Dear Amalah,

I assume you have answered this question before, but searching the site hasn’t brought anything up. I’ve googled and come up with a WIDE range of answers, but I have been reading your blog and advice column since my son was born and trust your advice exponentially more than those anonymous experts that pop up with a search engine.

I understand that what you pay a babysitter varies depending on a bunch of factors– where you live, how old they are, how many kids you have, etc. That may be true, but it’s not very helpful to me. Answers I’ve seen vary between $5-20/hour. My instinct says $8/hour or so seems fair and appropriate for what I need, but I just want to make sure I’m not WAY off the mark. I’ve probably been overprotective up to now, never hiring anyone to watch my (only) child and just using family or skipping things and staying home myself when I couldn’t get anyone, but he’s about to start preschool so I’m feeling ready to start letting go a bit more and expose him to a wider range of people. Plus, my husband is traveling more often now for work and situations are coming up often enough where I can’t just opt to stay home that I feel like I’m taking advantage of family members and I should probably just suck it up and find someone I can pay to watch my precious, energetic 4 year old boy. I’ve had lots of offers from friends and friends-of-friends, etc. to babysit, so finding someone shouldn’t be a problem, but we had our son young, so most of my friends do not have kids–while they are great for supplying babysitters, they can’t help much in the arena of the childcare pay scale. Last time I babysat anyone was the early 2000s and I generally got paid $5/hour for a typical evening of childcare.

My sense is that the price has gone up since then. Additionally, it seems like that rate would be inappropriate since most of our sitters are college-age or older. They probably won’t have child development-related degrees or anything, but they have or will soon have graduated from college and are supplementing their income or looking for a job in their field. As I said, I only have one child and, while energetic, he is well-behaved and easy to love and I’m not expecting anyone to do my laundry, drive him around or make him a four course meal or anything. I just need someone to keep him happy and safe in my home for a few hours here and there. We live in the Midwest in a fairly suburban area near a college town. Any pointers/guidelines you have would be appreciated. I would like to be generous with someone I’m trusting to care for my child, but not unreasonably so. Is there a secret excel spreadsheet somewhere that the more experienced parents are using to calculate their babysitting rates? If so, can you share? If not… could you make one?

Thanks a bunch!
Overprotective Mom of One

Try:

“How much do you charge?”

Or:

“What’s your hourly rate?

I assume you plan to interview any and all potential sitters (and check references!), and this is a perfectly reasonable, acceptable question to ask. Because the rate varies SO MUCH, even among similarly experienced applicants in the same geographic area.

Around here (near DC, where everything is HOLY MALTBALLS EXPENSIVE), $5 to $8 would likely be pretty inappropriate for anyone older than, say a junior high mother’s helper. The “going rate” is generally over $10 an hour, I’d guesstimate, but still depends. When we were interviewing part-time nanny candidates about three years ago, MOST of the rates discussed fell between $12 and $15. But that was for  a regular, long-term placement with a background check, two (then three!) kids, driving required, help with housework, etc. Every applicant I liked (generally former au pairs with a ton of experience) asked for the high end of the pay scale. In fact, I hired the most “expensive” sitter I interviewed, because I simply felt she was worth it and reeeeeally didn’t want to choose THIS particular expense to cheap out on. But the rate was discussed and negotiated and set in stone before her first day of work, so it was never me just kind of…handing over a vague-ish amount of dollars and hoping it was enough.

Before that, we had a few college-aged or fresh-out-of-college sitters for nights and weekends, and generally went with $10 an hour, but always rounded up generously at the end of the night. (Mostly because we wanted to be their first choice if they sat for other families and everybody tried to call dibs on the same Friday night!) Now we usually use our regular nanny or one of her friends (who are also former au pairs/fellow nannies/daycare workers) for nights and weekends and pay more per hour…but again, we have THREE CRAZY BOY CHILDREN, including a BABY, and I like coming home to find that the professional sitter has given them baths and cleaned the dinner dishes and cleaned up toys and ahhhhh, here’s a bajillion dollars. I don’t care. I love you.

