What not to wear this Halloween.
Remember last December when I highlighted the gifts you’d give my kids if you hated me? I thought it would be fun to share the costumes I came across which perplexed my delicate sensibilities or which my kids will wear over my dead body.
Your daughter wants to be a mega star, get her started here with this mid drift baring costume. Keep in mind I remember someone else wearing something quite similar many years ago. That worked out well in the end. I mean I’m sure the outfit didn’t make her spin out of control, but why risk it?
Why would a child wearing a size 4/6 need to wear a Sexy Devil costume? In fact, can you explain to me why the adult Sexy Devil costume has more coverage than the child’s version?
I was at this site browsing costumes and found the placement of this butcher costume kind of amusing. “Child Career Costumes.” From the thumbnail I couldn’t quite make out what it was, I thought, “That’s clever, a Sam The Butcher costume? Or maybe a big Italian meat purveyor?” Not so much.
I know Eeyore is not offensive, I know lots of people like him. However, I don’t think your child should be Eeyore for Halloween because he is a whiny sniveling clod. Just once I’d like to see Pooh throw a big bottle of Prozac at that depressed donkey head. Whoa, even I didn’t realize how much Eeyore annoys me.
This post is making me feel like an incredible prude but really? This is for a teenager? I’m trying to imagine the day I let my daughter out of the house looking like this and I don’t see it being anytime she’s living under my roof. (I think I just grew a gray hair.)
I know kids want to be scary things for Halloween but this [Fill In The Blank] Zombie! Phenomenon is just blowing my mind. Look! It’s Zombie Skate Punk! Because if there’s anything worse than a zombie it’s a punk zombie. And if there’s anything worse than a punk zombie it’s a punk zombie on a skateboard.
I know Ratatouille the movie was supposed to make me look at rats in a kinder, gentler more sanitary way. I think it’s that long tail, or the way they travel in large numbers of undulating fur, or maybe it’s those beady eyes. Bottom line, I don’t want to dress my kids as vermin for Halloween. If you do, have at it.
I know I’ve made it pretty clear I am not a fan of licensed characters on backpacks, bedroom walls or costumes. But this one is really the top of the heap. You can dress your kid up as a licensed character, a supremely annoying one who peddles a disgusting fat laden stick of meat.
May you have a zombie, rat and Slim Jim™ free Halloween.
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