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Flower Girl Fears

Jul29

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Advice Smackdown ArchivesHi Amy,

Congratulations on the gorgeous new baby!

Speaking of big life events, my sister is getting married in a few months, and she has asked me to be the matron of honor and my daughter (who will have recently turned 2) to be the flower girl. Yay! All very exciting things. However, I’m having a challenge right now that I can’t figure out, and I thought you/your readers may be able to help me out again (you all saved me a ton of breastfeeding stress back in the early days, when I was struggling with using a nipple shield).

The problem is my daughter’s reaction to the flower girl dress. My mom and I bought one back around Easter when we could get a white dress at Target instead of getting an expensive one at a bridal shop – we thought we were geniuses. A few weeks ago we decided to try the dress on my daughter to see if it fit. She protested, but she’s in the stage where she HATES getting dressed right now, so I just popped it on her anyway. That turned out to be a big mistake. She hated the dress, and sobbed, and even now she remains scared of it. It’s not itchy or anything inside (I checked the lining all over), or tight/uncomfortable in any areas – she’s just having a strong negative reaction to the dress. She’ll see it and say “no mommy, no dress” and start crying. She has a similar reaction whenever I try on my matron of honor dress, which I had put on at the same time.

I thought we might have to give up on that flower girl dress and stumbled across another one on clearance online, which is beautiful and looks different enough from the other dress that I hoped she might be more amenable to it. But when it arrived and I took it out of the box to show her, she said “no mommy, no dress!” again. She won’t go anywhere near it – I guess it’s similar enough in that it’s white and fancier than her normal play dresses. I haven’t tried putting it on her, but I’ve tried hanging the new dress in the hallway where she walks past it, talking about it as the dress she’ll wear to her aunt’s party and how pretty she’ll look, asking her to her tell me the color and the decorations, asking if she wants to touch it, etc. She remains stubbornly opposed and upset at the very idea of the dress, and she’s too young to be able to tell me why.

I thought about putting it in the closet and forgetting about it for now, and bringing it out just before the wedding, hoping she’ll forget whatever has traumatized her about these flower girl dresses, but she has a crazy good memory so I don’t think that will work. My mom is making a sash to go on either dress that will match the bridesmaids’ dresses and is hoping that adding some color will make it look different enough that my daughter will wear it, but I don’t want to count on that. Besides preparing my sister for the possibility that she just may not wear either dress and/or be able to be a flower girl (which she’s very understanding about, but would make me sad), is there anything else I can do here? Or did I eff this up completely and we’ll forever be locked in a power struggle? I’m in uncharted territory, but I thought you may have some ideas based on your experiences with Noah and helping him become okay with things he used to strongly object to, especially when you couldn’t figure out the reason and he couldn’t explain it.

Thank you! (Also, if you or anyone has advice on how to survive this whole wedding, with balancing matron of honor responsibilities plus being the mother of a reluctant flower girl who clings to me when strangers are around, who I never bring to fancy adult events like this because it’s not fun for anyone, that would be greatly appreciated. I can’t even think about that part yet.)

Hmm. I’m wondering: How has your daughter reacted to Halloween costumes in the past? Or to the sight of adults in costumes as mascots or at parties, etc.? Scared, clingy, maybe even a tantrum or two? Does she ever play dress up or does she even seem to resist the usual play costumes/hats/fairy wings and such?

Because that was Noah, BIG TIME, from the time he was a small toddler to…well, this year, more or less. It was supposedly (according to his teachers) stemmed from him being unable to define the boundaries between make-believe and what’s “real.” AND the fact that he generally has a lot of anxiety about things being “different.” People “changing” in some way, even if it’s just wearing something unexpected.

Add on to this his trouble with any structured situation where adults are putting demands and expectations on him (dictating the play schema or simply requiring him to say “trick or treat”), and you basically have the perfect storm of sensory processing/anxiety wig out.

It could be that your daughter senses this wedding is a Big Deal to everybody and that a lot is going to be expected of her and she’s preemptively rebelling against the whole thing. “No dress” might also mean “I’m scared of what you’ll make me do once I have that dress on or that I won’t do it right and people are going to be looking at me and etc.” You say she’s pretty shy, so asking her to be a flower girl might translate in her little world to say, someone with a fear of public speaking being forced to give a keynote address in front a thousand people. That might explain why she is upset at the idea of ANY of the flower girl dresses you offer, and not just the original one that you forced on her.