But! Even that’s not directly relevant to you and your situation. $10 to $15 an hour here in DC might be highway robbery where you live, or maybe your college town has seen NYC-like inflation levels and everybody is asking for $20. You won’t know until you get out there and start asking. But you are totally allowed to ask, I promise. No, there is no secret handshake or spreadsheet we’re keeping from you about how much we pay our babysitters. You could certainly peruse the listings on your local Craigslist or Sittercity and see what rate is being advertised (on both jobs available and jobs wanted)…but you’ll also see that a lot of listings leave that information out. Or sitters will post a wide range that depends on the  job details (number of kids, driving, cooking, mom-at-home vs. solo gig).  Either way, the specific financials are discussed later, during the interview.

If there’s an upper limit to what you’re comfortable paying, that’s fine. Not every applicant is going to be a good fit for a variety of reasons, and money can be one of them. A college girl from a very small town, or someone whose experience mostly involved younger siblings, may charge less than someone from a big city or who is pursuing an early education degree, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t a wonderful, responsible babysitter. You can interview and check references and compare rates…but there’s still a lot of gut instinct “I like and feel good about this person watching my child” involved in the process as well.

And if you offer $8 and they counter with $10, I don’t think that’s going to cause anyone to turn the job down in an insulted huff: A good sitter will cut a first-time hiring mom some slack for not knowing the local “going rate.” If there even is one.

Photo source: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

What I remember most about my own college graduation in 1993 was Marian Wright Edelman’s words “Superwoman doesn’t exist… she died of exhaustion.” I can’t tell you how often I hear those words in my head.

It’s graduation season which means the commencement speeches are starting to roll in on YouTube. Which means we all get to hear them now. YAY!

Did you happen to catch President Obama’s commencement address to Barnard graduates? WOW. He said exactly what needed to be said right now to the women who need to hear it. The speech is 30 minutes long, but it is worth it. It’s not a campaign speech, but a touching homage to the women in his life… his mother, grandmother, wife and daughters. It’s also brings home that we are in the midst of history making with LGBT rights.

The other commencement speech that really moved me was Aaron Sorkin’s address to Syracuse University graduates. It’s shorter at sixteen minutes and though the first 10 minutes are amusing, it’s the next six minutes that you must hear. Sorkin is a powerful writer and he hits it out of the ballpark with his speech. We all know our words matter, but I’m not so sure these college graduates do.

Now, I would love for you to share in the comments section any commencement speeches recently or in the past that have moved you. I was looking to see whether there existed any YouTube Channels dedicated to commencement speeches. But alas I couldn’t find any. Wouldn’t that be great if there were one? It would be like TED for Dummies. I would totally watch it.

Photo source: Pablo Martinez Monsivais – AP/ Washington Post

Thank you to Equifax for underwriting this conversation about talking to teens about personal finance.

One night when I was in college, I went to a basketball game with my friends. We noticed a crowd of people gathered around a table outside the stadium. They were giving away free t-shirts for the game, and all we had to do was fill out an application for a credit card.

I didn’t want a new credit card, but an application seemed harmless, and I didn’t know that I would even get approved. Besides, getting free stuff was something that my friends and I were really good at. Along with all the other college students around me, I got my free t-shirt.

It’s compelling to join that group mentality, but I’ve learned that when it comes to credit cards, you don’t want to go along with the crowd.

As an adult, I’ve volunteered to teach personal finance classes to teens in local schools. This is what I want teens to know about how credit cards work before they go off to college:

1. It’s not extra money so you can spend more than you earn. A line of credit is not income, it’s debt. It can be used to help manage cash flow, but it can also be a heavy burden to carry. When you see other students use credit cards to buy things they can’t afford, know that they will have to pay it back later, and it won’t be easy for them.

2. Borrowing money is expensive. An interest rate can look small, but it adds up in a way that makes a restaurant meal, or music, or a new shirt cost much more than expected. If you make small payments instead of paying off the balance in full, you’ll be making those payments for years. Many adults have learned this the hard way.

3. Pay your bill on time, always. Companies keep track of your payment history on a credit report. It can affect your ability to get a certain job or buy a house. Even though I cancelled the card I received when I applied for a free t-shirt, that still went on my credit report.

4. When you don’t pay on time, there are big late fees. Pay attention to the fine print on the back of your statement, and if you don’t understand it, ask someone. You need to know what you’re getting into ahead of time.

What do you wish you had better understood about credit cards and borrowing money when you were younger? What would you tell teens now?

Photo source: iStockPhotos/ Thinkstock

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Thank you to Equifax for sponsoring this conversation on speaking to your teen about personal finance.

