re probably sick of giving us advice about foundation, but I thought this would be a good time to ask anyway.
Thanks,
Kate
Oh dear girl, you are writing to an old lady who is too old for that tinted moisturizer nonsense. Tinted moisturizer is for pretty girls with naturally glowing skin skin that is not yet spotted and haggard from years of too much boozing and not enough hydrating. And from too many nights of falling asleep in full makeup at 3:30 am after watching some dumb Nora Ephron movie on HBO and then waking up at 8:15 to realize that there is mascara all over the sofa cushions and you have about 17 new zits and 15 minutes before you leave for work.
No, tinted moisturizer is not for girls like me.
It’s also a completely different animal than foundation, so the Foundation Commandments do not apply.
It’s designed to (ideally) be the only product you put on your face. Unless you have very dry skin, you shouldn’t need an additional moisturizer. (If your skin IS very dry, however, put your regular moisturizer on first, followed by the tinted one.) Applying it with your fingers is perfectly fine, although you KNOW I’m all about the synthetic-bristled brushes for smooth, even coverage and less hand-germ-funk-crap touching your face.
You certainly COULD use a primer first, and it’s a good solution if you notice that your coverage is gone by mid-day. But? eh. If you’ve honestly got the complexion for tinted moisturizer, I really don’t think you need to go all out with the primer.
I mean, the WHOLE POINT to the stuff is that it’s easy and lightweight and sheer, so slapping on extra moisturizer and primer and God-knows-what-else seems to be defeating the purpose. At that point, you might as well throw up your hands and admit that you are an old lady (like me) who needs real and actual foundation, and possibly some support hose and prunes.

Dear Amalah,
I have a very important mommy-to-be question for you. Being that I know all too well that you are a freak about things, much like me, I have a first-time expectant mom question for you. Are the childbirth classes that they offer worth the investment or are they just going to give me THAT MUCH MORE to worry and panic about? I mean, I am not so sure that I need several months to think about where exactly they are going to put that HUGE epidural needle, not to mention the size of the area that said bundle of joy will be exiting the womb from. Also, being that I will be requesting drugs from the start, will that whole “breathing” thing really be helpful? I mean, in the throws of labor do you really remember all of that breathing they teach?
From one OCD freak to another, please, tell me if it is going to be a help or a hindrance?
Thank you!
Freaking in Ohio
Well, here’s the thing: I did not attend any childbirth classes. Mostly because I forgot to sign up, and partly because I didn’t want to wake up for a 10 am class six Saturdays in a row. So basically: I am very lazy.
There was exactly one moment during my labor when I was seized with panic it. While I was getting officially admitted and hooked up to monitors and whatnot, a nurse asked me if we’d taken a childbirth class. I said no. And I promptly freaked. WHAT WAS I THINKING? I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! I WILL DO EVERYTHING WRONG AND THEY WILL YELL AT ME AND THE BABY WILL NEVER COME OUT AAAAHHHHH!
And then the next contraction hit and Jason told me to breathe. And I did. He rubbed my back with a tennis ball like he’d read about in my pregnancy book while I took deep, regular breaths. And I never thought about childbirth classes again.
Most of my friends attended childbirth classes. Some said they were useless. Others said there was no way they could have gotten through labor without them. Some left the classes feeling empowered and brave enough to attempt natural childbirth, while some felt bullied by the anti-epidural bent. Some reported that their partners felt more prepared, while one friend’s husband had to leave the room during the dreaded Birth Video.
However, if you are indeed freaking out about labor and childbirth, a class will probably HELP, not hurt. The whole idea is to feel more prepared and in control over something that generally goes completely out of your control and your realm of expectations five minutes in.
I planned on requesting drugs from the start too, and then a friend reported that after her class, she decided to hold off for awhile and deal with labor on her own. I informed her that she was crazy. She told me that the class had just made her much less afraid of the pain. I repeated that she was crazy (God, what an annoying little snit I was).
And then I proceeded to make it to almost eight centimeters unmedicated just by breathing deeply and concentrating on my husband’s forehead. And I was exceedingly proud of myself. And then…I had a c-section. So? yeah. No class is going to be able to tell you exactly what your labor and birth will be like, but they may prepare you by perhaps altering your expectations ahead of time.
Birth plans are good. Informed birth plans are better. And in the end, confidence in your own body’s abilities is best. (Especially when your carefully-plotted birth plan goes out the L&D window.)
Oh Pretty and All-Knowing Amalah,
First of all? I think you rock. I just wanted to say that, because you do. I wrote you a while back with a hair dilemma and I sort of used your advice, and it worked. So, yay! Which made me think of you for my next completely non-hair related question.
I am a senior in college trying to figure out what I want to do and how to be all professional looking while trying to lose some weight. I’ve got an internship with a kick-ass company this summer and have stocked up on all the cute cool business clothes but the one thing I’m missing is an awesome bag/tote to go with all of my cool outfits. My funds at the moment won’t let me get, well, anything, so I’m stuck with what I have for the moment.
I decided that if at the end of the summer if I have lost my weight and have kept it off, I will treat myself to a super-cute Coach bag. I’ve always loved Coach but never want to part with my money at the moment and have decided that this time I’ll just do it because I really want it, but I have no idea what look at or for. I want one that I can take to work with me when I graduate but also use to go out for dinner or as a normal handbag. The purse I have now is rather large, so size doesn’t bother me, but I’m not a super flashy person. Do you have any suggestions on a good starter Coach purse?
Thanks!
Erin

(Hello, I am Amy, your personal handbag shopper. I enjoy spending your money.)
(In other news, it has been nine months since my last handbag purchase. It burns. It burns!)
Ahh, the glorious appeal of the Incentive Handbag. I’ve found few rewards in life to be even remotely as effective.
Here’s the thing about Coach the bags change seasonally, so anything I link to now won’t be available at the end of summer. (Besides the super-sensible, available-year-in-and-year-out mom-bags. Which: no!) So although I may covet the signature patchwork satchel mightily, despite already having the signature patchwork tote from last summer, despite needing a new signature patchwork anything like a hole in the head, it probably won’t be around when you’re looking for a bag.
That said, take a look at the current line-up of Soho bags. The hobos and the pocket flaps? Awesomely classic day-to-evening bags. Then there’s the Legacy bags. A little funkier, a little pricier, but still classic. And I’d imagine something similar should be available at the end of the summer, and possibly in some rich, deep fallish color.
I may need to lie down for a bit now. Man, I am JONESING, people.
(Why am I no longer a preferred customer, Coach? Why? What did I do? Please tell me so I can make it right! BABY, I CAN CHANGE!)*
*By the way, people. I am kind of joking here. I just enjoy reveling in all things girly and spoily one day a week, and luckily for you, that day tends to fall on Wednesday most of the time. Thursday through Tuesday I am TOTALLY socially responsible and stuff. In fact, I actually carry my wallet and keys around in a recycled paper grocery bag.**

**Lies! Why do I tell such lies?
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