Though don’t beat yourself up too badly about that. I did the same thing with a Halloween costume one year, when Noah had just turned three. I thought I was dealing with typical toddler stubbornness and once he SAW the costume on he’d understand that it was just clothing and fun and pretend and all that. He didn’t. Instead, he screamed until he vomited. MOTHER OF THE YEAR, RIGHT HERE, YOU GUYS.

So basically, I really, really sympathize with you here. I’m sure a lot of people might say, “oh, just force her, you’re the mom and in charge, she’ll get over it.” I am not one of those people. A child’s fears and anxieties can loom very, very large in their lives, and deserve to be respected instead of being thought of as silly or something they just need to get over because we’re the grown-ups and WE SAY IT IS SO.

Honestly, I think your daughter might just be too young to be a flower girl. It’s a lot to ask of a recently-turned-two child, when you think about it. Getting put in weird clothing, walking down the aisle while everybody oohs and ahhs and takes pictures, then being forced to pose for MORE pictures and then a reception with tons of people and non-kid-friendly food and everybody is talking about cake but they won’t give you any cake yet and you’re up past your bedtime and Mommy looks all different and can’t hold you every time you want her to and and and ETC.

Some kids can probably totally handle all that at two. But it’s really okay — and not at all surprising or unusual — if your particular kid can’t. If someone asked Ezra (my perfectly verbal and hammy and typically developing almost-three-year-old boy) to be a ring bearer, I’d still have a real problem committing him to that, because he’s a typically developing almost-three-year-old boy, which translates to unpredictable as all get-out.

Noah, on the other hand, still doesn’t like looking at my wedding photos. He loves Harry Potter but hides behind the couch at the mere mention of the Polyjuice Potion. He freaked out at his preschool graduation because kids were wearing construction-paper caps. And even Halloween is still kind of hit or miss — he’ll agree to wear a costume because he now understands there’s candy involved. He still hates wearing a costume, but his love for candy tends to win out. This is…just who he is, though. And it’s okay. Even at almost-six, he still won’t be anybody’s ring bearer anytime soon, but that’s okay too.

If you’re really not ready to pull the plug on the flower girl plans, I would try encouraging your daughter to engage in some dress-up and pretend play. Don’t start off with anything princess-y that might remind her of The Dress, but maybe some stuff that she’s already interested in, like wearing a backpack like Dora or wearing a white coat and playing doctor. Baby steps. Join in and dress up with her so she sees that costumes and different clothing are, in fact, a temporary state and nothing to be scared of. If she cries and hates it, DROP IT. Then back up and encourage her to play make-believe play scenarios without costumes, like restaurant or something.

For the actual wedding, try creating a social story for her, with pictures. Here’s an example for a slightly older child attending a wedding as guest, but it might give you an idea of how to write one for her. You can use clip art or cut pictures out of a bridal magazine or both — pictures of brides, bridesmaids, flower girls, decorated churches, etc.  Keep it simple and step-by-step, walking her through the day start to finish. (You can include a photo of The Dress, too.) Social stories are sooooo much more effective, I’ve found, than all the talking and talking and explaining you can do until you’re blue in the face. Give the situation some pictures and storybook-like language, though, and you might really get through to her and help her work through her fears of The Dress and The Day.

In my experience, though, that’s about the most you can do when you run into fear-driven toddler roadblocks. Be flexible in the face of their rigidity, even when it drives you nuts. She might suddenly snap out of it and be the cutest little flower girl the world has ever seen. Or she might not, and thankfully it sounds like your sister will be understanding and accepting of that. And you don’t even have to get into the whole thing about her terror over the dress — she’s a very young two and she’s shy. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, or her, or you.

About the author

Amalah

http://www.amalah.com
Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. She is the author of the Advice Smackdown and Bounce Back. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at Amalah. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

If there is a question you would like answered on the Advice Smackdown, please submit it to amyadvice@gmail.com.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to rising first-grader Noah, preschooler Ezra, and toddler Ike.


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26 Responses to “Flower Girl Fears”

  1. Wiley Jul 29 at 3:59 pm Reply Reply

    I’d say she is in a middle period where it just might not work for her to do it. Can you have that discussion?
    That said, we had a good friend who from the time she got engaged said she wanted our son to be her ring bearer. He was 18 months at the wedding. I had discussed with her that I thought he was too young, but she clinched it by saying that if he chose to lay down in the aisle and scream, that would be the memory and she wanted it. I decided it was her call (note: not something where he was traumatized, so different) One bit of advice from that experience is we took a dog training approach to get him to do it with fruit bites and I think we may have even used an actual clicker.