It’s no secret that my favorite baby gift is a bundle of my favorite children’s books.

I often find myself going to my son’s bookshelves to select a few of my favorite book titles to buy for the new baby and parents. Sadly, this weekend I started packing up many of my son’s children’s books from his younger years. He tells me that at a playdate the other weekend, one of his friends was asking him why he still had “babyish books” from his younger years still on his shelves. I’m sure the boy’s words weren’t as teasing as Ry felt them to be, but, nevertheless it is time to make room on his shelves for the bigger-boy chapter books that he is currently reading.

Upon starting my “donate” and “storage” boxes, I realized that I could no longer run to my son’s shelves to select my favorite children’s book titles to gift. Yes, I have my previous order lists on Amazon, but they’re a mish-mash as I’m pretty particular about which books I pick out to gift. So, I decided to chronicle our favorite children’s books here so I could have a nice go-to list. I hope it helps you too when you’re searching for children’s books to gift to very young ones.

Here we go (in no particular order):

1: When You Were Small
2: Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel
3: Corduroy
4: The Little Engine That Could
5: Make Way for Ducklings
6: The Snowy Day
7: I Am Not Sleepy and I Will Not Go to Bed (Charlie and Lola)
8: I Will Never Not Ever Eat a Tomato (Charlie and Lola)
9: Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!
10: Pride & Prejudice (BabyLit Board Book)
11: Alice in Wonderland: A Colors Primer (BabyLit Board Book)
12: Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? (Board Book)
13: Where You Came From
14: The Very Hungry Caterpillar (Board Book)
15: Where the Wild Things Are
16: Wave
17: Shadow
18: Flotsam
19: The Paper Bag Princess
20: Edwina, The Dinosaur Who Didn’t Know She Was Extinct
21: Knuffle Bunny: A Cautionary Tale
22: Knuffle Bunny Free: An Unexpected Diversion (Knuffle Bunny Series)
23: Knuffle Bunny Too: A Case of Mistaken Identity
24: Olivia
25: Olivia Saves the Circus
26: Olivia Forms a Band
27: Olivia . . . and the Missing Toy
28: Olivia Helps with Christmas (Olivia Series)
29: Zen Shorts
30: Love You Forever
31: Freckleface Strawberry
32: Leonardo, the Terrible Monster
33: Good Night, Gorilla (Board Book)
34: Jamberry (Board Book)
35: Wizard of Oz Scanimation: 10 Classic Scenes from Over the Rainbow (Scanimation Books)
36: The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes
37: Waddle!: A Scanimation Picture Book (Scanimation Picture Books)
38: It’s Okay To Be Different
39: Miss Nelson Is Missing!
40: The Story of Ferdinand
41: Silly Sally
42: Pippi Longstocking
43: Blueberries for Sal
44: Is Your Mama a Llama?
45: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland: A Pop-up Adaptation
46: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz: A Commemorative Pop-up
47: No, David!
48: 10 Little Rubber Ducks
49: The Velveteen Rabbit: Or How Toys Became Real
50: The Nutcracker
51: The Kissing Hand
52: How I Became a Pirate
53: Roger, the Jolly Pirate
54: Papa, Please Get the Moon for Me (Board Book)
55: Caps for Sale
56: The Carrot Seed (Board Book)
57: Each Peach Pear Plum (Board Book)
58: The Runaway Bunny (Board Book)
59: Tikki Tikki Tembo
60: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
61: Olive, the Other Reindeer
62: Guess How Much I Love You (Board Book)
63: Every Friday
64: Harold and the Purple Crayon (Board Book)
65: The Giant Jam Sandwich
66: Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
67: The Day the Babies Crawled Away
68: Fairy Tales
69: Martin’s Big Words: The Life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
70: The Giving Tree

What are some of your favorite children’s books for little ones?

Dear Amy,

First, I would like to thank you for always steering me in the right direction; be it love, eyeshadow, or how the heck to get those cloth diapers to COME CLEAN ALREADY. So, given that you’ve proven to be a font of useful knowledge, I thought perhaps you could help me with a slightly more sensitive dilemma.

Seven years ago, my husband lost his mother to breast cancer. He loves her dearly, and to this day, can rarely speak about her without tearing up. I never had the pleasure of meeting her, but know she must have been one hell of a woman because she raised a thoughtful, kind, loving man who is a wonderful father and husband.

