Toddlers and Teens, More Alike Than Different

As parents we often talk about the difficult stages of child rearing as if we are headed into battle. We strap on our metaphorical armor, brace ourselves with all the knowledge and (questionable) wisdom from other parents, and then most often we discover that the battles we are prepared to fight are not the ones in which we end up fighting, after all.

Personally, I didn’t think the Terrible Twos lived up to the hype. But three? Whoa, that one blindsided me. More than once. Because the battles leave you with amnesia.  You can’t remember what your your previous child did two years ago.

But I am not sure that there is any stage that parents fear more than the teen years. I think that it is in part because we can all still clearly remember our own poor choices and cringe at some of the things that we did. Since I am in the thick of the teen years right now I can tell you, yes, it lives up to its hype. Yes, it does. Luckily the bad things are punctuated by good things, which serve as a reminder of why you didn’t sell them to the circus when you had the chance. Because I am here to tell you, even the circus doesn’t want to buy mouthy teens.

I will admit that this fact ran through my head this morning when I was driving in the car with my 17 year old son.  I said, “For crying out loud! I have kept you alive for 17 years. Don’t blow it now and make me regret it!”

But don’t fear, it turns out parenting teens is a lot like parenting toddlers, and you’ve already done that. (Successfully, probably.)  But, let me show you the similarities:

1: Most of what you do seems to center around protecting them from themselves.

2: Half of what they say is completely incoherent.

3: You wonder ALL THE DAMN TIME just what is going on inside their heads.

4: They won’t be able to tell you.

5: You will have their hearing tested, completely certain in your belief that they are deaf or have suffered a devastating hearing loss from listening to their music so loud. Why do you think this? Because you will say something to them and then they will go and do the very thing that you just told them not to do.

6: You will spend nights lying awake, worrying. (The only difference is that when they are toddlers you probably know exactly where they are at that moment you are worrying.)

7: You will be concerned about their eating habits. (Don’t worry, all those times when you thought as toddlers they weren’t eating enough, they make up for that during the teen years. Only now you’ll be concerned with the junk food.)

8: They go through more changes of clothing per day than you thought was possible.

9: They scatter their stuff everywhere in the house.

10: They don’t know how to pick up after themselves and can never find that one thing that they must absolutely have right at that moment.

11: They want to do everything themselves, except for when they want you to do it.

12: They have crazy sleep habits that make no sense.

13: They do not understand the concept of going to bed early.

14: They have tantrums that are at times so irrational you will laugh.

15: They don’t want to hold your hand to cross the street or in the case of the teenagers walk within 20 feet of you.

16: If you think something sounds like fun, they won’t.

17: They dress themselves in outfits you think look like they were put together by a crazy drunk. (Only with teenagers you sometimes hope they aren’t really a crazy drunk.)

18: They will never want to be friends with the kids who have parents you actually like.

The one plus to having teenagers is that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You have glimpses of all the hard work coming to fruition. You are able to see the adults they will become. You have the knowledge that it is finally going to end. Well, unless you still have younger kids at home, then you only have the knowledge that it does eventually end. Something I am not so sure I believed when I had a two year old and wondered how much the circus would pay.

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