  2. Sarah J Jul 29 at 3:59 pm Reply Reply

    my niece was similar when she was my flower girl last year, at 5 years old. she was super excited at first, she loved her dress and would call me and tell me all about her fancy shoes, but she shut down at the rehersal, i think because she realized people would be looking at her when she walked down the aisle. we went into it very calmly, i reassured my brother that if we got down to it and she didn’t want to do it anymore we wouldn’t force her. we thought this would apply mostly to taking the photos, but she was great thru all of it, except for walking down the aisle. we still had a blast tho, she changed into a cute little tutu for the reception and danced the night away.hopefully (and it seems this way from your email), your sister is as understanding.

  3. Sarah J Jul 29 at 4:02 pm Reply Reply

    i guess i should specify – she started crying at the begininng of the ceremony when my brother brought her to the back of the church, so he just held her while the rest of us walked in and then he snuck back in to his sit. our ringbearer, however, was 2 years younger and he walked down all by himself, holding the pillow perfectly. it really depends on the kid i guess.

  4. Jasmine Jul 29 at 4:30 pm Reply Reply

    I am having a 3.5yo ring bearer and not developmentally on-target 6yo flower girl at my wedding in three months. They are my siblings from my parents second marriages. To make things easier on them (and me!), I’m having them each walk down the aisle with their parent (my step-parents). If they end up wanting to be carried, that’s fine. If they don’t want to go at all, that’s fine too. I’d say 2yo is a bit young for hard-core traditional flower girl pressure, but if the wedding can stand for something a little less traditional, then maybe there is a way to make her feel more comfortable. 

  5. Diana Jul 29 at 5:14 pm Reply Reply

    Probably up to your sister, but if it really IS about the dress, could she do the flower girl routine in one of her normal dresses instead?

  6. Maegan Jul 29 at 5:54 pm Reply Reply

    My just about to turn two year old was the flower girl for my sister’s wedding where I was matron of honor. I’m not much help on the dress part, but for the actual ceremony, I had my sister invite my husband’s parents, if that is an option for you. My husband walked her down the aisle (she did not get the throwing petals thing, but eh, whatever) and then she went and played with the Grandma and Grandpa that weren’t invested in needing to see the ceremony. They actually took her home after the ceremony and pictures were done (because that’s a big day for a little one) and it worked out perfectly.

  7. Emma B Jul 29 at 6:20 pm Reply Reply

    My almost-five-year-old daughters were in my SIL’s wedding a month ago. One of them had to be hauled out of the church mid-ceremony, when she decided that she wanted to follow the wedding party to the altar instead of sitting down with me. My husband later told me it wasn’t really that noticeable, but boy, I sure wished the floor would open and swallow us both. I absolutely refused to have my almost-three-year-old participate, because I knew it wouldn’t end well.

    Honestly, I would tell your sister that you just don’t think your child can handle it — not just the actual flower-girl duties, but the part about sitting quietly in church for 30 minutes. Weddings are long and stressful events for small children. They’ve got to stay dressed up for hours and hours, and meals/naps/bedtime get interfered with. Many non-parents don’t realize how important those things are, and how interfering them is tempting the gods of tantrums.

  8. IrishCream Jul 29 at 6:45 pm Reply Reply

    My niece was 3.5 when she was my flower girl. She was incredibly excited, but as a tomboy she was not pumped about the dress (which she was old enough to explain, unlike the OP’s little one). Once we realized that she was secretly enjoying all the attention she was getting from people trying to coax her into liking it, we all dropped the subject until the last minute, when her mom took her into a quiet room of the church and got her dressed with minimal drama. I’m not sure how relevant this is to your situation, but we did find it helpful to stop making a Big Deal about how great the dress was and how pretty she’d look, etc etc.

    One of my happiest memories of my wedding is my brother walking down the aisle with my niece after she got stage fright. He even tossed the petals. It cracked me up and all of my own nerves vanished. Sometimes the unplanned moments are the best, so relax as much as you possibly can and enjoy that wedding!