My dilemma is that although we have been married for three years, we have never spent a Mother’s Day together, as he is a Merchant Marine and has always been at sea for this particular holiday. He’s always been thoughtful and tried to send a card or flowers if he was able (sometimes that’s a little difficult to do from the middle of the Atlantic), but this is the first actual year we get to celebrate it together! I am so very excited! My first two Mother’s Days were, well, less than desirable. Taking yourself out for brunch on Mother’s Day with just you and your baby, watching entire extended families at the tables around you toast their moms is probably not on the Top Ten ways to spend the day.

Now that we’re finally together for it, I would love to celebrate our little family by doing something nice. And, by ‘nice’ I don’t mean a huge, fancy brunch at a ridiculously overpriced restaurant–I’m talking more “grill up some tasty grub while spending the day playing horseshoes and sipping mimosas” kind of thing.

He is, however, less than enthused. He said he would invite people, but still hasn’t. He’s dragging his feet on making any decision about when, or with whom we’ll celebrate (if we do anything at all), and right now it looks like if anything is going to happen, I’ll be planning/buying/cooking for the whole thing. I know his reticence is coming from not having his mother here, and the very last thing I want to do is reopen wounds.

Am I horrible to want to do something special for Mother’s Day, which might be very painful for him? Should I just let it go and call it a wash in favor of sparing his feelings? Or, should I just ask that, “hey, it took me nine months to grow our little bundle of joy, I don’t think tossing some steaks on the grill in celebration of that, and of our little family, is too much to ask”?

I know you recently lost your dad, and I am so very sorry about that.Your posts about him have always been filled with love and admiration, and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading them. I hope this letter doesn’t bring up any more pain for you by reading it. I truly just need some help here in figuring out where the line is between being realistic and being selfish, and how to ask (or if I even should ask) that he really put forth some effort.

(I feel like I should note in here: most other holidays we really do tend to go all out and his behavior right now is pretty much an anomaly.)

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this, and I wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day!

Truly,
Selfish Or Sane

Hmm. Unfortunately I am not a mind reader, and I really don’t know what’s going on inside your husband’s head — is this really about his mother, after seven years, plus after he apparently was at least quite capable to do what he COULD for you on the last two Mother’s Days, by sending cards and flowers? Does he have some “going all-out” surprise up his sleeve that differs from your suggestion so he’s acting deliberately obtuse about everything? Does he just not get that (despite not asking for the expensive meal out) this is really, really, REALLY important to you?

Obviously, everyone grieves differently. I fully admit that last Father’s Day — my first without a dad — was very hard, and not one of my best efforts for making sure the day was good for Jason. (Though it also didn’t help that it came a mere two weeks after I gave birth to a baby, and just a couple days before Jason’s birthday and gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh too much too much system overload shutting down now, bye.) But I’d been celebrating Father’s Day for both my dad and Jason for quite a few years before he died, so the holiday had already been established as “both.” Losing my dad did not necessary mean losing the meaning and point of Father’s Day, because I still had the father of my children. (I plan to do a MUCH better job this year, I hope.)

Your husband’s situation is different, and while I don’t want to say what’s appropriate grief and what’s excessive, I also don’t think you’re being out of line here. You’re a mother now too. I completely understand wanting to celebrate the day, Hallmark or not or whatever. For him, it could be a new beginning, a new type of holiday. Something more like a second Valentine’s Day, I guess.

But really, the only way through this is to talk to him, not me. Be blunt and honest that you’re feeling a little hurt at his stalling and lack of effort, even though you’re doing your best to understand why. Is there something he’d like to talk about? A particular reason why his grief stings so hard this year? Is there something you guys could incorporate into the day’s festivities that would also honor his mother? Buying her favorite flowers, making one of her best recipes, sitting down as a family with a photo album and telling your toddler a funny story about his wonderful grandma? Or, if all that would make things even worse, is there a way you guys can focus on making this something completely new and your own? (Forget the calendar and celebrate on Saturday! Call it Wife Day! Vow to reschedule it randomly every year from now on so you’re never “alone” on Mother’s Day, because Mother’s Day is whatever Sunday you want it to be, whenever he’s home!)

