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How to Gross Out an Eight-Year-Old

By Guest Contributor

By Brian of Looky, Daddy!
1. Kiss your spouse.
And tell him someday he’ll likely kiss his.
2. Skip the standards.
Mentioning snot, poop, farts, or even poopy farts won’t cut it. Try pus.

3. Explain how fish sticks are made.

Or hot dogs.

4. Show him his birthing video.

Don’t forget to turn up the volume.

5. Clean his face.
With a tissue moistened by your own spit.


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Guest Contributor
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We often publish pieces by guest contributors. If you’re interested in being one, please drop us a line at contact[at]alphamom[dot]com.

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Comments

  • 6. Ask him which girl in his class he will marry.

  • Start off with “Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.”

  • Robyn

    I just asked my eight-year-old. His response: “Puke, diarrhea, mushrooms…”

  • Sarah

    Princess Bride reference ftw.