  9. Amy AIn our Jul 29 at 7:38 pm Reply Reply

    I have great empathy for this mom. My step-sister asked my then-21-month-old to be a flower girl in her wedding. I had a one-month-old baby at the time of the wedding.

    In addition to all of Amalah’s wonderful suggestions, I suggest that you stick to your normal schedule as much as possible on The Day. In our case, they wanted to do pictures all over town before the wedding (at a garden, at the church, at the bride’s mom’s house, etc.). I told my step-sister that it was enough of a stretch to expect my child to show up at the church that evening and wear a dress, and if we were to have any hope of her doing so successfully, I needed to make damn sure she got her nap.

    It pissed the bride off royally, but not as much as a tantrum in the middle of the ceremony would have. I am mom, my word is law, we did NOT show up for picture time in the middle of nap time. I made sure that she got fed on schedule, too, even though that was hours before the Official Wedding Dinner. Hell with waiting, that’s a recipe for disaster.

    If you can, take a beloved babysitter (unrelated to the wedding) with you for The Big Day to assist with making sure that naps and meals are as close to normal as possible. If the bride doesn’t want the extra guest, pay for her meal. I promise it will be well worth it.

  10. susan Jul 29 at 8:57 pm Reply Reply

    this reminds me of my daughter who attended a friend’s wedding a few months ago when she was 15 months old. a few days before the wedding i decided to try the dress on her and she HATED IT! Screamed, cried, tore at it with her hands… I panicked because we had no childcare options for the wedding and I really didn’t want her to wear her regular clothes. Amazingly enough, the newness of the hotel room (and a gigantic mirror in the room) excited her enough and we danced and spun her around in front of the mirror making total fools of ourselves by gushing over that ‘beautiful baby in the mirror!!’ She ended up being totally fine the whole evening. Not sure if that would work for you, but my kid seems to be a sucker for seeing herself in the mirror.  

  11. Whozat Jul 29 at 11:52 pm Reply Reply

    Since you’re the matron of honor, would it be out of the question (if she’ll get dressed) for her to walk down the aisle with you, either right infront or or behind or holding hands?

  12. Ally Jul 30 at 10:29 am Reply Reply

    Last month I was the matron of honor in my sister’s wedding and my daughter was the flower girl (2 weeks after her second birthday), She was fine about the dress, but the ceremony was a whole different story. My son was in it and they walked down the aisle together. I knew she couldn’t last in the ceremony so my in-laws took her out immediately. We also had presents for her at the reception to keep her occupied. 

  13. My 4yo daughter is doing Flower Girl duty in my sister’s wedding this September.  I am reading these comments with a close eye for advice.

    When my daughter was 2, she did not like fancy dresses and preferred soft materials such as cotton.  I didn’t think anything of it at the time because 1) I’ve known tons of girls who went through that period and 2) I didn’t have to worry about a wedding :-)

    Honestly, 2 does seems to be a bit young.  I am worried enough about how my 4 yo is going to handle walking down the aisle and I’m prepared for the possibility of having to walk with her or her not walking at all.

  14. Lauren Jul 30 at 11:51 am Reply Reply

    My daughter, at 18 months, was the flower girl in my cousin’s wedding. She was okay with the dress, but refused to be in any of the pictures (except the one group photo where the bridl party is all together and she’s walking out of frame, crying). 

    I’d go with your instincts. You could wait til thte day to decide and maybe she’ll be into it. But if she wasn’t going to be a flower girl, would you bring her at all? That might be okay too.

    Also, when I was 12, I chickened out of being a flower girl. 

  15. Meg Jul 30 at 4:21 pm Reply Reply

    We had 2 brothers as our ring bearers.  The younger one was just 2 and did wonderfully.  That said, he had a big brother to walk down the aisle with him and was pretty mature for his age. It’s actually one of my husband’s favourite memories of the day- seeing him walk down the aisle with a purple etch-a-sketch.  It wasn’t planned, but we realized that taking it away at the last minute was sure to cause a freak out.  So- if you go for it, be very flexible.  
    Also, as sad as it made me that the boys didn’t come to the reception, it was totally the right call for them to go home with grandparents (obviously not an option for you, but maybe a babysitter).  They didn’t melt down and their parents got to enjoy a fun party!