What NOT to do, however, is to sit around and quietly seethe. Or go out and plan everything only to spend the whole party feeling vaguely pissed off because he made you throw your own Mother’s Day party grumble grumble silent treatment. Just…talk to him. Ask him if you’ve asked too much of him for Mother’s Day (maybe he’d be more comfortable just buying you a gift or a spa day certificate than negotiating guests lists and menus?), but also don’t feel like you need to downplay the fact that hey, honey, my feelings will be hurt if our first Mother’s Day all together ends up resembling the first two, because I was really, really excited about it. Can we talk about why you’re dragging your feet so much?

That said, the best Mother’s Day I’ve had was the one that started with breakfast in bed, and then I went shoe and lip gloss shopping completely by myself. Later we all took the kids out for pizza. IT WAS HEAVEN.

Supplies:

Hershey’s Kisses, wooden skewers, floral tape, glue dots, red cellophane

Fasten two kisses bottom to bottom with a glue dot.

Wrap a 5″ X 5″ piece of cellophane around the kisses.

Place wooden skewer in the middle of the cellophane next to the Hershey’s Kisses.

Starting just under the chocolate “bud” begin wrapping floral tape around the cellophane and all the way down the skewer. Slightly stretch the floral tape as you wrap.

The floral tape is sticky and should stay fastened but to make it really secure finish off with a dab of glue or a glue dot.

To make the roses extra special cut a leaf shape out of green card-stock and write a little note to mom! Fasten the leaves by wrapping them on the stem with a bit more floral tape.

Hi Amalah! Big fan here. I am hoping you can solve this bedtime mess that I’ve gotten myself into.

I have a beautiful 18-month-old daughter that runs the roost around here, especially at bedtime. We do not go to bed until she does, usually around 9:00 if we are lucky. (I have to wake up before dawn because of a long commute, so this is late for me.) She has no bedtime routine, except that when she is tired, she crawls into my husband’s lap and stays there until she is good and asleep. Then he transfers her to the crib. Any attempt to rock her to sleep or put her in the crib while still awake results in a tantrum.

Overall, though, getting her to sleep is the easy part. What is slowly driving us crazy is the night wakings. Five to six nights a week, she wakes up and cries until one of us picks her up and puts her in our bed. I know that is the wrong thing to do, but she can not be calmed any other way. Back rubs just upset her more because WHY WON’T YOU PICK ME UP, MOMMY? and no matter how long you hold her and rock her (standing up, because she hates the glider), she will cry as soon as her head touches the crib mattress.

It wasn’t always like this. The first twelve months of her life she had a solid bedtime routine that ended with her falling asleep (quickly, peacefully) in my arms as I rocked her to sleep. I never succeeded at putting her into the crib “drowsy, but awake” as everyone suggests. But she slept through the night every night, unless a tooth or illness cropped up. The chaos started when I eliminated her bedtime bottle. She would not let me rock her to sleep without it, and she sleepily turned to her dad for comfort from the mean mama trying to make her go to bed.

So I guess my questions are:

1) Can this bedtime situation be saved?
2) Do you have any theories on why she is waking up so frequently at night? And what should I do about it?

Thanks in advance!

Ay yi yi, y’all. Is this not pretty much everyone’s worst nightmare? Sorry, OP.

So. You’ve got a bunch of nighttime problems here, but they’re all pretty much stemming from a singular source: That bedtime “routine.”

1) She’s going to bed too late, basically at her point of exhaustion from the sounds of it, whenever she decides she’s too tired to fight it any longer. Honestly, 9 pm is on the late side for an 18-month-old, even if she was sleeping through the night. Which she is not. Overtired kids are more prone to night wakings.

2) She’s never learned to put herself to sleep on her own. Even before things went completely bonkers, she was dependent on you to basically wait it out and put her down after she’s sound asleep. She still is. The problem is now even more obvious because a) she’s older, and these sleep disturbances SHOULD be a thing of the past, barring illness or the occasional growth spurt, b) she’s overtired and it’s taking a toll on her, and c) well, she continues to basically get what she wants at night, every night, as you guys blearily head to her room and retrieve her. Why mess with what works, yo?

Except obviously, it’s not really working. This is not a sustainable situation, for ANY of you. (Especially since I’m assuming long-term co-sleeping probably isn’t your bag, and you’d like her to sleep in her own room. Word to that.)

