“A hug can lead to other things.” Like, apparently, detention.
Wonderland, Wonderland, we’re on our way…
Oops, sorry. Been watching too much WonderPets lately.
Hi fair Wonderland readers, It’s Liz from Mom101, honored to be here once again in an effort to fill Alice’s formidable shoes. I’ve been gingerly caressing the faux leather uppers all morning, sighing, even humming a little to myself, just so happy to sporting the proverbial footwear of Alice Bradley. And let me tell you (because I know you’re wondering) her feet smell like roses.
So what’s in the news this week that parents might care about? Um…maybe ANOTHER FREAKING TOY RECALL?
But that’s not what I want to discuss, because we all know that small plastic bits made in China cannot be good for children to eat, even if we didn’t know that they were made with the same chemical as the date rape drug.
Yikes.
So moving on to a far greater danger affecting the health and general well-being of our nation’s youngsters:
(brace yourself)
(are you ready?)
(wait for it…)
Hugging.
Yes, hugging is bad. Hugging is harmful. Hugging completes the newly updated axis of evil along with its nefarious companions, hand-holding, back scratches, and furtive glances from across the room.
At least this seems to be the case in an Illinois middle school, where student Meagan Coulter received two days of detention for hugging a friend after class. The Mascoutah Middle School administration upheld the penalty, referring to a policy handbook which states that any display of affection “is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment, and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.”
Oh wait – No. That was a paragraph about lap dances.
No, hold on…scratch that. I was right the first time. That was a hug they were describing.
I certainly remember how crazy those hormonal middle school years can be: Awkward flirting. Lap sitting. Very short boys testing sexual boundaries while slow dancing to REO Speedwagon. I still have vivid memories of Stevie T, my seventh grade crush, asking me to go to second base with him after school by the bicycle racks. My answer was a definitive “No. Unless we’re going steady.”
His response: “How about if we go steady for the night?”
Charming as he was, I didn’t fall for his wily ways. I waited a whole additional year to let him grope at the nothingness that failed to fill my A-cup.
So look, I get the PDA issues that the school must have. No one wants a bunch of horny, pimply adolescents playing spin-the-bottle in the hallways or heavy petting in the last row of social studies. But a hug “bringing discredit to the school?” Really? Really? I know that you can’t entirely judge a book by its cover, but from what I’ve seen of Meagan Coulter, she hardly strikes me as the class slutbag.
I think that more discredit to the school came as a result of the superintendent who could have easily told the media, “Okay, so maybe we overreacted a bit with a rule really intended to put the kibosh on inappropriate flirting and football players smacking each other on the butts during practice.”
I wonder what the handbook says about pedantry.
And a note to Mascoutah school board members: If and when you do revise your handbook, you’re having subject agreement issues. It should read “Public displays of affection…are in poor taste.”
But feel free to ignore me. I’m a hugger, not a fighter.