  16. KimC Jul 31 at 10:05 am Reply Reply

    When my daughter was two, she was the flower girl in my Sister-in-law’s wedding-however, she didn’t hate the dress, and she was not asked to stand up in the front for the ceremony. She walked down (to me, matron of honor) Looked pretty, got the “awwwww” that she deserved :) and went to go sit with my husband’s mother. Mee-maw had a basket stashed with junk food and toys and everyone was happy. I did give a speech to everyone in the wedding that “kid is two, there is NO TELLING how she will act, I can make no promises” and that was cool. If the dress is part of the problem, can you try a different style? I know that would make this the THIRD dress, but what about a smocked bishop’s dress in a color other than white. They are super comfortable and IMO super cute in a very old school kind of way.

  17. Chaya Jul 31 at 11:16 am Reply Reply

    I didn’t have a chance to read all the replies, so hopefully this isn’t repetitive….I would go one of two ways, depending on your sister…if your sister wants her to be involved, no matter what, leave the option open to walk down in regular, or the fanciest dress that she is used to\comfortable in.  I would guess there is a chance that at the last minute when she sees everyone else dressed up she will change her mind, especially if the issue is a power struggle and not a sensory\anxiety one.    If your sister (or you, totally understandably) are uncomfortable with her being flower girl dressed more casually,  you could make it her choice altogether–if you want to walk down the aisle, and get lots of candy as a reward at then end, lip gloss, etc etc.,whatever will make her excited, then  you can go ahead and wear the dress.  You don’t have to if you don’t want to.  Again, will take away the power struggle, and even add a little incentive.  Past that, I wouldn’t push, and accept in advance that it might not happen, so that your anxiety isn’t rubbing off on her.  I would also really recommend, if there is someone that you can hire as a babysitter\mother’s helper, do it.  It will take so much pressure off of you.  Even a 12\14 year old girl, who you can get your daughter used to playing with now, can be a great help, taking her outside the room when necessary and playing with her, changing a diaper if it needs to be done at an inconvenient time, walking around with her in a stroller, whatever.  We have done that for several family weddings, and it makes things much more fun.  The kids can be involved when it works, and you can hand them off when it’s just too much, and not miss everything.  At my brother’s wedding it was just too loud for my daughter and nieces, so they hung out in the bride’s changing room with the babysitter and their food, we brought games, you could bring dvds, and we brought them into the wedding a few times when they wanted it.

    Good luck, congratulations!!!

  18. andrea Aug 01 at 9:53 am Reply Reply

    My two year old is fickle.. one day she’ll love it then next day she’ll throw a fit at the sight of something.  
    We went through something this same issue with her bathing suit.  It was a struggle to get her in it and I felt truly badly about forcing it but well we paid for these lessons and she loved the water the year before.  Once in the suit and in the water all was well, but the suit was the issue.  So we went to Target and she selected her own suit. Stripes.. it had to have stripes.  Suddenly no issues with the suit and she’s fine putting it on and going  in the water.  
    It could definitely be an anxiety issue.. but maybe it’s the dress itself.  Like maybe she wants a certain color or something ?  Feeling empowered is important.

  19. aew Aug 01 at 3:06 pm Reply Reply

    First, I agree with those who suggest she walks with someone (you, grandparent, daddy, whoever).
    Second, if it is a power struggle (still an issue here), get her involved with the choice of dress or additions to the the dress. Give her a few embellishments that she might like to add (bows or button in a favorite character. No one will notice the Dora button. Can she wear “fancy” pants ( http://www.amazon.com/RRE-21830E-IRIDESCENT-Dress-Capri-Rare-Editions/dp/B005ADU7LY/ref=sr_1_7?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1312225407&sr=1-7 ). In the end, my girl just wants to included in the process.

  20. aew Aug 01 at 3:06 pm Reply Reply

    First, I agree with those who suggest she walks with someone (you, grandparent, daddy, whoever).
    Second, if it is a power struggle (still an issue here), get her involved with the choice of dress or additions to the the dress. Give her a few embellishments that she might like to add (bows or button in a favorite character. No one will notice the Dora button. Can she wear “fancy” pants ( http://www.amazon.com/RRE-21830E-IRIDESCENT-Dress-Capri-Rare-Editions/dp/B005ADU7LY/ref=sr_1_7?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1312225407&sr=1-7 ). In the end, my girl just wants to included in the process.