I had a come-to-Jesus moment when my third son, Ike, was eight months old and pretty much doing everything your daughter is — the endless bedtime, the wakings at 2…then 3…then 4 — when I suddenly found myself behind the wheel of the car, in the parking lot at my second son, Ezra’s, preschool, with absolutely no recollection of how I got there. I was so tired and I had NO business driving anywhere, much less through an elementary school crossing zone with multiple children in my car. And you’re commuting at dawn! Trust me, as awful and daunting as sleep training can seem before and during…I’d personally gladly trade some tantrums at home for a car wreck on the highway. Or a ton of missed days at work because you’re run down and sick. Or just generally unhappy all the time because your lack of sleep is robbing you of everything. Having a baby does not change the fact that you and your husband are still human beings who need sleep.

I would definitely recommend you at least check out Richard Ferber’s book (Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems). I think a lot of people have incorrect preconceptions about “the Ferber method” — preconceptions he frankly addresses in the latest edition, which I really liked. Ferber is NOT “let ‘em scream for hours at bedtime and don’t go in if they wake up.” Ferber is not hardcore Cry-It-Out (CIO), but more of the “gradual extinction” method, in which you (gradually) remove yourself from your daughter’s falling-asleep process. The theory is that once she’s putting herself to sleep initially, she’ll also learn to control those night-wakings before they actually, fully wake her up. And the fact that she won’t be so tired anymore will mean fewer night-wakings anyway.

However, even if you are anti-ANY AND ALL CRYING/TANTRUMS/DISTRESS, I’d still recommend reading Ferber’s book, because he lays out a logical, compelling case on why a good night’s sleep is crucially, vitally important to your daughter, as well. This isn’t a good situation for her, either.  I’ve struggled with bouts of insomnia my whole life — I can get to sleep just fine, but the minute I’m a bit stressed (HINT: ALWAYS) I start waking up at night for no reason, and am completely unable to fall back asleep. It sucks. Over the years I’ve found self-soothing techniques and mental relaxation exercises that allow me to shut off my brain and get back to sleep, but UGH. I hate it. So I’m super-sympathetic to your daughter here, because I know exactly the pissed-off, oh-no-not-again, MOM GET IN HERE AND HELP state she’s waking up to at night.

I think the Ferber book will lay out the right plan for you to move bedtime off Daddy’s lap at 9 pm and back to 8 pm in the crib. If you’re not sure, there’s also The Happiest Toddler on the Block and The No-Cry Sleep Solution For Toddlers. Both of which are highly respected systems that I know have worked for a lot of families. (No-Cry did not work for us, for Ike, but I admit it’s all about consistent, long-term execution and we were all over the place for awhile, especially since we had two OTHER children to deal with at bedtime. Ferber got us back on track in two nights. TWO NIGHTS.) Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is another one you could check out.

Basically, I don’t necessarily care WHAT approach you go with, just that I want you to get serious, pick an approach and then STAY WITH IT. Stay strong and consistent. Your daughter is of course the most precious being in the world, but she is Not The Boss Of Bedtime Or You. Nor should she, because babies are ridiculous and make no sense, because YOU NEED TO SLEEP GAH WHY WON’T YOU SLEEP.

So we’ve established that moms need magnets for Mother’s Day, right? How about some other magnet crafts? You can pretty much stick a magnet on anything and slap it on the fridge but here is something that might intrigue the little ones. How about a bubble diorama magnet? And to make it even more interesting what if we made it inside a slurpie drink lid! You needed an excuse to head to your favorite coffee shop for an iced drink right?

Do it for the kids!

Here are the supplies you will need:

• Slurpy drink or iced coffee dome lids
• card stock
• origami or scrapbook paper
• little face photos
• glue (a hot glue gun* is nifty but any quick-drying glue will do)
• toothpicks
• pencil
• scissors
• crayons or anything you might like to use to decorate a little scene

First you’ll need to create your scene. Do this by cutting a circle out of card stock that is just a smidge (1/4 inch) smaller than your dome lid. You can do this by tracing the lid and then cutting out your circle and trimming it down by a quarter inch or less.

You’ll need it to fit just into the lip of the lid like the photo above.

Now to create your scene: You can color a picture with crayons or markers or you can do like I did and create a layered diorama with cut-out shapes from origami or scrapbook paper. Just start with the object that is furthest away like the sky.

Then add shapes that look like mountains, working your way forwards with lower and lower shapes. To create a sense of distance you can put spacers between your layers.

I created spacers with small tabs of card stock folded like into a lightning bolt shape but you could also use those thick sticky round tabs or thick glue dots from your local craft store. You just want to create a tiny bit of space between each layer.

