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5 Summer Camps Parents Wish Existed

Jun23

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When I was a kid, there were basically two types of summer camps you could attend: sleepaway and not-sleepaway. But now it seems like there are camps that specialize in almost any interest a child might have. In Austin, where I live, there are day camps for things like Drama, Art, Water skiing, Science, Sports, Stunts and even a Victorian Era camp for the kids just itching to crochet, drink tea and play badminton when it’s 110 degrees outside. (No word on whether the girl campers will be asked to wear corsets or if there’s a fainting couch should they develop the vapors.)

But while all of those camps are great, they’re tailored to what kids are interested in learning and doing. Not what parents are interested in their kids learning and doing. Therefore, here are just a few of the camps on my wish list:

The Don’t Fight With Your Brother Camp & other Summer Camps Parents Wish Existed

The Don’t Fight With Your Brother Camp
Campers will be placed in the back seat of a car and driven around the block until they can touch each other without either one of them yelling, “Stop touching me!” (Advanced campers will do this in a Mini Cooper with a busted air conditioner.)

The How To Load the Dishwasher Camp & other Summer Camps Parents Wish Existed

The How To Load the Dishwasher Camp
Campers are given a full meal to eat, then they must figure out how to get their dirty dishes clean again. Plop them in the sink? Let the dog lick them? Not at this hands-on camp! Counselors will explain everything there is to know about a dishwasher, starting with what a dishwasher is. (Hint: It’s not Mom.)

The Stop Leaving Your Socks Around the Damn House Camp & other Summer Camps Parents Wish Existed

The Stop Leaving Your Socks Around the Damn House Camp
During this intensive week-long camp, kids will learn how to place their socks in the laundry basket and not anywhere else in the house. Sock lessons, including how to not lose one of each pair the moment you open the package, will be taught through a series of fun games, role play and light electric shocks.

The Disney Channel Deprogramming Camp & other Summer Camps Parents Wish Existed

The Disney Channel Deprogramming Camp
The perfect choice for kids who have picked up the sassy come-backs, overacting and other annoying traits prevalent in Disney shows, this super-fun camp lets kids choose between watching C-Span or playing outside with a stick and a grasshopper. (Note: If your child watches “Jessie,” it is recommended that they attend multiple sessions.)

The “I’m Bored” Camp & other Summer Camps Parents Wish Existed

The “I’m Bored” Camp
Don’t forget your swimsuit, campers, because at this fun, aquatic camp, you’ll spend hours sitting on the platform of a dunk tank. Then, each time you scream or mutter “I’m bored!,” volunteer parents will throw a ball at the dunk tank’s target, hoping like mad that they’ll plunge you into the icy cold water. Hey, is that your own mom holding a ball? It sure is!

What are your dream camps? Let us know.

About the author

Wendi Aarons

http://wendiaarons.com
Wendi Aarons is an award-winning humor writer and blogger who lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and two sons. You can usually find her at Wendi Aarons, The Mouthy Housewives or starting fistfights near the 70% off rack at Target.


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9 Responses to “5 Summer Camps Parents Wish Existed”

  1. Anya Jun 23 at 12:10 pm Reply Reply

    I think my husband (who is awesome in all other respects) needs that sock camp.

  2. France Jun 23 at 12:56 pm Reply Reply

    The “are you listening to me” camp.
    Campers will be asked to repeat what they have just been told. To ease campers into the process, on the first days, counsellors will repeat phrases a minimum of eleventy times, gradually bringing campers to be able to pay attention after only five repetitions at moderately low screaming level. Advanced campers will actually be asked to DO what they have just been told. Eyerolling techniques may be included in the camp courses.

  3. Ally Jun 23 at 2:45 pm Reply Reply

    I just want one camp (just one) where I can drop all my kids off. I’m so tired of things being so age specific. All I am doing is driving these days. A bonus would be if they take babies as well!

  4. yvonne Jun 24 at 3:27 pm Reply Reply

    Oh, how I love you, Wendi

  5. Bobby Jun 24 at 5:29 pm Reply Reply

    If they have a “No Phone at the Table” camp I could finally turn off the cell phone jammer during dinner.

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  1. Crowdsourced parenting | Naptime Writing - Jun 24

    […] Ideas for brotherly peace? Other than from the famous Camp Don’t Fight with Your Brother, which for some reason has a waitlist, what do you vote? Please tell me you’ve had success […]

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