  21. Sarah Aug 01 at 4:08 pm Reply Reply

    Honestly, she is too young. Put her in a church dress and let her sit with your husband. As for juggling the MOH duties and your child, that is what daddy is for. Talk this event up, like its her big day with daddy and it may turn out to be something she gets really excited about. If daddy is not in the picture then I totally apologize for sounding like an oger.
    I am kinda going through the same thing with my sister’s wedding and fortunately for me my husband and his mother(who is also invited thankfully) will be doing most of the parenting that day. She wanted him to be a ring bearer but at only 22 months I thought he was too young and I just had to say so. Yes, it would have made her happy, yes it would have made cute pictures. But it also would have made me and probably my sister anxious in the end and I know even my angel baby would be nervous and shy the day of and most likely have a breakdown. He will still be in a few family photos after the ceremony and after those he and my mother in law will retire to the hotel in time for bedtime. Just manage your (and your familiy’s) expecatations and do whats best for Jr. and not whats best for the family photo album.

  22. liz Aug 01 at 5:38 pm Reply Reply

    This is the reason we had three girls as flower girls and just one bridesmaid (my sister, matron of honor). My sister’s daughter was not-quite-three at the time, so we had my 7-yo cousin and my 9 yo honorary cousin. My niece ended up doing pretty well, but it was made easier for her to be one of a crowd.

  23. Jessica V. Aug 02 at 2:12 pm Reply Reply

    My son was in 3 weddings in a very short period of time when he was 2-3, with varying degrees of success. My SIL, BIL and brother all got married within a year of each other and EVERYONE wanted my son as a ring bearer (first grandchild on both sides). Oddly enough, his willingness to participate got worse with each passing wedding. There were a variety of factors at play in each one – the first was a late morning wedding (no nap interference) and he was barely 2, so he just toddled down the aisle holding his daddy’s hand, no big whoop. The 2nd wedding was later in the day and he was way overtired…the ONLY way we got him down the aisle was to swap the ring pillow for a box of animal crackers, keep me out of his sight and have my parents whisk him out during the ceremony. By the 3rd wedding – he was a lot older, but also was able to recognize the pressure and stress that all the adults were experiencing, and bailed on his duties at the very last minute (my poor DAD had to walk down the aisle, holding the ring pillow, by himself as my son flat out refused).

    This story probably doesn’t help you out a lot, other than to reinforce Amy’s point that kids do get stage fright, and that could be part of what your daughter is experiencing. Also, it is a funny story (my poor dad) and I just had to tell it!

    I agree also that managing everyone’s expectations is key – if she just doesn’t want to do it, then so be it. Good luck!

  24. Alyssa Aug 04 at 5:47 pm Reply Reply

    Didn’t feel like reading allllll the comments, so sorry if this has already been said, but have you considered trying wearing the dress= candy (or other favorite something)? My son was terrified of his halloween costume when he was one. So we let him scream while we put it on him, then gave him candy and he immediately forgot what he was wearing. So simple, you’ve probably already tried it, but if you, like me, are not above bribery and haven’t tried it yet, there you go.

  25. Betsy Aug 11 at 11:37 am Reply Reply

    Here is something you might try (it works when my son won’t do something). If she has a favorite doll or bear, make the doll or bear “help” her put the dress on. My two-year old will agree to almost anything if his teddy bear (stuffed duck, whatever) is the one calling the shots with a silly voice. He thinks it’s hilarious. Might be worth a try– good luck!

  26. Ali Gezon Aug 23 at 3:35 pm Reply Reply

    My two year old granddaughter was the flower girl in my nephew’s wedding this past weekend. The day we went shopping for her dress she was very excited and loved every one she tried on. When the actual dress was delivered she was not interested in it at all, didn’t even want to look at it. She was hot and cold right up to the time of the wedding but on the big day she wore it no problem. She also did a perfect job as flower girl. Early on the bride decided to have her carry a small bouquet instead of tossing petals. I think that was a good choice. She practiced a lot before the wedding, including with the bride and groom going to her house and practicing with her. She and I also spent a lot of time watching flower girl videos on YouTube, which I think was very helpful. The best thing however was her going to the rehearsal and the dinner the night before (with her parents of course). It really made her understand what she would be doing and where and let her get to know the rest of the wedding party. I had a little gift for her the day of the wedding and told her that she would get it after she walked down the aisle slowly and smiled at the people. That was exactly what she did, and then she sat with me and her parents. She was perfect but even if she hadn’t been, even if we would have had to take her out of the wedding party at the last minute it would have been OK. Don’t stress about it.

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