When the landscape was all glued in, I added a little body made out of an origami dress, some quickly drawn arms and a cut-out face attached to a toothpick and glued the whole she-bang behind the first hill.

Then I glued a fine bead of glue along the inner lip of the slurpie dome lid and dropped in my scene.

She’s trapped forever!

Then I added a magnet to the top of the back and voila! Genie in a bottle! I mean cute little bobble faced kid in a magnet!

My daughter opted to draw in her scene and add some decorative moss we had on hand as her landscape. Whatever way you do it, it will be fun to look at a little scene like this on your refrigerator.

Especially next to some letter magnets that say “HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!”

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Difficulty Level: Medium (gluing can be tricky but coloring and assembly is great for all ages)
Appropriate Age levels: School Age and Up

*Remember glue-guns are for grown-ups who don’t cry if they burn their fingers.

Dear Amy,

I’m stuck in a situation that I do not know how to handle. I am a preschool teacher at a private nursery. I do not have my Bachelor’s Degree yet but I’m in the process of completing it. I have a cousin whose son attends my class. My cousin’s son is 5 years old and he has a serious stutter. Through my education I know that his stutter needs some professional intervention. I do not know how to tell my cousin that this is a serious problem and should be checked out. My family really doesn’t see me as a professional and I’m afraid they might get upset if I say something. She is also a single mother and doesn’t have the money to pay for a speech pathologist. When I have suggested it before she just said, “Well I was like that when I was young, and I’m ok!” Which as a teacher when parents say that to me it means denial. I don’t know how to make her get help for my nephew. Please Help!!

Thank you!

Is there a reason the suggestion must come from you, personally? If your nephew does indeed have a severe stutter, other people at his school have surely noticed it, no? Does the school have any process in place for making “official” suggestions or recommendations to parents in regards to speech delays or other communication problems? Is there a way to get the school director/principal involved in the discussion (and remove yourself)?

I’m sure it depends on the preschool, but most schools offer SOME kind of feedback or report on each child’s academic progress and overall development. If your nephew is difficult to understand in class, the school should absolutely be communicating this to his mother and recommend he be evaluated, in a neutral yet official way that clearly separates your role as Auntie from the situation.

Of course, it’s possible that they have said something to your cousin about it in the past and were met with the same “oh, he’ll outgrow it” answer. And some kids do outgrow stuttering without any intervention at all! This is true, and the question of whether stuttering children need speech therapy — and if so, at what age — is actually quite hotly debated. (If it were MY kid, I’d still let professionals make the determination, but that’s just me.)

Since a large percentage of stuttering children outgrow the problem without any intervention, how do you figure out when to stop waiting it out? Here are the risk factors for a childhood stutter becoming a chronic problem that is less likely to resolve on its own, from the Stuttering Foundation’s website. They suggest that any child for whom two or more of these factors are true be evaluated by a speech therapist:

• Family history. Almost half of all children who stutter have a family member who stutters. The risk that the child is actually stuttering instead of just having normal disfluencies increases if that family member is still stuttering. There is less risk if the family member outgrew stuttering as a child.

• Age at onset. Children who begin stuttering before age 3 1/2 are more likely to outgrow stuttering; if the child begins stuttering before age 3, there is a much better chance she will outgrow it within 6 months.

• Time since onset. Between 75% and 80% of all children who begin stuttering will stop within 12 to 24 months without speech therapy. If the child has been stuttering longer than 6 months, he may be less likely to outgrow it on his own. If he has been stuttering longer than 12 months, there is an even smaller likelihood he will outgrow it on his own.

• Gender. Girls are more likely than boys to outgrow stuttering. In fact, three to four boys continue to stutter for every girl who stutters.

• Other speech and language factors. A child who speaks clearly with few, if any, speech errors would be more likely to outgrow stuttering than a child whose speech errors make him difficult to understand. If the child makes frequent speech errors such as substituting one sound for another or leaving sounds out of words, or has trouble following directions, there should be more concern. The most recent findings dispel previous reports that children who begin stuttering have, as a group, lower language skills. On the contrary, there are indications that they are well within the norms or above. Advanced language skills appear to be even more of a risk factor for children whose stuttering persists.

(Source)

So your nephew has a parent who stuttered, but who outgrew her own stutter. That’s good, except her odds were better from the start, being a girl instead of a boy. Your letter doesn’t mention how long the problem has been going on or when it started, both of which are really important factors.

If you know he’s been stuttering for a long time, or developed it later (after age three), then yeah. You’re probably right on, and should escalate your concerns to other people at the school. At age five, he should qualify for a free evaluation from the school district, in case it’s the price tag on private speech therapy that’s making your cousin extra hesitant. (Another question: What does your nephew’s pediatrician say??) And even though he attends a private preschool, the public school district can provide him with speech therapy, provided they conclude that he needs it after an evaluation.

There’s also the less-awesome option of sitting around and waiting for him to start kindergarten, and for a teacher there to refer him to the speech therapist for an evaluation, if the stutter continues and makes it difficult for him to communicate clearly in class. But that could be a costly decision for your nephew, just because everybody wanted to avoid a confrontation. I think you are in the better position now, being both a caring relative AND a concerned education professional, to make a more serious push/nudge in the direction of “heeeey, what’s the harm in getting this checked out?”

Talk to the other teachers or higher-ups at the preschool and mention your concerns. Ask them if they’re noticed the stutter (it’s possible there’a situational thing going on?) and said anything to your cousin. Ask what procedure or process the school has in place for making suggestions about developmental or communication delays. (You’ll likely see many other red flags in your career in early childhood education, so it’s good to know what you are expected to do when you suspect other parents are missing or ignoring potential problems.) Get the school to talk to her.

And then do your best to balance out your insight/guidance on what you’ve read about stuttering (“this is a great site/book/organization etc.”), while not letting your role as educator take over your interactions. I’m sorry it sounds like your family doesn’t fully respect your career or credentials, but I doubt ignoring obvious warning signs in hopes of not rocking the boat will help in that regard. (Think years later, if the stutter never improves, and everybody is wondering why you didn’t say anything.) But I’d still try to hand off the message to a non-related messenger, if at all possible. In the meantime, you’re his aunt and her cousin first, and you love them and support them both, no matter what.

Photo source: iStockPhoto/ Thinkstock

You know what mothers spend a lot of time doing? They spend a lot of time staring at the refrigerator. Whether’s it’s to study the family calendar, keep track of the various invitations that have come in the mail or just plain try to figure out what to cook for dinner, a mother spends a lot of time in the kitchen standing right there in front of the fridge thinking and pondering ways to take care of her family. So why not put something that says you love her right smack in plain view?

Why not say you love her with some simple fun magnets with cheery smiling faces? They’re easy to make and everyone knows refrigerators always need more magnets!

There are a million tutorials for this craft online but I thought I’d go ahead and put mine here so you don’t have to go searching. Feel free to cross reference though.

First you’ll need to gather your supplies:

• 1.25 inch clear flat glass marbles or gems
• Industrial strength clear transparent glue or silicon sealant* (it will usually say for glass and photographs right on the tube)
• Photos on photo paper that you can cut to 1.25 inch circles
• scissors or a 1.25 inch round hole punch
• 1/2 inch medium strength magnets (don’t get the super strong ones they will make your magnet want to pull apart)
• toothpicks

Now you’re ready to get started.

First cut out your photos. Then apply a very small dab of glue to the front of your photo. This will seem counter-intuitive but trust me, the marble goes on top of the photo so that your cute smiling little kid face is magnified by the beveled glass. Spread the glue around with a toothpick. Little kids will get a kick out of thinking the glue is a glob of snot they are smearing from their nose all around their faces.

When the glue is evenly spread over the entire circle, carefully press the glass marble flat side down on top of the face. Smooth out bubbles with your fingers.

While that is drying you can turn the magnet over and with another dab of glue attach the magnet to the underside of the photo.

Let those dry and you’re good to go!

We added some googly eyes just for fun but that’s not necessary at all.

Now you can surprise mom by placing them strategically on the refrigerator for her to find or you can do what we did and place them in a spray-painted Altoids tin. Altoid tins are super useful for this because they are metal and the magnets stick to them like glue!

Now how sweet is that? Tie it up with a pretty ribbon and you have yourself a nifty little gift that would make any mother (or grandmother!) smile.

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Difficulty Level: Easy (just be careful that children do not ingest glue or get it in their eyes)
Appropriate Age levels: School Age and Up

*Make sure to do this craft in a well ventilated room as glue can be a bit smelly.